Where. The f***. Do I. Even start. 

You, my friend, were quite terrible to me. Can I even call you a friend?

I guess I can. You sent me back to school, you started my senior year, and all that good stuff. Thank you for helping me get class president and spend more time with my boy. Thank you for giving me someone to talk to every week. Someone who genuinely helps. Things have a brighter outlook because of the things that happened to me during your time with me. 

But, holy h*ll, did you wreak havoc. I mean, come on, you didn’t have to pull all the s*** that you did. 

Let’s begin with the most recent holidays, why don’t we. I feel like Kanye West. Looking in from the outside as my (ex)wife dates a younger, funnier man. That was me. I was Kanye. Watching my family enjoy themselves while I bang on the window desperately. I ate my Christmas dinner in my bed. I wore a mask for my entire winter break because of your stupid, clingy best friend. WHY IS SHE EVEN HERE? She’s always like, “Oh, everyone loves me so much, my laugh is so contagious!” GIRL. YOU ARE LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE. You, Omicron, have an affinity for ruining people’s lives. 

2021. You promised. YOU PROMISED that you were going to be better. 2020 wrecked me. You said you were gonna fix everything. Instead, SIX DAYS IN, a group of imbeciles stormed our capital building because they were mad??? 

When I’m mad, I talk to my therapist. It’s not that hard. 

Please. Tell your sister to chill out until like June. I have so many things coming up. I want to go to prom. I want to graduate high school, with a grad party and all. I want to have a fun, final summer with my friends. 

I beg you,

Me

PS. I’m glad you’re dead, but stay the f*** away from Betty White in the afterlife. You’ve caused enough damage. 

*Long painful sigh, followed by intense stare into the camera*. 

Well, well, well. Look what the bat, I mean cat, dragged in. A worthless, confusing, manipulative, useless, drama queen of a year. I mean come on. Be original at least. Covid was 2020’s thing, and now you're just dragging it out. You were like 2020 NG+, basically the same but with more vaccine controversy. 

At least there weren’t any murder hornets but you introduced something way worse. Catastrophically, disastrously, apocalyptically worse. Right off the bat, you added glow squids into Minecraft. I can look past all the death, destruction and omnipresent feelings of entropy, but GLOW SQUIDS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'm getting off topic.

At least there were one or two saving graces that almost made me think this relationship could work. For instance, our ears were blessed with the knowledge and wisdom of legendary prophet/1000 IQ scammer K. Let’s all take another moment to agree upon the informative and deeply emotionally impactful tales of woe she sang to us all. 

I don’t think you understand the damage you’ve caused. I feel like a Skyrim NPC. Stuck doing the same motions day after day after day after day. An endless loop of time, where I have been doing some meaningless tasks for a family that I will never meet. But I don’t know that.  And every now and then, I’ll glitch, and fly off into the sun, or be dragged down to the very depths of hell itself.

 So yeah. Thanks for that. And uh, don’t call unless you're gonna give me a year of my life back. 

Peace, B*tch

I’ll miss you. Not in a gooey, sentimental way. I won’t feel my heart break in half every time your name is called or start uncontrollably sobbing when I think back on our memories. But I can’t deny how much of an impact you had on me. For starters, I had a taste of normalcy for the first time in almost two years. With vaccinations becoming widespread and tests more accessible, I could finally hang out with my friends and family again. And that was pretty awesome. 

Together, you and I came to a mutual understanding. I worked well with you, and you compromised for me as well. I had one of the best summers I’ve had in a long time. I had my first real relationship. I had my first heartbreak. I re-connected with a best friend who I never thought I would see again. I dyed my hair and got piercings and made art. I lived. And despite all of the bad, despite all of the hardships and failures and struggles, I made it. Thanks to you, 2021, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever knew was possible. 

So, yeah. I’ll miss what we had. I’ll miss being sixteen, driving by myself for the first time, and researching colleges without feeling an impending sense of anxiety. I’ll miss all of that and more. But I am more than ready to start anew.

Take care, 2021. With much love and fondness forever, I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.

-Bella 

You…kind of sucked, to be honest? Like, sure you didn’t bring a memorable tragedy with every month that passed, but you piggy-backed off of 2020’s smash-hit COVID by reskinning it. You couldn’t even name it something cool. Omicron. Seriously?! Nobody can even pronounce that right.

If we called this a relationship, I neglected your existence for a solid 8 months. Sure this year was where I decided to take more control over my life, but it’s also the year where I sold my g*d soul to a grocery store (Shaw’s gang rise up)…so, can’t really say any part of this year went well.

I feel good about myself but just thinking of you makes me shudder. You were such an unoriginal, forgettable year that I almost wish we skipped you entirely, and went from 2020 to 2022. My friend had to remind me of things that you did that were utterly just annoying. You literally took all of the snow that was going to hit us this past December and gave it to Texas in February. Like, seriously? The best you can do is be mildly annoying? At least 2020 had some bite with its bark. 

It’s a pain trying to remember the things you did, let alone Google them. Out of the three years of this decade, even though we just got started on the third, you’re by far the most boring.

I’m starting to run out of ways to insult you, and God forbid I compliment you on anything, so I’ll leave you with this farewell:
Goodbye, The Most Unoriginal Year Ever.

Sincerely, Ari

xoxo

You know my trust issues have been at an all-time high ever since you know who… 2020, and yet you still do this to me? I have been nothing but fair and loyal and have given you an unbelievable amount of second chances, but you’ve crossed, stomped on, tap-danced your way right over the line. 

First, Covid. You know how much I despise Covid, but you’re still putting up the whole she’s my best friend BS act. Covid has taken so much away from me and all my friends. Do you know how many times she’s threatened to hurt people I care about? You’ve done absolutely nothing to make me feel better about any of this. In fact, you’ve only made things worse.

Your communication abilities are just about as confusing as The Weeknd’s Super Bowl halftime performance. I don’t even know who the real you is! And frankly, you make me dizzy. First you’re telling me to stay home and execute any and all social interactions through Zoom. Talk about controlling. The next thing I know it’s Summer and you’ve changed. You’d loosened up a little, not a ton. It looked good on you. But then you’re back at it again, supervising my every move the whole holiday season. 

2021, you have taught me a lot. You taught me how to prioritize myself when you were having one of your little temper tantrums. You taught me how to set my standards moderately low. You taught me every single thing I don’t want in a partner.

I knew you wouldn’t leave without a fight 2021, but making Joe Gatto leave Impractical Jokers? That’s low, even for you. We’re through, thanks for nothing.

You're on my sh*tlist. You took Betty White…..what the actual f*ck. Like genuinely, you couldn’t wait a single day: how sick can you be? 

We start off the year with a capital terrorist attack and you commit a social terrorist act by taking Betty White from us. Granted, good things came out of this year! Covid Vaccines we’re produced and help stop the spread of Covid-19, granted there’s now a vaccine debate but that was bound to happen. A bunch of cool movies and shows came out like Spider-Man, the French Dispatch, Fear Street, Nomansland, Shang Chi, and Dune! Also, Taylor Swift’s short film All Too Well which to this day still makes me feel unwell came out. It was a big year for music, with Olivia Rodrigo's Sour Album debuting, along with the return of BTR and Taylor Versions (#justicefortaylor.) TikTok became the addition that keeps customizing with the algorithm that is too accurate sometimes! 2021 was a huge hit and miss for fashion with the return of sweater vest, but at the cost of Clogs (clunky Crocs(I know I’m also concerned.)) Y2K clothing saw a rise in trend because everyone just wants to act like a child, and apparently dress like one too! The only truly good fashion trend was corset tops: and sometimes those outfits scare me. Do you want to know what also scares me? Tom Brady throwing the Lombardi Trophy from a boat when he’s drunk. I don’t think I ever needed to see that, ever. Also completely off topic but do you remember that boat you got stuck in the middle of the Suez Canal? Yeah, I lost a bet because of how long it took. I also won a bet with my parents over the trial of Derick Chauvin! The vile man deserves all the charges! However, we let one vile creature in, and another gets out (screw you, Bill Cosby.) ALSO, SCREW YOU JEFF BEZOS! Your space pollution is not necessary! Regardless, I’ve fallen into too many rabbit holes this year from case studies like Gabby Peitio all the way to Alec Baldwin! The only truly pure thing was Britney Spears being set free from her father. 

In conclusion, you were better than most, but still really sucky!

With love,

B.L 

It’s been five days since we’ve last seen each other.  Or rather, five days since I started ignoring all of your calls, texts, and furious banging on my front door.  I’ve been trying to think of better way to do this, but I’m just not in the right place to face you in person right now.

See, I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – how dare she think she has bodily autonomy.  And maybe you’re right.  Maybe I shouldn’t be making such big decisions, especially when they involve other people.  But it’s not just me – everyone else thinks we should break up, too.  Nobody wants you around anymore.

Maybe that was a cruel thing to say.  I apologize.  But you should, too, after all the things you’ve done to me.  I mean, really – COVID?  Climate change?  (And yes, I know those things were already going on before you came into my life, but you certainly didn’t do anything to help, now did you?).

We did have our happy moments, though.  You and your trainwreck of a buddy 2020 gave me the opportunity to move in with my dad, and though it isn’t nearly as amazing as I hoped it would be, I don’t at all regret it.  I mean, I don’t have to deal with Edward Little High School anymore!  I do miss my friends and the, like, four good teachers there, but now I don’t have to deal with the cafeteria filling the entire basement with thick, vomit-scented air or a certain administrator running into class during the middle of a test and shouting “big game tonight!” (he may be a former teacher, but he definitely cares more about sports than education).  You also convinced me to pursue my childhood dream of being an elementary school teacher, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Due to these fond memories – and probably all the gaslighting you did, too – this is an extremely difficult thing for me to do.  But I know that we’d both be better off if we go our separate ways.

Sincerely,

Taylor

I have done a lot of thinking about us (like maybe 5 minutes, idk), and I’ve decided to move on. You know, people lose feelings. And I haven’t had feelings for you in like 6 months, to be honest. And I got kinda tired of always having you around and you didn’t really get the message that I wanted you to leave, and then I was kinda leading you on, so. Yeah. We’re done. 

This relationship was full of broken promises. First, Trump’s out of the White House! Yay! Nope. Storm the capitol. Second, I survived 2020 without getting covid! I’m in the clear! Nope. Tested positive. Third, we came together as a community! Yeah! We just survived a global pandemic, be friends with everyone! Nope. Jeff Bezos is the richest man alive with 202 billion dollars, which he gained from his corrupt organization that profited during a time of need. What could he possibly do with so much money?

However, you did provide some good laughs. The Suez Canal thing. Gold! So funny. Who needs 10% of world trade anyways? The Bernie memes? Pretty good. The Meghan Markle-Prince Harry-Oprah interview? Nice. 

You had some redemptive qualities, and I did go through a lot when I was with you. I got my driver's license (que O Rods), I started my senior year of high school, I applied to colleges, I got in to colleges, I got my braces off, I went to Disney (without a mask, thankfully). But then a quick 180 happened, and I saw your true colors.

Covid is not over, no matter how much I want it to be, and it will be with me forever. You tricked me into a false sense of security that I should have never fallen for. And you’ve upset me. I had to go to a funeral two days before Christmas, and you killed BETTY WHITE for Christ’s sake, and that’s when I knew that we had to end. 

So goodbye. Don’t worry about me, I got a new man lined up. Hopefully, 2022 will treat me the way I deserve (just a prom please, all I want is a prom).

With love, 
Abbey 

     
But it was. Oh, it was. 

     
The worst part is that you dressed your bed of red flags in a quilt made of tiny green ones. Sure, you helped me develop a sense of style that’ll make me cringe in a year (but it satisfies me for now) and occasional quarantines even gave me time to absorbs different types of cinema, old and new. But when I was watching 500 Days Of Summer or picking out the shirt I’d wear the next day all i was really doing was trying to distract myself from the anxieties growing in and around me. 

     
Yeah, this isn’t just about me. It’s about the insane paranoia you gave my mother, making her worry about her two POC children that go to school in a predominantly white town in a country she feels doesn’t care about them. You made my mom a nervous mess by throwing variants and threats of school shootings at her. You nearly took away the first Christmas in 35 years that she would be able to spend with her mother and sister, but you finally took a step back and let her have it. 

     
I have restarted this last paragraph thrice, each time trying to throw you a bone by congratulating you for something you did right. But I can’t. Each time I get a couple of sentences in, I remember the outcome of the situation and I have to bite my tongue. You got in my head and messed with me psychologically, bending and breaking my brain. The amount of nights I wasted on you, wondering if we could even fix the relationship that had never even worked, is ridiculous. You’re ridiculous. You’re done. 

HOW DARE YOU! We were off to such a great start and what did you do? You sent me back to a place full of germs and viruses and disease! You said that you would show me the world, but this was not what I meant. Wifi, battery, finch irruptions? You practically planned everything to fail this year! I had such a great relationship with 2020! People were finally getting climate disasters and remote learning was coming around! I got to talk to people through a computer! But what did you do? You striped me of everything good! You even RUINED CHRISTMAS! What kind of year does that! 2020 gave me a great Christmas, but I left it for your quarantines, sick jokes, and death!

Can’t say I’ll miss you much. You did give me a lot of things (though you also kind of broke it too.) Every good thing that happened this year, was more because of me and less because of you. You showed me what I needed, but continued to ruin my life. Overall, even with my junior year and everything, 2022 is probably going to be so much better! I’ll have remote learning again (ahh finally!), and I’ll be able to have a REAL CHRISTMAS!

Also, all the deaths that happened while I was with you! That is a real kind of sick joke! Hope you have fun being a permanent reminder of how terrible years can be! WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!

But seriously, it’s not you it’s me.

PS: I’ve even cheated with 2022 for the past four days! It’s something that you deserve!

I’m breaking up with you, 2021, and thanks to you, this will be my last ever relationship that goes beyond a simple friendship.

I tried, 2021. That’s all I could do.

-A Very Vexed Freshman

Honestly, it’s safe to say that we had a love-hate relationship. I should have seen your red flags right in the beginning of our relationship, but I seemed to walk past and avoid all signs that you would never change. You made the decision for my friends and I to be split up during the spring of my junior year. What were you jealous of the amount of time I was spending with them? Whatever. The thing that really set me off was all of your lies. 

“You won't even have to wear masks at school next year! Isn’t it great?” Yeah that was made up. I even continued to trust you after you broke my heart with that one. You showed promising change towards the end of summer by not interrupting any of the Red Sox games I attended, any senior activities, and you weren’t getting anyone I knew sick. I really believed these were great steps for you, but once school came back around and the sun started setting at 3 p.m. I realized again how toxic our relationship was. I mean, everyone is happy in the summer, but you made me believe you were the reason for my happiness, which was SO not true. I could even tell that you wanted me gone sometimes, I mean, you were literally making me apply to a bunch of schools to go live at so I had to be all alone. What’s up with that? 

Between all of your strict rules and lies, I feel so free now that I am untied from all of it. I have to admit, I have been scared to move on. 2022 seems like a promising relationship, but I think they are moving too fast into the future, like slow down, we aren’t even that close yet! Well, I guess this is goodbye, finally, and although we had our good times, I am so done, 2021. 

 You started off seeming interesting, only six days into our relationship you got people from all walks of life with only a few brain cells to storm the capitol. But then you had to go and cause a bunch of people to freeze to death in Texas so that kinda turned me off for a little bit. Then again, you did get Prince Philip and Rush Limbaugh so that was kinda cute.

We had some good times together I can’t lie, you let me go out to Arizona to see my grandparents for the first time in a couple years and you seemed to loosen up your grip on all of us and shed some of your insecurity. Reopening Broadway seemed nice but it just meant that Lin-Manuel Miranda got to take three hours of people’s lives that they’ll never get back. 

You let a couple new variants come in and we kinda lost some of the progress we had made in our relationship. We had been doing so well, scratch that, well enough, up to that point then you had to play hard to get. I’m sad it has to end like this but I think we both knew we weren’t meant to last together.

Although it pains me to write this, I know it is for the better. Our relationship has been chaotic since the second it began. January 6th, when the capital was stormed, was the first major red flag. I honestly don’t know how I have stayed with you since that incident. Everytime businesses and restaurants began to reopen, I thought there was hope for us. Then, everything would shut down again and any ounce of faith would be thrown out the window. 

This entire year just felt like one bad thing after the next. First, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce. Then, there was the Astroworld concert incident. To top it all off, Betty White died at the last possible moment. How could you take her away? She was so close to turning 100!

I need to leave you behind to fully embrace the new year. 2022 and I have all the makings for a great relationship. In 2022, I am excited to graduate high school and begin college. 

With all of this being said, you did teach me a lot of important lessons. In 2021, I became even closer with my friends and had an amazing summer filled with beach trips and sleepovers. I began touring schools and went through the process of applying to college. I even found my love for school again after a terrible year of asynchronous learning in 2020. For these reasons, I do not not regret our relationship. I am actually quite grateful for all that you taught me. 

In our time apart, I hope you can become more stable and consistent. I hope you understand that ending our relationship will be for the best. Farewell.

-Abigail Lane

I always thought you were the one.  The one to help ME and the millions of kids who go to school on a daily basis.  The one to make my life better.  The one to make life go by easy and fast.  But as I matured, I realized that maybe you just weren’t right for m-

Okay no, we are not doing the crap.  I may have matured but you know d*mn well I am always the smaller person.  I have no hesitations to drop to your level just to sink my teeth into your weak spot.  I hate you.  You’re like the ex who won’t go away after college.  You’re like the annoying dramatic brat at school that everyone hates.  You are a disinterested, cruel, useless, unworthy virus that is dead to me.  Though, you won’t mind, right?  You seem to have no qualms about killing innocents for your own entertainment.  Or is that just another one of your pathetic lies? Like seriously, how desperate do you have to remake yourself just because someone rejects you?  Do you even care that you are driving people to the extreme?  There was a freaking BREAK-IN at a GOVERNMENT building for Pete’s sake.  Do me and everyone else a favor and go hide in a cave somewhere to die.  Nobody wants you and your toxicity.  Which, in all cases, causes some type of dismay and misery.  I can’t believe I used to like you.  I guess live and learn comes and handy here but, please, shove off and go die in a ditch.

Sincerely, someone who you aren’t worth their time

Where to start. Do I have to tell you? I tired. Just of you, it’s not fair to blame everything that gone wrong on you, but I’m done regardless. You came into my life at a low point. In that way I might have judged you more harshly, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve only make hurt me in the time we’ve been together. I need time to heal and I need someone that will be supportive through that. I understand that in you thought it was for my own good, but I can’t handle another year of barely seeing my friends. You were so paranoid and I’m to anxious of a person for that to be good for me. I don’t think I have to tell you that a lot of my decision to leave is because of Covid, right? You knew how badly I wanted it out of my life to end and you found new ways to keep it there. You started of this relationship with that mod at the Capitol, honestly I should have left right then. I wish I have taken a long nap and skipped this relationship all together. I gave you another chance, because the illiterate cheetos puff was out of the White house, and we were joining the Paris Climate Accord, and NOT ignoring the World Health Organization. For a time things were looking up. So much went right in the beginning that I thought It was really going to be better and maybe it was, but not enough. I’m setting my bar a bit higher from now on. I don’t want “Well, it not apocalyptic!” to be my standard for a good year. Maybe it’s stupid and naive of me to expect next year to be much better, but I’ll take that. Here's to never seeing you again 2021.

You were possibly the most confusing, annoying year of my life. Your bring me three boyfriends and not one of them were normal. I mean seriously “I love you” after two days? Where do you find these people? I also didn't appreciate the constant style changes you made me have. Telling me “you should get bangs!” “Dye your hair black, emo is the new cool!” News flash, it wasn't. This was maybe the loneliest year other than 2020 when covid began. The crippling social anxiety you gave me didn't bring along many new friends. Your lucky my best friend came back from online school or I may have had to drop out. I hate you so much for ruining my sports seasons. Like yes I said I rather die than do track, but that doesn't mean try and kill me with the delta variant you literal psycho. I cant believe I'm even being so kind to say goodbye to you actually. The only good thing you ever did was show me the people who weren't worth my time. The anti vaxxers claims are almost as fake as my friends were! So thanks for that I guess, even though it was me who really did the work. Speaking of work, I cant believe you made me work at market basket. 2022 is the year of no customer service. That place is literally a child labor, covid hotspot run by some stuck up twenty year old's. Thank god for quitting. Just like I'm quitting you! Bye foreva 2021.

Wow. Thanks for NOTHING!  

I am not going to lie, 2021, you were extremely boring. Looking back on our relationship, I can’t even remember January to March! Don’t even mention August. That was when we had the big fight about Britney Spears. You really had to torment her for that long? Let the poor girl go. 

But the months that I do remember were not so fun. Remember Hurricane Ida? I don’t want to either. You were so controlling! You didn’t even let me watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah. And what’s even worse is that everytime something good happened to me, you had to make it bad. Finally about to hang out with friends again? Best friend gets COVID. Summertime is finally here? Nope. I had to get surgery and wear a stupid head brace for two weeks. (Don’t you dare leak those pictures!) Back to school? Creepy kid in my class who won’t stop following me. 

Even though we had our ups and downs, it’s going to be tough letting you go. I keep writing 2021 on my assignments instead of 2022 because I am still hung up on you! Plus, I will admit, summer was great…one time, I actually went outside WITHOUT my mask! But never again will I feel that joy…

You know what, 2021? I won’t miss you. You made my life miserable. I heard that 2022 has a Lamborghini AND the booster shot available for kids 15 and up. Have fun with your new girlfriend, Quarantina. She’s going to love you.  

Love, 

Your ex. 

You were great to me. I had such a nice time. We had the best relationship and I really enjoyed our time together. I thought you were the one. HAHAHA! Did you actually believe a word of that. Here is what I actually think of you:

You straight up ruined my life. I lasted almost the entire pandemic without getting Covid. Then you decide to give my family and I Covid at the worst time possible. Winter break. I sat inside for a countless amount of hours a day. I got bored of watching Netflix! Nobody get bored of watching Netflix! The only good thing about all of that was we had no choice but to order food. 

Let's not forget about the wildfires you started. Oh and the amount of people you have killed. Betty White seriously? Is something not working in that tiny brain of yours? 

I have to admit there were a few bright sides (not the brightest of the bright though) to this relationship. But there's no way in hell I'm pointing them out. This letter is about the bad things you have done because if you didn't know this is a break up letter!

Look, you were a mystery at first and to be honest you are still a mystery now. Here is a pro tip: relationship are supposed to make people better, but I just don’t think that was the situation here. I don't think you are ever really going to understand what happened here because you are very self-centered and careless. You don't think before you do anything. You are going to take this letter as an insult. Good. Go ahead do that. But you can also use this letter to make you better. Have a nice life, even though yours is over.

Bye,

Gwyn