This was created with the intention of portraying what feels like my ideal of “heaven” or just somewhere I’d find myself at peace; hence the flowers. The painting shows someone laying down in a flowery place- this is imitating a dream I’ve remembered since I was a child of being in a cave made up purely of flowers. I’ve found myself thinking about the flowery cave whenever I want to take my mind elsewhere. The flowers also emphasise my love for nature and the escape i find in being in it. The person (me) lying in the middle is made up of soft oil pastels. I used oil pastels because I found the soft effect you can achieve perfectly replicates how I like to think of the human soul. The soul is soft and embodies the essence of our existence being temporary; and how we all start off as soft souls to begin with (although not forgetting the nature vs nurture argument but that’s not the focus); it’s up to both environment and personal choice how we choose to carry on that softness we were born with and I like to believe I can still see that in everyone even the small behaviours we do, despite how someone chooses to portray themselves.

This image does feel really personal to me and is certainly one of my favourite images I’ve created. In more of a personal approach; this image perfectly captures my softness to the world and constant attempts at internal healing despite certain circumstances and obstacles.

When creating this piece, I used past Artist research on Basquiet to influence the style. His technique of mixed college and distorted (almost quite fantasy-like) characters are a heavily incorporated in to this piece. I feel as though Basquiet was a great choice of influence for this topic (existentialism and schizophrenia) because he himself struggled with such issues. I feel as though his approach to his art portrays the struggles he himself went through despite not having to explain them. This is why I incorporated things such as written words on my art as I think it’s a very controversial thing to do in art; however I think it’s a great way to express things you wouldn’t necessarily find yourself voicing out loud- especially in the fact that the words are considered “disorganised thoughts”.

Inspired by recent happenings in my life and how my emotions and perception of reality have shifted to a degree. It shows a girl looking at the moon (tying into Artist based research and the links to nature) for answers. I often find myself turning to nature in times were i feel like I’ve lost control over my life and the behavioural things that come alongside that loss of both grip, identity and reality - particularly the way I view my relations towards myself and others. I used the night sky as a background for this as it is also something I feel a strong connection and sense of belonging towards; I’ve always had a fascination and felt a sense of freedom towards the night time. The flowers again, linking into Artist research and the connections to psychotic symptoms and nature tying together. Apophenia is a term used for individuals who experience extreme attempts of finding connection in unusual or daily situations, often a thing that allows them to feel like they’ve gained control over their life. I myself have experienced this on extreme levels, often “looking for signs” from nature and “divine timing”.

I created this piece as an expression of how it feels to be overwhelmed with the pressure of both being a woman, the increase in misogyny within recent years, the expectancy of always doing well mentally and how it can feel as though you are burdening the things you seek emotional support through.

The swirling background and the use of majority blue colours (created using acrylic paints) is to show how, at times, things start to feel like there all blending together; almost like being washed up by a big wave, hence the water-like appearance.

The figure of the person is where most meaning lies. I used white paper to perpetuate the face which appears to be crying. This was done intentionally to suggest that our immediate focus is often on how people express themselves through the face. What we think someone is feeling based on physical appearance is often not the case and has much behind it; whether our expression is a correct reflection on how we feel or not.

Leading on from that, this links to the text which states “oh honey they don’t like it when you’re sad”. This could have different implications depending on your circumstances and that’s more or less the point. However, to me personally it’s telling on how I’ve found that many people (both family, some friendships and society in general) tend to view you differently if you are visibly (or at least make it known) that you are struggling with mental health. It’s almost as though people find you estranged from them and don’t know how to “deal” with you. Because of this you are often encouraged to keep quiet about these things, making them build up over time which then leads to feeling overwhelmed by everything you’ve kept in for so long.

The figure of the man with the moon head is to show the “partnership” I feel to the moon. I’ve mentioned it in previous work and even dedicated a painting to it. However, the text “that’s the moon, she won’t hurt you. She glazed you with sensuality and you give back grief” is an emphasis on how burdening all these issues can feel when trying to express them to people you seek support in. I find that I catch myself having these thoughts of feeling like everyone around me is trying their hardest to help at times but you feel as though all you have to give back is your worries (despite this not even being the true case).

The collage of the two men by my side are an emphasis on men and how suffocating it can feel when it feels as though they are constantly there; waiting to critique you on your next move. Linking to this, the increase in misogyny particularly through the format of podcasting has increased rapidly in recent ages, hence the sarcastic comment “top podcast wows nursery land”. It’s an emphasises on how childless and immature these young men in today’s age can be and how their podcast propaganda can take a toll on many aspects of women’s lives.

I took a simple approach to this painting with the a simple distorted human head figure. It’s to emphasis upon the fact that when suffering with something such as psychosis, your view on everything is completed distorted; from things such as your view on friendships, relationships, daily routines that usually don’t occur to you and so forth. Psychosis completely changes the way you see reality and often has you questioning everything’s intentions. Everything’s either a lie, a personal attack on you or maybe not even real at all. It’s an experience that doesn’t fully seem real to you until you’ve experienced it for yourself.