Feeling alone is something I've experienced a lot of times. It's such a common emotion that comes out of nowhere in the midst of our lives. It consumes me deeply even in a room full of living beings, chattering away their day–socializing like how we're supposed to. And for me especially in dead silence, something that people commonly describe as peaceful and calm. Yet for me silence is what feeds the feeling of loneliness the most. The eerieness of having no one and or just anyone to converse or depend on is what scares me the most. But recently i broke through the biggest thing that has holded me back in doing anything I like, or any of my basic needs. I finally gave it a shot to go into the unknown, to go out of my cage of suffering that has been secretly comforting me all along. I tried to communicate with a group of people because my best friend convinced me hard enough to try it out–and totally not because she was the only girl in the group.. But out of my expectations, I loved it. The slow feeling of warmth radiated through my heart when all of them accepted me no matter who I was. They accepted a part of my unique personality that I scaredly showed them. My fear of being vulnerable slowly soothed away and I was glad. I was proud of myself of letting go my negative way in comforting myself, by blanketing myself with endless sadness. My eyes start to beam brighter everyday, I would stop hanging out miserably in the school toilet until my parents picked me up, I started to smile more, and cared less about people's trash opinions about me. Letting go felt great in the end. Even though I struggled and felt very uncomfortable in my own skin in the process, but I can say it was all worth it–because I am my own self today. :D

In the quiet moments, I recall,

The way you stood so proud, so tall.

A fleeting glance, a subtle smile,

A love that lingered for a while.

Even though you reply me with cold gaze,

I will always remember the tender days.

The way we can still talk and even call,

Though distance grew, we had it all.

Your voice, a whisper in my mind,

A melody I long to find.

The laughter shared, the dreams we spun,

A story written, yet undone.

Through seasons passed and nights grown long,

I trace the echoes of our song.

No bitter tears, no words unsaid,

Just memories where love once tread.

And though you choose a distant place,

I'll hold you still with gentle grace.

For love, though lost, will softly stay,

A part of me, in every way

I was a quiet girl back then. Too quiet actually. After the pandemic ended and things settled down, I absolutely struggled with making friends. Thankfully, I found a group of friends that are very lovely and funny too. I loved them deeply as though they’re my own sisters. But as I went to grade 9, they started to act weird. As a result I felt left out.

Because of that experience, I learned a lesson that truly helped me to shape myself. It’s okay to let go friends. It’s okay to experience pain. It’s okay to cry for our loved ones. But just remember that after a rainy storm comes a beautiful day filled with hope.

Darkness without Light is an abyss...

Light without Darkness is blinding...

This tells us that we need both good and bad for peace to exist.

Sometimes lies can be good. And the truth can be bad.

Truth and deceit is only a bad thing if you use it to harm someone. Sometimes the truth can destroy someone's life... And so does deceit.

Truth and Deceit can protect a person and it can hurt a person as well... And How you use it... Decides that.

Have you ever felt an empty space inside? Like theres an empty room that you dont know how to fill. Thats exactly how i felt 2 years ago, where i feel like i lost everything, everything that I've been building since day one. Even some things that hasn't been built yet. At that moment i cant think of anything, i dont have any prioritize or even life purposes. It felt like I was stuck in a looped song that never reaches the chorus. No one really noticed me, let alone how I felt. Its hard for me to express the feelings that i have. But life kept going, and maybe it took me a while to adapt, to restart what i have ended, but its okay atleast i got a second chance right?

For me to be at this point of life is amazing, im proud at myself for kept going and not letting me gave up on myself.

Semenjak tau ada mereka, pola pikir ku berubah

Karena mereka ternyata gaya hidup tidak berdasarkan pandangan orang lain/pendapat tetapi namanya hidup cuman sekali jadi hiduplah jadi dirimu sendiri Be yourself .Dan nikmatin selagi kamu masih remaja karena masa remaja mu cuman sekali dan tak akan terulang lagi.

....

Seekor ikan koi hidup seorang diri di antara spesies ikan lainya ia terpisah dari kawananya..., namun dia tidak bisa mengingat pasti apa yang yang terjadi apa yang telat terlewat..., dia hanya bisa mengingat ingatanya, kenangan indahnya atau kenangan suram... dalam 10 jam setelah itu terlupakan... Sekarang dia seorang diri terpisah dari kawanan yang bahkan tak ingat bahwa dia pernah ada. Sendiri dirinya sendiri pun menanyakan identitas dirinya, aku siapa?, kenapa aku ada disini?, apa yang aku lewatkan? seorang diri di antara beribu spesies ikan lainya...

Ada yang bilang bahwa ingatan yang hanya bertahan selama 10 jam ini menguntungkan karena aku tak perlu mengingat kenangan kelam di masalalu, tapi tanpa kenangan itu siapa aku sekarang?, seekor ikan yang kehilangan identitasnya sendiri.

Bergerak melawan arus sungai yang tak tau apa akhirnya, kapan aku dapat berhenti, apa aku bisa hidup tanpa identitas diriku sendiri setiap hari dengan identitas baru bertemu berbagai spesies ikan lain dan melupakannya sampai saat aku tak ingin mengenal siapapun lagi..

Untuk apa aku mengenal seseorang mencintai, menyayangi, berbahagia bersama lalu aku melupakannya?

Apa akhir dari semua ini? kadang aku mencapai jalan buntu dalam pikiranku sendiri, tapi satu hal yang ingin selalu aku ingat.. bahwa setiap hari walau aku tak bisa mengingat pasti kenangan apa yang sudah kulewati aku percaya semua ada artinya... aku hanya perlu berenang maju melawan arus sungai hingga suatu saat aku tiada..

Many people are still confused in making choices for their future, because they fear failure. But actually failure is just a normal thing as a person who wants to succeed in the future.

Fear will only make us unable to do anything. thats why We have to be brave in facing it.

When I arrived, the campus looked super modern and clean. The vibe was really nice and everyone there seemed so friendly. I walked around with my friends, and we checked out some of the buildings, labs, and even the library. Everything looked so aesthetic, I swear.

We also met lecturer, writer and editor who shared their experiences. They were really friendly and open about what campus life is like. Listening to them made me feel inspired and even more motivated to chase my goals.

Overall, it was a really good day. I had so much fun and I felt so inspired after the visit :)

What I reflect from this feeling are, without us realizing it, even though the moment we felt a long time ago, if it is memorable, it can leave a mark even when you have grown. And there is no condition that seperates your feelings about something, whether you are close to the person you mourn or not.

Dari pengalaman itu, aku belajar bahwa momen yang berharga bukan hanya tentang tempat atau waktu, tetapi tentang orang-orang yang tepat, mereka yang bisa membuat kita bahagia meskipun dalam keadaan yang tidak begitu cerah.