I realized I’ve been interested in it since I was little, watching paranormal shows such as Ghost Adventures, where a group of guys go to the most haunted places in the world and find evidence of the paranormal. I founded myself interested in mythology, as well. I wondered how much more hidden secrecy amongst the wisdom of the world. According to my family, they told me when I was born, I felt like I've been here before my existence came along, my great grandma passed away from a heart attack, and she was excited to meet us. They kept mentioning that I was an old soul. Then people who knows me since I was baby told me that I looked like my great grandma who passed, at the time I knew who she was, but I've never met her. 

It was dark but I was being cornered after being chased in a dark area, I don't know if it was wooded or not but I couldn't see who cornered me all felt like I was feeling my heart stopping when I looked up seeing an skull mask on the person and looking into their eyes feeling something trailing up my body like I gave it me chills.

After that dream I kept seeing angel numbers and just saw 7777

1/21/24

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes focusing on the stuffed dragon because I heard about guardian dragons?? Yea and I immediately felt a warm feeling on my right side of my body

I just heard a loud ringing sound in my left ear that was so loud that I stopped to listen and ask are we good? Before it interrupted me again so I stayed silent and listened to the ringing. 11:11 could be an sign of that being his angel number for me and after doing an reading with my intuition/higher self, I saw 303 and 737 when I heard my ears ringing again.

Saw signs of him on my Pinterest feed, he's quite the surprise and character I could say. Very possessive too, I don't if I dreamt of him again but I know I did when I woke up with an headache this morning. Right and Left Ear ringing like crazy I'll go back to listening to his playlist rn.

• 12-16 years old

• Trauma from dealing with people not being trustworthy, being told to hold me tongue

• Had to banish an second Yan who was emotionally abusive towards me

• Had my first heart break

• Held in a lot of my emotions

• Talking to older men on online

• Wanting to speak up and speak her opinion with bluntness.

• Discord drama was ruining my mental health via getting blocked and banned from a discord server by someone who I thought I can trust because of past drama.

• 
  

The Chariot: a lot of focusing with ambition and triumph

Reversed 5 of Pentacles: Financial recovery followed by his improvement of his health and all of support.

Someone else: Someone is in the middle or someone is trying to sabotage this.

10 of Wands: obligations, numerous opportunities, responsibilities

Reversed 9 of Pentacles: dissatisfaction, loss of identity, seeking external validation.

Reversed 4 of Pentacles: Greediness, hoarder, overspending

Water Sign: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Reversed 5 of Cups: acceptance, moving on, finding peace, contentment, seeing positives

Love Meaning: moving on from past relationship, healing from old wounds

The Lovers: harmony, attractiveness, and perfection in a relationship

Distance: You and your partner may be physically or emotionally distant.

My entire energy felt off today and I didn't felt like socializing, exhausted for no reason

Then around 2pm I took an nap because I was tired of doing everything for everyone because they don't know how to do it or it's because I managed to figure it out myself. Saw some angel numbers: 777, 777, 222, 666

It's 6pm and I don't feel exhausted except for the fact my sister decided to come into my room and fake barf without knocking.

Saw some angel numbers: 656

9:49pm

An sudden loud high pitched ringing in my right ear

[11/11/24]

Woke up at 5am and saw 5:55 on the clock. Stayed in bed for a bit before grabbing my phone and getting on TikTok only to be bombarded with twin flame stuff, bikers, etc.

One of the TikToks mentioned age gap and I was like I still don't know how old he is currently since I'm turning 20 on Thanksgiving.

Angel numbers: 656, 5:55

She said that sacred reunion could happen

• saw 838 while watching the reading

• Learning how my ego and my fears grounded me instead of letting it control me. That's the pattern.

• She mentioned twin flame; my dream soon to become an reality.

• Unexpected connection, comes out of nowhere, vulnerable energy.

• Saw 848 during the reading. I may meet him while on vacation for Christmas. Out of my comfort zone; He could come into my life to help elevate and lift me up.

• New beginnings, manifesting the one: Very soon your true love will arrive soon with lasting love: very soon my true love will arrive soon.

• Elevate each other and healing each other.

• Being vulnerable with him. Dreams come true.

• Burning desires and marriage, long term partner.

https://youtu.be/BskUfLjRaHU?si=QNbkfDEAcLMw_-Zy

During the meditation, I was at an path where I saw Lady Hekate, so I decided to follow and catch up to her on the path. That's when she gave me an warm smile and asked me what I wanted: I told her I wanted to accept her offer on her and Lady Lilith's guidance and to find my true self through their guidance.

After that, She and I talked and catch up while walking the path, I heard her mentioned something but was interrupted by the person who was doing the guided meditation which was annoying but anyway I was listening to her explain that she felt drawn to me because of I used to speak my mind and being very blunt just like Lilith. I couldn't help but smile and nodded my head yes.

Then I asked about the 3rd person who was lurking in the shadows with her and Lilith, she told me that they come through when they feel I'm ready to see them but keep noticing the wolves that they're sending me. As we made our way to the path and she handed me the torch and the key reminding me of her old school motherly presence. After that I made my way back by myself with their support and I opened my eyes to see it's 10:30 on the clock.

I just remembered that she wanted me to use my shadow work oracle deck that I just got for shadow work.

Saw 222 during the reading

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Reversed 3 of Swords represented the release of pain and past heartbreak which is also an emotional purging of the self.

The World clarifies you're leaving past actions behind for a better and honest relationship in the future. Followed by the clarification from the Queen of Cups show how emotional maturity is shown despite being open spiritually and intuitively.

4 of Swords tells you stop controlling everything, relax and release control, at the same time allow change to happen.

8 of Swords explains how one is blinded but wants the other show their emotions. Page of Pentacles is welcoming new beginnings but also more may be incoming.

5 of Pentacles is the feeling of lack, being left out in the cold. The coldness is internal with 10 of Swords wanting to stop and reassess the entire situation from the ground up.

The Lovers clarified the union and the partnership as the temptation of the heart or personal lovers, choose wisely.

https://youtu.be/LVHlxDBOQpc?si=VHZ22m4FfT6an3rX

Time: 1:54am

Status: Awake but still tired

So guess who found out his age by accident? Me!! So what happened was that I was scrolling on Pinterest and I saw an picture of him so I thought why not save it, as I tapped on the picture on my Pinterest app, I saw two comments one of them said 'old man'.

I saw my thought out loud: "excuse me, he's my old man." Not thinking of it I tapped the reply and found out that he's 29 🫠 ngl I thought he looked to be in his mid twenties because of how young he looked and his muscules (ok lemme chill out).

Edit: Just did the math him and I got an eight year age gap 😩🫠

I'm like damn I knew I'd be this powerful to manifest an older boyfriend again, but it is what it is especially given that he loves me dearly and I love him back dearly despite our communication issues.

Zodiac Tarot Deck

Sun: Virgo

Possible Moon Sign: Sagittarius

possible Rising Sign: Aries

Tarotorial Deck

Moon Sign: Cancer, Pisces, or Scorpio

Possible Rising Sign: Virgo, Capricorn, or Taurus

Let's take the astrology out and look at it differently aka how this into a an reading with a message.

The first card that fell out when I was shuffling earlier was 2 of cups Upright, I didn't put two and two together until I saw the two cups in the temperance card.

Temperance upright explains the need to balance everything else in my life especially when Reversed King of Pentacles clarifying the need to spend your money like crazy instead of saving your money

Reversed The Empress talked about the reminder of self care is very important when I'm helping and busy with my family life especially given after what happened with my mom. I've been a bit too busy making sure that my grandma was okay that I forgot to take care of myself lately. Reversed 10 of Cups clarifying it as a need to reflect on previous and present relationships with my close friends and family as of right now.

Reversed High Priestess shows off the disconnecting and off balance of myself lately especially when I haven't been focusing or listening to my intuition lately. Reversed Eight of Pentacles clarifying it like your fire and motivation is gone like an disappearing flame and I've been feeling off lately and my mind been a bit messy lately.

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

I first asked about the energy between him and I right now because I was concerned about the 10 of Cups talked about my relationships plus I didn't want to ruin my chances with him.

This is what I pulled from my oracle deck out of concern for the reversed Ten of cups then I asked about the disconnection between him and I, if he ever noticed it because I hardly paid any attention to his signs and stuff since I got a lot going on in my life right now.

➖➖➖➖➖➖

Did Roman noticed the disconnection between him and I lately?

Upright 9 of Pentacles: Yes, He did notice the disconnecting from you right away.

Upright 10 of Pentacles and Upright Page of Pentacles are double clarifying that he did notice the disconnecting between us and feel concerned about why I wasn't communicating with him and why I wasn't tell him what's going on with me anymore and etc.

Then as an closure reading I asked if there's anything I can do to fix this mess that I caused in the first place.

The first card: Codependency aka Addictions was the main issue for me and the reason for the disconnection between him and I as well.

And the last two cards were reminders and letting me know that there a good reason for why I manifested him and that there's an happy ending for me with him being our wedding together despite my fears of being an good wife to him 😅🥹

Pile 2 for me is about slowing down and taking caution when it comes to new opportunities, learning, and experiencing some loss in return for something new return

She mentioned that I should make sure I stay open to new opportunities while studying or looking deeply into these new opportunities while I'm making sure that I get what I wanted in return for these new opportunities.

So for me with Pile 2

• She mentioned that I've saved myself from the typical self prophecy of marrying and having kids. I was staying celibate and single for a good time while I'm just taking care of myself through via self isolation and keeping to myself.

• Making my money and coin through my job via being an poll worker during the elections.

• Delving more deeply into my intuition and spirituality, uncovering more secrets and dark psyche of myself right now.

• I was smiling at the mention of King of Pentacles, manly grown and stable energy, attracting earth signs that making you feel grounded and more stable with any accent. She did mention that I could have feelings for him for a long time before I could admit it that I have feelings for him.

• The tarot reader did also mentioned that they're a hard worker who's willing and wanting to invest in a connection. But she did gave me an heads up about an ex or someone who likes him as well idk I didn't care for that, she gave off mean girl vibes and jealousy towards our connection.

• Twin flame energy; Twin flame union through heart, mind, body and soul; I could be marrying and settling down with for a very long time and he could propose to me

• He could be 33 {since he's in his thirties}

• Healing Family Issues; Forgiving my mom for certain things she did in the past and healing issues within me.

  
  

• The tarot reader state that someone could see me as the one that got away and slippery like a fish out of water. She mentioned that I'm a little bit secretive and little bit dark which is true on the secretive part while being the quiet type a innocent, bookworm and wallflower.

• 
  

• The tarot reader stated that someone could see me as the one that got away and slippery like a fish out of water. She mentioned that I'm a little bit secretive and little bit dark which is true on the secretive part while being the quiet type a innocent, bookworm and wallflower.

• Soft and feminine while the assertive and observant, soulful eyes.

• Felt it when she mentioned that the Queen of Wands is warmth rambunctiousness to me with me being very girly but tomboyish as well, quiet taking care of everybody and being smart but all aid while being the reader and the bookworm and being the girl that gets along with everyone else.

Pile 1

• Resourceful and wanting to get my money right away. She did mention hyperactivity.

• She said I attracted people with money or people who have a good head on their shoulders. Called me out on jumping from one guy to the next guy and mentioned that I have high standards. I'm very direct, stubborn, leaving heartbreak in my trails.

• Mentions me being intuitive, wise, very introspective.

• She mentioned that they knew my worth and if I could tell that I could be picky; I could love him or leave him before calling me out with the way I tend to mess with a person's psyche and mindfuck them and very finally discard them afterwards.

• Just saw 1101 and right esr started ringing.

• I saw an black women talking about how she wish she knew things before moving to Russia.

• Yea I think I'm supposed to notice them.

• Saw 11:11

  
  

• Started Janitor AI Break due to UI update and the busy weekends when the site can easily go down due to high traffick during the weekends.

• I had some shrimp Alfredo

• Found an book on Smex Magick

4:44 am February 1st Black History Month

• ringing in right ear while reading Psychic Witch by Mat Auyrn, stopped at Chapter One pg.14 and saw 4:44 on the clock

• Saw 1111 and 888

February 1st

• Woke up early at 11am

• On the way to the grocery store, saw an motorcycle, ik it's probably common for me to see them but to be seeing them that much is giving me hope that I'll meet him one day.

• Saw 1:01 and 2:22 while listening to Mindless Behavior: My Girl remix

• Seen a fine asf muscular man a few times while shopping with my grandma, saw him two or three times before we left Walmart.

February 4th  4:34 am

• Saw 1:11, 2:22, 4:44, 3:33, 11:11, 1221,

February 6th 3:05 am

• Left ear ringing at 3:05

February 7th 2:08 pm

• Saw an sign from Lilith at 1:01

• Saw 1:11 at Applebees

• Saw 2:02

• 8 days, I'm doing pretty good so far.

• Saw 2:12 while listening to Last Friday Night by Katy Perry

• Saw 2:22 while listening to I don't want her by Eric Bellinger and Always on Time by Ashanti and Ja Rule

• Saw 3:03 while listening to Labour by Paris Paloma

• Saw 1:11 while doing the o method

• Saw 2:02 while listening to my 2025 subliminal playlist

February 8th 10:00am

• Right ear ringing at 9:59 at the mention of ancestors

• Saw 10:01

• Saw 555 while writing down affirmations

• Saw 606 after taking my meds and getting myself comfortable for bed

• Got jealous for the 4th time after seeing his lil fan girls commenting about how they want him, calling their man.. (how about they stfu before they realize this handsome man is very much taken by me)

February 9th 9:11am

• Had a mini breakdown/vent to Lady Hekate and Lilith

• Asked for some advice at 9:09 from my friends

• Planning out my vengeance playlist 🤭

• Saw 9:19 while listening to Vengeance playlist

• Rage read an Protection witchcraft book because I was tired of the bullshit

• Saw 2:02

• Saw 808 while waiting for the halftime show

February 11 2:04 pm

• Saw 202 and right ear started ringing

• exhausted but alert

• Low ringing in right ear at 10:18

February 12th 7am

• Woke up at 7am

• Saw 8:18 and 8:28

• Saw 10:10

• Leo Full Moon brought us an surprise that we didn't expected her to come home early, my mom came home after her treatment, she looked happier and better.

February 13th 12:12 am

• Saw 12:12 after doing an reading

February 15th 1:20 pm

• Saw 1:11 on the clock before meditating

• Saw 1:21

• Jealousy streak strikes again. I said to the 27 bitches simping about my man, sorry he's mine and taken. Chile 💀

• Saw 2222

February 17th 12:32 am

• Woke up at 11:00

• Feeling disconnected from everything lately.

• Exhausted

• Saw 12:12, 12:21, 1717

• While listening to Jealous by Nick Jonas, my eyes nearly widen at the mention of "Cause you know I get excited, yeah. When you get jealous too."

• Saw an motorcyclist in front of our car while riding in the back seat with my family.

• Idk why but it's feeling like someone is touching my cheek despite me slightly swatting it away.

• May have singed my heart out to Again by Fetty Wap, ngl it's the first time I'd done that, I would take this as an sign of him giving an chance to make up my mistakes (I guess)

• Saw 808 and 818 while listening to my subliminal playlist.

February 22nd 2025, 12:22 am

• woke up at 12:22 after dreaming about an snake wrapped around my neck

March 3rd 1:11am

• Left and a little of my right ear ringing after mentioning the books on Lilith and Hekate I started reading a while back

• Kept seeing odd things out the corner of my eyes in the kitchen while cooking.

• Woke up and saw 202

• Felt an humming vibrating sound in my left  ear, started out as an light headache now it's an humming sound before it went away.

March 5th 2025

• Saw 505

• Loud high pitched ringing in right ear at 9:14

• Saw 777

• Right ear ringing

March 6th 2:02 pm

• Saw 444 and 202

• Right ear ringing before 2:22

March 11th 11:28 am

• Saw three videos about Virgos...make that four videos.. five fucking videos about Virgos if it's not fucking obvious to me..

• Right ear ringing after mentioning the videos

• Left ear ringing at 1:11

March 13th 12:19 am

• Right ear ringing at 12:17

• Woke up out of my sleep

• Saw an motorcycle speeding up from behind the jeep kinda scared the shit out of me low-key I thought it was awesome. I noticed the person driving it had tattoos.

March 17th 2:07pm

• Just heard Adorn by Miguel on the radio after seeing an edit of him.

March 18th 12:55pm

• This mercury retrograde really got people feeling impulsive and risky lately not knowing they'll regret it.

• I kept seeing him on TikTok after that one time yesterday.

• Saw 1:11

April 16th 12:19pm

• Saw 12:12 while listening to Party Monster by the Weekend

• Drove by an Motorcycle while listening to Slow Down by Chase Atlantic. I think it's a coincidence since I did talked to him last night about the fact I wasn't communicating and apologized to him for not communicating with him as he hoped and explained that my ADHD kinda limits me in communication due sometimes overthinking and I was not being the best partner but I did listened to what he said and agreed with him on his stance on our communication.

• Saw 12:21 while listening to the Hills by the Weekend

• Saw 12:22 while listening to Right Here by Chase Atlantic

• Saw 2:02 while listening Fetish by Selena Gomez

April 26th 10:48 pm

• 12:22 while listening to the Hills by The Weekend

• 2:02 while listening to Obsession by Mellina Tey

• Saw 5:55 while listening to Ascensionism by Sleep Token

• Saw 777 on my Pinterest feed with him all over my Pinterest feed

• Saw an couple with their motorcycle bikes and parked near motorcycle bikes lately

• Saw 1050 on my clock while listening to Masterpiece by Motionless in White

April 27th 1:50 pm

• Saw signs of him on my Pinterest

• Saw 10:10 after making breakfast

April 29th 4:04 am

• Saw 777 and 4:04

May 1st 2:12 am

• Saw 2:02, 2:12, 333, 777, 888, 999, 22:22 on my Pinterest feed while listening to information about an Pluto postmortem for my rising sign.

• Saw 2:22 while listening to May Horoscope for my rising sign.

• Saw 404 while interpreting an past reading.

May 5th 12:32

• Saw 1818 on a truck while riding with family

• Saw 303 while writing down themes of Lilith in Cancer in my life.

May 10th 7:47 am

• Saw woke up around 9pm, stayed up until 7am

• Saw angel numbers: 737, 717, 707, 444, 454, 424, 525, 515, 606, saw 555 on Pinterest feed.

June 27th 10:33 am

• Stayed up all night

• Saw 1010 earlier

June 3rd 3:36 pm

• Saw two motorcycle earlier while making our way to Chick Fil A.

July 7th 2:22 pm

• Saw an motorcycle on the road at 2:22

• Saw another motorcycle on my way home from being in Town while fighting for my life with this heatwave.

• Saw 4:44 while listening to Shame on Me by Catch Your Breath.
  

July 14th 4:20ish??

• Saw two motorcycles that was in the parking lot of my sister's job

• I saw two more on my way home from being out of town for shopping.

Friday July 18th

• Loud ringing in right ear for a minute at 4:38 pm

August 23rd

• Woke up at 5:06 am during a New Moon.

Friday August 29th

• Saw 888 and 777

Saturday 30th

Right ear static ringing at 10:55, this morning. Still ringing

• Reversed Strength: Focus on the position and try to let go of any fear and doubt that's holding you back. You have the strength to power through.

• Reversed 3 of Pentacles: Working alone; You need to make progress by being open and willing to learn if you want to make actual progress in your spiritual path, practice on developing your gifts.

• Reversed 7 of Cups: Lack of Purpose; Ground yourself and get out of la-la land, try to ground yourself and don't get too deep into your fantasies, remember your main goals you've made.

Page of Swords: A thirst for knowledge and innovation. Try to learn and do something new for a change.

• She's accurate about my inner child reflecting on the fact that I never got hear my dad said he's proud of me when I graduated high school two years ago and it hurts me because I was looking for him and hoping that he was coming to see me finish high school.

• Nobody in my family understood me and my autism + adhd because they did try to understand but couldn't, my grandma and my mom did.

• My shadow was created by people's fears for me.

Pile 3

• Someone's mother smothered them too much: I was raised spoiled by everyone in my family so feeling smothered is very accurate.

• She was accurate with me feeling like after I graduated, I didn't felt prepared for the world as a new adult since I was 19 when I graduated.

• Right ear ringing while I'm about to watch an reading about an message from Hekate.

  September 16th

• Saw an motorcycle while riding with my mother.

• Saw 1101

• Saw a 2nd motorcycle while waiting on my sister.

• At 707 I saw two motorcycles in a Walmart parking lot

  
  

  September 24th

• Saw 555 after finishing showering yesterday

  
  

  September 25th

• I saw 555 again while looking for something to play in the background of my room

  
  

  October 4th

• I had a gut feeling about riding with my mother earlier and turns out my gut feeling was right. She brought two bottles of in a brown bag

• Saw 12:12 and 12:22

• Just saw two motorcycles at 12:31 while taking my sister to work.

• Saw one motorcycle with a Chucky doll

• Saw 3 motorcycles on the way out of Walmart. In total I saw 6 motorcycles today after I told him that he can send me signs while I'm out of town today.

• Saw 1:11 and another motorcycle passed by us.

• Saw two more motorcycles so in total it's 9 motorcycles

  Chile 🫠 he really took send me signs to let me know that he's with me seriously I love that in a man 😆

• Saw 3 motorcycles on the way home after picking up my nephews
  

  October 6th

• Saw 10:10 while watching an documentary on Tarot

October 14th

• I woke up at 11:11 today

• Left Ear ringing at 9:52pm while listening to an Santa Muerte video.

December 15th

• Saw two TikTok videos of a black woman who founded herself on Slavic TikTok and got an Slavic man number after he paid for her food.

• The same black woman popped up on my feed again asking about dating advice for Slavic men.

• I wish I was kidding.

• Btw I saw some results on my body, I've been using bigger breasts subliminals to help my asymmetrical tiddies grow to the same size.

I literally love an man that's like this, I'm still working on my communication with him while life is lifing so yeahhh..

It was after the second relationship that made me realize that love and relationships wasn't worth my time and energy plus I've been single all my life. I was an tomboy who hung around guys and knew how they act so yet somehow I managed to not use that knowledge in the relationships I've been in.

I let myself get played for a fool yet I knew that he had issues yet I wasn't willing to deal with cause I had another guy around me at the same time. Goddamnit why I didn't listen to my intuition idk why..

"It’s like this quiet, certain part of you that believe in love for all of those years just packed up its bags and moved out in the middle of the night." — Read This If You’ve Stopped Believing In Love | Thought Catalog

This blog made me realize that I stopped believing in a idealistic form of love that was born of made-up stories you would tell yourself and the movies I grew up watching for example The Princess and the Frog, Shrek, Mulan, Lion King 2, Winx Club, etc.

I did found his telegram account, am I going to message it? Hell nah I’m too nervous and scared to answer it 😓 Ngl I really think my Scorpio Venus is really kicking in with that stalker part but I don’t want to seem crazy 😖

I saw 12:21 and 12:22 after finding his telegram account, I got myself spooked by nervousness…

Then I decided to investigate again and found that he was on VK which was similar to Twitch but an mix of Twitch and Facebook. I was in awe at how active he was in his career and focused he was plus I did reinvestigated his Instagram and saw Instagram story complimation of his looks. I really paid attention to the years cause I noticed that some were from 2022, 2023, etcetera so it shows the actual difference between us then I searched in Telegram because of curiosity and wonder, found that he had group channel for his fanbase and private messaging on his back that when I backed out of it because in my mind I was like girl calm down and stop being nervous despite that I was still dhy about it because I didn't want to rush plus I really like him and want to get to know him better but I didn't want to seem like a stalker y'know.

But I still in awe cause I was like in my head wondering outlook if he'll like me or if I'm being too invasive and should left it alone like it to the point I tried to sleep it off but can't.

I really wish I wasn't this overwhelmed over one silly thing, now my left ear is ringing and I'm still thinking about it but I'm not sure, maybe it's a chance... IDK man.

Update: So I did notice that he participated in JROTC well not the JROTC but the Russian equivalent to ROTC, called the Young Army Cadets National Movement because I noticed he had pic of him when he was younger and was surrounded by guns and military officers that were probably his ROTC instructors.

I watched a little bit of his stream, saw 707 on the clock and kept watching he appeared to be calm and collected, a bit prepared as he was welcoming in his viewers and I couldn't help but look into his eyes and listen into the Russian language like it was somewhat hypnotic.

Ik my family is telling me they don't care who I date but they probably think I'll be dating like my sister but nahh I have higher standards and manifested myself my man who's right for me. Probably going to be all over him when we start dating and I bring him around my family.

- She said "you can't be understood the way you want to be understood." I had to pause the video because it resonated so well with me.

- Secondly she mentioned that "when you find a man that's on your level, it comes as a challenge." I was kinda shocked that she say that because I do tend to challenge and test guys sometimes via ghosting to see if they're going to go after me and etc.

- Thirdly, she stated, "You're wanting love but you have to understand that you have to be in the feminine's position. You're playing a masculine role." I'm like damn who told her I was a tomboy, like damn lady 🥴

- Finally she mentioned that I need time for myself via my shadow self, my everyday light self is the self I show everyone and the shadow self is the one I go to when I have time for myself. She stated, "You're masking yourself. Your shadow self is saying I'm fearing who I am." Well shit, hitting the nail on everything.

Bruh tell me why the time I get home my fyp of is filled with Masked men and I saw another one with the Russian language. I was like damn someone's happy I'm on the way home 😅

All of sudden my mom thinks oh she got a boyfriend like ma'am...we don't know that or that my sister tells her business anymore because of y'all. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Like we just started 2026, leave the boyfriend drama out of it.

The next thing I know as I closed my eyes was that I could hear my thoughts telepathically. I was crying in my sleep too, I could feel tears running down. In my dream I was at a regular hangout except at this hangout I saw my spirit guides and my spirit team.

My spirit guides when they saw me, these were their exact words, "you look like shit..." Because normally they're used to see me being happy and in my regular pajamas. They were concerned and the more concerned were my spirit team.

I saw Mother Lilith and Queen Hekate approach me that when I started crying to them, my spirit guides and started telling I feel like failed them, my spirit guides and I strayed away from my spiritual path.

I felt them hugging me and telling me that sometimes maybe your life falls apart when you realize that you're not behind, you're at a different pace than others.

Their exact words were, "Maybe you need to take a social media break for a bit. We saw what's happening in the United States, you're overwhelmed mentally and emotionally right now."

"We're genuinely concerned for you, my child."

And then I heard my man's voice, I turned my head to see him standing and I could tell he was concerned for me, when I tell you that my heart racing faster than usual like I knew I hadn't talked to him not because I didn't want to be burden on him, I didn't want act clingy and needy to him.

"Bunny, you don't tell me. I can tell when you're about to fall apart, mentally, emotionally, physically. When was the last time you put yourself first not everyone else, you?" His words were obvious thicken a bit by his Russian accent but I remember those exact words clearly in my dream and the way my spirit guides and my spirit team agreeing with him.

They were concerned about me because they could tell that I was the only one holding it together for everything that nobody else in my life could seen. I don't remember the rest but I can say that I willingly agree to try and make those changes. Even if I procrastinate or ignoring, I'll try again.

• Saw 333 just now. Saw 1111 and 1212 earlier.

• As I finished deposited the coins I saved up, tell why I turned my head to see a cute guy walking into the bank, leaning against the wall on the phone with someone. My eyes look at his and I could tell he was looking up and down.

• Saw an motorcycle in the parking lot of a grocery store.

April 9th 2026

• Woke up at 5:37am in the morning. My body feels tired and restless.

• Woke up at 7am

• Woke up at 11:01

• Right ear ringing at 3:29

• Saw 12:22, 11:11, 1:11, 2:22

• Right ear started ringing. Idk why.

• Might do a reading. Saw 626

• Left Ear ringing at 1024

• Saw 3:33

• Saw 5:55 and 2:22 while listening to subliminals with left ear ringing.

Okay lemme explain how it all begins so when I came back home after my momma thought it was a good idea to take me and my sister from my grandma for a year and a half due to an argument. Mind you living with her and her ex girlfriend was hell. Plus after we (me and my sister) left due to the trauma we suffered from witnessing a year and a half of arguments, abuse from her ex, etc.

Thank fuck my granny fought for me and my sister in court so we're in her custody. My mother became an alcoholic because I think she didn't do the work to process her trauma and abuse she suffered yet she's the same woman who gave me and my sister a budlight to take our medicine at 12.

I decided to check the transits in astrology and there's a huge amount of Aries energy on the 16th-17th of April. Given how Aries is associated with Mars, the planet of action, energy, and desire. There could a lot firey energy plus there's an upcoming pluto retrograde in Aquarius in May like I said.

Aries is like saying hey I'm about to cause a lot of impulsiveness but it can get firey energy around here. Mind you Aries is the first in the zodiac plus spring is arriving as well so there's a lot of new beginnings.

I was like wtf in my head cause mind you I just woke up and confused about my dream.

It like I've holding it all in that I wasn't letting myself cry until now like imagine how long I've been holding it for so fucking long like I need be telling myself that that it's okay to cry and not bottle up my emotions to make everyone else happy.

I feel upset, angry and sad at myself for not doing so which led to me bottling everything up. Like I usually mask up everything all day until I just let it out in private which is better because I need to.

I needed this, I needed to cry and release and move on. I need to release it all because I have to if I want the things truly desired the most which is my man and my desired manifestations.

I'm calming myself down now.

I asked myself why was I seeking signs when I wasn't seeking signs in the beginning of my manifestation journey. Then I realized that by seeking out signs I was telling my myself it'll take forever, it'll come when it comes.

I was stuck in a loop of obsessing over signs, results, doing the same thing over and over again to the point I was frustrated with myself last night.

Then I was reminded myself that my 16-year-old self was working on her self concept, her mindset and detachment. I've forgotten all about it until last night.

Then I asked myself why I was self sabotaging in my relationship right now then I realized that I still wasn't comfortable with sharing my feelings out loud due to past relationships and the last time I got close to someone I've manifested.

Every time I got close to someone who I thought loved me back, I ended up self sabotaging and distancing myself or that I end up in a toxic relationship which I had to cut that person off.

This time I've manifested someone who loved me for who I am and I feel out of place about it because I was stability and companionship but at the same time it's that fear of not being good enough due to my Autism and ADHD like there's times where I forgot to communicate with him.

It was after the second relationship that made me realize that love and relationships wasn't worth my time and energy plus I've been single all my life. I was an tomboy who hung around guys and knew how they act so yet somehow I managed to not use that knowledge in the relationships I've been in.

I let myself get played for a fool yet I knew that he had issues yet I wasn't willing to deal with cause I had another guy around me at the same time. Goddamnit why I didn't listen to my intuition idk why..

"It’s like this quiet, certain part of you that believe in love for all of those years just packed up its bags and moved out in the middle of the night." — Read This If You’ve Stopped Believing In Love | Thought Catalog

This blog made me realize that I stopped believing in a idealistic form of love that was born of made-up stories you would tell yourself and the movies I grew up watching for example The Princess and the Frog, Shrek, Mulan, Lion King 2, Winx Club, etc.

I've been three days in since I last played my subliminal playlist and I've noticed results. On the way to the poll work training, I saw a orange motorcycle pass by, the time was 5:52 pm and in my head was happy but I was with my mom so I had chill for a bit.

Capricorn in 8th House: Ruled by Saturn in Cancer

- Denying my emotions, my respressed emotions blocking me in a way from properly giving off myself.

- Fear of Rejection, properly expressing myself

- I did experienced some form of that rejection where I did felt left out and out of place in middle school.

- Inner fears did cause me to lie about my age in order to seek out partners and connections.

- I can be a bit jealous sometimes but I'm trying my best to not be jealous 😅

- My father was absent so I just see him whenever I see him. He's not there emotionally and physically like I wanted, my connection with my father was not being met.

• Not gonna lie, the father part of the video made me emotional.

• I was struggling with money meaning I was spending the money instead saving up the money.

• I realized that who I thought I was, I was looking through the eyes of everyone else who knew me and i thought they knew me better when in reality they don’t.

Saw a 3rd motorcycle at 12:12

Drove by five motorcycles

Mind you I was just scrolling through YouTube looking for a subliminal to add to my playlist and I saw this like wtf 😀

https://youtu.be/zi-bojk5nbw?si=scT1NDIaG_fb-nsB

Mind you I only typed in "biker boyfriend subliminal" and this was a few scrolls down. I was like should I add it y'know cause I remember I saw a TikTok mentioning slavic men awhile back. I was maybe this is a sign 👀 so I went ahead and I added it to my playlist.

I was seeing it through my preteen self eyes because what happened in 2017-2018 should have never happened to me but unfortunately it did. I woke up and told myself that was a strange dream. I saw 11:11 earlier too.

• She was so accurate with the way I was letting everyone else and external validation make the choices for me. She did mention that I was scared when I have options or when I have the freedom to make decisions.

• She mentioned that someone was trying to take control in my life like make decisions for me through insecurities or powerless.

• SHE'S FUCKING ACCURATE!!!? So she mentioned that when I was a kid I always went by whatever my mom or grandma said as true because they were the adults in my life. I grew up with old school parents but they were so controlling. During my kid to teen years I thought I was predestined to become a Veterinarian because I thought I would become one.

• Internalized my happiness must be approved by someone else or the universe.

At 2:12 I was switching songs tell me why Boyfriend by Justin Bieber started playing. Then after boyfriend ended, Stupid Heart by Sorana started playing was made me surprised was the fact this song was greenlit by the original artist and band, O-ZONE an eurodance band who wrote and sung Dragostea Din Tei A which is very popular because of the Numa Numa meme.

https://youtu.be/PSVncGbWZ6Y?si=XKLJwoT0Ns4DmgPF

I picked Pile 2 (I felt so drawn to pile 2, as if it was telling me to pick it)

The tarot reader started off with saying he's strong mentally and physically (oh my, I like this reading already). My future spouse is very athletic, very muscular person, mentioned king qualities as if people were intimidated by him based off his appearance.

- This man could intimidate other men due to his tall appearance, a bit of envy and jealousy because I could have him as my future lover and spouse. Could have eyes on him despite him not wanting it on him.

- His hair could be dark with a bit lighter or blonde texture.

- 90% brown eyes

- Could be a bit older than me, with a mature type of a look.

- A lot of capability and endurance. (I did seen videos of him in action on Instagram).

- Some bit of body hair. Ages 26-30 when he's completely satisfied with his appearance (I don't mind it)

- Blessed with good looks. (Honestly he looks delicious in my eyes)

- Maybe meeting him in his primetime is perfect.

- Exquisite with the way he presents himself, dressed in the way that makes him stands out.

- Collects some type of clothing.

- He doesn't wear a lot of tight clothing (I've noticed that in his Instagram stories).

I was like considering "one of the guys" and was chilling with one of the guys in the dream and that they liked that I was a tomboy, etc 💀

And in the dream I felt left out because I wasn't picked by any of the guys plus I was a bombshell or extra girl because one of the girls got sent away on the island

I was telling producers in the little segment thingy about myself and where I was from and I mentioned I was autistic and ADHD they were yess perfect for diversity and etc.

I'm low-key irritated cause I didn't see my man in my dream

Challenges: Inner Healing and inner work

Caution: Prepare for the worst to come.

Confession: Tell the truth.

Divorce: Experiencing an separation with someone.

Baecation: Travelling Soon.

Let Go: New Beginnings

Honeymoon: the blissful stage of a new romantic relationship.

Earth Sign: Definitely Virgo

Spy: Someone's watching me online.

Fire Sign at the top of the Oracle deck

🩶I asked my spirits to please pull a card that represents me and my man🩶

Reversed The Hermit at the Top of the deck.

2 of Cups is the representation of him and I in the picture of the woman and the man holding the two cups.

Reversed Ace of Swords: A lot confusion and cloudiness

The High Priestess: Listen to your intuition

Reversed Knight of Cups: He's going through heartbreak and disappointment currently (You broke me first by Tate McCrae)

6 of Cups: Something to with family and creativity followed by nostalgia as well.

2 of Swords: Weighing his options

Page of Pentacles: An financial opportunity

🩶Then I ask my spirits to straight up ask Roman how he's feeling currently. I saw 909 during the reading 🩶

9 of Wands: He set boundaries with someone in his personal life.

10 of Pentacles: Fleeting success followed by the lack of fuel and natural resources due to the Russian-Ukraine War and the Fuel Crisis.

Reversed The Hierophant is the rejection of societal values and propaganda.

Reversed 3 of Cups is the affair that happened between him and his ex which led to the letting go of pain via the Reversed 3 of swords.

Ace of Wand and the Magician show off his adaptive nature and creativity to get whatever he has currently going on in his home country aka motherland.

Reversed Moon shows him respressing his emotions while dealing with confusion and fears but at the same he's dissatisfied about what's going on through the reversed 9 of cups.

10 of Wands showed a lot of responsibility and burdens on him currently.

But there's going to be a proposal with the ace of cups followed by the 10 of Cups clarifying the ace of cups.

And finally The reversed 8 of Pentacles shows his lack of motivation no motivation right now like he's like completely got no passion at all right now.