My aunts especially had short tempers and they would get upset over small things. Of course, they always knew to apologize when they were aware they were the ones in the wrong, but in the meantime while they were still upset, it was like walking on needles. A wrong look was enough to frustrate them even more. Sometimes whenever one of us talked to them, we could calm them down and have them understand our point of view, but there were occasions where somehow they would get even more upset. Seeing this happen reminds me that not everyone can talk things out immediately and sometimes need to be left alone with their own thoughts, and I believe that’s an example of being patient with someone. Whenever this happened, my brother, my cousin and I always made sure to leave the house to go swimming or on the walk to give them space and time. 

There’s also times when one of us would talk back if we were in a bad mood as well. That always led to more arguments and more tension, so although it’s not preferable it’s not like we could exactly help it, especially me. I’ve always had a bad habit of talking back even when I don’t mean or try to, and it’s always been hard to stop myself from getting defensive. However, whenever I accidentally talked back, I always got into trouble or I would say something I didn’t mean to say. I started to attempt to stop and control myself from talking back whenever I didn’t need to really defend myself, and doing so has helped keep what peace we had so we weren’t all grumpy for the entire day.

However, there were times when I got frustrated with my brother and my cousins. Being the only girl out of all the kids was annoying, since that meant I would be left out during activities that “weren’t for girls” and I’d be laughed at and bothered even when I was trying to mind my own business. Although we were kids and that’s just what kids do, all I ever wanted from them was to feel included and a part of what they were doing. I think the many occasions when I would run crying to my parents or to my aunts about how they were leaving me out did the trick and eventually they started to let me in on the boy stuff they were doing. 

One of my cousins in particular really frustrated me to the point of angry tears. He was the youngest out of all of us and also the most spoiled. Since he was the youngest, everyone in my family had tended to take his side, even if he was being unreasonable. He was selfish and didn’t know how to share or when to stop annoying someone, and it used to make me really upset. I knew deep down he couldn’t help it and that the way he was raised affected his behavior, but I still got frustrated. However, I began to watch how the adults in my family spoke to him. Whenever it seemed like he was going to start a fit, instead of giving in they would negotiate or firmly tell him why he couldn’t do whatever ridiculous thing he was trying to do. Before I paid attention to the way they spoke to him, I would just frequently get into arguments with him because I didn’t like his attitude or because he would say something to hurt my feelings on purpose. I changed how I acted and while I didn’t give in to him and do whatever he wanted, I would make sure to keep a level head and try to get him to understand my point of view. Whenever he made me upset, I would take a second to cool down and talk to him about it or ask one of my aunts to talk to him about it instead rather than get mad. 

Although my cousin used to upset me a lot when we were younger, the guidance from my family has taught him that his former behavior wasn’t okay and he’s now been able to control his emotions. Watching the way my family treated him taught me how to control myself as well and to be patient with the people around me. What I’ve learned has helped me since today, like in situations when I used to volunteer at my kung fu dojo. There used to be many kids that were fussy and would throw temper tantrums. At first I would be scared to help them and I was worried I would snap at them but when I remember how I used to treat my cousin, I would be more patient. The learning experience I got when I was younger helps out a lot in my daily life and I’m grateful for that. 

When Covid hit, I became seriously unmotivated and I didn’t want to do anything at all because I couldn’t make myself do it. I laid in bed all day staring at my chromebook as I watched the time go by, and at the end of the day it wasn’t just my parents being disappointed in me, it was also myself. I used to dislike myself so much for not being able to do something I used to be able to do and while my obsession with being perfect went away, I couldn’t help but feel that it would’ve been better to force myself to do my work and beat myself up all the time than be the way how I was during quarantine. I was so convinced that my teachers thought I was being lazy and I just didn’t want to do my work, but when most of my teachers reached out to me and asked what they could do to help me get back on track or just sent me words of motivation, I felt better. It helped me feel like I didn’t have to cram all my work in one sitting all the time and it was okay to do everything over a period of time. They also helped me figure out that as long as I tried my hardest to get a good score, then it doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect. This has helped me a lot since then and I’ve been satisfied with most of my grades when I knew I deserved them.