https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9 Leave thoughtful comments thanks! en-us 2017-06-22 13:31:20 UTC 2018-03-28 13:38:53 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/icons/Condos.png 23rprincipe https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237387611 2018-03-02 13:54:36 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237387611 23hthurman https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237401728 Your suspense narrative was very well written.  I really liked the way you made the campsite sound creepy and scary in the beginning of the story.  "As Bluejay lurked outside waiting for the perfect time to strike. When it started to get late and everyone was getting tired they had to go back to their cabins. Bluejay soon began to get ready, he sharpened his knife and began to hide. The sounds were very loud as you heard the big rain drops smack onto the wet leaves on the forest ground."  I thought that this line from your story was very descriptive an made it feel like I was in the forest.  Something else I liked was the dialogue.  When the characters were speaking it wasn't always she said he said all the time.  You used many different ones such as replied, hollered, shouted, etc. Something I suggest for the future is checking for GUMS errors more carefully. I did find some while I was reading. Overall, great job.]]> 2018-03-02 14:23:40 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237401728 23hali https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237424899 I really liked your vignette and the suspense you created when you were taking the last pk shot. You really slowed down time well and I could picture you stumbling in slow motion. Also, I loved your description of when you dribbled through everyone. The line "I ran through everyone breaking through slide tackles beating everyone with speed it was just me and the goalie. I did a little trick then I shot the ball as hard as I could then next thing I know everyone was rushing over to me screaming."   had really good word choice and I easily knew what was happening. In the future, I suggest reading over for GUMS errors and adding periods when needed. Overall, great vignette!]]> 2018-03-02 15:04:15 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/237424899 https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246861307 Louie, I did like the story in your magazine article piece. But you could slow down the pace of the story, like making the whole thing go a little bit slower so that you can follow it clearly. Other than that there are really only spelling mistakekes]]> 2018-03-28 12:36:26 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246861307 23sbaumgartner https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246868311 Louie this article was outstanding and phoenomal! I loved your footnotes and the comedy in this story! Especially when Carson goes to Chuck E Cheese! Also I loved how you described Carsons' personalities and how you made the story flow. One wish for next time is that maybe put it into the perspective of a writer, anyways amazing article and keep up the good work! #iz lit]]> 2018-03-28 12:53:42 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246868311 23rbaumgartner https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246890774 I liked your story. It was really good and I liked how you described the characters and what was happening. Next time you should work on word choice. But ovrall it was a really good story!]]> 2018-03-28 13:37:58 UTC https://padlet.com/23lcerchio/x8v519y9bcs9/wish/246890774