My main takeaway from this chapter was that exploring self and getting to know who I am, what I value, and how I function best in this world, is a critical element to  improving my own resiliency.  As the authors states, “Self-knowledge helps us to be more confident about our actions and clear on our decisions.” By knowing who I am I can begin to make decisions that boost my resiliency.  It only makes sense that if I don’t know where I am at as a person, how can I accurately chart a new course to where I want to go? I have taken various personality assessments.  I know that I am an INTJ, but that is just the start of exploring who I am.  I need to be mindful to dig deeper and be more purposeful in knowing myself.  What I also found useful was having staff engage in these assessments so that they can know themselves and each other.  The more I understand the learning moves of my staff, the more effectively I can serve them.  A quote that really stuck with me on this topic was, “Understanding your own personality and that of others helps cultivate empathy and self-compassion— and anything we can do that cultivates those states is a priority.”

 

 I also really resonated with the concept of a strength-based approach.  We know that a deficit mindset towards our students is a dangerous approach and the same is true for those whom we lead.  “With knowledge of your unique talents, aptitudes, and interests, you play to your strengths and wisely direct your energy.”  The text suggested that should be spending at least 50% of your time engaging in strength-based workflow.  Is that true for my daily work?  Is it true for those whom I lead?  I need to consider the strengths we bring more than the deficits that need filling.    

I also connected with the quote, “All the research on resilience has found that resilient people are firm and clear on their purpose.”  Simon Simek talks a lot about knowing your “why” and the “how” and the “what” will follow.  Too often when we struggle as a learning community it is because we differ on our purpose, our arrows are not pointing in the same direction.  This can lead to frustration, disappointment, anger, and ultimately, despair.  How do I as a leader create a unified purpose for our work?  That is the challenge of any leader.   When are purpose becomes aligned, then our energy, our focus serves in function to that purpose.  It’s easier to wake up in the morning or work late into the night when you know your efforts are going toward a collective,  intentional,and meaningful purpose.  You gain a shared responsibility to the cause and that responsibility connects you and inspires you to persevere through challenges, fortified by the strength of the collective learning community.  

I will admit that until I took a leadership course two years ago, I had not heard of emotional intelligence.  I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I just didn’t know about it.  It changed everything for me. Understanding self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management skills has helped me see that, as the author states, “it is a set of learned abilities”.  Well heck, with a growth mindset I can learn anything, so I just needed to be intentional about my emotional intelligence.  It’s an interesting thing though because it isn’t something you have and then suddenly you’re all good.  It’s a constant growth piece, at least for me.  

Another  key takeaway for this chapter was the sentence: “Learn to recognize your emotions as messengers, as potential sources of energy, and as a fact of human existence. This allows you to pause when emotions come barreling in and to understand what they want to tell you. Change how you think about emotions and you'll change how you experience them.”  That’s everything right there.  If we can help teachers to engage in the practice of intentionally pausing to identify their emotions, especially in times of anger, they will be better prepared to respond to their emotions in a positive, productive, and healthy manner.  

Finally, I just loved the sentence, “You are responsible for knowing your anger.”  As a society, we all just need to hear that over and over again so we can learn to slow down, breathe low and not fall prey to the amygdala hijack.  I will use this with my students.  They need to know that anger is a real and valid emotion. The aggression that comes from it however, is most certainly not.  That’s such a great way to frame the thinking.  I really appreciated this chapter.    

The 10 tips for dealing with difficult people was also highly beneficial to me.   Some key ones that stood out to me were: 

1. “Cultivate awareness of common ground. It's there, somewhere.”

The idea that there is something somewhere within this difficult conversation that we can connect on and build from, brings me hope and the courage to be persistent. 

2. “Make sure you're not holding on to a fixed mindset about their ability to grow“

I know for a fact that I have done this.  Reminding myself that everyone has the ability to grow, especially the people who challenge me most, is a great way to approach difficult conversations.

3. “Stay clear about your own values.”  

I have to remember as a building leader that healthy tension can be okay, especially when it comes to core values.  Letting go of what I believe in for the sake of harmony isn’t leadership at all.

I also resonated with the comment that, “if you've got a difficult person in your organization, you need to act with compassion for all of the other people who are affected by this person— the students, staff, and community.”  We had to dismiss a teacher this year for this very reason.  It was hard, not fun in any which way, but the actions of this teacher were draining the energy right out of the school.  We cared for this teacher and did all we could within our abilities to coach her, but she just would not change, and in the end, our ethical dilemma resulted in supporting the community over the individual. It felt cold, but it was an act of compassion for first and foremost the students, but also the staff and the learning community as a whole.    

Equanimity was a new concept for me. “When we accept the way things are, we can think ‘Now, what can be done’?”.  That is a sentence that needs to be posted in every school in the world.  It instantly focuses my energy to do everything I can do within what we have.  As a colleague once told me, “Let’s stop talking about what we can’t do and focus our energy on what we can do.” it shifted my mindset from the mystical “they” who were holding me back and created a great self-efficacy in the power I do have to engender transformational change.