Endgame isn't with you, I'm certain

“Love, take what I say, only as I say,”

You give me promises of what you can’t

Empty, useless nothings I held on to

Only to witness them evaporate

Filling the holes in spaces around us

Spaces that felt so, so humid on my skin

Condensations inside of my poor lungs

They scream at me for residing in here

Every new promise is more acid

Acid vowels, the burning consonants

The promises were a shallow empty

But the deeper I got, the more hurting

Your tear on my soft heart, that’s now bleeding

I turn towards the door, I’m now reaching

Until I can finally get away

Until I can finally stitch my heart

Until finally, the hurt can leave me

Then, I’ll finally know what emptiness

True emptiness, feels like. 

There is an hour each night

That does not know what to do

It lies agape

Each time

A hole so wide

It’s scary

A mirror image of

My expression

And the hour

That you told me

We were no more

Much like a hole 

Left in the wall by 

A nail

A mistake

Or a fist

All it brought me was the same emptiness

So like anyone does

With a problem they can’t stand

I don’t fix it

I just cover it with something else

For a few days I covered it

With tears

In hopes that the flood

In my eyes 

Would blur the ink

So that the hole in the wall

Would be penned in as a

Question mark

Rather than the

Big

Black

Period

That is there instead

How big is the hole?

A better question: 

How big is the heart?

And to what extent

Does it expand

Or shrink

When it falls apart

Does is melt like ice

Or stack like snow

When the clouds come together

Do they shrink

Or

Do they grow

Because when a cloud gets too big

It begins to fall down

Much like my heart

Did for you

It grew and grew

And you knew it too

But I can’t force you to feel how I do

But I just can’t hardly accept the fact

That I was being lied to

By myself

I truly believed

I was loved the same

But now I don’t believe

I think

And let these thoughts burn

In hell

And that

Was what that week felt like

Every time I stared at that hole

I lived in that hole

I was in that hole

And worse yet

I was all

Alone

So a conclusion

Was reached

The hole can’t be covered

It must be filled

But all I knew how to do

Was fill it with you

I looked for you in every book I read

Trying to hold you 

Like I once did

And attempt to read you

And receive your gentle touch

Every song I listened to

I tried to sing you out of

Just so I could be close enough

To breathe your air

I sang to my guitar

And let the strings hold my hands

As we danced

I wrote and I wrote

Until the ink dried in

Every pen I owned

So that maybe I could find you

On one of these pages

But no matter how many things

I tried to replace you with

I still can’t replace you

Nor can I fill this hole

I guess I’ll just have to leave it alone

Find something else to cover it

And hope that one day

This house

I will no longer own