beyond the rock bottom

 

when the hurt is so deep I feel nothing

but the nothing hurts more than the hurt

 

when the fear of what will happen if I stay

finally outweighs the fear of being alone

 

I leave

 

-rupi kaur

and full of peace

 

welcome my pain and discomfort

and longing for freedom

 

when my body needs a place to rest

and my head needs a place to clear

 

I go there

even if nobody is home 

  On page 75, Amanda begins her travels and learns something very important when she says to herself “this is the thing about the exact moment when you get somewhere that required effort: There’s a freeze frame instant of total fulfillment, when every expectation has been met and the world is perfect.” Here, she perceives the world to be a perfect, diverse place that is open to discovery and new, positive experiences. At this point in the memoir and while coming across this sign post, a question I had about the message was just that - what was the message of this memoir? At that point in the reading, it seemed that Lindhout’s perception of the world was all positive, and that everything she had hoped for in regards to travelling was met if not exceeded. Since I know that many negative events occur around the world, I wondered what her message could have been. Towards the end, this question was further examined when Amanda travelled to war-stricken countries such as Afghanistan, Pakistan, and of course Somalia. She learned many things about the world that challenged her initial perception of the world. For example, when she was held at gunpoint in the streets of Afghanistan or discriminated against for being a white, single woman travelling alone, when she was taken and held hostage, and when she was beaten, starved, and raped. I felt this particular stop in this sign post was significant because it indicates how she initially feels about foreign countries, and how this is changed later in the memoir. This was significant enough for the writer to include because this way, it allows readers to understand her views at each important part of her journey. Readers can easily understand that at that moment in time, she really enjoyed travelling and had a positive outlook on her backpacking experience.

  A second Words of the Wiser post that I found very significant was when Lindhout says, “you don’t know what’s possible until you actually see it…” on page 152. This is when she travels to Baghdad as a journalist. Lindhout hears nothing but gun shots, bombs, and constant warfare in the streets all while she is sleeping. This automatically made me question what sorts of possibilities there were for Amanda. This question was further examined when Amanda was hired as a journalist and went alongside soldiers during the war in Afghanistan to better report the lives of those in combat. She also got to witness pure hunger and starvation in Mogadishu, friendship and love when she met Nigel, and of course being taken as hostage in Somalia. These are all things Amanda had no knowledge of before they happened, since these possibilities had never crossed her mind. I felt this stop in the memoir was significant because it was a sense of foreshadowing, and implicitly informed readers that there were possibilities to occur later in the book that were unthinkable. Amanda Lindhout needed to include this because not only does it leave readers with a lesson, it also connects with people on a personal level by making the reader also feel as though they “don’t know what’s possible until they actually see it.

A final Words of the Wiser signpost that was very distinct was on page 170, when Amanda was trying to find ways to stay alive under the control of her captors. She tells Nigel, the person she was kidnapped with, “they can’t kill us if we convert.” In saying this, Amanda means that if they convert to Islam, under the Kuran, which is the bible that Muslims must follow, their kidnappers cannot kill them. At the time of reading this, I was concerned and questioned this. This was because her captors already broke rules of the Kuran, such as raping Amanda, so I questioned whether they would break this rule as well. Amanda’s words to Nigel were challenged when she and Nigel tried to escape and they were shot at. Though they were not killed, their lives were intended to be taken, even though they had converted to Islam. This stop was significant because it showed how dictating religious beliefs are in Somalia, and how these beliefs are the difference between life and death. This stop was significant for the writer to include because in other places she visited, she immersed herself in culture and religion because she wanted to. She wore headscarves, prayed with others, and learned languages and religions. In Somalia, the only reason she did this was because she had to, not necessarily because she wanted to. 

about the way my sister laughs, 

the daintiness of her hands,

and how from not too far of a distance

I see me.

 

I feel at home in my mothers smile

and safe tangled in the web of her wise words.

To share clothes with your mother is to know love

and forgiveness in all kinds of stains.

 

My father is my sanity

and the softest voice on the hardest day.

Thank you for singing me the songs of your generation

and not turning the volume too far down when I sing you mine.

 

My parents are the loudest, proudest voices in the stands

and in the back of my mind.

 

To have a brother as a protector

and the first boy who knows your true soul

is a blessing not every girl has.

You’re the only one who knows

what food can stop my tears.

Our secret.

 

My life

in a movie

scene by scene

play-by-play

is my family.