"I will share my love for Music, through the Guitar. To help people be comfortable in their own skin expressing themselves" 


I'm still not 100% on the statement. I need to sit with it for a week before my next tutorial with Matt on Feb 2nd. Matt and Rasha also suggested Nick Bottini as my mentor for this term, something I'm very aligned with going forward with. Nick has helped me out on 2 occasions since first meeting him in S1. I've also read his book and resonate with his non-dual understanding and philosophy. I'm hoping my mentoring sessions with Nick I can find a comfortable and resonating 'why me' and VMV behind what I do. 

Rationale: Why is your proposed project important in the context of the modern music industry? What knowledge gaps will you be exploring? Is your project to big/small?

I shall be looking at the importance of finding your own sound as a Guitarist. This is a small project. Its important in the context of the music industry because there are a lot of confused guitarists (myself included) who end up parroting each other or overcompensating and creating a contrived image/sound rather than finding and creating their own mark in the world of guitar playing, thus contributing to the Music Industry, rather than further perpetuating an echo chamber.

(2) A clear statement of a research question(s),

I ‘feel’ that the problem comes from the way music is taught, conveyed on social media and promoted via music gear companies that there is an un-realistic message being put onto guitar players. This leaves many aspiring guitarists feeling lost, confused, un-motivated and often grasping to become an avatar of someone else, rather than understanding their own unique placement in this world. Some potential research questions might look like:
 
 “What is unique sound?” 
“What is the importance of having a unique voice on the Instrument”
“To what extent does sound communicate an individuals message and identity”

 

What ethical considerations do you need to put into place?
 
I shall be surveying, interviewing and observing. 

Surveying different ‘levels’ of guitarist: Pro’s, Semi-Pro’s, Hobbyist etc (I’ll try and find other groups) asking them about their feelings about their own sound, how they go about developing that, do they think about it etc? (Neil Smith Guitarist, Rashas Friend) 
 
 Ethical considerations, mainly that of understanding everyone has different goals with their playing. Some people just want to play songs and play just like their hero’s, some want to use it as a tool to create music, some want to take over the world! (thinking about how I present questions) 
 
 Aside from this I can also do some observing from afar, seeing how guitarists behave on social media, see what prominent figures are saying in their social media content etc. Interviews with prominent guitarists such as Hendrix, Kurt Kobain to more modern figures such as Joe Bonamassa, Tim Pierce, Steve Vai, Paul Gilbert and Cory Wong. 
 
 And on top of all this, I’ll be using some key text’s about musicianship, finding your sound and letting go into who we really are. 
 
 

Why did you choose this approach over others?
 
I’m part of quite a vast community of Musicians/Guitar Players from different backgrounds, talking to them, or getting them to follow a survey of some description would be the quickest and most effective way of seeing the common trends. By Interviewing people I can get first hand and more personal responses. Through Surveys I can choose particular questions to help me ‘define’ certain areas of my research. And through observation I can hope to get more unfiltered ideas and thought processes. And of course, reading (bibliography) will help me further define how this research ‘funnels’ together in the grand scheme of the subject. 

I feel the value is in helping people become not only comfortable in their own skin as Musicians, but ultimately as humans. Helping people find their own way, asking themselves the “right” questions in order to find what is true for them. 

 

 

(6) Bibliography - how are you justifying your ideas?
 
Subject to change or addition, but I shall start with these books. And YouTube (for the ‘watching’ part of the research, interviews with artists etc) 

What would happen if we didn’t put so much importance on being somebody, by adding thoughts, opinions to our somebody-ness? Maybe we don’t need to cling on to who we think we are, after all, who we think we are, is just a transitory thought. A belief with no foundation.  Thoughts are just another phenomena like breathing or sensing.

Maybe we would find a deeper truth that allows us to listen to these thoughts and opinions openly, to understand each other’s predicament without re-enforcing each other’s anger/somebodyness.

Our culture is so pre-occupied with self-improvement, gaining more, doing more, having more, more pleasure, more money, more intelligence. No wonder we really think we’re “somebody getting somewhere”… where do we think we’re actually going? You can’t take any of this stuff with you. What are you leaving behind that's useful by doing any of this stuff? 

Its as if we’re grabbing toilet paper from shelves in the supermarket of life in order to feel safe. Maybe when we quit clenching our teeth, pushing the pencil into the paper, we might realise we aren’t as in control as we 'thought' we were. 

If you’re reading this. You have a unique gift which is life. Just experiencing a table is astonishing. Don’t add anything to it. Just love it. That’s all we have to do. The rest comes. 

If you’re doing something to become somebody, to be seen as 'really doing it'.. it’ll fail, it’ll become contrived and it’ll cause conflict in yourself or those around you. If you do something as an expression of appreciation for life, who knows… things might just work out okay. 

I don’t know.

Disclaimer: I’m writing about my experience here with two aims, the first being to hopefully resonate with fellow musicians who are caught up in the whole ‘make or break’ mentality of musicianship. And two, for my own clearness. 

I started playing when I was 5/6 years old. I loved music. I was a quiet kid, people thought I’d be a vicar or a mathematician. However, Guitar kinda stuck to me. Being a ‘Guitarist’ was a huge thing for me when I was a kid. It made me stand out, it made me interesting to other people. It became like a ‘free pass’, people would treat me differently or at least I felt I didn’t have to do certain things, because I had ‘Guitar’. 

Guitar could have been anything. I could have been a Skateboarder, Fisherman, Train spotter. It didn’t matter, Guitar became something that I could build my identity around. Something I could do and escape from life itself. And most of all, to have validation as a human being... (or so I thought)

Later on, upon going to collage and meeting musicians who had more motivation than me, other musicians who appeared to love it just as much as I appeared to love it was inspiring for the most part. But there was also a subconscious threat. Because I subconsciously treated guitar like an identity, it was easily flawed. My motivation wasn’t pure. So in turn, I felt I had to get better to validate myself rather than express myself.

This push to validate myself has been useful. Its gained me a career in music which feeds me and enables me to support society in small ways. I’ve attained a pretty good level of playing that allows me to do lots of different things in the music industry. And there is a love for music. However, this validation also led right to fear based practice. This led to me becoming an even bigger jerk than I realised I was at the time.

I remember having the luxury of going on a big family holiday 7 years ago to Thailand. Most of my family were out there for a big wedding. We were there for 2 weeks. I HAD to take my guitar, not for any professional reason, but just to have it with me so I could get my practice in. I was terrified of going without practicing. I did wake up during the holiday to what was happening. But the fear was there. I HAD to play otherwise I might just disappear. 

There were lots of other instances like this where I was so selfish with my drive to play guitar and better myself for validation that I wasn’t truly there for Friends, Family and significant life events. It was all pushed under so Guitar could have its place. So I could feel validated, eventually, somehow…

I would get super frustrated with my playing. I would get jealous, even of close friends in my musical circle. I’d further isolate myself not to face this pain which was trying to tell me I was doing all of this for the wrong reasons. This would cause me to get so anxious about even practicing or playing, I had to define everything. I’d sit for hours not playing the guitar in my room and avoid going out, seeing people, because I felt I HAD to get some practice done before the day was out. 

This got to the point where even though I ‘thought’ I wasn’t being selfish… In my mind I was pushing towards my career in music. I was being incredibly self-absorbed (I appreciate the irony of this statement in the midst of all this text..) This unchecked self-absorption made my career feel like a struggle, I also probably upset a lot of people with my behaviour and actions. And it is for that I truly apologise. 

4/5 years ago the desperation to be validated got pretty strong. And without going to far, I alarmed myself. A few people suggested getting help. And I did. And I do not regret it one bit. The journey getting help has taken me has helped me see through my delusions, be kinder to myself and to other people. And still slowly, I’m peeling back more layers of self-deception and its helping me see more clearly what motivates me, how I can be of service to others and really what is important in life. 

I’m lucky to work in the music industry still. Especially now realising and seeing how selfish and deluded I was. I really appreciate everyone who has stuck with me and been kind to offer advice and support.  Working with WaterBear and LickLibrary has enabled me to reach out to more people and help them on their musical journeys. I’ve always found things like YouTube and Instagram hard because its coming back to the validation thing. And now I understand that, I have the choice to either ‘play the game’ or simply not get involved with that world. That is something I’m still thinking about…

I love Music. I love Guitar playing. I love sharing my love of music. 

I’m okay with having nothing to say on the instrument, or not being an ‘artist’ anymore. Not trying to be ‘a great guitar player’. 

I don’t need validation from anyone. I don’t need to feed a thought based identity of myself. I don’t have to play guitar if I don’t want to. It doesn’t matter.

It sounds so bloody obvious and trivial. But it isn’t at the time. And I’ve met many musicians who are on the same trip and chasing their tails. Everything will be alright. 

The reason I write this status isn’t so much about me, even though its about my own experience that I’ve had as a musician. Maybe it’ll resonate with other musicians out there. If you feel like you’re working uphill in a struggle, its worth looking at your motivations. It can be hard to look in the mirror sometimes.

 Its worth looking after your mental health. Its worth reaching out to people who you’re worried about. Mental wellbeing leads to wellbeing in many if not almost all aspects of life. Its not selfish to look after your mind. A carefully looked after mind is better placed to look after other minds. 

Clearly, I’m still self-absorbed, just in a different way. I gotta keep an eye on it. We all have a shared true nature behind everything we experience that is the only one consistency we ever know in our lifetimes. That’s who we are. It doesn’t need validation. It’s perfectly fine through all experience, thought and sensation. 

You're gonna be okay.