screaming out for help 

People see me drowning and tell me to save myself

Some days I’m drowning

and all anyone can do is watch

as if I’m a fish in a tank 

But one day he saw me.

He threw me a rope

and pulled me out of the water 

Now I feel like I’m flying, free to explore

Free to express

Free to be me

And all thanks to him

My lifesaver.

on the skateboard

Through the everlasting air

His board was smiling at me. 

Like an eagle

I enjoy the company of 

Orange corgis

Enjoy enjoy enjoy dog

So much that they get

In the way

Dead dead dead dog

My dog is dead 

That sucks. 

AND FROGS

I HAVE YOU AND YOU HAVE MEE TOOOOOOOOOOM

WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! 

WILL I FIND A REASON TO LIVE THIS WEEK. 

THAT WAS CLEAR JECISKA

WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! 

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT JECISKA. 

AMERICA STARTS WITH A HALL!

AND IT HAS TOO MANY MALLS!

WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! 

She is kinda tall with long, brown hair

She gave thanks to my seller

She put me in a bag and took me home

The lady came up to me

She took a bite out of me

My insides are gushing out faster than light

I am dead now

Goodbye

Everything change

Rain to snow to heat

Everything don't last

fierce clouds barring still water 

The world dampens sound

 hope.

She was 

       l

              o

 s

         t

and long

f

              o

     r

          g

 o

           t

    t

               e

        n.

She loved to sing

and it set her

  free

from harsh 

r

                   e

           a

       l

                 i

   t

            y.

Her voice was like 

  velvet

in a world of 

     s

             a

   n

        d

                   p

      a

         p

              e

 r.

S

                 h

          a 

      d

              o

    w

              s
blocked her sight of the world and 

wind swept through her soul like 

                                          children

making

                                          wishes 

on dandelion stems.

Through

      t

  e

      a

               r

 s

she made a 
                                           wish

and crossed paths with a 

                                           goddess

who told her to 

look ahead and keep singing

and soon she found her

                                          purpose

amongst the

                                          pain

A fence in front

Climbing to escape

Footsteps and flashlights

Stop, its the police

Don’t stop

Heavy breathing, shoes hitting concrete

Running as fast as I can

The flashlights gone

The footsteps gone

I make my way across the field

Through backyards

Across the street

And home again

Up the side and through a window

Lights off

Asleep

How do you keep your pants up 

Belt

How do I keep my pants up

Belt

Gucci

Belt

Belt

Belt

Belt belt 

Belt

 

Years had past but we somehow knew what the others learned

In this place shrouded by the woods

We shed our cloaks and our hoods

Without a word we could see a change within each others eyes

The king who one was stumped by jealousy

In his worst times made a deal with his enemy

Called a tyrant and ejected from the throne

Banished and to his people deceased

Had become but a humble priest.

And the one who stole and lived as a thief

Nimble and stealthy as a falling leaf

Now had worked many honest days and looked like bum

Enjoyed working as a bar man serving whiskey and rum

The bar man spoke I believe, yes I believe that I’ve been freed

I have myself have seen the light I have all the evidence I need

Just by looking at us three, The reformed priest and I finally agreed.

Once again the trio left to roam

So far from a place they once called home

I shivered at the sense of a cold winters breeze

There we were standing blankly the thief, the tyrant, and I

Finally we were forced to feel we were equals in the night.

The tyrant said I believe, yes I believe, that I have been freed

I have seen the light and will now turn from a life of avarice and greed

We looked each other up and down, the thief and I did not agree

Regardless the three of us will have to unite to cross the vast and deadly sea.

As we docked and nodded our heads

We start a new life and dessert the old ones we lead

The king swallowed by a grip of greed

The thief who stole just to live

For me you know as the saying goes

The best story is the one untold

Taking the first steps in our new paths

We go our separate ways with the knowledge we would come back 

For through hardship we had formed something that lasts.

Slowly shifting in a circle around

The package is true feelings

my anxieties and fears 

And I a slave to it's calling

As it broods a shackling beat to my heart

Around and around I go

Do I dare open it? Let it out?

The voices of others say you can’t 

live like this you have to internalize it

But to assimilate is the same as to change

Change can never occur not even once

I hide and I shift and I try to stop moving

The box creeps closer as a menacing grin rises upons it's face

I'm me and that's not

But if in there is a part of me why is this self war fought

Lessons learned but deeper meanings forgot

I need to separate the feelings an unnecessary aberration

They won’t harm if they can’t leave the box.

Isn’t a man without feelings just a human shell

I’ll continue to remain in a life split down the middle

I could care less I'm an emotionless figure

Pain is what makes us vain

Pain can cause a chain

Reaction of actions

Uncontrollable

Beyond Imagine

Just makes you wonder

How “god” could make this happen

Medication

Medication is determination

Medication can cause an animation

Of our personality 

To change our reality

But in reality

We really aren't happy are we?

Let's think about this another way

Shall we?

Depression

Depression is what makes compressions

Depression can cause emotions

Greater than proportion

But shhhh dont let them know

Your broken

Your words of pain

Keep them unspoken

“Only the weak are broken”

Like 12 teachers

Waaaaay too many corners

Walk out of the room...

Corner 

Go to the bathroom...

Corner.

Scare the crap out of somebody

CORNER

Open the door

CORNER

Small school, too many corners

Everywhere I look 

CORNERS

Gorgeously glowing gold

The perfect iris trapped in a bubble

Just like a snow globe

Her fur as soft as cotton candy

On a warm summer day

Luminous orange and purely white

Like a sunrise on a cold winter’s day

With her extra toes

She takes long strides outside

Encompassed in a perfectly green utopia

Looking up to the sky, she has been beautified 

On my shoulders she sleeps

Wrapped around me like a warm fuzzy snake

She nuzzles next to my ear and purrs

She’s as gentle and unique as a snowflake 

Clack

Pow

Bing 

Bang

Boom

Dark night

white man in the mirror

Outside I am white

But inside I am black

Everyone tells me I am white

But i know on the inside

That I am dark as night

Good at shooting

Basketball that is 

Bad at school

And doing what I’m told

Been to jail

Didn’t phase me

Too tough 

Too street

Because Black don’t crack

Everyone tells me I am white 

But nah, that ain’t right

Me?

I have too many to count

Swirling in my head 

Two more noticeable than the others

They have more control over me 

Than the others ever will

I know them as Depression and Anxiety, 

I think of them as siblings

Depression comes and goes more peacefully 

sometimes will be a friend

He likes it when I play music 

He is like the tide with is moods 

In high tide he is an enjoyable person 

Low tide he makes everything seem so emotionless

Low tides are the worst 

They are when I feel numb 

While anxiety is well…

She is easy to enrage 

If I pick a fight 

She shuts me down 

Trembling 

Shaking 

Hyperventilating 

On the outside 

No one can know 

I will just look weak

So I keep it in my head

Every word has an embodiment

When you think of a chair 

You may think of 

A blue lazy boy 

I think of a green circle chair

This maybe why ideas are so weird 

Because freedom to you might be 

hot dogs and fireworks

A flag and a speech

For me freedom is a pair of shoes

Worn in so your feet will always get wet 

Despite how dry the sky might be

The light color only seeable toward the top 

The rest dirt infused

These are my chucks

My freedom

Wearing them will always cause memories

Longboarding on a pier

Hammocking in the woods

Dancing in the street light

Running around like I was lost

The memories in those shoes are the ones I will always remember 

They are my freedom

They are my home

Water bottle placed by my computer 

Quietly working on geometry 

Zack came over, 

Clumsy Zack, 

He knocked over my water bottle and spilled it on my computer 

In a panic to grab paper towels

From Mr. Ozingas room

I cleaned up the water 

My computer was OK 

I no longer leave my water bottle next to my computer 

darker then night,

Eyes looking like the moon;

Shining in the night,

Wearing a soft coat.

Me and her,

Her and me,

A friend that doesn’t speak,

A friend that comforts me,

Her soft coat;

Warming me at night,

Her silent pur;

A smooth toon.

Her name,

Babygirl,

The meaning of love,

The meaning of non-judgement,

She is the best,

And i could never,

Go against her.

Don't ask for much,

Don’t judge me,

Doesn't make me change,

She's just the perfect friend,

Anyone could ask for.

wishing it wasn’t reality

Momma 

Little Girl, the youngest of five

the first to realize She wanted more

an alcoholic and his wife, disconnected, both full of regret

struggling with money

second floor, 

with beds in the dining room, seven to house and feed and only four

rooms

Little Girl

as two got pregnant 

cried. kicked, cheated,

sneaking in the window for a place to sleep

the only boy, pacing and organizing

a diagnosis

OCD, growing depression, and a whole lot of self doubt

Little Girl, learning from their mistakes and vowing never to make them

Little Girl

watching

Now

i have grown

from encouragement and love and support

and these tales of the past

and i cannot help

but feel an ache in my heart

for all the love You were not given

i have found

my biggest fear

is that i will not be able to make up for it

and give You all You have given 

because good things deserve good things

and You more than most

crunch crunch of leaves under foot

is this happiness

snowy wonderland

glistening reminder that

this is happiness

not learning the importance of learning

until after

the passion had already f a d e d

       it took the light and the purpose and the excitement

and                      replaced it

with fear and self doubt and a habit of believing i was    not      good       enough

where i am now: realizing the flaws in my past approaches

i can’t help but trip over all the obstacles i placed in my own way

whose original purpose was to be somewhere to stop

and rest

because that pace was exhausting

now i am energized

excited

entirely new

and each time i stumble is only a reminder 

of how quick i can throw my arms out

and stop myself from 
f
   a

   l

           l

i

  n

                          g

  .

It’s mighty chilly.

In the midnight light,

I begin to freeze.

fingers tinning blue,

As they begin to frostbite.

Breath billowing,

As the freezing air turns it.

Snowflakes falling,

As if a tree shedding in the fall.

The midnight lights,

Hard to see. 

The snowflakes falling;

Falling, falling, falling.

Weird round people,

Built around me.

Their big black eyes,

Long carrot noses,

Weird shaped mouths,

Just sitting there staring at me,

As the cold air freezes me.

Sunny and warm

The flowers are blooming

There are bunnies chasing each other around 

Weaving throughout the trees.

I’m wearing my favorite dress

The one that Papa says I look like an angel in. 

I see a table next to the tree, in the shade

It has all of my favorite food on it

It’s a good thing I’m hungry

Oh no, I got my dress dirty

It’s not sunny anymore

It’s getting cold

The bunnies disappeared 

The trees are dying 

The flowers are dead

Everything is getting dark

My dress is ripped

It’s storming outside 

Storming and windy

Everything is dead 

I’m scared

It’s all my fault

I see Papa walking towards me

He gives me a big hug

He tells me it’s okay

He says it’s just a dream 

Oh, how I wish it was just a dream

Stands rumbling as i'm walking out the ring

No punches thrown, just my opponents. 

Slam dunked on the court as others cheer.

Tears running down my face as the anger rages through me.

No matter the trouble, 1v1 becomes 2gether.

Stab my eyes out

Let spiders lay eggs in my brain 

Eat raw beef 

Why am I so pissed off 

Id never hurt anyone but 

I 

a m 

Pissed. 

not much, just hustlers fighting liars 

Fighters fighting spiders

Losers fighting winners

Idiots fighting Procrastinators

Lets travel far from the outcasts of this small town 

And focus on what really is important

We shall travel down a path 

A dark, creepy tunnel

To the main attractions

An emotional funnel

Where one little boy 

Who lives by himself

Trapped in a cell

That excels all cells

He can not escape from the cell

For he's held captive by depression

Watched everyday by him stressin’

And when he is allowed out

To head to a place out of his safe zone

A danger zone filled with people that are unknown,

But then you zoom out from this cell

Only to see

Me

In the middle of the hallway

With a sea

Of anxiety aka

People….

 

She is small and warm 

Whenever I leave my coat 

on the floor she lays on it. 

Sometimes I step on her by accident 

and I feel really bad. 

I love the sounds of her paws on the hardwood 

Pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt 

I love my dog, 

She is small and warm and she always 

cuddles me when I fall asleep. 

So you want to know what goes on here

not much, just hustlers fighting liars 

Fighters fighting spiders

Losers fighting winners

Idiots fighting Procrastinators

Lets travel far from the outcasts of this small town 

And focus on what really is important

We shall travel down a path 

A dark, creepy tunnel

To the main attractions

An emotional funnel

Where one little boy 

Who lives by himself

Trapped in a cell

That excels all cells

He can not escape from the cell

For he's held captive by depression

Watched everyday by him stressin’

And when he is allowed out

To head to a place out of his safe zone

A danger zone filled with people that are unknown,

But then you zoom out from this cell

Only to see

Me

In the middle of the hallway

With a sea

Of anxiety aka

People….

Hopped out of bed, touched that soft carpet floor

Without warning

I fell on my knees not knowing what I hit

I then had realized my son had come to pick me up

From that ground, I had tripped in a rit

My thoughts run wild, because I can not see

And I picture my house made of gold

And everything is just made for me

And our mansion, looking so bold.

My son takes me to the shower

And i can feel the cold water give me power

I hop out and walk inside

I sit down and begin to think

And think, if only i could think straight.

I wake up earlier than usual

I hop out of my loft my father and I share

In our small little house

I go to brush my teeth with what toothpaste we have left

And i spit in to the dirty sink

I hear a big thump as soon as i grab some water

And run to my father who had fallen of his broken bed

And to my surprise, he had not looked bruised bad

We lived in a small house with no cable or electricity

Barely enough money coming in to pay for water

As I grabbed a hose and doused off my father

And then he sat on the couch with a smile on his face 

And his eyes gray as fog on a aprils night

And I wonder

How can he think straight?

A monster inside u

The demon that tears u apart

The demonoflife

Depression makes u broken

I feel broken

My depression tearsmefromthe inside

Cry cry cry

Depression hurts me bad

The demon in my head

It tells me to give up

Give up on existing

It tells me they dont care

No one cares about u it says

U will always be a loner it says

Depression hurts u bad

Depression is the end

Depressiondoesntcare if u wanna live

It only cares

If u fall and give up

As it wants u to do

Now everything is alive

Fresh sweet smells 

I’m not made of porcelain

I am strong and beautiful

And I have a say in my life

I’m not a porcelain doll

You won’t break me

I won’t shatter if you push me down

I will stand up and become stronger than I was before

I will rise up and frown upon how naive I was before

You will not break me

Depression doesn’t mean to treat me any differently

It means I have a chemical imbalance in my brain

Not that I’m easily broken

I’m not going insane

I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I am not a porcelain doll.

I think I might 

Fall asleep but wake up to face the light

Not a judgment or recompense

Nor a god who reaches his hand with good graces to dispense

A new day is coming the best one of the year

A blue night that won’t cause me to shed a tear

I think I may

I think I might

Some say being hooked on this feeling is a blight

But they do not know what it is like why would I want to exhaust the feeling of winning the fight.

Through it comes around again and again as if it is a yearly flu

I'll be standing ready to seep into it fully prepared, 

a darkness ever cold but Ill brace it with dare

I know it's ok because I’ll feel this way again 

No matter the pain I just have to hope and hope I'll wake up in the good time’s warm den

                  alone

again

sadness swallows

the evening whole.

I dream of waking 

next to you, 

warm and safe 

with you

with you. 

-desire

This would be better but i cant sing

So instead of sing 

i’m just going to try to sound good

Why so serious, why so delirious

I’m just trying to make a song for you 

Scuse me, do I know you 

You need to shuch up

So shuch up!

before I give you touch you! 

So shuch up shuch up!

Shuch up shuch up!

The moon tide wrap around my heart string

This would be better but i cant sing

So instead of sing 

i’m just going to try to sound good

She debated on arriving in just a t-shirt and jeans

But her friends said, “Tonight is special!” so she put on a tardis dress

Showing her nerdy side, not knowing she’d impress

A sweet tall boy with brown hair and eyes

Wearing a tuxedo complete with a black tie

He took her by the hand and to her surprise 

Started to spin her making the time fly by

He was gentle and funny, making her laugh as they danced

She would’ve never guessed that tonight she’d be put in a trance

He said she was beautiful and he treated her like a queen

There was not a moment when she thought he was just using her to be mean

In his presence she forgot her insecurity

He made her feel special and radiated purity

Never had she felt this flattered and overwhelmingly happy

She was finally getting her Cinderella night and she didn’t care if it was sappy

Alas, this sweet boy had to return to his friend

Who was afraid to be alone just like her, so their dance came to an end

He apologized and explained that he had to go

She wasn’t furious at the girl, that would be too low

She thanked him and said it was okay

He smiled, let go of her hand, and walked away

Great sadness replaced the joy that was there just moments before

She felt a sliver of her heart fall down to the floor

The music kept on playing despite her desolated state

She looked at the clock on the washed out brick wall and saw it was late

She didn’t want her and the boy’s moment to end

What if it really didn’t happen?

What if it was all just pretend?

She blinked to try to get rid of what she thought was her imagination

But when she looked where he was last, he was there, it was no hallucination

Now, you would think that she would’ve fell in love with him,

But instead she fell in love with her own beauty within

She smiled to herself as she watched him and the girl dance

And said farewell to the mysterious boy who took a chance

My little brother clutches at my mother’s chest, startled

I, as a child myself, grow fearful of the noise and sudden silence

As the mother desperately escapes the judges’ wrath.

Alone, she left me alone.

Unknown faces surrounding me, peering into my soul like a scientist eyes their experiment curiously

Why was I left behind? Was I a burden? No longer important?

Blurred vision ripples under salted water, hushed voices becoming louder

“What do we do with the child?”

Silence ensues and uncertainty follows

While a little girl cries defiantly

Relation tugging at the soul from each syllable that’s e-nun-ci-a-ted 

Lifting you out of darkness or pushing you further into it

Feeling every note quivering in your bones, 

like a drug addict's shaking hand 

Suddenly

You’re ripped away from reality

Wanting to scream so loud that your throat is raw from emotion

Wanting to collapse and drift into nothingness for all eternity,

laying there without any worries

But nothing to do

Fatigue clawing its way into your mind, luring you into a deep sleep

Not remembering your actions the night before while dancing in the presence of others

And not caring

High on the music

It makes you feel like your flying, 

you’re spiraling into depression

You’re dying from the inside out

And can’t stop crying, 

not being able to be close to the maker

They get you, 

see you, 

been through thick and thin with you

So why can’t you go to the person that reached you out of this horrible madness?

Because it’s the penalty of music’s existence in this sin-ridden world

SCREAM

People only know me from inside of school

And even though I’m not one of the ‘pops’ 

I know quite a few people and I mean a lot

I tried my best to fit right in

But I just gave up instead of giving in to

Peer pressure and to me it’s a sin

Now that I’m looking back I don’t know where to begin

People get discriminated by how they look

And the rest laugh at the kid who reads all these books

The ‘higher’ people laugh and tell jokes

And the nicest kid gets in trouble cause he was provoked

The lesser people one day will rise up

Combining forces over their bad luck

Never before have they felt so alive

Staying together, being by each other’s side 

So close they can feel it

So close they can reach it

They can almost taste this victory

They’re trying to fix this history

Of being ignored, trying to settle the score

Kill them with kindness some people would say

But they try try try and it gets taken the wrong way

From packaging to baking; 

To customers need help finding thing I’m on it.

Finding boxes in the freezer,

Can be hard to find one that you need.

From trying to get thing done,

To helping customers;

Always juggling between them.

Making shar the that thing get done,

And customers help;

Hard to find a balanced between the two.

In my department people come for cakes,

Ordering, getting out, pickup;

That I can do.

Writing on a cake?

Hay I have customer here that something written on a cake;

Writing on cake is hard.

How do you get task done and help customers?

By working task and helping customers when they need it,

It hard to work on your task when overwhelmed by customers.

Find that balances between the tasks and customers,

By working on task first;

Help customer when they ask.

It is hard to find that balances.

Finding balances need time,

time;

Time that takes peratecs, 

Peratecs that time.

Time management is key; 

Key,

Time management,

Balances;

Time management is hard.

I one with three brother;

A sister too.

I’m The one with a ADHD mind,

The one with a big read disability;

The one with a problem with personal space.

I’m the one who can’t stand still,

The one who does not stop pestering other;

The one who made life hard for my siblings,

The one who broke my brothers thing.

I’m the one who is lost,

The one that is questioning life;

The one who want to be done.

Who am I?

I am Nathan Irwin,

The lord of destruction. 

Sleep or wake.

I’m not standing still or work a around.

Lifting weights or sitting around.

See without eye,

Work without time.

Search without sight;

Know not I look for.

I hunt not for food,

I hunt not something physical;

I hunt for something yet I know not what it is.

Lost and yet I know where I am.

I am lost in life.

Where did time go?

Is this a phase? 

Seeing shadows on the ground

Circling the ground below my feet

It cries out “please use me”

I can’t help but stomp it down

Dreaming was once so special

Now you can’t even be normal

Dreams are dead

We should be okay with that

At least you aren't

Dead.

Cold beans roam the earth

Looking for hope

Who am I? 

What am I doing here?

Cold beans splatter on the ground. 

The cold beans wonder why this happens

Its okay to be a bean, but cold?

The bean just doesn’t understand. 

Frio Frijoles.

Frio Frijoles.

Cold nights dreaming of the past

Where did the time go?

Harder than a space aircraft,

It burned his skin off.

Her breath steams the air into a cloud,

It dissipates,

The first step is always the hardest,

She throws her chin into the air and forges on,

The countless shouts and leers can’t stop her,

Nothing can,

She is coming home,

It has been a long day, who knows how long it’s been,

Her mind is foggy, polluted with the thoughts of the past,

Don’t let them stay,

Kick them out, kick them out, kick them out

-Home

Loud where is some

Skin I am hungry

I love eating skin

Yum yum skin

Ich esse gerne eine Schale mit Haut

I run and run and run

For skin is why

I run, for my sceams scouring skin’s soul

I

Love eating skin

-Why am I a living fever dream

know who love

was or what she wanted from me

you showed me whats beyond

the fear

i am full of gratitude

for the one who changed my life

you saw me for who i was

you taught me that there is good

you light up my life

you are the suns rays

you bring me home

A soothing stereo and photography lessons,

A punk rock show in a skatepark and a beautiful girl,

A basketball game and “bro she better give me head”,

A rusty lemon car and “four dollars on pump six please”,

A porsche and a full tank,

A kiss on the cheek and flowers,

A hook up and leave,

An empty beach and swimming in our underwear,

A full beach and sneaking booze in water bottles,

No longer trying to impress people,

I am not made to please,

I am made for me.

-live long and prosper motherfxcker

The grass like a surfboard

Flowing though waves

The sunlight shimmering through

The trees leaves

Feeling fast almost flying

Pucks flying like an eagle soaring

The buzzer as loud as a train

The clock ticking in the final period 

The team rushing down the ice

Passing the puck in patterns

Shooting the puck across the ice 

Landing in the net  

Running through the fog

He was lost from home

While looking for his buried bone

Soon enough he found home

Should you stop or continue to go

Discover new places and sites down the road

Or stay home and sit on your phone

Life's full of opportunities so don't stay in doubt

Live life a little and find a new route

blessed when you're around with me 

All I want non-stop

You be here and I’m okay 

I want you to know

you can stick with me all day

I've been cold, you know

I just want it to work babe 

Work Babe

Work Babe

You know how it is 

all we need is good days 

Good Days

Good Days 

Stop and drop it all we are feeling ok

Undulate smooth on that wave 

Taking off you want me to cop

All these favors they pay for me 

Something you can't say    

Plenitude driving that bank  

You and me, what else can I say 

You're the Epitome of cold baby

Epitome of cold baby

My hips hurt 

My back hurts 

My head hurts 

My vission feels blurry 

I can’t leave my clothes alone 

Every single morning  

I eat a warm bowl of 

Oatmeal and a cup 

of black coffee 

Grapefruits 

90% coacoa dark chocolate 

My sugar cravings are gone 

I think I’m allergic to meat

Stop being so loud 

Why am I here

My wrists are sore from sewing too much

Homemade granola

Dry toast 

Bananas with peanut butter 

are all I eat without feeling sick

I’m not mean I’m just quiet 

I don’t like crowds or loud noises 

I don’t feel like a high schooler

I’d so rather sit in my room painting 

all night than go to a party 

I’d like to live in the woods

I want to be an old lady but living 

for that long seems exhausting.  

 

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” 

“It’s too late to turn back”. 

We walk on the ground 

No light and no path 

“Do you think we’ll get in trouble?” 

“Shh, you never know.

If your really that afraid, your always free to go.” 

He gives me a look 

I give him a smile 

And after a few moments 

I take off in denial 

Finally I hear 

His footsteps behind me 

I can hear his teeth chatter

Wait, maybe that’s me? 

We walk into the cabin 

They are all sound asleep 

I pull out the cellophane

Not making a peep. 

We rap all the suitcases 

One bed and the door 

Then I go to leave 

But decide to do more 

I sneak into the bathroom 

And tape down the seats 

Only then do I realize 

He’s no longer behind me 

I take off out the door 

As quiet as I can be 

He’s just waiting outside 

Must be for me 

I give him a glare 

And take off to my tent 

“This’ll teach them to prank me! 

Maybe now they’ll repent!” 

 

AND FROGS

I HAVE YOU AND YOU HAVE ME TOM!

LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER.

WILL I FIND A REASON TO LIVE THIS WEEK. 

THAT WAS CLEAR JECISKA

LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER,LIVE LAUGH LIVER.

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT JECISKA. 

AMERICA STARTS WITH A HALL!

AND IT HAS TOO MANY MALLS!

WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME! 

Wind winding through their long manes

My safe happy place

Running in the dark feels good

Fresh air in my face

Then the alarms begin to screech 

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Slowly, steadily, sliding out of bed

Dreadly walking to the thought of another day of school

Repeat, repeat, repeat 

Algebra, physics, english and history all over again

The sun is flaming through the windows

She did next week's homework homework for fun,

and she would shun all people until it was done.

She was well behaved, and well respected, 

Until one day, it was her emotions that he tested.

Anger coursed furiously through her body, 

Like blood, bounding through veins.

Revenge was what she sought, 

But it was so much more that she got.

She only wanted Him to learn, 

Yet both of them were taught a lesson.

Her self-standards she held high, right at the top,

Until the moment she found out, then they rapidly dropped.

Her heart beat now had an incessant pound, 

Her inner workings now twisted and bound.

Now she had a baby, her whole world shattered, 

But that was internal, Her output was un- tattered.

 

She did next week's homework homework for fun,

and she would shun all people until it was done.

She was well behaved, and well respected, 

Until one day, it was her emotions that he tested. 

 

To their warm kisses all over your face

Their joyful presence 

Their fast beating hearts

Ruff, Ruff, Ruff 

Their little bodies racing around the room

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

The two little dogs sit in front of me with their small little eyes staring straight into mine

My thoughts all disappear and I immediately feel a calm presence 

 

Her mask if you will.

It kept all the scary monsters out,

And all the scarier ones in.

It was behind it that she let those demons roam,

free only to torture her, but no one else.

It was put there to keep her uninfected,

But it was far too late.

Behind that layer of protection,

was not a healthy, healed, nor healing wound.

No, behind it laid the truth-

no matter how hard she tried, she would never, ever heal.

There can only ever be one thing; 

Temporary Protection.

on the skateboard

Through the everlasting air

His board was smiling at me. 

Like an eagle.

Eagles that have wheels.

That

Move

So far.

If i were to get on that board

I dont know where i would go

Probably far. 

Like a butterfly bursting from its cocoon.

His cologne,

Like a book i've read fifty times.

The taste of lemons,

Still dances among my taste buds

The wind,

Trying to pull be back behind the doors of the past. 

The gears beneath me,

The train to my freedom, 

Delivering me.

I enjoy the company of 

Orange corgis

Enjoy enjoy enjoy dog

So much that they get

In the way

Dead dead dead dog

My dog is dead 

That sucks. 

I enjoy the company of 

Orange corgis

Enjoy enjoy enjoy dog

So much that they get

In the way

Dead dead dead dog

My dog is dead 

That sucks. 

Wondering...

Where are?

               Why did you have to go.

Why did you have to leave. 

Without you,

It’s not the same. 

Please don’t leave. 

She's been hurt and she has learned.

Eyes wide open now.

Shut Up! They said, make no noise,

Pretty, posh, and poise.

as if non existent.

Pulsing and beating,

In the cold dark night.

She broke me apart,

And tore my heart to pieces.

My heart laying cold and still,

Yet to beat again.

She sat and stared,

At my tearful eyes.

She laughed and walked off,

Leaving me to die.

Feeling lonely,

I lay there motionless.

Its as if this was meant,

As my heart cried to sleep.

White with hints of charcoal and

dreary, dismal days. 

An abundance of autumn  

leaves cover my yard. 

In this quarter.

“TAKE THE SHOT!”

They’re ALL shouting. 

“They’re literally beating us

By one point.”

My least favorite teammate screams. 

ALL eyes are on me.

Feeling Frazzled, fearless.

“TAKE THE SHOT ALREADY!”

My arm goes over my head

To shoot.

Splash, ding, slap...

I score!

“Hop in on the bottom” 

    He projects his voice across

       The entire pool.

          “Keep those arms straight”

              “Work on developing that streamline” 

                   “Make each stroke faster”

                       “NO breathing past the 

                            Second flag” 

“Don’t

 Breath

           OFF

                   The 

                         Wall

                                Either!”

WhEzE  

             huFF

                     puFF… 

the room had four white walls.

Every night she would carry her life in her hands.

Cradling a brush between her blue fingertips.

Just to go outside,

black skies,

not a single flicker.

The shy little moon hiding from the world.

Brush dipped into her tears,

she took her light and brought it to the world--

lighting the sky with millions of stars.

Singing the world a sweet, little lullaby.

Short-wired and diffused,

rampant fire in my veins--

in my lungs.

The mechanics of my heart have stopped.

Something locked within the gears--

turning my lights dark, and my darks light.

I don’t feel anything anymore,

nothing but the numbness

nothing but the anger

When you left, you took the goodness with you.

The mechanics of my heart have stopped.

There’s no reasoning for anything anymore,

a clog in a river stops water’s journey.

Like my heart has stopped working,

nothing can fix it.

No one can heal what has been done.

Not even I can understand the mechanics to a broken heart.

in a world of sins and treachery.

I take a leap of faith,

letting my words pour out of their cage.

No one listens,

I choke on each syllable--

LISTEN TO ME!

My shouts are silent, and unheard.

No one cares,

I gasp for that breath,

one final breath to get out

all my words are

J

U

M

B

L

E

D

sinking feeling, eyes on you.

Breathless feeling, swept.

emptiness within darkness.

Solo sun rises.

Hate you 

But then again

I can’t tell

It’s like 

Your kinda just there

And I can’t 

Get you out 

Why do you bother me? 

I really 

Shouldn’t care

About the 

Way that you

Talk to me 

Or how you do your brown hair 

I told you I’m not interested 

I’m pretty sure 

That’s true 

But at the same time

How can I tell? 

I don’t really know what to do

They tell me we’d be “perfect”, 

But boy is That a lie. 

We’d be dysfunctional at best

You know

That’s not a lie 

Yet somehow,

I can’t get

Rid of him. 

He really should 

Go away 

Or maybe the 

Truth is 

I like it better 

This 

Way? 

“It’s too late to turn back”. 

We walk on the ground 

No light and no path 

“Do you think we’ll get in trouble?” 

“Shh, you never know.

If your really that afraid, your always free to go.” 

He gives me a look 

I give him a smile 

And after a few minutes 

I take off in denial 

Finally I hear,

His footsteps behind me.

I can hear his teeth chatter,

Wait, maybe that’s me? 

We walk into the cabin 

They are all sound asleep 

I pull out the cellophane 

Not making a peep. 

We rap all the suitcases 

One bed and the door 

Then I go to leave 

But decide to do more 

I sneak into the bathroom 

And tape down the seats 

Only then do I realise 

He’s no longer behind me 

I take off out the door 

As quiet as I can be 

He’s just waiting outside 

Must be for me 

I give him a glare 

And take off to my tent 

“This’ll teach them to prank me! 

Maybe now they’ll repent!” 

Makes me feel free 

Maybe it’s something 

The others can see

Something about this place 

Makes me at home 

I've spent so many days here… 

I could call it my home 

Something about this place 

Makes me relax 

I no longer feel 

As though I’m walking on glass 

Something about this place 

I will never let go

Because unlike the spring 

It can’t be destroyed by snow 

Something about this place 

Makes me understand 

The joy of the children 

As they play in the sand 

Something about this place 

Makes me want to know 

If I could live here forever 

If I could never have to go 

Something about this place 

Makes me want to stand 

Not for myself 

But for god's plan 

Something about this place 

I will never let go 

It will live in my heart 

Till the day I let go 

What a wonderful time 

When the world and the memories 

Change without rhyme

You’ll find who you are 

What you’ll do 

What you’ll be 

You find where you're going 

Through a path you can’t see 

You fight and you swear 

You party away 

You take on your life 

Day after day 

Because one day the hair on your head will turn grey 

And you will no longer be free to play

So enjoy your youth well you have it today

Because one day, it’ll be stripped away 

Why is he never here?

He’s always gone.

I miss my dad,

And I want him to come home.

He’s always gone

My mother says he’s helping me,

But I don’t know how.

I don’t think he can help me if he’s never at home.

He’s always gone.

She says he is just busy,

But I know that’s not true.

She says she wants to see him

But it’s not possible.

He’s always gone.

What she doesn’t know…

Is that I understand more than she thinks.

He’s always gone.

My mother is very rarely at home

So I do all the cooking and cleaning

And watching after my younger sisters.

She comes home and goes straight to bed.

No appreciation for anything I do.

I feel as though my mother HATES me.
Biting into me like a tough, tiny, teething tiger

The way I rest my face.

Social disorder.

Thoughts to dwell into my mind.

The life that surrounds me.

Death from above and life below.

These consume me while taint me.

I wanted to cry, so successfully did.

Feelings are for the weak and what we dream to be.

Take our feelings most of all, is the friendship we wished for and always wanted yet to receive.

A generation with instant.

I, told to sit and think, have thought.

It isn’t perfect in your eyes, though in mine I created the universe.

To that extent I agree on their beliefs.

To have a Devil though is for everyone.

An internal demon.

Some demons come at a young age.

Scar you,

hate you,

destroy you.

Others come at the end of life.

The loss of what you found valuable,

Alcoholism to Rape these abusive natures,

Demons come free and show a new perspective.

By the time I could remember,

A Demon saw me.

A

L

K

I

N

G

In 

Circles.

 with my sock socks on my

 Feet. Notunderstanding what to do with my

T  i  m  e. Confused.

Feeling useLESS. Wondering why  I   am like this.

confused and alone. dazed and alone. scared and alone.

FORGOTTEN.

People don’t worry about the rich people. But we

Have problems

too.

Unsurfaced untapped emotionally unstable ready guided power.

Unleash damage adrenaline consumed freedom.

Aftermath
Regret, Sorrow, Lonely, Hurt, Taken.

Angel killed to protect and destroy demolition.

Unable to return to heaven.

he lays in.  

Why do I need to see this?

Why did you bring me here? 

These questions repeat over, 

and over again in my mind.

The death of a druggie, the death

of  careless man.

Prying open old wounds. 

Resentment-

A feeling that I know very, 

very well. 

Anger, astonishment, agony. 

A void, unfilled.

A life cut short due 

To the tough hands 

of a ruthless drug. 

     Is there a change

     What can I range
What can I setter

Do as me become

     Do as me how

     You will see now
You will see scum

Betterment?
     Betterment.

Were the brakes at

I through they work

So now I’m flying

The car is flying down the highway full speed

With no way to stop

Hauntingly hazy mansion

Creeping down the hallway

Spirits wake and shake

The objects around us drop

An army of Zombies outside

Marching around

Rotting death in their inside

But hungry as a living person

We walk down the hallway

Scared of the sadistic spirits

They don’t want us here

The ghosts make this obvious

We split off into groups

And created a list of daily chores

Group A cooks and Group B cleans

Unfortunately, I was Group B

Dried blood on the bathtub

Blood-stained floors

Grubs and cockroaches

Crawling and squirming everywhere

Smell of bleach and ammonia fill my nose

Comet in my hand dumping into the bathtub

Scrubbing, scrubbing hard 

Clorox everywhere 

The bathroom turned pearly white 

Shimmering beautiful like a brand new bathroom

I vacuumed the hallway with a Bissell

And dusted the old rickety furniture with Pledge

The spirits enjoyed their clean mansion

And we became friends 

They provided us with enough food 

And scared away the zombies from coming in

We looked after one another

Like how siblings do

We took care of the household chores

And they protected us from the zombies

Going nowhere,

                         G o i n g    n o w h e r e,

She just wanted to   g e t   a w a y.

She sits alone next to the big open window, 

And looks at her beautiful country.

She’s eager to see where she’ll end up.

Will she go to   S a n   F r a n c i s c o? 

Or will she end up in a cabin in      N e b r a s k a?

Maybe her new dream life

Will not be what    s h e   w i s h e s

Or what she had thought

She begins to second guess       h e r s e l f

What about her family?

Images of her hometown go through her   h e a d

Maybe her old life was okay

Maybe she made the   w r o n g  d e c i s i o n? 

At last, the train came to a halt

Standing up, she grabbed her suitcase

And ran off into her new world

Just hoping, that maybe, she’ll change her mind

But she n e v e r did...

Although, she did send her cat over to her

I’m useful, even when nobody's watching

I do many things in which people are incapable 

They don’t even realize what I do for them

I know that sometimes I’m not the most loved

Or the most appreciated

But I know what I am meant to do, 

And I do the best I can

On hot days, 

I make the rooms cold

But sometimes I can’t do more 

Than what they tell me to do

On cold days,

My family chatters their teeth 

And underneath their breath,

Curse at me 

Please don’t hate me…

I do the best I can

I can only do so much

Please don’t hate me...

Desperate to make nice 

You will take all that you can

Walk into class with 

Earbuds in

Head down

Don’t talk 

Don’t know who i am

Favorite friend from the start 

You brought me up when I was low

Dug a hole in my heart. 

Never thought you’d go away

Text, facetime, call

Your intentions were never to stay

Don’t even look at me in the hall 

The loss of you broke me up

I could never be the same

Friend, relationship, breakup

I was the only one to blame

New friends is what I need

Maybe this time I can take the lead. 

Teeth hair skin

Pull shoes on grab coat

Late

Once again

Mindless good mornings
how are yous

Laptop dead

Close it shut

ALARM

Next class 

Head down do your work

Focus

ALARM

Next class

Talking all around

head down

ALARM

Pull shoes off coat down

Teeth hair skin

Goodnight

repeat

Kissing my pale face flushed cheeks

Wipe the tears away

Deep breath in exhaling out

Take in the moment 

The bright Sun beaming with light

Bees are everywhere

I found myself changed 

I need some support with help

I found the pathway

 

In my mind I have a goal

I've gathered passion 

Even though we fight a lot.

I sometimes wanted to flee.

We have gone through the long shot.

Family has a strength that no one can beat.

It has brought me to where I am today.

The love and support that I get is a treat.

Today, i've grown and now I repay.

Family, I will have the chance to help.

I will bring the things you have shown, 

Even though I might have to yelp.

You all have set the mood and tone.

Where all you could do there was sit around and watch grass grow.

I used to play in the sun, now I visualize my future   

We moved from one end of the country to the other.

I was used to my smooth roads.

I felt the roads change as we drove north, a symptom of the seasons. 

As if to rattle me awake,

I realized a move was where a meaningful future lies.

I’m not home,

But now I can be ambitious.

So cheezy with goodness

Everyone loves it so much

The stuffed crust filled with cheese. 

The taste as soon as you bite down

Will blow your mind away

The pasta sauce holding everything together

The pepperoni steaming with greatness.

The kids always wanting

The adults always wanting to buy instead of making something

The cheap prices make it easy

The best food in the world.

Please pull me closer

I am afraid, that you are far from me

If only 

If only I could tell

Just where my heart might lead

Then maybe I would have been prepared

But I, oh I was not ready for this

Cause your smiles so soft

And your voice filled with kindness

With the passion in your eyes

It sends shivers down my spine.

Closer

Please pull me closer

Let me hear your heart-beat like a drum

If there was one thing

One thing I could tell you

I would say

That you stole my heart

And that I am satisfied

From left to right my car goes

Snow hill stopping me

Colors are draining

Soon they have faded away

I see black and white

You always called to tell me of the orchestras you heard

Always told me to never give up

Be as free as the air itself

With this wooden instrument I play a song

Now that you have passed

Where is my motivation?

My passion seemed to have died alongside you

Until today

I have to find the passion once more

So i shall play once again

As you would have wanted it that way

 

I insisted on fetching my brother.

The rain continued to pour as is had been,

since the beginning of my three hour shift.

Down this slick isolated road I drive,

unaware of what was to come.

Arriving at the destination I parked,

my brother soon appearing.

He fills the passenger seat

as I select music before shifting to drive.

Stop sign

I look left to right as I only make small talk

Drip drop, the rain slows

Conga lines of cars, one after another,

Seeming endless

A car seemingly waves me through.

I look to my right and take off to turn left

White noise… was all I could hear

To my right I see my brother

Panicked and scared he looks to me

All I can do is say everything is okay

I call my parents and inform them of the accident

Ending the call I gaze to my left to be greeted with an airbag

My door so crunched I could not escape this machine

The rain had stopped.

As if I had stepped into the spotlight

And the witnesses were my audience

There isn’t happy, only elated

There isn’t content, only distrust 

Balance is unknown, everything so weighted 

I feel anger with every small fuss

There isn’t sadness, only myself deflated

There isn’t hate, only disgust 

It isn’t just grief, but a burning fire activated

Seven

Crappy

Hours

Of

Our

Lives

We spend our lives in these buildings,

 for seven hours a day, 

5 days a week,

9 months of out a year,

12 years of our life. 

We wonder what we would do if we had our time back,

but there is no way to tell what we would have done.

Sometimes some of us never know what to do.

Some of us are so bored we would have more fun watching grass grow.

 

An absence empty hands hide

Watching time pass by

A nocturnal life

One once overwhelmed taken 

Like an empty void

An absence empty hands hide

Watching time pass by

A nocturnal life

One once overwhelmed taken 

Like an empty void

Working working working

Never for myself but for others

Their orders barking barking barking

One day after another and another 

Any kind of appreciating absorbing absorbing

Never able to discover

For what I have been yearning 

Now I must do for myself and no other

 

Struggle is the training to grow

Struggle is the life you live

There's no pain unless you think it

Only your mind can determine the outcome

Only “you” can tell yourself what to do

Food, what you eat

Food, what you make 

What you make is a meal that you take to others in need

If there's a time and a place

You do the race

Poor

Pain

Closure

Come closer

Look closely and read my eyes

And seek the glory

Now is this a surprise?

That's something you're gonna have to ask yourself

 

I feel it inside of me

I try to push it down

I tell it to just go away

Because I am okay now

But it does not listen

It is power

And has a mind of its own

It won’t leave me alone

I am strong,

I am power,

Here I stand in the sand

And shout to you: 

Today is today,

Tomorrow is tomorrow,

I will not be controlled

Go, Go, GO! 

-me 

 

The weight of the words

Bring me to the floor

My cousin knocking on the door 

Salty tears run down my cheeks  

Wishing I could erase 

The memories I can no longer face 

Told over the phone 

Thought I had to go it alone

Information not theirs to share 

Invading the privacy beyond repair 

The reminders everyware    

The public new more than I 

The news to blame 

Simply for the fame 

100 hours through a lens

To small to see 

Onto a hidden screen 

The broken mistrust
Of 64 girls, young and old  

The coach with a heart so cold

My family wanted me to confide 
But all I wanted to do was hide 

Month after month, I had to return 

To the building I wish would just burn 

The reminders will never end 

Of the story I wish was pretend 

 

the piercing 

wind exposed to my face 
the earth 

S W A D

D L E D  

in the snows embrace 
the cold icy 

ROCK

that has been there ages 
the frozen lake now touched by the family 
the 

apart family no longer separated 
now just a memory no longer gone

 

drip drip drip 

Oceans seap

 as I weep

Tears hit my pillow

All I want is a hug

but

Loneliness has taken me 

He told me tales of Truth:

(or so I believed)

“You are not good enough!” 

“You do not belong!”

“You are a disappointment!”

suddenly the voices stop

and a song begins to play

It sings to me a joyful tune and tells me to believe.

(in myself)

drip drip drip 

-love

not to be remembered until my last breath.

Hoping, praying to see them again. 

Wishing they would take the place,  

of the memories that now drown me. 

Choking me on my own tears 

Sucking my every breath away

The memories I wish would flee

 

I’m just a radio,

On my own channel

With a select few

Who come and go

Browsing through the rest

Sometimes coming into range of others

I’m just a radio in search of someone who’s going to listen.

 

Which is playing softball

Every day, I practice from dusk until dawn wanting to get better

For the day has come when I am no longer just at Junior league

I have talent and now I play with the older league.

With my natural talents no one will play against me 

I throw like a man and make people cry.

Such is the nature of a stiff throw.

friendships come and friendships go

times change and people grow

friends leave for reasons good and bad

some friendships are bad

some need to go

they damage you

and end other, good friendships

some friendships are good

they may stay forever

they may end quietly

but you will always be glad they were there

Until it wasn’t

I was the top of my class in elementary school

Which does not really matter

But then I was not

It was hard

It was difficult

New school more challenge

Teachers that were not helpful

Peers that were not helpful

No one was helpful

Change, once more

A new, final? school

Not easy, but not difficult

Just right

I learn things that intrigue me

Things that apply

Things that make sense

You must try 

Multiple times

(Fail)

Multiple Times

Before you find your space

(Before you succeed)

--chilled

No one hears a thing

He claws at the dark walls caging him in

Bleeding, wounded, crying.

All the outsiders are blind

He makes calls for help

Silence is his only return.

Inside is him

They only see her

Her body, their memories, it is his cage

He cries to be known

She never was there

He’s always been there

Hidden by her

Screeching, scrambling, stammering

He makes his way out

Into the known.

He is finally embraced by the light

The community I did not choose to be apart of

None of use choose our identity or who we love

The label is thrown around by those debating our rights

While we just cling to each other during the fight

Four letters

They bring so many different fights

They make it true that my body is not right

But one day it will be

Until then I stand tall and proud with our flag on my pin.

Three letters

Standing for a big change

A change to what I’m called

A change of my name.

First last middle

No initial stays the same.

Two Letters

A name for people who love like me

Who love for what’s in someone's heart

Instead of what’s between their thighs

Yet somehow we have still been demonized in the public's eyes

To cheaters and greedy

Just pick one they say

Don’t be so needy

One Letter

Sixth in the alphabet

Staring at me on so many things

It tells everyone about my body

Not my mind

It has no business being there

Being the reason someone will call me a pretty young lady

Instead of a handsome young man.

Zero letters

No one letter  Or one word

Could ever truly describe me. 

Instead these labels and letters are like chains

Binding me to stereotypes,   and other lies if this world.

White wings glowing in moonlight

leaned over and looked at the sleeping form inside

Dried tears clung to his pillow.

She saw the young boy’s soul cry.

The angel came back in the daylight

Checking to see if he was alright

But instead of the sad and crying boy she’d seen

She saw the mask he wore for the world

She looked on as the boy played 

And learned 

And talked 

And grew,

The more she watched the more she was sure,

She had to let the little boy be true.

His family and peers couldn’t see who he was inside

They all thought of a different version of him

And what none of them knew

Or maybe cared to know

Was that the little girl they played with

Wasn’t true

She knew in her mind and in her heart

Just as the angel had seen

That he was a boy in mind and in soul

Finally he started to take off his mask

And show others who he was inside

He’d never expected

The wonderful feeling 

Of not ever having to again hide.

Others getting a choice in what I can do

When they barely even let me have a voice.

These decisions do not affect them

They affect me

Yet they still demand that I bow at their feet

Yes they can have an opinion, to make it heard is their choice

But why the hell should they be ones given the voice.

I am told I am wrong 

That I shouldn’t live how I want

Because someone else’s opinion is that it’s sin

That my identity is false

THere are some that will not call me by my name

All because they think there’s something wrong with my brain

They think my body defines me

What shapes it has

What's between my legs

But it doesn’t affect them

So why should they get a say

Why should someone else get a choice about my body

When that choice does not affect them

I don’t care if they think it’s immoral

For me to not care if I love a boy or a girl

That does not affect them

Now I don’t mean to seem rude,

Oh wait perhaps I do

They throw rocks and bricks and slurs our way

THey can’t even let us have one day

To be who we are, without affecting them

Why do rich white men in some big white house

Get to decide who I can have as my spouse

YOu think it’s immoral

That’s too bad for you 

I shouldn’t have to live by your book and it’s rules

Why do we have to scream and fight

Just to secure and protect our basic rights

I’m sick of you trying to force your beliefs into my brain

I’m sick of seeing parents who would rather have their child dead than gay

You think it’s just an opinion 

But it couldn’t kill YOU

I can’t walk down the street holding someone one’s hand

I can not tell others that despite my body, I am a man

Because some who hear that or some who see

Would love to chase me down and beat or kill me.

Your opinion should not rule my human rights

THere is nothing wrong with me 

I should be able to live my own life.

Device 1 Volume while reading the poem I influence how loud and how I am saying things to better show my feelings 

Device 2 Repetition, I use the word I a lot in this poem as well as stating who things affect multiple times.

Device 3 Tone, this poem very clearly shows my views towards the subjects discussed and overall portrays my frustration.

Device 4 Theme, this poem uses the theme of self discovery as it works to explain how someone who has started to explore and discover themself is cut off and limited.

to which they all lie in the same pocket

kept safe, and hidden

no one key wants to be found,

yet either be lost

Keys that unlock,

unlocking not secrets but life

a brighter future 

and furthering and education

when each key is brought together

put into a tumbler 

and swiftly turned at the same time

revealing beauty 

inside awaits a whole lifetime worth of 

sacrifice, love, and commitment

 

I was so far from home 

All i see for miles is trees

Multiple stops had to be made 

During the ride we sat in the back and played games 

Eventually making fun got old

 

We’d lay head to toe for 4 hours 

In that time the ground became covered in snow 

20 min away from anticipation 

We made it 

Without any contemplations 

Across a vast land, feet have been planted

No proof, only memories 

Her kiss is like an instant memory 

she's my only one.

The candle to light my fire  

I cant put her out 

Hopes of big money 

Dreams of a perfect marriage 

All pieces to our puzzle

I promise to never let her down 

It kills me when all i see is frown 

A compliment is all it takes

And that perfect smile 

Is once again on a familiar face

Watching, waiting, wilting. 

Kernels stuck to the bottom of my shoes

I really don’t feel like sweeping. 

Even when I buy expressos,

I still am depresso.

“Hey, will you switch shifts with me.” 

I can’t come in, I’m dead. 

Don’t complain about the prices,

Please take it up with corporate. 

I don’t get paid enough

For your attitude

Today’s not the day

Or really any day for that matter.

Put music on and turned the lights off. 

We had our bags packed. 

We slipped through the dark. 

My neighbors are outside Smoking. 

Snuck out the backyard. 

Laughter e c  h   o    e     d through the empty streets.

We went to our old school.

Stories went on and on and on. 

The field was coated in dew.

We sat on frozen benches. 

Gave an insight on what we missed

You told me something I had Feared.

Reminded you I’m always here. 

Came back before the sun set. 

The next morning got breakfast, 

Planned for the next time. 

You moved out of town.

We lost touch. 

When does the day truly begin

We

ArE

aWaKe

WhIlE

oThErS

aRe

At

ReSt

Begin truly day the does when

See the waves splash up

Up upon the beach they crash

Rays of sun glisten

you were everything in my heart,

your rosy ruffle romper stuck to your skin like magnets.

your skin as tan as the sand, in between our toes.

i lay at home wondering where the time flew when we were just kids, mid july.

wondering upon the sky hoping you'd see the next day or the sun rise.

a virus killing you like kryptonite killing superman, 

   my hero wasn't superman, my hero never wore a cape or was the size of an ape 

my hero was the woman in room o’ two, fighting the kryptonite before it bites

 the beeping stops

  A tear drips, my vision unclear, your mind on mine but our bodies unlatched.

we grew older knowing kryptonite was cancer and our love was fraud, 

       I’ll never forgive you leaving, but I’ll cherish the long run and the fighting.

      Superman could never do what you did. 

Rise and shine, to grind out the day.

Onward I go, towards the show.

Everyday you know, I do my best to go.

Please give me a chance, go ahead -- let me prance.

Efficient I spend it, mostly independent.

Let me go on with my day, on earth -- here I stay.

 

Good bye, see you later, talk to you soon

Sadness, tears, pain 

I wanna scream but nothing seems to come out 

I wanna kick I wanna fight, I wanna do it with all my might 

But wait.

I see the light 

But its like were ten thousand miles apart 

It speaks words of wisdom but I can't let it be 

Why do I still feel this way? 

I smile 

I laugh 

Im happy 

Or am I still hidden behind this mask I hold

So cold

This mask I hold

I hold the mask of lies

I'll be there for you when the rain starts to poor 

My love is an open door

With you,

With me,

With me,  

With you what will I be 

The day ends, and with it bends, the light in the sky 

The light I live by 

The light I need when I cry

 Now all I see is  darkness  

But why? 

Talk to you soon, see you later, Goodbye

 

Yet, you fear.

Call me naive. Depress my ego. 

Try, I dare you.

Because afterall you will fail. 

Because I guaranteed myself a life of success 

and no one will impede. 

 My goals and aspirations nothing less

than mere promises owed to myself.

the depths of me

way down 

how do i know

anything is there

why do i trust them

they control me

but keep me safe

they aid to my every need

they have never

failed me

and so

i try

my best

to protect them

Good bye, see you later, talk to you soon

Sadness, tears, pain 

I wanna scream but nothing seems to come out 

I wanna kick I wanna fight, I wanna do it with all my might 

But wait.

I see the light 

But its like were ten thousand miles apart 

It speaks words of wisdom but I can't let it be 

Why do I still feel this way? 

I smile 

I laugh 

Im happy 

Or am I still hidden behind this mask I hold

So cold

This mask I hold

I hold the mask of lies

I'll be there for you when the rain starts to poor 

My love is an open door

With you,

With me,

With me,  

With you what will I be 

The day ends, and with it bends, the light in the sky 

The light I live by 

The light I need when I cry

 Now all I see is  darkness  

But why? 

Talk to you soon, see you later, Goodbye

I survived these lonely nights of solitude. 

Night after night, eyes wide. 

Thoughts of fear and loneliness, scrambling through my mind. 

Emotions raging to be released from their prison. 

Tonight.

Tonight, I’m feeling fine. 

The chain of repetition has been broken, no longer wandering in circles. 

I survived the darkness, while these walls of steel fell. 

Because just when I began to wave my white flag, you saved me. 

You reminded me, who I was meant to be. 

A purpose, once again. 

Dark nights guided by the gleaming of your smile. 

I was illuminated to my redemption. 

Because of you, I am no longer who I was. 

Because who I was, was not me. 

Once, a lost-- wandering soul. But now I am lively again. 

Everywhere I go, I find my travel agent. 

Her name is “Conscience” and though I think we’re close friends

I think she likes others more than myself. I don’t blame her. 

After all, they care most about her. 

She’s been sick for years and time after time, they’ve been her support group.

But the joke’s on her, because what she thinks is her IV, positioned by them

is nothing but a bag filled with a diluted poison,

sugary sweet -

that's been slowly dripping into her torpid arms.

Like radiation her disease has plagued onto me.

It is a torment of deprecation.

Despite my weakening, I have adapted to my new perspective.

But even when the torment is pouring down, there’s still a glowing sun. 

A ray of hope. 

One day I will be healthy again and I will escape this island of misery. 

Confident and cocky? 

Though occasionally fraile.

Full of witty remarks, smiles, and kindness. 

Humble,

since the world was blessed with my existence.

Viewpoints are important. 

Impressions made, with a larger variety of characteristics. 

For I am answer “d” on the test bubble sheet,

as in- all of the above. 

Rain thrashes against the house

Ironically calm. 

Cool breezes carry flower scents

Sun sets, empty fields. 

Staring off into the night

Scenery so perfect, in the quiet, silent park 

Slight insomnia, but we knew we’d be all right

Summer was the season we’d found out we had found our perfect hearts 

Sprinting through the damp, muddy grass with big droplets of water covering us whole 

Speaking with only our eyes, our minds searching for a way to start

Sitting high up, the stars shining so bright while the moon opens our souls 

Eyes swollen, vision blurred, third time's a charm.

Tears dripping ,

  Drip -     drop  

      Drop -     drip 

           Drip -       drop 

Lovers lane looping round’ with late hot dates and their skates.

Circling around, bright light smashing me like a boulder falling on a banana.

Everyone staring, stars looping, lovers gather

I’m middle man, crying at my mistake coming single on mingle night.

No lady was every ready to mingle with this single. 

Eyes swollen, vision blurred, third time's a charm.

Tears dripping ,

  Drip -     drop  

      Drop -     drip 

           Drip -       drop 

Lovers lane looping round’ with late hot dates and their skates.

Circling around, bright light smashing me like a boulder falling on a banana.

Everyone staring, stars looping, lovers gather

I’m middle man, crying at my mistake coming single on mingle night.

No lady was every ready to mingle with this single. 

Nap or daydream all day. 

Sleepy days I call them. 

When friends are busy

Stuck at home. 

Messy room and boredom. 

Sleepy days I call them. 

Watch movies all day long

Find new music artist. 

Sleepy days I call them.

For when the sea crashes upon the shore 

My heart will yearn for nothing but forgiveness

I Promise

When my last breath is taken from my body 

And the last light in this long corridor of depression flickers off

I will still be a memory

I Promise 

You’ll sing of woe but when all is said and done 

Its okay

I Promise

To you

that this distant feeling will be filled with whom you find true 

And that’s okay

I’m Sorry 

I wasn’t everything you were looking for in this cold cruel world 

But I still can be with you, in spirit, nonetheless 

I Promise

I am free 

For when the sea crashes upon the shore 

My heart will yearn for nothing but forgiveness

I Promise

When my last breath is taken from my body 

And the last light in this long corridor of depression flickers off

I will still be a memory

I Promise 

You’ll sing of woe but when all is said and done 

Its okay

I Promise

To you

that this distant feeling will be filled with whom you find true 

And that’s okay

I’m Sorry 

I wasn’t everything you were looking for in this cold cruel world 

But I still can be with you, in spirit, nonetheless 

I Promise

I am free 

Wind taps against her skin for the window is no more 

Broken glass underneath the window pane

The anger built up and all control was lost 

Impatient

The breeze outside feels nice today

But she doesn’t feel it 

For her mind is set upon the destiny it has chosen

Stumbling towards an unrealistic goal

He’s here

In all his glory

The man who took her soul 

She was waiting for him to change 

He didn’t 

The soft touch of his hand made her remember 

And she fled for she didn’t need the pain 

The pain of waiting for someone to change

When she 

Is a powerful woman who doesn’t need to wait 

For someone to change 

A cry 

A mournful, excruciating cry 

For she saw herself in the mirror and that’s not who she was 

Who is that? 

Tears suffocate her broken heart 

Realization 

That’s not who she is, nor who she wants to be 

Freedom is an idea she does not possess

So she walks 

And she finds a home not far from her heart 

How dare I starve for perfection?

And the red flows on to please them 

Because I deserve this

I deserve it because air fills my lungs and a beating heart lives on 

I thought I was fixed

But I was fixed on the idea that I was broken 

Inevitable 

Stuck in a room full of people like me 

Nine days 

Succumbing into fear like a child in the night

The metronome in my head 

 like nails against a chalkboard. 

“You’ll be fine. I’m coming home legalized” she said, crying.

The biggest dream we as a whole withhold was the legalization to her citizenship.

I wanted to speak more but the intercom spoke sooner. Departure was in five.

Mother got through the monitors and the bag checks, ready to come back to us.

She mouthed words to us, we all picked up that her last words to us were “they wont let me back” 

We got a simple wave from her as it scarred worse than a cut against my body. 

Months after months, I pass by laundry with her items in them, crying as I lay broken in the mid day.

“Mother come home” was a sentence I spoke once every prayer. Mother said god won't respond but he will listen. The joy on my face, two nights before christmas day. 

  Knock,

       Knock, 

Knock. 

     K n o c  k. 

I open the door, frozen by this token given to my family that night.

         Mother. 

I was the loser who never lost

I was the winner who never won

I was neutral, believing lies about me that were never true.

Thrown down stairs age six, getting back up fierce to cry afterwards. 

Laughed at age seven, growing emotion to stay fierce, to cry afterwards.

Emotionless at age twelve, staying fierce for myself, crying alone for everyone else.

Holding hope to cope so selling dope isn’t an option as is for many

Laughing at age fifteen, just to cry the next second, and be angry afterwards.

Bipolar disorder.

All emotions clashing heavily on my barely beating broken heart.

I am better.

I am better.

I am better.

At the best I could ever be, age seventeen. Bold with depression on hold and my life on resume as it was once on pause. Crying at the bare minimum. Because life goes on and the upcoming will always be upcoming and unpredicted. 

We never stop learning

We never stop growing

Time never STOPS 

The lessons don’t stop coming 

The heartbreaks don’t stop happening

We find ourselves a year later either regretting what we’ve done or enjoying what we have 

But either way life keeps going 

Like the sun rising every morning 

And the moon glowing every night 

Whether a good day or a bad day 

The bed never fails to call out to you every night 

It is then when you can pour out your thoughts and feelings 

A time to reminisce

But the next morning will never stop coming

Your alarm will never stop shaking you awake 

The problems will never stop haunting you 

But it is then when you must decide what type of person you will be 

After all, 

Words banging inside my mind 

Fearful lonely nights 

Not even thinking 

But like birds learning to fly

Hastingly decide

Whispers in the wind will help you

I’ll be in the trees and captured on lenses

Helping open your senses

“Come find me”

Sunlight will illuminate the path

I’ll be in the sound of strings

Keeping pace of the pencil sketching

“You found me”

I’m the sound of music in silence

I’m where the river falls off the frame

Just remember to call my name

for someday good will appear

amidst the dead leaves

lilac and daisy filled path

capturing beauty

Show them how you emulate 

the way it’s petals sway to a fro in the wind

with the flick of a brush.

Give a poppy to those who wait

Let them hear how the petals fall

in a calm stream

with a slow tempo and a string.

Give a poppy to those who wait

Give them art in which that satisfies

show the beauty as it dies

with a paper and a string. 

Give a poppy to those who wait

Bring beauty and love

to a world otherwise without.

much can be seen.

How does a rabbit know to run from loud and harsh things,

but stays still with gentler, quiet things?

Stay like a rabbit.

Running from the sound of yelling.

Staying quiet and hidden behind the closed door.

Hide from the loud and crashes

Remember,

Headphones in.

Music up.

Block out the world. 

Forget yourself.

Stay like a rabbit, 

and learn to survive

 because I feel like I’m dreaming

 I know this can’t be a mistake

yet my smile is still beaming

 I think I’m in love

 this is what happiness feels like

 he is the only thing I refuse to let go of

 it is worth the hype

 

 he makes me feel perfect

 with him I am stronger

 with him everything is worth it

wish I could be with him longer

 

 forever in love with him

never going to let go of him

Oh you don’t?

Whatchu mean?

Your humor ain’t pristine

Why don’t you like memes?

Memes oh i love memes

They help

When people mean

They make me feel pristine

How could you not like memes?!

Memes oh i love memes

Rip Vine

Come back i miss you mane

You made me feel sane

How could you not like memes… mane?!

Others think with thought

It’s hard to figure the real things

Are people real or fake?

Are they who you thought or not?

Chances are they use you

They see your kindness

Mistake it for weakness

So you cut back

Your heart becomes black

Now it is love that you lack.

Days and nights are burdened

I look over just to see a knife

Now my thoughts are turnin

It’s not something i could do

My family, they’d be hurtin

But sorrow can make your mind walk

To darkness so in turn I

Put some music on to pass the time

Get those dark thoughts all off my mind

Talk to her and tell her my thoughts inside

“Its okay to not be okay”

But “Men who show feelings are gay”

“But you're not, you have me”

“I know, there's no happier I could be”.

Soft, curly, dirty blonde hair

Bright whites when he smiles

almost like staring deep

into the ocean

Pearly whites

when he smiles

bringing joy to everyone

Curly hair

deep dirty blonde

Soft silky and smooth

Childish humor

almost the same as mine

perfect personality

She wonders why I,

I don’t trust no body,

Not even her.

I wonder if you could expand the poem some

Baby yeah your worth it,

Girl, come here,

I see your broken tears

Waterfall on ice

Your lookin’ real nice

Very good at disguising,

Baby your enticing

Can I get a taste

You make my heart race

I know that I differ from everyone else 

Sorry 

I can’t focus 

 can’t talk 

 can’t think 

I have emotions I can’t control 

Yet why do I have friends

I don’t understand?

It’s funny don’t you think 

Support from each side of the pole 

Yet why doesn’t feel that way 

Support, love, carness, friends family 

Neglect, Pity, hatred, enemies 

Why can’t I see it or feel it like you?

Have I sacrificed too much or to little?

Di_Va

()0n   -    line()

//Nerf < This

      <winky> Face

Tight hold >< aNd sHUt

      Love:; 5Dva

.Is of duh “best thing”s of 

*l*i*f*e

((Face-For_w_ard-FOREVER)R)r)r))

For nothing* is impossible if you know de wey ←

No-one it there → !unless! u’U’u are… 

Reflect...lcelfeR 

STOP.

TALK.

HEAR.

LISTEN.

I M A G I N E 

       I S

                      T O___D R E A M

Time for a bite

Small, 

But tasty.

Time is running so

With haste

Everything,

Everything is possible…

The little things

Columbus taught me,

We want it and are grateful for it.

After my prayers

I lay the ocean for my feast

Two things that take no time to eat

Thank You

It’s one of the bases of life

Water is like air and land

It keeps us together against the weather

Water,

Water.

Drink your heart out young child 

This colorful blood is life and death

Drink.

Water,

Water.

Stay away from me 

A monster 

Stay away, you wouldn’t understand 

Each day is the same 

Stressful, overwhelming, Chaotic.

Each day I hide myself inside a skin like yours 

And each day you are always there to stay

Why?

Shouldn’t you be afraid?

Haven’t you heard?

I’m a monster.

A sinister smiler came 

With his skin just like yours 

He tore off my skin 

With each word he spoke 

To reveal a monster.

large tattered leather wings

ram horns

Black scaly skin 

And yellow reptilian eyes 

The smilers grin grew, and he left.

Around the corner you peeked 

Are you afraid of me now?

What will you do now that you've seen?

Will you accept me or leave me?

Those fleshy hands of yours opened 

And all I could do was cry.

I will b r e a k away from myself.

This will be my final night.

I will tear away the mask of lies that I have made.

This will be my final fight.

I will fly away on the wings of rebellion 

This will be my first flight.

I stare at the pale moon, it’s light making the snow shine like diamonds.

The moon will be my guide

I hear the wind howl by like the sounds of angry people rioting against oppression

The wind will cover my cries.

 

I see you’ve forgotten.

Do I remember?

Of course I remember. 

I hated you, deeply, unapologetically.

Memory recall, demon of remembrance,

Forcing me to backtrack, thinking about 

The heartbreaking past. 

I felt intense, unbearable emotions within.

Your slander and lack of compassion disgusts me.

Although, I am not the one to judge.

However, I was able to build off you all. 

Learning about myself while surrounded by witches and warlocks.

My imperfection is a result of hatred toward you, and myself. 

You are not perfect, allowing myself to understand your deceitful intentions. 

Yet, I will never understand your wickedness or your seductive heart.

You have forgotten, but I still remember; of course I do. 

Do I forgive?

Of course I forgive you.

 

I’m waiting for a text from friends that I have never seen in person, from friends I’ve never

Hugged or invited to a birthday party. 

They are friends I’ve met in chat rooms and in lobbies waiting to take on the world.

I prefer them over most of people I’ve met in real life,

Instead of leaving wicked winding wounds like everyone else they help me press on and go farther.

They have my back and I have their back.

We are a team,

A family,

A pack of lost souls, all chanting “one for all, all for one.”

We will see each other in the real world and finally be at peace.

Under the influence

With an expression of

Hopelessness and shame.

His blood mixes 

With tears and filth

As he chokes on his 

Own sorrows.

He falls heavily 

Just a few feet away 

From my house.

He looks up at the sky 

Whispering to himself.

He whispers death.

I pray inwardly against his naive speech. 

I declare this

Young man to break 

Free from bondage. 

I declare that he is released 

From his generational curses 

And wicked ties to his family history.

I declare that this young man 

Is no longer forced to endure

rejection or abandonment. 

That he is no longer 

A nomad who wanders alone

suffering from frost and blisters. 

I step away from my window

And rush downstairs to 

Open the door. 

I walk outside and

pulls the young man off

His knees and on his feet

And say to him.

His soul screams depression 

Masked as anger and rage. 

I say to him

You are absolutely 

Nothing and you will

never become anything.

This is what you think.

I am here to tell you that

You will be set free.

Darkness in light,

Something that shows fear of the world 

Don’t grow,

I want you to know

Don’t grow, 

Looks like a field of flowers

Reality is,

That deep dark hole

Free falling, 

No idea where you’ll hit the bottom 

You can dream,

Butterflies in the sun 

It won’t be everything you've dreamed of 

Just Listen. 

Just Watch. 

Just Breathe.

Just Life. 

 

Her marble brown eyes, wide and clear, 

filled with hidden emotions.

I. Want. Her. 

I love how her expressions seem glum,

Yet her eyes squint vigorously when she smiles. 

I. Need. Her. 

I love 

her 

Quietness

Elegance

Shyness

Her Foul Mouth

Is what I’m attracted to, unfortunately.   

I don’t want to say I’m in love; it’s way too soon. 

Although, I must say

I. Desire. Her. 

I want to unlock

All her desires.

All her holes.

All her thoughts.

All her secrets. 

Not to turn against her,

But to show her that I will always be genuine.

Never lie to her.

Wait…

I’m Lying~

That wouldn’t keep me happy.

I don’t need her.

I need myself.

I need to develop myself.

My true self. 

I know I am something.

I know that I am the chosen one.

I will become something fantastic. 

With or without her. 

She smiled at her daddy when he told her good job 

When she was a kid, 

Her daddy would take her out for ice cream 

When she was a kid,

She laughed with mommy 

When she was a kid,

Her mommy put her art work on the fridge 

Stones as Rocks...

When she grew up,

She got busy

When she grew up,

She figured out mommy and daddy aren’t always there

I last saved hours ago

I’m consumed in a state of focus and anger

Thumping sounds behind me

I shudder and begin to turn my head

Piercing through the darkness 

Standing without like a statue assuming a position to kill if it could move

Then he shifted

With a voice like that of a god descending to the earth

So powerful that it echos and vibrates the very walls around me

He says “brother mom says it's my turn to use the xbox.”

I am different from

anybody and everybody.

I am not normal.

I start everyday,

the same as I was before.

No one can change me,

because I am

He said, "See the lovely pavid!"

It was rather old,

But not very green gold,

And he couldn't resist the mcdavid.

Were the brakes at

I through they work

So now I’m flying

The car is flying down the highway full speed

With no way to stop

In the morning when the sun shines through 

my drawn crimson curtains I come to realize

My eyes are only attracted to the murky night

When the moon comes out to play

No wonder

The wolves run round at dusk

 and lay their heads 

down at dawn 

Human Beings

 Something so Complex

 turns into something so simple

 just like that

 Our body breathes the sun in and out 

Like dogs on a cool summer day

Look to the sky 

Understand why the sun looks so beautiful

Let it touch your soul with everything you have