A number of factors contribute to how well people adapt to adversities, predominant among them. For example the ways in which individuals view and engage with the world as well as the availability and quality of social resources and the specific coping strategies.

People who remain calm in the face of disaster have resilience.1 People with psychological resilience are able to use their skills and strenghts to respond to life's challenges, which can include those related to job loss, illness, financial issues, divorce, death, medical emergencies etc

Instead of falling into despair or hiding from issues by using unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face life's difficulties head-on.

Resilience represents an ability to handle life's setbacks and is an overall representation of adaptability.

While some people tend to be more naturally resilient, it is also a skill that can be strengthened. Looking at situations in more positive ways, getting support from others, and focusing on what can be controlled are helpful strategies. Good stress management skills can also foster greater resilience.

Safety, satisfaction and connection are the basic needs. 

To allow CONNECTION, it‘s necessary to grow and develop - inniciated by learning. A process that allows us to cultivate all the other strengths. 

Further the self-confidence and feeling a sence of being cared is important to meet the need of connection. 

Being open to knowing and being know by others is also one point to enable contracting. 

In conclusion generosity like altruism, compassion and forgiveness are essential for the connection.

But is this list really complete?

What about empathy and sympathy? 

Or is it includet in altruism? 

Once one has become aware of the needs that are central to such situations, one can consider for oneself which of the 12 resources would have been helpful in being more resilient and not allowing oneself to be pulled down. 

Central questions can help while searching for the helpful resources and the answers to them can be available for the future. For example: What inner strength could have helped me stay calm, content, and feel accepted/loved? What skills could have helped me in the situation in the past?

To do so, try to link a situation in which you feel/felt …
 … anxious, angry, powerless, or traumatized with calm and grit;
 … frustrated, disappointed, driven, addicted or bored with gratitude;
 … lonely, resentful or inadequat with love in the sense of caring or being cared about. 

There are two ways of linking your experiences/feelings: 
 1. While having a positive feeling/experience, remember a negative one in order to heal it.
 2. Start with an uncomfortable, harmful or stressful experience/feeling and find a positive one to replace it. 

If you are facing a too powerful challenge in which linking is not possible, 
 … have a beneficial experience,
 … enrich the experience and/or
 … absorb the experience. 

In her book The How of Happiness, positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”

Your happiness level is determined by daily meaningful actions and what you look forward to in life. The clues to your happiness are hidden in what you do daily.

“The three components of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to,” writes Dr Gordon Livingston, in his book, “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now”.

 

Something meaningful to do

“The secret of happiness is something to do.” — John Burroughs

Your work has two impacts on your life. It’s either making you miserable or bringing out the best in you. Many people are not lucky to find meaning or fulfilment at work, so they create passion projects.

Something that allows them to express themselves creatively and help them find flow or some level of happiness. If you have valuable or meaningful work, you will look forward to each day.

If you are pursuing work that gives you a sense of significance, it’s hard to be miserable. However, if you haven’t found meaning in what you do, it’s not too late to dig deeper into yourself and discover projects, activities and creative pursuits that will allow you to express yourself fully.

Once you find that, it’s hard to be unhappy. Finding work in life (paid or unpaid)that excites you changes everything. It’s one of the few significant paths to happiness.

 

Someone to connect with

“There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.” ― Charlotte Brontë

Humans are profoundly social. We thrive on connections and relationships. A network of authentic social relationship ( family and friends) can make you happy.

“Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives,” according to a Harvard study.

People are capable of bringing out the best and worst in you. Those closest to you are the key to your happiness. It’s your responsibility to nurture relationships that support positive mental health.

Who do you spend the most time with and why? Think about how social connections make you feel every time you are around them.

Get closer to those who accept you for who you are without judgment. And those you genuinely connect with on a deeper level. They are crucial to your long term happiness.

 

Something or an experience to look forward to

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” ― Aristotle

What events, activities, and experiences do you really look forward to every week, month or year? What life-changing plans are you looking forward to next week, month or year? These are all clues to happiness.

Happiness is a personal experience. Events we are expecting in the future can trigger happy hormones. That’s why many psychologists and therapists recommend their clients book holidays in advance to have Something to look forward to.

You don’t have to book a vacation to be happy. You can make your weekends awesome. Make it worth looking forward to, and that feeling could carry you through the week.

Future events and experiences build up anticipation, which can put you in a good mood for a very long time. Use them to create happy memories.

 

You can do more for your happiness by asking yourself these questions:

What kind of life do I want? What experiences, activities and events boost happiness in my life right now? Once you identify what makes you happy, cherish every moment of those experiences.

According to cognitive psychologist Daniel Kahneman, happiness is “what I experience here and now”.

True happiness comes from meaningful work, social connections and exciting experiences we look forward to. So find your sources of joy and do everything in your power to fight for your happiness.

In the long-term, happy life comes down to leveraging what’s in your control, doing more of what makes you a happy human (whether you are paid for it not) and letting go of too many illusions of what guarantees happiness in the future.

Genuine happiness comes from the willingness to live life to the fullest regardless of what you have or don’t have. It’s a choice. And remember what Joel Osteen once said, “You can be happy where you are.”

First, you have to find out what you need and want. Identify bad feelings and find the reason for them. Then value your needs by thinking about why they are important and try to figure out how to fulfill that need. Some needs can be fulfilled by yourself but it needs courage to meet them. Other needs are interpersonal and require courage to ask other people to meet them. 

We can only do this if we value ourselves and our needs and feel entitled to have them met.

1. perceive experiences consciously. Get involved in experiences and try to process them with all senses. Be open to the experiences.

2. feel how the experiences work in your body. Imagine that the experience is something warm, beautiful and positive that you take into your heart. Allow the experience to become a part of you. 

Reward yourself. Draw the positive things from the experience. This increases your happiness hormone production and dopamine and norepinephrine can be stored longer. However, try not to hold on to your experiences. You can't capture happiness and keep it forever. Let happiness come to you and live your happy moments intensely.

Training you mind is almoust the same thing as you training you body.

At the first you set a goal like one muscle training e.g. foot.

You should concentrate your goal.

You should think what kind of situations you behave or your thoughs need to change? Be aware a beneficial experience which help you recognize the situations. Take calm down that kind of situations - please be patient, give time for yourself. It take time make change as with your physical training.

When you realise the situations try to give time for it and how does the little changes begin? You can lengthen situations if you need more practise or appreciate the situations what help your training. pReplace the negative material or feelings with thankful thoughts and positive thoughts about your development. 

The most important thing is be aware of the need for change and the set goal. Keep going to you new life