Week 3 EXTRA Practice by Brad https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4 Write ONE body paragraph (80-100 words) en-us 2017-08-17 19:59:59 UTC 2023-02-14 02:59:56 UTC hello@padlet.com Brad bradm https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181525006 Hi everyone. Here is some optional extra writing practice. You are going to write ONE body paragraph (100 words), one sentence at a time.

To start, please refer to the Task topic.
Use the ideas to plan your body paragraph. DO NOT start writing until you have carefully planned your main points.

Then, write your topic sentence ONLY.

Please WAIT until I have read and approved each sentence before continuing. I would like to give you guided advice as you write.  ]]> 2017-08-17 20:18:41 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181525006 Miranda https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181573240 (Brad……So I need to write one paragraph to discuss both causes and effects right?）
[Yes]
Here is the topic sentence.

Marine pollution is mostly caused by human activity and results in human self (?) in some degree.

[A good start but the effect part is not expressed clearly. Can you improve it?]

(Actually, I mean human would suffer the consequences finally? but I'm not sure which phrase or word can express this.）

Marine pollution is mostly caused by human activity and results in several disadvantages in some degree.

[If you want to focus on human health effects only, use this expression... 'resulting in significant health risks.' OR if you prefer to be more general...'resulting in several serious impacts.']

(I can see the difference between ur two examples and I will choose the general one. Also, I just realized the importance of using “present continue” from ur example… it's a better expression to emphasize the serious effect is still continue, IF this is another point?) [Yes - you got it.]

Marine pollution is mostly caused by human activity and ,resulting in several serious impacts in some degree. At first, (Firstly,) human activity produces plenty of household and industrial waste which is not degradable in ocean.

[It is best not to qualify a topic sentence - it should be brief and to the point. At first, is more commonly used in spoken discourse.]

These (This) waste increases the burden of poor waste disposal, creating a dilemma where (the) government have (has) to get involved.

[Accurate and clear but is this sentence supporting your main point? You should be explaining HOW marine pollution is caused by human activity.]]]> 2017-08-18 05:49:47 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181573240 https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181606322 This is my topic sentence...
There are many factors that lead (to) the problem of marine pollution and also this problem will bring bad effects both in humans life and environment.

[awkward expression... Consider using a relative clause linking word rather than using 'and also' in the middle of the topic sentence. Topic sentence should be brief. How about this?... ', resulting in negative effects for both human health and the environment.']

[Actually, this may be a difficult paragraph to develop because your controlling idea contains "many factors" as well as "humans and the environment". Can you explain ALL of these points in just a 100-word body paragraph?]

Sorry, I didn't find we only need 100 words, I thought it was a big paragraph.  I will improve my topic sentence.

With the human activities, marine pollution is becoming very serious and it will bring many bad (negative) effects to the environment.

[This is better as it's more succinct - good. Yes, usually a body paragraph in UEEC is about 100 words (see task instructions).]

So whether I will (should I) continue to finsh the whole body paragraph, Brad?

[ONE sentence at a time please. I would Also like you to use the suggested sentence that I provided earlier. '...resulting in negative effects for the environment.']

With human activities, marine pollution is becoming very serious and it will bring many (,resulting in)negative effects to (for) the environment.

First and foremost, plastic bags is (are) being widely used in the whole world while[. stop] plastic is very harmful to the environment because they (it) cannot be broken down effectively which means it will disorder (damage) the marine ecosystem and it  directly result (in) the decline of biodiversity.

[It is more effective to start with a shorter sentence, followed by a longer explanation. It is also better for clarity.]

Secondly, with development of the society, there is no (not) enough place on the land(a lack of available land). So (As a result,) marine reclamation land has become the first choice (a priority) and it will lead (to) the unbalance in the ocean system. So (Therefore,) urgent actions must be taken by the government to solve this problem (the issue of marine pollution).

Thanks,Brad!!!!!!

[Although your second main point is clear and logical in expression, it doesn't really connect to the topic.]]]> 2017-08-18 12:18:56 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181606322 Lawrence https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181709396 Topic Sentence
One of the most direct causes for marine pollution is the entry of chemicals and residential waste into the ocean.

[Good work. Clearly and concisely expressed. Consider using 'discharge' or 'flow' instead of 'entry' as it doesn't collocate.]

Rewrite Topic Sentence
One of the most direct causes for marine pollution is the discharge of chemicals and residential waste into the ocean.

Supporting Idea (Give the background of discharge of chemicals)
With the needs of developing economics for all the countries in the world, the number of heavy industries has increased rapidly.

[The supporting idea should explain the reasons for the discharge more directly. This sentence is more like an introduction background, not support. Use 'with the need for rapid economic development...' and continue.]

Rewrite Supporting Idea (Give the background of discharge of chemicals)
With the need for rapid economic development, the number of heavy industries has increased rapidly.
As a result, more chemicals has (have) been produced. However, consider(ing) of the higher cost of diposition (disposal), the industry owners prefer (to) discharge (release) them into the ocean in secret.

[Combining these 3 sentences into 2, more direct and concise sentences would improve the academic style.]

Rewrite Supporting Idea (Give the background of discharge of chemicals and shows the effect)
With the need for rapid economic development, the number of heavy industries has increased rapidly which contributes to the increasing produced chemicals (increased chemical production). However, considering the high cost of disposal, the industry owners prefer to release them into the ocean in secret. These kinds of poor attitudes finally (ultimately) result in the harm to marine life.

[This is improved - more natural in expression. I can see you attempt to use noun phrases to improve academic style but not always successful. Compare 'the increasing produced chemicals' with 'increased chemical production'. How is it different?]

Supporting Idea 2 ( Give the background of residential waste)
Despite of (In addition to) chemicals (discharge), another significant aspect that causes  the marine pollution is residential waste.

[A concise topic sentence - good.]

I forgot chemical can be an adjective, so I try to use chemicals as the noun and use increasing to describe produced. The noun phrase ‘increased chemical production’ uses chemical production as the noun, word ‘chemical’ gives a definition to production, and finally use increased describe chemical production.

Supporting Idea 2 ( Give the background of residential waste)
In addition to chemicals discharge, another significant aspect that causes  the marine pollution is residential waste. Considering the convenience and handiness of plastic bags by many, it has been wid(e)ly used around the world. (globally)
(Taking the obvious convenience into consideration, plastic bags have been widely embraced.)

Rewrite Supporting Idea 2 ( Give the background of residential waste)
In addition to chemical discharge, another significant aspect that causes  the marine pollution is residential waste. Taking the obvious convenience into consideration, plastic bags have been widely embraced.

New sentence(show the effect)
However, without ultimate disposal of plastic bags, it can enter into the ocean through the ecosystem, which can not only damage to the ecosystem but also harm to marine life.
]]> 2017-08-19 02:19:36 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181709396 Annie 2 hejiayi0626 https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181716510 Incorrect (harmful) human activities contribute to several negative effects on marine lives (life) and (the) environment.

[A good start. You have used a clear controlling idea. The word 'incorrect' does not collocate with 'human activities - 'harmful' is more natural. Please continue with the next sentence.]

Thank you Brad, I will rewrite the sentence.

Rewrite
Harmful human activities contribute to several negative effects on marine life and human (health).
 
First and foremost, poor waste disposal is one of the worst phenomenon which leads to the harm to marine life. The industrial waste which (is) mixed with chemical and other toxic elements did not be (that is not) disposed of effectively may bring about suffocation and death to the marine life. Moreover, Domestic sewage is another origin. Owing to enormous salts in sewage, there is a considerable decrease in the percentage of oxygen which results in the death of them. (serious damage to ocean ecosystems.)

Additionally, toxicity in the food chain is a consequence of overuse of plastic bags. The increasing number of visitors and accidents on the sea might leave plenty of that. [this plastic.] After that, fish has the possibility to eat plastic bags which will finally be cooked for human, even (though) it is toxic.
 
Therefore, harmful human activities cause harm (damage) to marine life and toxicity in the food chain.

[This rewrite is an improvement, although there are still some unnatural expressions and poor word choices that can make your sentences vague and ambiguous - E.g. 'of them', 'of that'. Please try to be more clear and direct. Overall, the ideas are fairly logically linked.]
]]> 2017-08-19 07:33:50 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181716510 James kthouja https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181740625 Topic sentence

Plastic waste is becoming one of the most serious problems in ocean ecosystem in recent years.

[This is more like background in an introduction. Give your topic sentence a controlling idea - you chose 'damage to ecosystems' as an effect, but what about the cause?]

(In fact I want to use ‘plastic wast’ which include ‘overuse of plastic bags’ and ‘pool waste disposal’ to show what I want to mention in this paragraph and use the word ‘ocean ecosystem’ take place of ‘marine’.As a body paragraph I believe I need to show the key points in the beginning after I imagine what I might include in the induction paragraph.)
 
Rewrite:
The overuse (/overproduction) of plastic produces and poor waste recycling are causing damage to the ocean environment and ecosystems in recent years.

[I see. Sorry James. Yes, this is very clear now. Your cause is plastic and the effect is damage to the ocean. Please continue.]

Firstly, as a convenient tool, the plastic bags are wildly (widely) used around the seaside which finally lead (leading) to the damage to (the) ecosystem owing to the non-degradable quality of plastic.

[Fairly well written, demonstrating clear connections. Expression, however is slightly unnatural in collocation. Please compare with this.. 'Firstly, plastic bags are widely used for convenience. Due to poor disposal habits, many reach the oceans, causing damage to ecosystems, owing to the non-degradable quality of this plastic.']

(Ok,I see.I always want to avoid using simple sentences so I try to combine things together which might cause unnatural.)
 
Next sentence:
Furthermore, there is no doubt that poor attitudes of visitors also have a significant (harmful) impact on doing harm to marine life, which might cause the death of these rare species. (Therefore, marine pollution is an obvious threat to ocean ecosystems.)

[Clearly expressed. I guess visitors means tourists? This is a good supporting point but remember to write a concluding sentence to finish. Well done!]
]]> 2017-08-20 01:00:55 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181740625 bradm https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181741605 2017-08-20 01:48:54 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181741605 rzlnie https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181802899 2017-08-21 03:03:41 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181802899 Cathy https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181831110 topic sentence
The marine system has been seriously polluted by the non-degradable (plastics) which influx into (reach) the ocean (through poor waste disposal habits/government mismanagement.)

[A good start but be more direct by using a noun phrase from the ideas provided.]
rewrite:
The marine system has been seriously polluted by plastics which reach the ocean through poor waste disposal habits.
First point:
Firstly,decreased biodiversity is the consequence of  ocean pollution.Plastics  are harm to the marine life and have negative impact on life surviving.Undoubtedly,poor waste disposal has exacerbated this problem.

]]> 2017-08-21 07:49:09 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181831110 Sally https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181832696 To marine life, the effect of plastic bags overused is passive, even harmful.

[Your grammar is accurate, but the sentence is awkward in expression. I recommend using the the cause as the subject and the effect as the object. It is much more direct. Please write again.]

(OK. Thx, Brad. I would try again.)

To marine life, human activities like plastic bags overused result in seriously passive effects, even harmful.

[Not much change. How about this...

Damage to marine life is a result of the overuse of plastic bags.

Can you see how I only used the noun phrases from the ideas above the images?]

(Maybe i know what you mean, but i do not need  to rewrite the topic request?)

[No, just copy what I have written and continue with the supporting sentences.]

(OK, i get it.)

To some marine animal like sea turtle(s), poly (plastic) bags which are thrown on the sand and sea are similar to sea jelly(fish), result in being eaten by mistake. (As a result, they are mistaken for food.)

[Good. Please continue.]

On the other hand, the design of plastic bottles and rope is hard for animal to take off by themselves if part of their bodies is stuck by accident. [too specific - Marine animals become entangled in plastic waste.] No matter which event occurs, the only consequence is that the suffering sea life dies, bringing about marine ecosystem being affected or even damaged. Therefore, to litter plastic products looks like just a little thing and is momentary convenience to you, but (although littering appears to be inconsequential, it could cause a seriously (serious) harm to marine life.

[Accurate in grammar, but weak in natural expression and academic style. Let's discuss this today in consultation.]]]> 2017-08-21 08:05:33 UTC https://padlet.com/bradm/y7p3rjs654i4/wish/181832696