You was so little and you had such a cute laugh and the biggest smile and dimples .

I love you and miss you so very much

You will always be with me in spite

You are with so many loved ones

Auntie Carolyn loves you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Anyway, Happy Birthing Day, Sister. You did such an amazing thing that day.

" I will stay but I won't wake up early."

I wish that I could have stayed there with you longer, instead of waking to the daily nightmare that you are gone.

I will love you forever with every breath I breathe and I will hold you in my heart and never let you go.

I Love You Forever Patricia Marie,

Love Mama Bear

There was a girl there with her family, rocking a stroller back and forth, a cigarette resting between her fingers.
Runic, ever the sentinel, kept his eyes locked on her.
She noticed and smiled — a smile so wide and full of light it felt like a doorway opening.

In that moment, there you were.
Not in body — but in the air, the space, the way her laughter colored the world around her.
Her hair, her ease, the way she stood so boldly in the middle of it all — the stroller, the cigarette, the sunshine — it was all you.

I told Earl she reminded me of you.
He just smiled — he already knew.

As we were leaving, I waved, and she and I shared a smile so big, it felt like a bridge across two worlds.
For a heartbeat, I felt the goodbye we never got.

Driving away, I turned my face toward the lake, the mountains blurring through tears I tried to blink away before they could be seen.
Earl didn’t speak of them — he just drove quietly, and then, as if he could feel it too, he told me he loved me.
No questions. No spotlight. Just love, filling the spaces where words would only fall short.

You were everywhere, Sis.
You still are.

Because she was big— bigger than silence, bigger than shame, bigger than the small rooms this world tried to fit her in— I will not make my grief small.

Because her laugh could crack open a room, because her heart beat loud even when it broke, because she didn’t get the softness she deserved, I will build it now, stone by stone.

This is what I must do:

Say her name. Set it in wood, in metal, in sky. Carve it where strangers might sit and wonder who Patricia was— and maybe see their own sister in her shadow.

This ache is my altar. These hands, my offering. I will gather the forgotten, catch their names before they fall, light candles where others turn their backs.

I will write her birthday into calendars, plant her memory in the roots of trees, and tell the world what they should have told her when she was here: You mattered. You still do.

This is not closure. It’s a beginning. It’s the gathering. It’s the grief made holy.

Because she was big— and I will not let her memory be anything less.

One of my siblings will be at all of our funerals.

And one of us?

Won’t be at any.

And that absolutely breaks me.

It’s a reality I never wanted to face…

but it creeps into my thoughts more often than I care to admit.

The thought of us all aging.

One by one saying goodbye.

And one of us… left to sit through it all.

To carry every loss. To hold every memory. To be the last living piece of us.

I don’t know who it’ll be.

But I already ache for them.

Because being the last one standing?

That’s a grief nobody prepares you for.

Sibling bonds run deep.

Even when life gets loud and distance grows wide, there’s a part of me that still feels like we’re kids, like time can’t touch us.

But it can.

And one day… it will.

And that truth?

It hurts more than I know how to explain.

Thinking of you today.

Miss and love you little one grandma zakour

Salud

Beifall

Cheers

Goodnight cousin.

Hey, visit me soon. I've been trying OBE and am stuck at the rolling out part. I almost got it, maybe you could help me. We'll, I know you can. Are you able to?

Your daughter had a surgery on her heart recently. She's doing well. She laughs just like you when she's being really silly. I see you in so many of her expressions. It's actually kind of wild. It's really helped me to be near her, with those parts of you made even more beautiful through her. She will have her own life and identity though and my biggest wish is that she hurts less than you did.

Q is staying on our property again. He's working construction adjacent work and looking for a truck. He's learning more and more what it means to practice self care. I worry about who he hangs out with sometimes but want to trust he will find a good path.

Zen is starting to develop some new interest in cosplay, which is really cool. I'm gonna throw him a cosplay party for his 13th next year. 13! Can you believe it?

Dad has throat cancer and is going to start chemo/radiation soon. I'm worried but hopeful. It's going to be really hard the next several months.

Sam is going to have another baby, a boy. She's really happy about that and though I wished for a girl, I'm happy too.

Andrew has moved to Bend and I miss him so damn much. He's working way too hard but he's got a goal to find a home there. The place is perfect for him and you would've been really happy for him, I think.

I don't see Grandma nearly enough with my full schedule but I know she visits your bench often. I'll be there soon to bring you roses and clean up.

Mom is struggling but seemed to have fun trick or treating with me and the little ones on Halloween. I wish you were there. I know she does too.

Tim called and is dying. I know he wants to join you and he will soon. May he tell you how much I love you.

My husband is going to China next week to see his daughter. Sis is excited coz I'll go to sleep over at her place. 😆

Anyway, I love you so much and wanted to update you. Stay out of trouble 😉

I try to be strong for your children but so much of me died with you.

We all miss you everyday, every birthday, every holiday, every minute of every day.

I loved you every day of your life and I will love and miss you every day I have left of mine.

Your kiddos are being spoiled this winter Solstice. I think about how you would celebrate with them now if you could. What traditions would you start? Would you approve of the gifts I bought them? Would you open a gift the night before? What would you put in their stocking?

I miss you, Sister.

I still just randomly laugh whenever I think about that.

Love Mama Bear

❤️ 💙 💜 💖 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙

Your Family