Joy's Archaeology of the Self by Antonia Robertson

Mood #1: An Introduction to ME

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:16:36 UTC

External Identities I Carry

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:18:51 UTC

Black/Dark-skinned
Female
Fat/Shapely
Able-bodied
English-speaker w/ Mainstream accent
Young adult

Internal Identities I Carry

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:19:09 UTC

African American descendant of enslaved people(s)
Cis-gender woman
Neurotypical
Middle class
Well-educated
Christian faith-believer
Progressive/Liberal politics
Heterosexual
Womanist
US citizen raised in US
Employed
Housed
Product of safe, loving upbringing
Multi-lingual by choice
Single, no children

Privileged Identities

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:36:00 UTC

Able-bodied
Neurotypical
English-speaker w/ mainstream accent
Middle class
Well-educated
Young adult
Christian faith-believer
Heterosexual
US citizen raised in US
Employed
Housed
Product of safe, loving upbringing
Multi-lingual by choice
Single, no children

Challenging and/or Oppressed Identities

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:36:12 UTC

Black/Dark-skinned
African American descendant of enslaved people(s)
Fat/Shapely
Womanist

BOTH Privileged & Challenging/Oppressed

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:43:16 UTC

Female
Cis-gender woman
Progressive/Liberal politics

Most Salient

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 15:46:26 UTC

The identities that are front of mind as I navigate the world on a day-to-day basis are my Blackness, my womanhood, and my middle class-ness.

Gender performance, ethnicity, and socioeconomic class are the identities which most affect how I will be perceived and thus how I will be (mis)treated as I move through the world.

I find that my gender performance and ethnicity cannot be hidden in-person, my ethnicity can be hidden via written communication, and my class is most evident by the expression of my language, experiences, and wardrobe choices.

How My Identities Show Up

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 16:03:45 UTC

The more I live outside of the US and the more I seek to understand identities previously foreign to me, the better I understand my privileges and the responsibility I hold to be a vocal, consistent ally (moving towards an agitator!).

Living in France for months and living in Mozambique for years opened my eyes to the privilege of being a native English speaker with a mainstream or coveted accent. I also better understood why American citizenship or residency is such a huge privilege and can be life-changing.

My time consuming pop culture and media on Twitter and Instagram over the past few years has helped expose me to the terminology, realities, and needs of members of the Queer community and members of the disabled community -- and it's been especially insightful to zero in on advocates, content creators and performers who posses multiple of these marginalized identities *and* are also Black or Indigenous.

It's been formative and pivotal for me to de-center my oppressed identities in order to make space for curiosity and empathy for oppressed identities I *don't* hold. It's not that I no long feel marginalization or discrimination, but I have more perspective on how my struggles align with and differ from the struggles that others experience. I feel like the more I learn and act, the better positioned I am to influence positive and sustainable change within my sphere of influence.

My Relationship with my Ethnic Identity

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 16:17:24 UTC

Living in the hetero- and multi-ethnic society that is America, alongside the caste system which this nation-state has been founded on - I've had no choice but to be keenly aware of my ethnic identity as a Black person in America. My safety and my understanding of how I will be treated and which expectations will be placed on me has necessitated this awareness since at least preschool.

My parents and sister are Black, both sides of my family are largely Black, I've grown up in Black churches and I've been raised on a lot of music made/produced by Black artists (all of of have, really - if you look into the history of pop and rock). Through these influences, I've gained a strong understanding of the outsize role Black people have had in forming and transforming this country - whether or not that history was given to me in a textbook or if I had to hear or find it elsewhere.

So at the same time of feeling the weight of violence this country has inflicted on me and my people for centuries, I also feel a profound pride and joy in being part of a community that has superseded survival, resilience and grit and has shown time and time again transcendence into creativity and innovation which has moved and influenced the tastes and trajectory of this nation - evidenced on a global scale through music, food, fashion, technology and more.

Ms. Tina Knowles-Lawson, Solange & Beyonce's mother, so eloquently and poignantly describes this pride in spite of oppression in this interlude, which directly precedes my "Mood #1" for this assignment, "Don't Touch My Hair". Please listen to both!

My Identities + Me as a Teacher

ajr2248 — 2021-07-06 16:37:24 UTC

My vocation - which I define as my God-given abilities applied towards work that fulfills my purpose during this lifetime - is to show up for Black youth in ways that will allow them to live as freely as they can. I educate for liberation, and I believe in fortifying marginalized children with the skills and knowledge they need to navigate a society that either wants them to fail or doesn't expect them to succeed.

In believing that, it's important that I, as a Black woman, show up in an authentic, healthy, and life-giving way for all of my students - especially my Black ones. I serve as a model of who Black women are and can be, which is a responsibility I take seriously.

There are a lot of identities of mine that may not show up formally in my classroom as an educator, but as I stated in "How My Identities Show Up" it's important for me to do my own work of identifying the gaps in my knowledge and to be curious about the experiences I don't have; all of this so I can relate to students and families different from my own *AND* to offer a window of perspective for my students and families who have limited understanding of identities outside of their own.

I see identity exploration as something that is most effective when self-motivated and based in human testimony. So I will continue to seek out the testimony of people who have something life-giving to say, coming from a perspective outside of my own - even if some of our identities do overlap.

#REVISITING - External and Internal Identities

ajr2248 — 2021-07-26 00:38:45 UTC

As we move through this course and I triangulate what I'm learning in my Women of the World and Literacy courses, I've considered how I am neither a agent nor a victim of capitalism and of settler colonialism/imperialism.

By virtue of being a native-born American - having no other geographic home space to claim as my own - I am inherently part of both of these oppressive systems. But I haven't established these systems and I don't have the individual power to perpetuate or dismantle them -- that can only come about with organized group actions to destroy these systems.

So in assessing my role in these systems and my responsibility to counteract them, I recognize formerly unnamed internal identities: Advocate/Ally/Activist/Agitator for Human Welfare. I didn't make this up, and don't remember where I found it, but this continuum denotes increased and persistent action as knowledge and experience involving yourself in these struggles increases.

#REVISITING - My Ethnic Identity

ajr2248 — 2021-07-26 02:08:45 UTC

I understand my ethnic identity as being Black, a daughter of the African Diaspora, and an American descendant of Enslaved Peoples.

These overlapping circles of identity are both localized and transnational, they describe connection across time, and they breed both distinction and community.

In looking at these terms, especially "Black", it's important for me to recognize that anti-Blackness is pervasive worldwide - even in majority or all-Black countries. And this is because "black" has become synonymous with "outsider" or "foreign" or "invalid" in so many societal and even linguistic contexts. At the same time "Black" has such weight and negativity associated with it (and by extension, me), "Black" also describes a global, loving, laughing, artistic, innovative, graceful and passionate group of peoples.

So, my ethnic identity, to me, is very clear and very deeply central to how I see myself and how I move about in different worlds. Existing unapologetically in my Blackness serves to heal myself, but also serves to show me if, how, and when someone or something (systems) are willing and able to see me.

#REVISITING - Envisioning my teaching

ajr2248 — 2021-07-26 02:20:29 UTC

Having opportunities to better "dig" into my identities, the salience they have for me, and how those identities exist in comparison to others' is always a gift.

I'm naturally a highly introspective person, so I am very well-acquainted with who I am and have the language to communicate it. But I welcome the framing and formulation of questions about my identities which ask me to explore connections to text, to theories, and to proposed action.

I continue to see my vocation in life as a facilitator of improved, informed livelihoods for Black youth worldwide, but while I am a NYC school educator, I want to embrace similarity and differences I have with my students. In the last school year, I taught students from mainly the same racial background and who grew up consuming an overlapping cross-section of pop culture as I did; but many of my students differed from me in socio-economic class, in regional idiosyncrasies and knowledge, and in generational values.

What I want to challenge myself to do while getting to know my students (and throughout the year when the opportunity presents itself) is to be transparent and loud about the differences they have with me and the differences they have with each other. What I am coming to believe is that difference does not have to separate us, and we should teach all members of society (not solely, but especially children) to look at difference as a lens or perspective to assume which challenges our preconceived norms and interpretations of how life is/should be. Social studies, as a discipline, is a great vehicle to teach that skill of empathy.

#REVISITING - How my thinking has been challenged

ajr2248 — 2021-07-26 02:56:56 UTC

When we contended with the question "What are the personal, ancestral, and communal stories that make up our past and present?" I had to grapple with the idea that community-resourcing doesn't just mean everyone gets along and respects each other. It can mean folks have divergent and deeply-held beliefs that won't change in our one-year classroom space. It can mean students imagine a future or a present that is unknown to you and challenges you, the educator. It could also mean the classroom community is participating in a dialogue and exploration of ideas that isn't happening anywhere else in the school landscape. So it's not easy, feel-good work we're doing, here. It's imperfect and requires revision and peer-feedback and humility!

I've been reading Isabel Wilkerson's "Caste" this spring/summer and encountering it in this course: firstly, made me want to finish (haha). Secondly, made me grapple with if and how to integrate her insight into the US History curriculum and also the AP Human Geography course... her writing is narrative driven, but her explanations can also be dense for high school-level reading. So I'd like to finish the book, select a couple of narratives that shine a bright light on the distinction and invisible power of casteism vs. racism, and then adapt them for classroom digestion.

Lastly, I grapple with (as I have in most TC classes besides Methods) how it's going to be possible, post-grad and without the structure of class and assignments, to keep up with the academic reading I currently do. Through reading, discussion, and most importantly for me - re-reading - I gain the insights and considerations I need in order to be a practitioner of critical, anti-racist, abolitionist pedagogy the way I want to. I don't know if there are non-academic communities of teachers who conduct this type of inquiry on a continual basis, in their precious free time?? It makes me worry about a lack of intellectual rigor in my work in the future.

#REFLECTING The Process

ajr2248 — 2021-08-03 22:59:34 UTC

The process of conducting this archaeological dig into myself has definitely been formative. I did a version of this exercise during the Peace Corps Fellows Intensive Summer Institute last year, led by Dr. Sealey-Ruiz - which was wonderful! This iteration was a perfect continuation of that work - both in the timing of revisiting this reflective dig one year later and the depth in this project which I did not achieve last year.

I've received a lot of unforeseen nudges towards the practice of journaling this summer (and several other times in my life) and I believe being present and authentic with this project has shown me how beneficial it is for me to 1) get things out "on paper" so I don't have to carry it with me always, 2) have a record of where my mind and spirit were at distinct points in time, and 3) have a resource to share if ever someone is experiencing something similar OR if I don't want to labor myself to explain something out loud which I've already processed through and feel remains true.

I chose this song because it presents a series of affirming mantras towards healing - which is what I believe the aim of the Archaeology of Self is: do the work to heal yourself so you can facilitate healing for others.

#REFLECTING What remains?

ajr2248 — 2021-08-03 23:13:03 UTC

I need to continue to dig into my self-ascribed identity labels (progressive, aspiring abolitionist, Queer Ally, Ally of Disabled People) and assess what I align with ideologically, what I'm doing to educate myself, what I'm doing to act on these principles, and what I'm doing to share what I'm learning with others - in palatable and in confrontational ways, whichever is necessary.

As a teacher, I'm continuing to go on "informational interviews" and search for people using the educator stance in the way I imagine myself doing it. I need to reflect on how the experiences of people I admire fit into my own beliefs/goals/perspectives and *write down* the sacrifices I am and am not willing to make in pursuit of the justice and liberation I want to influence.

Here's an excerpt of the song I chose to accompany this reflection:

"This used to be home
This used to be what we know
What used to belong
Now good and gone

And I don't know where to go
No I don't know where to stay
Don't know where to go
And I don't know where to stay
Where do we go from here?
Do you know?
Where do we go from here?"

I think what remains is for me to decide what "this" is for me, and to be flexible and gracing-giving in my temporality. "Used to be" could be "is" or "will be", as well - it all depends on my perspective of the healing and knowing work I do with/on myself.

#REFLECTING Why Padlet?

ajr2248 — 2021-08-03 23:30:58 UTC

Padlet is a tool I was introduced to last summer, but didn't utilize during the school year, so I wanted to play around and familiarize myself with the platform so I feel confident enough to bring it into the classroom this year.

I wanted to incorporate color, a bit of spatial design, and music into my archaeology of self, so this seemed like a good platform to use! Hopefully it doesn't read too chaotic, lol

The song I chose is upbeat & always makes me smile and wanna dance! The chorus to "Jump on it" is an encouragement for me to act on the dreams that come to me :)

#REFLECTING Archaeology in the classroom?

ajr2248 — 2021-08-03 23:53:30 UTC

Now this is a great question. If done, it definitely wouldn't be a graded assignment. I honestly don't even know if I would make it a "required" assignment, in the sense that punitive measures would be taken if it wasn't turned in.

As one of our panelist said on Monday, it's imperative to actually *USE* the knowledge gained from these self-excavating exercises - it can't just be deeply personal and vulnerable disclosure on behalf of the students which doesn't get acted upon by the teacher.

I will be teaching an AP class and a Regents History class to high schoolers this coming year - as opposed to the non-standardized test-aligned course on African American Studies which I taught to middle schoolers last year. I believe all students, regardless of age, would benefit from this type of reflective practice. My preoccupation is how to introduce this with fidelity in a much higher-stakes learning environment, which (on its face) presents little to no wiggle room for healing and self-care practices.

I think what I may have to do, if I wanted to implement this practice, is to "fun size" it. It would be something like setting up a classroom protocol where the time in-between periods and the first 3 or so minutes of class is devoted to listening to a song (hopefully students can contribute recommendations for calm songs) while automatically jumping into a #PersonalPadletPrompt (name in works, haha) like "What's an external identity? Who defines them?" "What's an internal identity? Who defines them?" "What's an external identity you have? Describe what it means to you." "What's an internal identity you claim? Explain why." and so on.

Maybe it could follow a day-of-the-week schedule throughout the year, where Mondays are for affirmation setting, Tuesdays are for developing our personal politics (arch of self), Wednesdays are for gratitude journaling, Thursdays are for recording "big questions" we have about life/the world, and Fridays are for sharing song/meme/video/tv/music/pop culture suggestions.

Thanks for giving me the space to think about this! I started off feeling defeated about what couldn't be done, and now I'm excited about what might be possible <3

I choose this song as an affirmation of pride and ownership to all Black people, and especially my old and new students. I want them to be secure in themselves and excited to both share and preserve their cultures.