“She [Mom] was like a steadfast tree, until you found yourself in a situation where you might not ever see her again-a tree that wouldn’t go away unless it was chopped down or pulled out.” (131)

“When I first brought the tree here, the roots were so scrawny...but when I dug it up, its roots had already spread far underground. I was impressed with its grit for life, its determination to survive somehow in the barren earth.” (234) - Mom, Ch 4

“My grandmother had a dream when I was being born. A cow with a shiny brown coat was, having just woken, raising its knees. My grandmother said I would be very energetic, since I was born just as the cow was using its energy to get up, and said that I should be well taken care of, because I would become the source of a lot of joy.” (227)

“As she stood in Seoul Station to board the train home…Mom’s eyes were ringed with tears. He thought then that her eyes looked like those of a cow, guileless and kind” (95)

“This is the same woman. Her eyes are the same. I herded cows when I was young, so I’ve seen eyes like hers, earnest and gentle. I recognized her even though she looked different because those eyes were the same.” (108)

“One night…North Korean soldiers…swarmed into the village and tried to drag the [cow] away. You wouldn’t let go of the cow, even though they kicked you, beat you up. You ran after the cow…and even when you were beaten...you didn’t cry.” (151)

“She had a cut on her foot”...“She says his mom was wearing blue plastic sandals, one of which was cutting into her foot near her big toe, and a piece of flesh had fallen off…perhaps because she’d walked so far” (68) - stranger in Ch 1

“The woman tells him that flies buzzed around and landed near the pus-filled wound, and that his mom kept shooing them away with her hand, as if she was irritated…even though the gash looked painful, she kept staring into the office as if she didn’t feel it” (68)

“[T]he shoes Mom had on when she went missing were low-heeled beige sandals. Father had told him. But the woman who had told him that Mom’s sandals had cut into her foot because she had walked so far had definitely said they were blue” (78) - Chihon

“With that kind of cut, it’s normal to scream when it’s being treated, but she didn’t react at all. Surprised me. The infection was so severe, pus kept oozing out. I don’t know how many times I disinfected it.” (107) - the pharmacist

Blue plastic sandals and wounds are interconnected symbols in the story. In the earlier chapters, the wound on Mom’s foot is noticed by all the strangers who see her; but the obvious and intense pain Mom endured was overlooked by her entire family. Also, only the strangers who have seen Mom in her missing state notice her blue plastic sandals, but the obvious blue shade is missed by the family, who mistakenly believe she was wearing beige sandals. These misunderstandings concerning Mom reflect the family's own lack of understanding about Mom herself--like what her own aspirations and desires are, the emotional and physical suffering she goes through everyday, etc. The blue sandals were originally worn to bring Mom comfort for her injured foot, however, as we see, they later turn out to hurt her by cutting into her foot when she “walks too far”. Likewise, Mom’s family is something she considers a blessing, but she has had to literally walk, or go too far, by giving up so much of her personal desires and her own time to care for them and this not only exhausts her mentally, but also physically through headaches. Furthermore, just as Mom shoves down her pain and hides it from the family, the injury on her foot is also something she does not address and she simply ignores the pain as if it’s not there. At the end of her life, Mom is reunited with her own Mom and the blue plastic sandals (her sacrifice) are finally taken off of her feet (which represent the burden of working 24/7 for her family being finally lifted so now she is free to live for herself without pain). 

Ancestral Rites: Important cultural tradition for those who participate. During the ancestral rite, food is prepared and families ask ancestors to watch over generations

• Enforces gender roles; women could not directly participate except to prepare food, only men could lead the rituals

Harvest Moon Festival: Chuseok in Korean. Holiday that celebrates the first full moon of the year according to the Korean lunar calendar. 

• Special time for Mom because it is the only time she gets to spend with the entire family gathered together now that her children are grown up.

Confucian and Neo-Confucian Influences on Gender Roles and the Patriarchal Structure in Korea

Korean Tradition and Culture (as presented in Please Look After Mom)

“I think this is the prettiest flower” - Mom on roses (114)

“You were caught off guard. You had never thought of Mom as separate from the kitchen. Mom was the kitchen and the kitchen was Mom. You never wondered, Did Mom like being in the kitchen?” - 55

Mom tells Chi-hon that at some point, the “kitchen felt like a prison” (61) and she would break jar lids to feel free. Still, she says what kept her going was “watching you kids sitting around the table, eating, with your spoons making a racket in the bowls, I felt like there was nothing else I wanted in the world” (62)

“So in those days it wasn’t about whether I liked the kitchen or not. If I made a big pot of rice and a smaller pot of soup, I didn’t think of how tired I was. I felt good that these were going into my babies’ mouths” (62) - theme of motherly sacrifice

“That day, in the subway car leaving Seoul Station, how many minutes did it take you to grasp that your wife wasn’t there in the moving subway car? You assumed that she had gotten on behind you.” (147)

“Since your wife has gone missing, your heart feels as if it will explode every time you think about your fast gait” (149)

Filial Piety

• Children are obedient and follow command of parents

Husband-wife relations (Family Hierarchy)

• Wife is obedient to husband

• Husband is head of household

Virtuous Woman Ideal

• "Good wife, wise mother"

• Sacrifices for family

 In Please Look After Mom, even despite being aware of her husband’s extramarital affairs, drinking problems, and his indifference and lack of care towards her, Mom continues to embrace her role as a ‘wise-mother good wife’ by not only putting up with her husband’s toxic behavior, but continuing to dedicate her time to tend to his needs, care for him and respect his wishes. Relates to how virtuous women were expected to be obedient to their husbands and tolerate abusive situations. Otherwise, they were criticized by society.

In Emotions In Korean Confucianism and Family: An Ecofeminist Perspective Professor of Philosophy, Jea Sophia Oh, brings up the ‘wise-mother good wife’ standard in context of how it has been used against Korean women, criticizing it for being “enforced by patriarchal society” and used as “a barometer to judge women as qualified or as relatively worthless” (Oh 321)

• i.e. in Please Look after Mom, ancestral rites are a Confucian tradition that enforce gender roles and expectations on women, and end up oppressing Mom by subjecting her to critiques of how she has failed her duty as a wife to prepare the skates

Symbols and Motifs

Problematic Symbolism

Sets aside her own goals and dreams for the sake of her children. This was expected to meet the "good mother" archetype in Confucian society.

Married off for economic purposes, had no say in it

Headaches - symbol of Mom's sacrifice, but her family doesn't pay much attention to them despite her literally passing out several times because of the pain

• “Mom got headaches? So severe that she couldn’t even cry?…You stared at the dark sunspots on the back of her hand, saturated with a lifetime of labor. (23)

• “But Mom’s headaches stole the smiles from her face. Her headaches jabbed at her soul, and slowly ate away at it…” (63)

Blue sandals and wounds - The cut Mom receives on her foot and the color of her sandals that only people looking from outside (strangers) notice and pay attention to symbolizes Mom's sacrifice for her family, which has led to her physical and mental pain that even her family doesn't notice.

Shaped by Neo-Confucian ideals, originated in Joseon Dynasty for South Korea

Often restricted women's rights by limiting them to the household/domestic sphere

Men are leaders in society and household

Woman's worth is rooted in her ability to fulfill and live up to the "good wife, wise mother" archetype