A Belief in Relief by Kayla Farwell

Resources

farwelkayla10 — 2022-02-11 15:11:50 UTC

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My story

2022-03-11 18:32:24 UTC

Hi,
November 2018 to March 2020 was my experience in teen abusing relationships. We started dating in 8th grade we got put together at the same table in school and I thought he was so cute. And after a while of talking in classes and over text he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was over the moon I was so happy to be dating him. And it was good for the first month or two then it started to slowly but surely get bad. It was starting with small things like “why didn’t you text me back right away” “can I go threw your phone” and verbal things like that. And I was like yes you can look threw my phone cause I have nothing to hide and I thought not much of it. Then I turned into “you can’t be talking to all these people” “you have to unadd this guy” and “you can’t talk to him at all even in school” and I was like okay this is so werid but he was so manipulative that I didn’t even realize what was happening. After he would say that he would sugarcoat it and say stuff like “it’s only Cuz I don’t want somebody to be flirting with you” or “I don’t want you to lose feelings” and I’d always say “no I won’t like I love you your my person” but he never believed me. I never ever gave him a reason to think I would cheat or anything, I mean we were in 8th grade!! Then Highschool rolled around I went to silver creek and he went to Longmont high so of course stuff like this only got worse. We couldn’t see eachother all the time anymore only on Fridays and weekends so he would be so mean to me all week then by Friday give me a horrible apology and “make it better” but never did. Then around September it was horrible, he was pushing me downstairs, throwing things at me, yelling at me, calling me a b***h in front of our friends and tripping me in front of our friends, FOR NO REASON! He just did it cause he wanted too. He would laugh about it and say I deserved it, but I was just walking I wasn’t doing anything! I felt so horrible and after months I talked to him I was like “why do you keep doing this to me” and he was like “oh that’s my way of flirting with you and showing I love you”………….
That’s bull***t you don’t purposely physically hurt your s/o as a flirt. And it wasn’t in a flirt way it was a mean way, then our 1 year comes up and a little before it he started doing this thing where he’d squeeze my breasts really hard. On purpose to hurt me. And he kept doing it and doing it and doing it. And I OVER AND OVER TOLD HIM NO AND TO STOP! But he didn’t cause he didn’t care at all. Then that night I’ll never forget. I came come after hanging out and I took off my bra because I was about to shower and I looked at my self in the mirror and I had 5 bruises on my breasts, 4 on my left and 1 on my right. I felt so disgusted in my body. My boyfriend this guy who was supposed to love me bruised me. It hurt me so bad.
Then the next time we hung out he did the squeeze thing again and I told him “hey you actually bruised my breasts” and I showed him them cause they stayed on me for a week. And he was so apologetic, he seemed like he really felt bad. I believed him he was sorry. But then the next day he did it again!!! AGAIN??? I told him “you already bruised me like stop!! “ and he didn’t care. Because he didn’t care about me at all. Fast forward to January, we were with two mutual friends hanging out at his house and one friend was a boy and the other was a girl. So the boy and me knew of each other but never hung out before so we were talking, NOT FLIRTING AT ALL JUST TALKING because we had never met before. And my boyfriend didn’t like that at all. He started being so mean to me and I was like what is your deal so we like kinda walked away and I asked what his deal was and he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder. Like in a mean aggressive way to hurt me. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember it all like yesterday. And there’s so many more stories I can tell about what happened there was so many. I could write 7 books about it. I was so scared the whole time. I knew if I wasn’t with him he would be horrible to me and I knew if I was with him he would also be horrible to me. It was either mental abuse or physical abuse. And honestly I couldn’t take the mental abuse as much as I could take the physical so I just dealt with the physical more and was with him.
And I talk to him multiple times about everything. I told him you need to stop doing this to me like this is messed up. And I gave examples and he would apologize and say he was gonna change but then the next day just be even worse. He couldn’t change, he’s a abusive guy at heart.
Now I look back and I wish more than anything I would’ve just left. But that was the last thought I could think of because I knew he would’ve never let me go. I wish I would’ve reached out to somebody to help me but I didn’t because I was scared, and there wasn’t any resources or information about abusive relationships and middle school in my freshman year at least that i saw. I understand how scary it is and how it’s not even a real thought but you just got a try. No one absolutely no one should go through what I went through and what other people have gone through it’s disgusting. Now I have been out for almost two years which is crazy to me because I thought I’d be in there forever. But the only reason why I could get out was because of Covid. His parents were super Covid scared so we couldn’t see each other so I was like oh my God I can actually do this. And I did and he told me that “no one would ever love me the way he loved me” “ I didn’t do anything wrong it was all on you“ and I would tell him everything he did to me and he would deny it even though I have proof and I showed him. We ended on really bad terms as you can assume and I’m mostly over it. I still have PTSD and PTSD dreams about it because it was such a horrible experience. But taking it day by day and remembering the good in life and all the good people I have helps a lot. So Thank you reading if you did it means a lot. <3

2022-03-14 14:13:52 UTC

He took advantage of my vulnerability and my trust. I’ll never forget him coming out to me, making me trust him and feeling the way I did around him. Always making comments about my sexuality, my life, my appearance and my features. I became uncomfortable quickly and with the snap of a finger my innocence felt like it was ripped from me. I feel suffocated when people stand to close behind me. I have to see him every day at school and pretend what he did to me was normal. I have to relearn to trust when I never even learned

2022-03-17 16:15:19 UTC

Once you’ve been with an abusive partner it’s difficult to trust again. I met my abuser at work when I was fifteen (2019), and immediately thought he was so smart and unique. He was older (eighteen), attractive, and very interested in me; it was the best feeling in the world to be “chosen” by him. He often told me about “crazy girls” who were much older than myself at the time; he’d tell me that they wouldn’t leave him alone because they wanted to be with him or something to that affect.

We hung out once with his friends before hanging out alone. He was the most prominent personality in the group, which intrigued me. It was like all of them were there for him. The next time we saw each other outside of work was when he begged to stay over after a concert because he couldn’t go home. I let him. He came in at 2 am with a handle of rum and told me to be careful not to drink too much (while also expecting me to take a shot every time he did), and it wasn’t long before he kissed me. It was one of my first, I was taken aback and so so happy— but it wasn’t long before he started pestering me for more. He told me he “wasn’t that kind of guy” to pressure a girl, that he just really liked me and thought I was special. Also that if I thought he was special I “wouldn’t leave him like this.”

Of course, I complied to his wishes. From there he continued to pressure me to do things I didn’t want to in a “lighthearted” way, which eventually turned into him just doing the things I didn’t like and laughing like it was funny. This turned into him beating me during intercourse and choking me until I passed out. I always ended up letting him, sometimes after HOURS of convincing, and the few times I told him I hadn’t liked it or didn’t know what to do with the bruises afterward he either reminded me I’d “wanted it” or laughed and claimed he thought it was hot. I was scared to say anything negative.

There came a point where he wasn’t so nice anymore. By December 2019 I was convinced it was my fault for not being enough. He started ignoring me, blocking me only to call a hundred times a few nights later and leave insane voicemails or insult me and tell me he’d never come back if I was asleep and didn’t answer. He tried to sleep with my best friends, isolated me from others by convincing me they were terrible people or treated me horribly (which a lot did, just not nearly as terribly as him). It was lonely, but I loved him for how amazing he could make me feel during the good times. I loved him because he was smart and funny and charismatic, but I guess I can now recognize it as being manipulative.

I didn’t even realize he was assaulting me until April 2021 when I confided in him about an assault that had happened with someone else. This incident was completely against my consent, and I’d never told anyone about it. He made me feel safe for a moment; cared for, but that was short lived. A little while later we were having consensual sex and out of nowhere he told me that he was going to do exactly what those men had done to me to “fix me.” This was the first time I was brave enough to tell him ABSOLUTELY NOT, and stand my ground. I was terrified.

I didn’t budge, didn’t give in— neither did he. He repeated what I had told him they’d done while I screamed and cried; it was like my soul left my body that night. I slept an hour, woke up feeling uneasy and went to work. As the day progressed, and I completed my shift at the restaurant where we’d met working together; I realized he’d raped me. I realized he’d been doing it since our first encounter alone.

It didn’t end there, the worst playing out as spring bled into summer. I had no choice but to stay with him and his mom. I left him and his family behind on October 18th, 2021, and never went back.

If you can gain anything from this story, it is the knowledge that there were plenty of warning signs that would’ve been nearly impossible for a young girl with little experience to pick up on her own. Never let someone tell you what YOU want and can handle, and if you meet someone who tries— RUN. Also, be there for your friends. You never know what might be going on in their relationships, and if they say something about their partner that sounds off SPEAK UP and let them know it is out of CONCERN because you love and care about them. They probably feel horribly alone and confused.

2022-03-17 16:25:25 UTC

I was intoxicated hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends. It was a rough time of my life, I wasn’t doing well. He knew I wasn’t sober, and we continuously joked about how gone I was. He said he’d take care of me, I feel stupid now for putting him in that position. He’d only smoked a little bit of weed that night. I was completely fine I thought, but days later I found out we had sex in the park in his car that night. I didn’t remember it or being at the park, which made me feel uneasy. I never said anything because I know he’d never hurt me on purpose and I was the one who hadn’t been sober— but it still makes me sad to think that he would be willing to engage in intercourse with me that night (even if I’d wanted it) with my trauma from past relationships being the reason why I wasn’t sober or doing well. It felt and still feels wrong, but I’d never tell him that because he did so much to help me when I was struggling with my abuser.

2022-03-17 17:57:10 UTC

From 6th to 8th grade I was in a relationship with this girl who I was friends with (wlw). It started out really normal and started becoming more aggressive. She'd often make fun of me or drag me down and degrade me. Eventually it got to the point where she would play fight with me but would be hitting me with books and rulers. I still have scars today from how hard she'd hit. When I threatened to break up with her she would threaten me with her commiting suicide saying she would kill herself if I left her. She would also force me to commit sexual acts with her because she had said we were "both mature enough so we should get it over with". I eventually was able to break up with her over the summer going into highschool and she never talked to me again. It takes alot of courage to leave someone after threats like that.

not a teen dating story. but a domestic situation

2022-03-28 20:36:29 UTC

i blocked this all out for a really long time. i didn’t remember until i was in my teens. my uncle would want to play games and show how much he loves me. i didn’t know until it started to hurt. i would cry, he would tell me no one was coming. that if anyone really loved me, they would be there. but he loved me. that’s why he did it. he wanted to show me how much he loved me, even if i didn’t want it. i didn’t realize how’s bad it was at the time. just that he loved me and i loved him too. he was my uncle and the father figure in my life at the time. it went on for 5 years. now he has OD’d so many times he can’t even remember to pull up his pants when he leaves the house, let alone how he made me feel 10 years ago. he denies it. but i know the truth. even if my aunts and uncles and grandparents deny it. i know

2022-04-04 14:26:09 UTC

In freshman year i was at a different school, i had started to crush on this guy that my friend was friends with. So me and the guy dated for about 3 1/2 months. Going into the relationship i had known he had asked other girls for bad pics before but i decided if he asked me i would just break up with him because thats not what i want from a relationship. I should’ve seen this as a red flag but he was my first love so i didnt think anything of it, but he had told me he loved me within the first hour of dating. From there he started manipulating me as he knew i really loved him and wouldn’t leave him. He would ask me for picture of my face almost every day as “he missed seeing my face” (this kid was also so bad his parents didn’t let him out of the house so we almost never saw each other). We shared google photos with each other and one day i had found a screenshot from a dating site and I started to panic and i confronted him. (Me and my friends are positive he put it there on purpose so i would find it.) he reassured me he didn't know what it was and i chose to believe him. Later on he had called me things like sexy and i wasn't comfortable with it but i just brushed it aside. While on vacation i had figured out that he had asked 3 of my friends for bad pics while me and him were dating, he also sent my teacher bad pics!!!! Like what the heck????!!!!!That was where i was just done. Sense this kids parents didn't trust him in school he was on launch ed during covid. He had texted my friend to buy him a knife. She never did but then we had to get involved with the police. This was a really dark time in my life and I'm glad its over. He was the main reason i switched schools because i would have to see him in the hallways and it would just rip me apart. I’m so great full that he’s not apart of my life anymore.