Growing Up Coy by Maggie Kvaale

seeligl — 2024-07-03 15:08:38 UTC

I really don't think it is up to me or others to decide if Coy is old enough or not.

seeligl — 2024-07-03 15:08:58 UTC

I wonder if there is a one-stall family restroom that could be provided.

seeligl — 2024-07-03 15:10:13 UTC

Laverne Cox

seeligl — 2024-07-03 15:25:23 UTC

Schools should treat each student with dignity and respect, and "outing" them against their will can have harmful consequences. According to the Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ young people are more than 4 times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers. It is crucial for schools to address and improve school environments for the well-being of all students.

Chaz Bono

lkeichenlaub — 2024-07-05 14:18:20 UTC

lkeichenlaub — 2024-07-05 14:30:35 UTC

I disagree with the school's decision to "out" Coy. Schools should be a place to protect and treat students in a respectful manner which they did not by their actions.

lkeichenlaub — 2024-07-05 14:31:21 UTC

I agree with Lindsay. It is not up to me or others to determine what is age appropriate for Coy.

lkeichenlaub — 2024-07-05 14:32:03 UTC

Yes... I think there are many options... health office, family restroom, a staff bathroom, etc.

K.Larson

2024-07-05 18:27:27 UTC

I agree with the others who have posted so far. Schools are supposed to be safe spaces for all students. There are many students who don't have that option at home and need it provided at school

K.Larson

2024-07-05 18:29:20 UTC

I believe children have thoughts about sexual and gender identities at young ages, even though they do not have the words or experiences to process their ideas. So much of growing up is about what children see and experience. Each individual, I believe, knows when they know.

K.Larson

2024-07-05 18:30:32 UTC

Many options can be created. The issue is that they want options that will fill the heteronormative standards and comfort levels.

Yasmine Meziou

2024-07-07 16:28:36 UTC

I think that the school could have made a more moderate decision regarding Coy's case.

Yasmine Meziou

2024-07-07 16:32:21 UTC

I believe that Coy needs to reflect on his/her gender before deciding.

Yasmine Meziou

2024-07-07 16:33:10 UTC

I think the family restroom would be a good option.

Yasmine Meziou

2024-07-07 16:34:46 UTC

Hunter Schafer

Valerie Jones

valerierjones1 — 2024-07-07 21:33:29 UTC

Alternatives, yes, but even with alternative options these options could "out" a child. I think as a society we can rethink bathroom designs such as gender-neutral bathrooms.

Valerie Jones

valerierjones1 — 2024-07-07 21:34:01 UTC

Chaz Bono

Valerie Jones

valerierjones1 — 2024-07-07 21:37:13 UTC

I believe that every individual is different. Even at a young age Coy might know what their gender is or they might not... only time will tell.

Valerie Jones

valerierjones1 — 2024-07-07 22:46:09 UTC

Schools should be a safe space, often times they are a safer space compared to their home. Schools should do what they can not to "out" someone. I also recognize (from personal experience as a teacher) that students can be outed at school but not necessarily by the school. Schools will often be criticized how they handle the situation no matter what approach they take.

Lindy Berg

lindylberg — 2024-07-08 03:37:01 UTC

I agree with all other responses. School needs to be a safe space. It's not the responsibility of the school to share the privacy of a student. It should have been handled differently. I also wonder about the details of Coy using the restroom, etc. Obviously age plays a big part here, but it is a discussion for the school and how to handle discussions with other parents, etc.

Lindy Berg

lindylberg — 2024-07-08 03:38:14 UTC

Honestly, no, I don't think Coy is old enough.

Lindy Berg

lindylberg — 2024-07-08 03:39:34 UTC

I recognized Chaz.

Frank

frankantwi1 — 2024-07-08 15:13:33 UTC

Schools should be safe environments where all students feel supported and respected. Decisions regarding a student's gender identity should always prioritize the student's safety, privacy, and personal choice. Educators and school administrators have a responsibility to create inclusive policies that protect the rights of transgender and non-binary students. This includes respecting their preferred pronouns, names, and gender identities without forcibly disclosing this information to others.

Frank

frankantwi1 — 2024-07-08 15:15:13 UTC

The question of whether Coy is old enough to decide their gender involves considering the child's understanding of their identity, the support of their family, and the guidance of professionals. Gender identity is deeply personal and can become evident at a young age. Many children have a clear sense of their gender identity by the time they are three to five years old.

Frank

frankantwi1 — 2024-07-08 15:16:10 UTC

Yes, there are alternative bathroom options that the school could provide for Coy. One effective solution is to offer a gender-neutral or single-occupancy bathroom. These bathrooms can be used by any student, regardless of their gender identity, and they provide a safe and private space for students like Coy.

Gender-neutral bathrooms can help reduce anxiety and discomfort for transgender and non-binary students, ensuring they have a safe environment to use the facilities without fear of discrimination or bullying. Additionally, these bathrooms can be beneficial for any student seeking more privacy.

Frank

frankantwi1 — 2024-07-08 15:17:40 UTC

Laverne Cox.

Melissa Eslinger

melissaeslinger — 2024-07-08 19:19:15 UTC

LaVerne Cox from Orange is the New Black

Melissa

melissaeslinger — 2024-07-08 19:37:39 UTC

I don't feel the school should have handled the situation in that matter.

Melissa

melissaeslinger — 2024-07-08 19:38:34 UTC

Yes, I think sometimes someone knows at a very early age. They may feel that they are in the wrong body.

Melissa Eslinger

melissaeslinger — 2024-07-08 19:39:39 UTC

I would actually love for everywhere to just have non-gender specific private bathrooms. I sort of think it's weird in general to be going to the bathroom next to other people.

Scott

scotthauert — 2024-07-08 20:46:23 UTC

As an educator, I don't think it's the school's role to publicize a student's gender identity. I understand the debate and consternation people feel about the issue, particularly in elementary school. But the school should have worked with the parents on the issue in private. If the matter ends up in the court system, then as a matter of course, everything is going to be public.

Scott

scotthauert — 2024-07-08 20:49:38 UTC

As a society, we have all kinds of laws that we use to impose our collective beliefs on other people. We have age limits for when you can buy and use tobacco and alcohol. We have age limits (well, most states) on when minors can get married. We have age limits to consent to sexual activity. It's not a matter of whether anyone thinks Coy is old enough to decide -- Coy is going to decide. The issue is what specific actions are we going to allow the child and/or the parents to make in consequence of that decision.

Scott

scotthauert — 2024-07-08 20:52:49 UTC

This is always facility-specific. Are we going to make every school build another bathroom if they don't already have a "third option?" What if at that school there is a teacher that is trans in the exact same way as Coy identifies, but opposite and that person wants to use the same third-option restroom as the student at the same time? I put this kind of question out there only to illustrate that it's not as simple as letting one student use some special bathroom.

Scott

scotthauert — 2024-07-08 20:53:43 UTC

Laverne Cox. Yep, totally remember her from OITNB.

jessblair2012 — 2024-07-09 02:37:06 UTC

As a music educator at the secondary level, I feel like I've had quite a lot of exposure to this kind of situation. Before I print concert programs, I ALWAYS check with my questioning or queer kids about what name they want in the program. Often they choose their birth name, because either their parents don't know or they aren't supportive. My administration has always been careful to guide us in making sure we do not "out" students, especially to their own families. So I think this situation is terrible and also completely uneccesary.

jessblair2012 — 2024-07-09 02:44:04 UTC

Yes, but it could also change again and that's OK too. I've had a lot of middle school students emphasize certain parts of their identity for a little while, and then do something different (gender-wise) a year later. Because identity is evolving and they're still figuring it out. I think what's important is that we start to accept the idea that there's no right or wrong when it comes to gender identity. It's OK whatever you choose and it's ok for that to change over time too. Ultimately, we know that creating a supportive and affirming environment for queer students is what will help them learn and develop best, so I believe that's where our responsibility lies.

jessblair2012 — 2024-07-09 02:45:35 UTC

Yes, we offer students the use of a single stall bathroom. Although we didn't have one until a couple of years ago, they actually put one in conveniently next to the existing gendered bathrooms and I believe it was for this exact purpose. It's also located right by the gym locker rooms and some students have used it as a changing space as well.

jessblair2012 — 2024-07-09 02:52:12 UTC

I recognize Hari Nef from "The Idol". She was really good but you could not pay me to watch that show again. It was messed up.

Holly

2024-07-09 19:02:11 UTC

School may be the only safe place a student knows. It’s not okay to take that away from any student.

There are also legal issues all over with this school’s decision to share personal information.

Holly

2024-07-09 19:06:32 UTC

Regardless of Coy’s age, I know it’s not my place to tell them they’re right or wrong about how they feel.

Holly

2024-07-09 19:11:36 UTC

Honestly, as an identifying woman who often has to wait in long lines, I think it would be great to make all bathrooms non-specific. In this situation, a single stall, a bathroom in the nurse’s office, or even getting creative with schedules could work for Coy.

Holly

2024-07-09 19:12:16 UTC

Chaz

ericaarainsberry1 — 2024-07-09 22:50:13 UTC

Chaz Bono

ericaarainsberry1 — 2024-07-09 22:51:51 UTC

I don't think it is ethical to share that information. It may be something the adults need to know so they can be more aware, but it is not to be shared with students.

ericaarainsberry1 — 2024-07-09 22:55:51 UTC

Again, it is a privacy issue. We may have our own feelings on the situation, but it is not up to us as educators to decide when someone is old enough. In a supportive environment, whether that is home or elsewhere, a person should be able to work through this on their own.

ericaarainsberry1 — 2024-07-09 22:58:27 UTC

We have offered the nurse's office restroom to students who need an alternative option. The student themselves may be comfortable with using the "opposite" gender bathroom, but when we are working to protect them as well as everyone else, this has worked best for us. This may be one of the only options until bathrooms are set up differently.

Amy

2024-07-09 23:26:31 UTC

Amy - on a developmental level, I think it is difficult for a young child to "make a decision" of this magnitude. However, acknowledging and addressing Coy's feelings is important and they should not be dismissed.

Amy

2024-07-09 23:26:54 UTC

Amy - The school should not share this information outside of the need to share it with in school professionals in the in order to best support the student. It should not be shared beyond that and only with specific professionals in the school as needed.

Amy

2024-07-09 23:27:26 UTC

Chaz Bono

Amy

2024-07-09 23:30:38 UTC

Rethinking bathroom design in public spaces is critical. However, in current schools options may be limited. Using a family bathroom may be the best option until another option is available. That is difficult.

staceyewiltse — 2024-07-10 00:41:37 UTC

The beautiful Laverne Cox

staceyewiltse — 2024-07-10 00:51:38 UTC

The school had no right to "out" Coy. They could have put her in danger with their actions. There was absolutely no reason for them to do that, other than bias and ignorance. Coy using the girl's bathroom would have gone unnoticed had they not said anything. I am disgusted that they put the family through that.

staceyewiltse — 2024-07-10 00:55:04 UTC

I agree with others who said that it's not up to us to determine whether Coy is old enough. It's like someone asking me when I knew I was straight or when I realized I was a girl.

I agree with others who said that there are other options. The nurse's office, a one stall bathroom, but I also agree with those who said

staceyewiltse — 2024-07-10 01:00:15 UTC

I agree with others who said that there are other options. The nurse's office or a one-stall bathroom. I also agree with Valerie, who said that using a separate bathroom could also have "outed" Coy. I think that the best solution would have been for the school to ensure that they were creating a safe environment for all students, including Coy.

2024-07-11 14:27:42 UTC

I disagree with the school's decision. We should be protecting our students and keeping them safe. Not harming them.

2024-07-11 14:30:02 UTC

That is not our decision to make. However, I think some hard conversations should take place just in case individuals are a bit confused about their gender before deciding.

2024-07-11 14:30:47 UTC

A one stall bathroom that can be utilized for all would be an idea.

2024-07-11 14:31:05 UTC

Chaz

2024-07-15 03:33:24 UTC

I have had a very young student who is transgender. Fortunately, she had parents who supported her. There is no doubt in my mind that the student will live her life as a female. The student is who she is.

2024-07-15 03:34:58 UTC

I disagree with the school's decision. It didn't serve a purpose. At the very least, educators' jobs should be to do no harm. This seems very harmful.