Henry B’s Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by Henry Beversluis https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2021-10-04 14:45:36 UTC 2021-12-01 19:32:25 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f47e.png Angelo bonavitacola 28abonavitacola https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800083855 a strong part of your  about me is that the start of it  is not all  about you you are  adding details and other things like that to distrib you writing and that’s what I really like about your about me writing. I liked the order you put your writing in and it was peaceful to read. I suggest that you put more details into your writing but it is very good i hope wish whatever I wish you good luck -Angelo]]> 2021-10-07 14:52:30 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800083855 Marco L. https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800244375 I really liked your about me Henry, I am in Boy Scouts and I like to go camping too. I know we are in the same troop by the way. I also like Starwars too. My favorite Star Wars Movie is Revenge Of The Sith. You did a really good job packing in the detail and making your interests really pop. ]]> 2021-10-07 15:37:57 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800244375 Sebastiao P. 28spinto https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800884920 A strength of your writing piece is that you used very eye-catching words like “accomplished”, “endeavors”, ”billowing”, ”unquenchable” . Are all words that strengthen your writing that really made it pop to the reader. Another thing that I personally think you did was show the reader what you are talking about. “My writing interests tap into the worlds that Science-Fiction and Survival story authors create by painting landscapes in the minds of readers” ,“I generally enjoy camping in nature because it allows someone the freedom of untouched environments”, “I love playing (and hopefully winning) games of golf” ,“One of my most cherished activities is swimming because I can be as fluid as the water around me”, “One of my deepest goal in my life is to become a Marine Biologist”, “Another goal that I want for myself is to be a accomplished Eagle Scout”, “One of my most expressive passion is playing piano”, “Hiking is a healthy and natural way of the enjoyment of forests and other breathtaking places”, “I despise things such as having nothing to do and not keeping active, having too much of one season, and finishing assignments Later that a due date”. This can show the reader that you are talking about that subject. I couldn’t find a wish but I did find other think I like which was your opening was very out there was ready to show reader who you you used phrases like “riddle your imaginations”, ”accomplished pieces” really make the reader think. 


]]> 2021-10-07 20:26:51 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1800884920 Cooper B. 28cblank1 https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923234246 I really liked this story, it was truly an adventure of thoughts and inner thoughts, which now I think of that, wait..it's the same thing. Well I still really enjoyed your awesome story going places in your thoughts. This was also one of the best memoirs I have ever read so far, but I will always think this is a great, inner thought memoir full of adventure. Great job Henry! Hope you can keep up the work of this fantastic story! Although your story was great there was one thing I thought about in the story, about characters and other things, not just about you like if you saw something say, a ship moving towards you or something. Although I loved the memoir, I think you could try to add a bit more movements or characters. But great job overall! -Your friend Cooper]]> 2021-12-01 16:34:42 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923234246 Joseph B 28jbryant https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923633590 A star is how discriptive you were. I could imagine the water being dirty and you feeling like there is nowhere to go. Another star is the figurative language. I felt like there was so much and there was just an overflowing amount of figurative language. My wish is the spelling. In some parts there are some errors, it slightly takes away from the story, but it didn’t bother me too much. It’s a gggggreat part of a complete story.


]]> 2021-12-01 19:25:41 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923633590 Memoir (Sebastiao) 28spinto https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923645988 A strength that your memoir had is that there were a lot of similes like “I saw my friend speed past me like a bird flying away in the wind”, “My knees felt like they were gonna pop like a wine bottle cap on New Years”, “I flew into the air like a plane taking off” , etc. This really made your piece pop out even more.Other strength is that you really show how you were feeling saying things like “my stomach became a giant knot”, “My knees felt like they were gonna pop”, “My knee trembled with every step” these really made your memoir way better.One thing that you could do better is that when you said “I felt my water bottle fall” I think is that you should have elaborated on this to make the reader even more interest.]]> 2021-12-01 19:32:25 UTC https://padlet.com/28hbeversluis/y3tz6rm23ywsihgl/wish/1923645988