Why, may you ask?

I haven't had any hugs since around 7th grade. That took a toll on my life. I wanted to hug her because she's the person I admire and she made me comfortable. I am slightly nervous but managed to talk to her with her friend group. I went to the media centre for a group and I was given a quote for me to read. I needed recovery from the events that happened, so I'll join every Thursday. :)

After that, one of my friends went in the wrong direction and me and [redacted] saw and tried to tell her to come back but she didn't notice. Though she looked back before walking further.

I walked with her to the stairwell where her third period was located upstairs. That's when I asked her if I could hug her. And she did. :)

I'll hug her again, and again, and again. And probably ask her out???

~ Jason

11/09/2023

Today (and probably several months ago and EVEN three years ago), I still fell in love with my best friend. Though, we were in our own relationships with our partners. We kept in touch despite our being far away from each other. She was and still is the best friend (and close friend) I ever asked for. I thank God for bringing her to my life.

A little backstory here.

On the first day of school (talking about 2021), I was in 2nd period when I saw the smartboard showing all the names of the students' assigned seats. I saw "Marilyn", and as soon I could see her on her seat, I (and for without reason) teased her just because of the name pronunciation of a US state. That probably offended her, though I felt bad for doing that as it wasn't my intention, and it was merely unique. About several minutes later, I slowly felt I should be friends with her. However, as several days went by, she began to talk to me, bringing us closer to friendship. I had her name, discord, and whatnot. We then proceeded to talk the entire period (well, not the whole time but still). In contrast, I began to feel such genuine need knowing I made my first friend in middle school-- let alone COVID times when we were stuck at home. From that day forward, we would talk to each other in the courtyard every morning (that was if my bus arrived early), during lunch, passing period, etc.

Several months passed, and I felt a slight feeling I might be into her. My dreams and ruminations began to appear as if we were together in a deep relationship. Unfortunately, that did not happen if I was to remain loyal. And I was also aware she was in a relationship. So, I didn't confess.

The day my friends argued with each other (my lover and my sister's friend) , I could not bear it any longer I summoned her. With each passing minute, she attempted to heal every nook and cranny of the argument. She then told me these words "... let me be your middle man..." The next day, she came to me with a hug-- something I did not expect which made me feel a sense of love. On some days, we would hug each other throughout the day.

On the day we had a Christmas party in AVID, every classmate sat down as we watched a movie. I sat next to her because I felt very comfortable in her presence, and for some reason, I leaned towards her, making myself comfortable. (Pretty sure she didn't mind me leaning) before I returned to my normal posture.

The continuous moments of hugging, talking, and walking to class did not change until one day. January 13th, 2022

The day I worried about. Moving day.

As I entered school, I felt this would affect our friendship deeply, so I had to make up as much as I could. The moment I went upstairs to Civics was when she probably felt upset as I advanced my way to the top of the stairwell.

Soon, AVID came. Our final conversation brewed as I began to make a speech about my moving... it was worrisome, but in the end, I went to her group to begin our final physical chat before dismissal. She recorded the moment we walked to the car loop one last time. Further into the car loop, I began to embrace my final hug with her, my mind feeling upset as I felt I'd miss her for a long time. A ticket reassuring me she'll always be on her mind.

"I'll miss you Jason

I love you

DM Me

~ Banduu"

As I walked into my car before looking at my friends one last time. I slowly waved at one of my other friends to avoid suspicion of having a "girlfriend at school."

Our trip back home was gruesome, though I embraced myself to a new beginning.

Eventually, I began to move into the new house, began to unpack and finally moved in. I was not done yet. Although it was my last day, I had to withdraw from the school, so the next day, I turned in my laptop and charger and began to withdrawal process. I was ready to enroll to another school.

In March, she began to tell me she loves me... platonically, and stating I'm the friend she would have asked for.

On the last day of school, I felt really sad as I sat alone. I missed my old friends from Conniston and it made me feel flashbacks from all the fun moments we had. It made me cry a little...

To this day, I feel such feelings for my close friend, though I'm unsure when I'll even make the move... I wanted to do it in person, however, it is uncertain when I would randomly see her in public. I missed her deeply I thought of our past moments in my mind.

~ Jason

Also to this day, she's in a relationship.

Several months ago, I was rejected by [redacted]... sadly friendzoned. I felt distraught as she was the girl I genuinely loved... and it all had to fade away. However, I could not change her decision so I felt sad throughout December... sadly, it would affect my mood when I went up north.

In January, I decided to stop further communication with the group and I abandoned them to recover myself.

However, I had a crush on two girls, one in geometry and another that I had no connection of; I never got to ask neither of them, however as I asked the girl who I did not know of, she was taken by some dude and I felt stunned. I mean, I had let her down earlier in the school year, but still.

Overall, my love life is just pure sadness.