𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 5.0; CC: 4.0; VC: 5.0; GR: 4.0✨

(overall: 4,5)

General comment: Lưu ý tách đoạn ra, không viết liền tù tì như này, dễ 4-5 CC nhé. Sorry em nhưng mình không biết sửa cho em như thế nào cả vì 1) quả thực mình không hiểu quan điểm của em là gì và 2) mình không hiểu em muốn truyền tải gì trong thân

_______________ INTRODUCTION _______________

[Assessed] One school of thought holds that taking part in mandatory volunteer work 💥 wc (trong đề không nói là công việc tình nguyện bắt buộc cả, tuy nhiên em có thể viết theo dạng 'tham gia bắt buộc') --> compulsory/mandatory participation in voluntary work should be encouraged in 💥gr --> among the younger generation. Despite acknowledgment 💥 gr (V-ing/N) --> acknowledging/the acknowledgement of the reason behind this thinking, I would argue that this statement 💥 wc: 'câu nói' thì sao là cách được em --> this is a beneficial way to create a more meaningful life at a young age .

Key points to notice

• Em chưa hiểu thực sự về ý nghĩa của cấu trúc ngữ pháp nên dùng sai nghĩ, gây khó hiểu (Despite - mặc dù đó em)

• Mình không hiểu quan điểm của em là gì ở đây (HIGHLIGHT VÀNG)

_____________ BODY 1 _________________

Opposing side 💥 wc --> Opponents of participate 💥 gr--> participation in charity work 💥 wc (không phải nhất thiết là từ thiện đâu em) --> unpaid community services at a young age to 💥 gr (Câu thiếu chủ ngữ-vị ngữ) --> believe that this develop the society better intermittently. To commence with , 💥 wc --> Firstly/To begin with, most of 💥 people at a young age 💥 rp --> young adults Firstly/To begin with, most of 💥 people at a young age 💥 rp --> young adults can have enough leisure time to join are students in primary school to high school and every participant have to spend a plenty of time to contribute for each voluntary activity so it might distract their learning progress even that is not the core things should be priority surpass the permission at school.

For example, I used to be a volunteer for the “Nuoi em” project and it challenged me to arrange the suitable timetable which can balance studying and doing charity work because my role in the charity team is media and editing video vlogs and it takes me a generous amount of time to do , about 2-3 hours per day while i only have 2 more hours left to finish the tasks at school. Moreover, current status indicate that many youngsters in this generation just volunteer to update on their social media while they are not that kind of good person who does charity with all one’s heart at all hence , this phenomenon will generate a worse community cause to the virtual living action.

Despite the drawbacks of doing community activities at a young age , i would argue that being volunteer is one of the most crucial things to apply into some universities because international entry requirement stand in needs of students who have both high general point average and being enthusiasm in participating extracurricular activities to express their potential of society contribution .For instance,all top fifty global university have a complex studying programme, the valuable of their degree and the commitment of student’s community contribution so those universities all have high entry requirement standard to exclusive the students who has the most impression in their profile. In addition , doing those activities can widespread the inspiration of helping poor people and constructing good with people 's personalities especially in this generation people tend to be incurious with other people who has a poor condition or need help so spreading this kind of positive energy to community is also a beneficial way to develop nations.

In conclusion , although there are several negative effects such as wasting time at a young age , I contend that enrolling in charity extracurricular activities can boost your profile and become more professional and charitable for this society.

The given column chart gives information about how many softwares sold in three different popular brands between 2010 and 2014 .

Overall, there was an upward trend in all three categories including ios apple store , google play and amazon appstore . The applications of the IOS app store dominated the market through the whole period.

Looking first at the ios app store,it had the highest app sales, with over 150,000 purchases, while Google Play lagged far behind with fewer than 50,000. The iOS App Store continued to see steady growth, reaching approximately 250,000 sales in 2011 and 450,000 in 2012. However, Google Play experienced more rapid expansion, with sales doubling in 2011 and tripling in 2012 to exceed 300,000. By 2013, the iOS App Store recorded around 750,000 app sales, slightly ahead of Google Play. In 2014, Google Play overtook the iOS App Store, reaching 1.35 million sales compared tomillion.

The Amazon Appstore, starting from almost zero in 2010, saw the slowest growth overall. Nonetheless, it rose steadily, with sales reaching nearly 300,000 by 2014, comparable to the levels of iOS in 2011 and Google Play in 2012.

1. Đọc kĩ đề - hiểu đề (100% đề yêu cầu gì, chủ đề chung là gì, riêng là gì, và dạng câu hỏi là gì?)

2. Đọc kĩ từng ý một - Phân biệt đâu là luận điểm chính, đâu là luận điểm phụ - cách phát triển (giải thích, ví dụ, kết quả)

3. Chọn đề để luyện viết theo (Dựa vào 100% gợi ý, thêm ý khác của em --> tập viết bài hoàn chỉnh) --> Up lên padlet và được sửa

A common counter argument is that volunteering’s demands in time commitment and academic performance for participant, especially students who still have school’s schedule so scheduling becomes harder and will challenge them in time management skills. For example, I used to be a manager and head media of the “ Nuoi em” project and I practically did not have enough time to do my work at school while I was taking part in these activities, for that reason. this experience /however, this taught me valuable time management skills. But many schools not only encourage students to integrate into the curriculum but also facilitate the chance for students to enroll in volunteer work as much as possible. Furthermore, doing volunteer activities is a social media phenomenon, which is not the reality as they do through the picture and it caused the rise of superficial engagement rather than genuine commitment .

While some may see the drawbacks , the benefit of volunteering extends beyond personal growth. Doing unpaid community work is a chance to show outstanding point in their profile for those who is trying to apply into the university, especially most of prestigious universities with highly valued due to the worldwide admission criteria will be suitable for students seem as a => be perceived as a  global citizenship with impression in academic result as well. In addition, the main purpose of doing charity is offering a better living condition for people in difficult circumstances and help young people can foster their empathy and a sense of social responsibilities through these simple action.

In conclusion, although there are difficult circumstances through these simple activities that make them appreciate their life and build a sense of social responsibility at a young age.

In conclusion, although there are considerable drawbacks such as requiring in balance volunteering time and studying time, I contend that enrolling in charity activities can boost your empathy characteristic and other responsibilities.