I used to struggle with being a sore loser when I was young but over time I have started to care less and less with winning and more about playing the game and spending time with my dad. I hope that it will show a love for being around other people and wanting to get better but being ok with not being the best at everything.

I want to express my love for the game of Monopoly, not because of the rules or the actual board, but because of the chance to sit down and spend time with my dad.

Truman wrote that I should use more big vocab words so I included some deeper vocabulary and synonyms to words that I had repeated multiple times.

I demonstrated how to me, playing the game became less and less about winning, and more about having fun and spending time with my family

I think through the way I described my family acting and the way we play my game, it not only shows that our family loves to be together and around each other, but it also reveals our competitiveness. Through my essay and through explaining how my family plays this game, I believe a college will see that no matter how chaotic and stressful the game and circumstances got, we all enjoyed playing a game in each others company.

I needed to better show my values and demonstrate growth. My plan to fix that is to go back and read from an outsiders perspective and figure out what I need to add in order to portray my values and better demonstrate growth.

Shorten the game play explanation. I am going to go back and remove sentences that are unnecessary for the rest of the essay .

I showed that I did not like losing and I showed how frustrated I would get when I would lose to my brother. I grew throughout the story because at the end I realized that even though I lost I still had a fun time playing with my brother and I was getting better at the game. I hope that colleges see how I value time with my family and that I grew out of being a sore loser.

I think there were two things that were demonstrated well throughout my essay. The first being the importance of the relationship I have with my sister and how we grow and bond over a game together. It is something we both know how to do and enjoy doing together. I also demonstrate how first impressions aren't always correct. We both hated the game at first but both grew to love it by making it our own. I hope that a college would look at my essay and see that I value relationships and growing closer with someone over some common ground between us is my favorite way to connect with someone. being able to connect with people is something I value a lot.

I want to make the goal for myself to get right to the main part and not write a lot of fluff just to make my essay look fuller.

I was graded lower than I wanted on expressing my core values. That is something that I really want to get across in my essays.

I demonstrate the struggle to connect with my father and the "rift" between us due to my parent's divorce and the lack of time with each other. I show how my father is stressed and tense, and how that itself also affects me. I just want to spend time with him and enjoy what we have, as well as continuing to grow closer to one another. I later show how instead of focusing on the game or the world around me, I am able to focus on my dad, who he is, and our relationship. The lesson I learn is that I can't change what has already happened, but I can take advantage of what is given to me and make the most of it.

I hope to show creativity and my relationship with my family, how we interact through games and with the unprecedented ways we will play games. I explained the way that we played Settlers of Catan and how we are very easily sidetracked.

I believe that my game play with my family has fed my competitive spirit and has become my favorite way to connect with the people I am closest to. Spoons, specifically, has taught me not to linger on losses, but to get back up and look for the next available opportunity to succeed. I hope that the reader can see how much I value togetherness.

I need to explain less and show more. I will try to incorporate the directions with the stories/ descriptive details I state.

I will work on Personal Growth by hopefully introducing the lesson I am learning earlier on in my story. I can also work on showing more of my core values throughout my essay.

Through writing about how I interacted with my family while playing pit, I think it showed my determination, and how even though I really wanted to win, I cared more about spending time with my family.

My goal is to be more specific and show what I'm trying to say instead of telling.

I was told that I should add more sensory details and more to the story to show my values

In my essay, as I talked about how in Uno there is so much that happens that is unexpected, I revealed about myself how I grew as a loser. Colleges will see that I have learned the lesson of resilience through the game of Uno.

I need more of my values to shine through as I talk about the events of the Uno game I'm recalling.

Malachi wanted me to use more big vocab words. I can change some words I use repetitively to be stronger vocab words.

I believe that showing the ways I interacted with my family while playing Monopoly showed the unbreakable bond I have with my siblings. it also showed my perseverance and the love I have for my family.

my goal is to add different sentence structures and make my writing more fluid

I was told to utilize more varied vocabulary and scented structures

In this essay I demonstrated my extreme competitiveness and desire to be the best when I was younger. I showed how much I cared about beating my family in board games and how I didn't know how to properly lose. Then I showed the reader how I've evolved in this and I now know how to have fun without always winning....even though that younger girl is still in me and shows her colors every once in a while.

I want to go deeper about the game itself and less about my experience.

Abbie said I should connect back to the game better. I plan on adding more about the game in different areas of the essay

In my essay, I demonstrated my personal development and self-reflection in playing Solitaire. At one point, I viewed solitude as something negative. Societal pressures to be social and constantly outgoing left me burnt out, and I was struggling to find a solution for my poor mental health. Playing Solitaire helped me to switch my perspective on being alone from something selfish and depressing to something necessary and beneficial for reflection and improvement in almost every aspect of life. Another thing I learned through Solitaire that I wrote about in my essay was the importance of taking a break. Similarly to being burnt out from social situations, overworking myself can cause my mind to disassociate, making good performance and being present for my relationships almost impossible. By using an extended metaphor, I showed how relaxing and freeing up room for myself will ultimately better the efficiency of my work and the energy I have to spend time with people I love.

My writing goal is to use diverse sentence structure and vocabulary. I’ve applied some sentence structures we’ve learned through our writing prompts in my essay, and I’ve improved words that weren’t very descriptive or powerful. 

I got feedback to possibly add more “gameplay” in addition to how the game has affected me. I am going to add on to the extended metaphor and maybe describe an actual time I played Solitaire.

In my gameplay with my mom playing "Operation," I showed how I didn't want to play with my mom at first, since my relationship with her was disconnected, but I confronted my stubbornness and views about my mom. Through playing the game I was able to work through our confusing relationship and realize my mom did care about me and was trying to show that. I hope that colleges will see my personal growth and maturity, and my development of qualities like empathy, respect, and cooperation.

My goal was I need to highlight what my core values were in the essay, and what colleges should learn about me through reading it. I did this by revising and expanding the ending, to drive the points home, that would have already been observed in the writing.

Asa recommended showing in a more creative way, and not directly telling certain actions and thoughts in the writing. I was able to do this by using creative metaphors that added depth and describing sight and sound.

By talking about different strategies when playing with different people, I showed how I can adapt to certain situations better than I could in the past. The story also finished off by talking about commitment. This will connect to colleges because many colleges make it a goal to have a student body that is able to adapt to their circumstances.

I had the goal of adding more personal elements to my story. I think that by adding specific examples of me playing the game with other people helped add a personal touch. I can also add humor, helping me better connect with the audience. This is because I intend to use common situations that many people can relate to.

On the peer review, the feedback was that I should add more about me into the story rather than only detailing the game. I think that this is good feedback! I intend to do this by adding examples of when I played with other people. I can also do this by changing phrases such as "players want to" to "I typically want to".