Eng. 12 Paragraph for agreeing by Gretchen Monroe

INSTRUCTIONS

gmonroe4 — 2023-12-14 14:29:47 UTC

Put your name at the top of a pad. Copy a paragraph from your paper that you think is perfect example of AGREEING WITH YOUR POSITION.

The paragraph should have the same components as the example on this screen:

arguable topic sentence
leads up to evidence
uses a signal phrase to introduce evidence (that is concise and limited into a few sentences)
uses sentence templates
a transitional phrases that leads into commentary
commentary that explains the evidence

If you don't have a paragraph that has these elements, rewrite it on here.

Cade Marshbanks

2023-12-14 16:05:48 UTC

There are lots of research papers that are written claiming violent video games are causing violence in juvenile players, especially young men, but those reports are full of inconsistencies and false claims that have not been proven. A study in 2011 (Which study?) claimed that if every game the player completed was slightly more angry and aggressive than the last, then the pent up rage would gradually increase overtime until aggressive or violent acts erupted as a consequence. This claim was debunked in 2020 by an article written by Alex Hern. Hern stated in his article, “But this study finds no evidence for such an accumulation, and in fact finds evidence pointing in the opposite direction. (Hern, 2020) This single handedly disproves the primary argument of those who stand by the false claim that video games cause violence.

Interesting paragraph! You support your claim by derailing the counter argument within the same paragraph. I think this works, just be careful that all evidence is explained, and use signal phrases to indicate that you are explaining evidence - phrases like "This means" "This shows" "This demonstrates" and so on. Also, make sure all evidence is cited.

Caden Bowen

2023-12-14 16:27:48 UTC

As hunting might be considered by few as a barbaric sport today, hunters say otherwise. “A lot of people, even some of those who hunt, don’t realize that many of the costs of hunting help fund research, projects, and organizations dedicated to environmental conservation” (Lawrence Bay Lodge, para. 3). Hunting apparently (if you're sure of this, then cite the information. if you aren't sure, which is what "apparently" indicates, then don't say this) brings in over a ‘hundred million dollars’ (where did this statistic come from?)every year which go to conservation efforts. Some don’t realize (who doesn't realize?) but the money that hunters spend every year on guns, ammo, hunting liscenses, animal tags, and other required fees are used to fund research, projects, and organizations dedicated to environmental conservation efforts. “Hunting also boosts our economy. Hunting provides funding for conservation and wildlife management. Hunting promotes a healthier lifestyle. Hunting strengthens interpersonal relationships, especially with youth.” (Greg Warner, para. 15) Good evidence, but you need to explain the evidence with commentary, which means I should see commentary after the evidence, starting with a signal phrase such as "This means" or "This data shows" or "This explains". Also, if this paragraph is about hunting conservation, then make sure that is part of the arguable topic sentence.

Jacob Hans

2023-12-14 16:35:15 UTC

Proponents of cryptocurrency argue that a currency can operate efficiently, and perhaps even more effectively, without government supervision and interference. Separating currency from government and banks, they argue, can also eliminate the problems that come with inflation. Supporters of cryptocurrencies argue that decentralized digital units of exchange are in many ways superior to traditional fiat money. Cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin remove human error and government overreach from financial transactions, they contend, protecting users from inflation and the unnecessary fees, restrictions, and risks that come from working within the traditional monetary system. Currencies such as Bitcoin, are "decentralized" units of exchange because no government or central authoritative power issues them or enacts policies that affect their value or supply. However economist Nouriel Roubini, a professor at New York University, testified before the U.S. Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Community Affairs in 2018. He contended that, in contrast to the U.S. dollar, which is backed by the government, the value in Bitcoin relies on the perception of investors that there is value in it. "Cryptocurrencies have no intrinsic value, whereas fiat currencies certainly do, because they can be used to pay taxes," Roubini testified. "Fiat currencies are legal tender and can be used and are used to buy any good or service; and they can be used to pay for tax liabilities. They are also protected from value debasement by central banks committed to price stability.… 99.9% [of] all crypto-currencies instead have no backing whatsoever of any sort and have no intrinsic value of any sort." There needs to be commentary coming out of these statistics tell me what they mean. That would look like using a signal phrase such as "This statistics mean" or "This data demonstrates" and then tell me what the evidence says and why it matters, after the evidence.

Grace Lichti

gracelichti — 2023-12-14 16:35:42 UTC

Compared to the typical automobile, self-driving cars have a substantially lesser percentage of reported car-accidents due to their high intelligence-technology, making them factually safer. Driving safety is a common agreement COMMON AGREEMENT?, everyone wants a decrease in car crashes which leads to injuries and deaths, with each year sadly rising in number. A more “consistent driver” behind the wheel is the solution to this desired redemption of safety on our roads. Conventional studies claim that self-driving cars have been intelligently tested, without the constant distractions humans encounter. According to Distracted Driving Statistics and Facts in 2023, about 3,000 people die in auto accidents due to distracted driving every year, along with government data identifying driver behavior or error as a factor in 94% of crashes. More than 40,000 Americans die in motor vehicle crashes every year, which is certainly preventable with these modern driverless machines. Infobase acknowledges, “fatigue, distraction, intoxication, and aggression all contribute to accidents. Advocates for self-driving technology express hope that the introduction of autonomous cars will dramatically reduce injury and loss of life on roadways” (Infobase, 2023).THIS EVIDENCE IS GOOD BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH IN THIS PARAGRAPH WITH THE PREVIOUS STATISTICS AND FACTS ~~Basically, this article is sayin~~g IN OTHER WORDS, OR THIS MEANS THAT self-driving car supporters are hopeful that having a high-technological vehicle will decrease the amount of distractions and eventual accidents on the road. These autonomous vehicles are crafted with consistent genius innovation, not based on inconsistent human fault, and are much more assurring to the defensiveness and assertiveness of drivers behind the wheel. Professionals tell us we can rest assured that riding in these wisely-crafted vehicles can reduce our accident-threats and create a safer environment in automobile transportation.

The commentary is good, but it lacks appropriate signal phrases introducing it, like "This means" or "in other words." Also, there are at least three different pieces of evidence in this paragraph and I don't know to which you are responding. Good arguable topic sentence and choices of evidence but narrow it down to a specific set of details or statistics to each paragraph.

Ayla

2023-12-14 16:35:44 UTC

Included in the problems of antidepression drugs, there is an enormos lack of sufficient research. The research surrounding antidepressent drugs can be seen as unfinished, becuase of the newness surrounding most of them. For many, not all of the side effects have been found. There are limited long-term studies done on the effects of these antidepressants, especially ondeveloping brains. Because of this there is unknown impact on the cognitive development of children effected by these drugs. Further research is needed to understand the potential risks and benefits of these drugs. Additionally, more research is needed on the effectiveness of these drugs in treating depression in children. I get what this paragraph is about, and I can see that it is arguable and it supports an arguable thesis; however, as a model paragraph I'm not seeing evidence (facts, statistics, analogies, stories...)

Carter

2023-12-14 16:36:18 UTC

THIS IS NOT AN ARGUABLE TOPIC SENTENCE - IT IS INFORMATIVE. First and most important, social media provides many educational opportunities. Real-time communications increase student engagement, communication, and overall participation. According to the National Center of Education, 77% of public schools use technology in the classroom, and that is only increason still today. Also, nearly 70% of all students claim online instruction to be as good as or better than in a traditional classroom setting. Many students may find it easier to participate in online discussions than in the classroom environment. Students have the ability to easily ask peers and their teacher questions about assignments outside of class. Social media also allows students and teachers to easily share helpful resources at any given time. There are many platforms that Universities use to promote their education opportunities and show students that they are looking for further education about what they have to provide. These Universities also provide many online courses, tutorials, and educational communities, enhancing children's learning experiences. About 30% of students in 2023 take exclusively online college classes. 76% of students reported that they viewed college accounts on a social network, slightly up from 73% in 2021. 85% of college coaches surveyed by cornerstone reputation reported that they have used social media to recruit high school athletes to their University for athletics along with academics.

There are too many details in this paragraph, in terms of facts and statistics, and not enough of drawing conclusions from them. I'm not sure of the overarching idea of this paragraph, and paragraphs should have one overarching idea that pulls it all together. Remember, you have to give commentary on the details as to why you have included them. What does the evidence you have presented, mean towards your claim? Also, if this is a paragraph that supports your position, I expect to see a topic sentences that is arguable - you have taken a position on something. I'm also not seeing signal phrases that consistently lead into and out of evidence.

Peter

2023-12-14 16:36:34 UTC

Some people think that Government agencies have too much access to people's DNA especially considering how much DNA can reveal, however having access to DNA helps solve crimes and protect the citizens. With the introduction of DNA evidence into the criminal investigative industry there have been many cases that were solved. Before Police figured out how to use DNA to solve crimes there were many cases that would go unsolved because there was no way to trace the criminal. Once DNA evidence had been introduced, there was an increase in the percentage of crimes solved. In 1983 only 21% of ongoing cases were solved, however in 1984 there was an estimated 52% of ongoing cases solved. THESE STATISTICS DEMONSTRATE THAT DNA evidence has allowed for a greater percentage of crimes to be solved. If there were to be even more restrictions on how much access is given to law enforcement, there would be cases that would go unsolved.

THIS COULD BE A SEPARATE PARAGRAPH...If the options are to allow more access to DNA, or restrict the access to DNA, the smarter choice would be to allow access in order to help protect the citizens of the US. Some people would disagree with this, saying “what if they accidentally collect my DNA instead of the criminals?” This is possible, however ~~based on what I found~~ there have been very few cases where the DNA evidence was wrong, and even fewer where they collected the wrong person's DNA. COMBINE THESE SENTENCES: Most of the cases involving the use of DNA are a lot more consequential cases. Most of the time DNA is used in cases of rape or murder. In these cases it is very easy for police to find the DNA; and when in cases of murder if the police find the DNA on the weapon it is easy for them to find the person, and in cases of rape, after collecting DNA, police are able to find the criminal.

COULD PROBABLY START ANOTEHR PARAGRAPH HERE:Although it may be easy for police to find the DNA evidence, connecting that evidence to a person can sometimes be difficult when police are given access to DNA databases, they can either find the person directly or use forensic genetic genealogy to find the person through relatives. John Noughton says “The scale of these databases means they could be used to identify a DNA profile even through distant family relationships.”(Noughton, 2019) THIS QUOTE IS talking about companies that hold onto millions of peoples DNA. If this access was to be further restricted, the police may never be able to find the criminal. This further explains the importance DNA evidence has within our criminal justice system.

LOOKING GOOD. think of dividing up your thoughts into shorter paragraphs. Nice use of introducing evidence, and explaining it. check on signal phrases.

Mercy Thies

2023-12-14 16:37:06 UTC

While there are some professions you absolutely need a degree to work in that field ~~but,~~there are plenty of well paid positions that you can be accepted into without a degree. Of course there are some jobs that getting a degree is a non - negotiable, like being a doctor, nurse, veterinarian, dentist, and more. If you are like me, and not wanting to go into a healthcare field, or wanting a high level of math or science, then I would rather lean towards saving my money and finding a highpaying job with my highschool diploma. “Between 2020 and 2030, BLS projects that about 60 percent of new jobs in the economy will be in occupations that do not typically require an associate’s, bachelor’s, or graduate degree.” (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics [BLS], 2023). THESE STATISTICS DEMONSTRATE The need for a degree is decreasing each year, and many companies are looking for people to go right into a work field right after high school. There are plenty of high paying jobs that you can find that will allow you to just start making money, instead of going to get a degree and then having the debts from college. ~~BLS gave some basic jobs that you can do right out of high school which included jobs within construction and instilation like~~SOME EXAMPLES OF WELL PAYING JOBS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE A DEGREE WOULD BE: Wind Terbine service technicians, Solar photovoltaic installers, Security and fire alarm systems installers, Floor layers, except carpet, wood, and hard tiles, Tile and stone setters. ~~You can also get a job doing maintenance and repair which would include:~~ industrial machinery mechanics, Commercial divers, Aircraft mechanics and service technicians, Mobile heavy equipment mechanics, except engines and, Farm equipment mechanics and service technicians. ~~This is just the beginning, there are many more job options in many different fields you desire.~~ Y~~ou could make betwee~~nANNUAL SALARIES FOR THIS JOBS COULD BE $50,000 to over $100,000 ~~annually with these jobs.~~ Even though you can have lot of opportunities within these jobs, some people would rather go to college and get a degree so that these jobs are more accessible, but with the constantly changing job market this may not be the best idea.

Great information in here! Pretty long - work at wording more concisely, and be sure to stay focused on an arguable topic sentence.

Arisyn

arisynbratt — 2023-12-14 16:38:41 UTC

Abolishment of capital punishment would cause chaos. According to George Hayes. "It is plainly evident that if capital punishment were abolished and the blood-curdling assaults were unpunishable by death, mob violence would be supreme. If the death penalty were to be removed from our statue-books, the tendency to commit deeds of violence would be heightened owing to this problem" (Eberhart, p. 243). According to this, getting rid of the death penalty would cause the crime rate to start to rise, and there would be more violence starting to rise due to the idea that the only punishment is time in prison. With capital punishment, people begin to think more about the effects of their actions. Excellent

Joy Blocker

2023-12-14 17:10:52 UTC

The mother should be in charge of this decision because the kid is too young to decide whether or not they should go through surgery that would do permanent damage to their body. A website called Formula Plus gives a great example of why the parent should be the ones to consent to their child's gender affirmation. They state " What are you quoting? I don't see the end "For example, let's say you want to take your student on a field trip. While they may be excited about the trip, you just can't take the children's word for it. it. This means you must ensure their children's participation in this activity. Formula Plus. (2022, November 3). Dont forget a signal phrase to indicate that you are explaining the evidence. Although the child might think it's a great idea, it does not mean you should take their word for it. The decision should still be made by you as their legal guardian, not your child who most likely hasn't considered both the negative and the positive of the choice they are about to make. This is lacking a distinct topic sentence. Have you considered something like "Parents should always be involved in decisions about surgery for their children."

Jake Watson

2023-12-14 19:01:01 UTC

For a very long time, there has been an increase in the gun problem in both America and the rest of the world. What is the reason behind this, as the problem seems to be getting worse every year? How do we put an end to it? We need to understand the problem in order to fully understand the events that have occurred in American history and how they have been handled by the American people and government. Understanding the various reasons that contribute to a person's desire to cause such a horrific event is essential to finding a solution. The nation was rocked by the Columbine High School massacre in 1999, which was the country's first school shooting. The frequency of mass shootings has increased dramatically since that day at Columbine, have any statistics on this? and for the majority of Americans, they have become the norm. This could possibly be the start of a new paragraph. There are certain recurring patterns among the individuals carrying out these horrific shootings. Numerous individuals responsible for the shootings have either experienced bullying at school, come from dysfunctional homes with absent parents, or had excessive internet access. Since everyone in today's society has unrestricted access to the internet, it is easier for mentally ill people to purchase illegal guns behind the government’s back. While many believe that removing people's access to firearms will resolve the issue, we actually need to address the common tendencies among those who commit these severe crimes. By concentrating on both the laws governing the purchase of a firearm and the mental health of Americans, we can discover solutions to the issue.

I think this is your introduction - correct? If it is, it is well worded, and I think I'm looking at a really well done two sentence claim. If this is mean to be an evidentiary support paragraph, I'd expect to see more specific evidence.

Luke Reiling

lukereiling — 2023-12-14 19:01:23 UTC

Just as hunting has changed the way people hunt animals, the same can be said about Americans' opinions about hunting. The article, Animal Population Control: Should Hunting be Used as a Means of Animal Population Control, says, “Supporters of hunting, many of whom are hunters themselves, say that killing animals is the most effective means to lower certain animal populations to environmentally sustainable levels.” This matters because the hunters believe this is the most efficient way to control animal population and to maintain a balanced ecosystem.

Excellent paragraph, Luke.

Gabe

2023-12-14 19:28:10 UTC

Humans are a bigger threat to the world than artificial intelligence. "We have no real idea how to build an intelligence that is reflective, self-aware and able to transfer skills and experience effortlessly from one domain to another…. The threat as ever is us(“Artificial Intelligence,” 2023). According to Shadbolt, saying “threat as ever is us,” implies that it is not the creation that is dangerous, but the creator. It depends on how we use artificial intelligence to help us or harm us. The potential goal of artificial intelligence is to make self aware, which could be dangerous to humans if it is smarter than us and can think on its own. So Shadbolt is referring to us being good stewards of artificial intelligence by not pioneering it to self-awareness but to other avenues like making work life easier for occupations.

Excellent work, Gabe. Perfect paragraph.

Reese

2023-12-14 19:31:25 UTC

Even though abstinence culture has been taught and pushed for a long time, parents need to shift their mindset to realize that is not the best way or not the only way? to teach kids about sex. Parents educate their children about so many dangerous things in the world around them, like hot stoves or suspicious people handing out candy. We do combine these sentencesthis so that they are aware of what might happen and to help them make good decisions. The same should be done for ~~could be said for~~ sex education. Heritage Foundation points to a 2004 Zoby international poll “which found that 91% of parents with children aged 17 or younger wanted teens to be taught to abstain from sexual activity during their high school years.” Though I concede that many parents will always think that their kids are trying to abstain, I still insist that kids will be kids, and while in some cases abstinence-only education works many others decide to go against their parents will and go into it uneducated. Simply wanting them to abstain is not the same as educating them about why they should abstain.

Great paragraph, Reese. I suggested some small changes to help it read a little more smoothly, but you have the right idea. Good use of templated sentence structures!

Emma

2023-12-14 19:34:29 UTC

Many see that children who participate in beauty pageants also struggle with pride and entanglement in their self-worth due to attention when they were younger. These girls become proud of how they look, but because they are only used to receiving admiration when they are all done up, their image is completely misconstrued. According to writer Andrew Stephen (2010), pageant girls "learn that they are being valued only by conforming to an idealized, unreal version of feminine beauty, while the parents...grow only to measure their self-worth by their children's triumphs and losses. The result is hollow children and narcissistic parents." (para. 31) Use a signal phrase here, such as "This means" or "This shows" or something appropriate that indicates that you are going to comment on the evidence.These arrogant girls don’t know their true beauty due to their younger selves. They used to find their dignity in the pageants and how they looked, but now they don’t know who they truly are. This is dangerous because now they don’t know where to find themselves and what their purpose is.

Good paragraph, Emma! Remember the use of signal phrases coming out of evidence and into commentary, that indicate you are explaining what the evidence means and why it matters.

Rylee

ryleehennecke — 2023-12-15 14:06:36 UTC

The reliability of diesel has been tested time again and again. Meanwhile electric trucks are an up and coming invention. While the strengths of an electric fleet are definitely worth mentioning; to the owners of trucking companies it doesn’t economically make sense to invest millions. The reason it’s millions is because an overhaul of the maintenance infrastructure, converting their pre-existing fleet of diesel trucks to electric, or buying an entire new fleet of electronic models isn’t profitable.

Isaac

isaacbakirane — 2023-12-15 19:52:09 UTC

When it comes to the dress code at public schools, there’s never a full solution. No matter what side of the fence you find yourself on, there’s always going to be some part you disagree with. Even if you find yourself 100 percent one one side there’s always going to be an argument, because no one else sees it exactly how you do. I have read articles for, against and somewhere in between. In one particular article that told both sides of the issue, titled “School uniforms,” it mentioned the problems with requiring all students to wear uniforms.

Avaree

2023-12-15 20:24:53 UTC

While shark finning is a problem that needs to be dealt with, banning shark fins from the fishing industry might not be the answer we thought it would be. To start off, the United States of America has a very large fish trade, banning shark fins would impact this area of trade greatly. Banning shark fins would not only impact the trade but the consequences would primarily fall on the fishermen. Assistant administrator from NOAA Chris Oliver states that the United States exports approximately 1 percent of all globally traded shark fins, and we import an even smaller percentage. With such a low percentage, the impact really only falls onto the fishermen. Once the industry ban shark fins these fishermen end up loosing thousands of dollars that go towards their profit. Loosing such a large amount of income will be very harmful towards these fishermen as they lose money to not only take care of themselves but they will also begin to struggle with providing and taking care of their families. With such a low percentage of impact, banning shark fins wouldn’t really hold all that much influence towards the species however, the impact to fishermen could be irreversable.