Crying by Together with Baby

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 13:06:16 UTC

This page has been designed to help normalise how difficult it can be as a parent to be with a crying baby and hopefully offer some useful tips.

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 13:11:40 UTC

If you are worried that there could be a health concern causing your baby to cry you can contact your midwife, health visitor, or GP who can support you.

Communication

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:01:30 UTC

One of the main ways a baby communicates is through crying. Their cries are a way of telling their caregiver that they need something. This is otherwise known as 'cues'.

A baby's needs may be physical, for example telling you that they are hungry, wet, tired, or something physically is wrong e.g. upset tummy, etc. Or they may be emotional and social, such as a need for comfort, interaction, or mental stimulation etc.

Below are a list of needs which might be helpful to consider (but this list is not exhaustive)

Self-care - in the moment

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:03:58 UTC

Here are some tips for looking after yourself in the present moment when your baby is crying:

Ensure baby is in a safe spot and have a short break away, get fresh air, count to ten, have a sip of water, etc
Take slow, deep breaths
Use positive affirmations - "I can handle this" or another which feels good for you
Use grounding techniques when feeling overwhelmed (5-4-3-2-1 & butterfly hug - see below)
Remind yourself that the crying will stop
Remember that the feelings you are having will pass
Remember that your baby loves you and you are doing your best
Try to access and accept the support around you
Be kind to yourself

Shark Music

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:04:40 UTC

When our baby is crying and expressing their needs it can activate difficult feelings within us as parents. This video explains the idea of "shark music" and how we can manage when faced with those difficult feelings.

Physical Needs

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:05:10 UTC

Hungry
Tired
Wet nappy
Pain / discomfort
Constipated
Wind
Reflux
Too hot / too cold

Emotional & Social Needs

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:05:15 UTC

Affection and comfort - kisses/ cuddles/ touch
Connection and interaction - seeing caregivers face/ hearing their voice/ receiving joy and delight
A sense of safety in their environment
Gentle sensory input from the world
Finished with playtime
Wanting more playtime

Cry-sis Helpline

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:13:36 UTC

Cry-sis are a charitable organisation set up originally by a group of mums to support other mums that are struggling with their baby's cries.

The cry-sis website has various helpful resources and ways to connect with peer support. They also have a helpline that you can call on 0800 448 0737, available 7 days a week 9am-10pm

The Wonder Weeks: Developmental Stages/ Leaps

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:18:51 UTC

The wonder weeks website outlines the developmental/ growth leaps that babies experience and can be helpful to understand why your baby might be particularly unsettled at certain time points

Back to Homepage

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:24:02 UTC

This information page has been created by Together with Baby. We are Essex's Parent-Infant Mental Health Service. If you have any questions about the content on this page or would like to discuss our support, please contact us on 01621 866900. Click on the link here to return to the main platform.

Your baby's experience

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:27:51 UTC

Thinking about your baby's transition from being in the womb to being in the world can be helpful for understanding their cries. Your baby is learning all about their new environment and how you as their caregiver can meet their needs.

Each day they are finding out how to attach, survive, and adapt to their new world. Your baby is learning as much about your behaviour and responses to them as you are about theirs!

In the womb babies have all their needs met with minimal effort. For example, babies in the womb are:

Fed without effort
Constantly connected to their caregiver
In a warm & cosy environment
Protected from harsh loud sounds as they are muffled
Protected from harsh bright lights as they are in darkness
Soothed by their mothers' movements and the amniotic fluid which feels nice against skin
In an environment that is largely consistent and predictable

How might it feel coming into the world after being in the womb?

Our environment is very different and babies will be exposed to lots of new sensory and social input. From the moment they are born, babies need to learn about their new environment to build a sense of safety and ensure their needs are met.

Some example of new experiences are:

The brightness of lights
Loud sounds
New faces and voices
New sensations - clothing, materials, people's hands, gravity
Stretching limbs out
Needing to signal their needs to their caregiver and learning what responses they will get

Can you think of any more?

This critical period for the baby can sometimes be referred to as the 'fourth trimester'. Look at the next section about crying in the first few months of life to find out more.

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:35:41 UTC

When we are experiencing heightened anxiety it can be difficult to remain in the present moment. One way to manage this is through using 'grounding techniques' that pay attention to your senses in the present moment. Try this sensory grounding technique.

ICON Website

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:57:19 UTC

ICON's message:

I – Infant crying is normal
C –Comforting methods can help
O – It’s OK to walk away
N – Never, ever shake a baby

Crying plan

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 14:58:52 UTC

Here is a plan made by the charity ICON that you can personalise and use to guide you when your baby's cries feel overwhelming

Anxiety / fear of judgement from others

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 15:24:02 UTC

Being in public with a crying baby can activate worries about drawing attention to ourselves, disturbing others, feeling like others think we are a bad parent.

How can we challenge this? What might other people actually think? What would you say to a friend who is struggling with their baby's cries?

Shaking

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 15:52:36 UTC

It is expected that at times you will feel frustrated when your baby is crying. If feeling this way it can be best to put them in a safe place/ with a person you trust and take a few moments away to ease some of your frustration. In some cases a parent's frustration has led to shaking their baby, which can cause lifelong injuries and even death. The ICON website explains what shaken baby syndrome is.

Colic

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 16:24:05 UTC

Colic is a condition where babies cry for long periods but with no obvious cause. Some believe it can be linked to digestive difficulties such as reflux or cows milk allergy. Colic is very common and often resolves when baby is around 3-4 months old.

If you have concerns please contact your health visitor / other medical professional who can advise you on this. Attached here is the NHS guidance for colic.

Self-care - general

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-09 16:52:02 UTC

As the saying goes, we need to put our own oxygen masks on before helping others to put theirs on. This advice can be useful to think about with parenting. When we are struggling to care for ourselves it can feel even harder to care for another. Having a baby changes our lives in lots of ways and one of the main changes is reduced time for self-care.

However where possible it can be very beneficial to prioritise our self-care, some examples include:

Eating and sleeping well
Leaning on our support network to take some time to ourselves
Seeing friends
Doing the things we enjoy - hobbies, TV, reading, pampering
Practicing mindfulness
Being kind to yourself and remember the changes that you have gone through. If you are a birthing parent - remember the biological/hormonal changes that happen post-partum
Accessing professional support if needed
Remembering that you and your baby are learning about each other

Learning from each other

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-10 13:26:59 UTC

This video helps to explain baby behaviours and can support you to think about what your baby might be trying to tell you.

How do my emotions impact my baby?

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-10 13:57:38 UTC

We know that hearing your baby cry can feel upsetting, exhausting, and overwhelming. Research has found that a parent's stress/ cry - >info to be added<

overwhelm, co-regulation, being with skills

Butterfly hug

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-10 14:04:34 UTC

A short and gentle way to ground and soothe yourself

How to stay calm when your baby won't stop crying

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-13 11:00:16 UTC

A link to a blog with tips on how to stay calm with a crying baby

How much crying is normal for a baby?

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-13 11:00:34 UTC

The web-page is helpful for thinking about when we might want to seek further support with our baby's cries. The NCT website has lots of other useful resources for babies generally!

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-16 14:25:59 UTC

Babies are unique individuals with their own likes and dislikes and will all express their needs in their own ways. Over time many parents will begin to learn what their baby's cries mean and baby will learn about how their parent responds to them.

Because of this, there is no manual to tell us exactly what our baby's cries mean and it is instead we 'learn on the job'. This might feel harder or take a little longer for some parents and that's okay. The resources below and the team at Together with Baby can help you better understand your baby's communication and build a stronger connection with each other.

The Fourth Trimester link

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-16 14:49:46 UTC

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a25019365/your-baby-and-the-fourth-trimester

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-16 15:14:08 UTC

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-16 15:17:39 UTC

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-16 16:48:45 UTC

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-20 16:18:29 UTC

It is normal to feel sad or frustrated when your baby is crying and it's expected that sometimes it will feel overwhelming. We all bring our own experiences into parenthood and there are certain aspects of parenting that will feel harder for some than others.

Working with your Together with Baby therapist can provide a space to explore why certain emotions or areas of parenting feel harder for you. For now, there are some resources below that you might find helpful for thinking about why it feels so hard to hear your baby crying.

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-02-20 16:29:34 UTC

Babies feel safe when their caregiver is with them with their distress. Even at these very early stages of life, this teaches babies that it is okay to feel and express their emotions and that they can rely and trust their caregiver to support them through their distress.

When we are struggling it can feel hard to be available and present with our babies. This is why it is important for us to be able to soothe ourselves before we can start to soothe our babies.

Purple crying

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-04-20 09:35:49 UTC

The Period of PURPLE Crying is a new way to help parents understand this time in their baby's life, which is a normal part of every infant's development.

Crying and sleep

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-04-20 09:39:24 UTC

NCT guidance

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-04-20 09:41:25 UTC

Practical tips

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-04-20 09:42:02 UTC

If you're breastfeeding, let your baby suckle at your breast.
Having some gentle noise in the background may help distract your baby.
Some older babies like to use a bit of cloth or a blanket as a comforter.
Hold your baby or put them in a sling so they're close to you. Move about gently, sway and dance, talk to them and sing.
Rock your baby backwards and forwards in the pram, or go out for a walk or a drive. But limit how long your baby sleeps in a car seat to up to 30 minutes for newborns and up to 2 hours for babies. Even if they wake up again when you stop, at least you'll have had a break.
Find something for them to listen to or look at. This could be music on the radio, a CD, a rattle, or a mobile above the cot.
Try stroking your baby's back firmly and rhythmically, holding them against you or lying face downwards on your lap.
Baby massage - undress your baby and massage them gently and firmly. Avoid using any oils or lotions until your baby's at least a month old. Talk soothingly as you do it and keep the room warm enough. Some health centres and clinics run baby massage courses. For information, ask your midwife or health visitor.
Try a warm bath. This calms some babies instantly, but makes others cry even more.
Sometimes too much rocking and singing can keep your baby awake. You might find lying them down after a feed will help.
Change the environment/ temperature - go for a walk/step outside

Toddlers

TogetherWithBaby — 2023-04-20 09:44:46 UTC

As your baby becomes a toddler, their crying and emotional expressions may become more physical and feel harder to manage.

HALT technique - why is my toddler crying?

TogetherWithBaby — 2024-09-23 14:31:19 UTC

Hungry?

Angry?

Lonely?

Tired?

TogetherWithBaby — 2024-09-23 14:34:03 UTC

As your toddler's vocabulary increases, they may be able to describe how they feel. As with infants, a toddler's cries usually mean they are upset or need something, just stay close, and once you know they are not in pain or unwell try distracting them by playing or going outside, and do not feel guilty asking for some help.