And within these two weeks i kept fighting. Trying to find myself, because you adapt to the other rather quickly. However when suddenly being alone again you have to take the time and get the mess together.

You could see it all as a sort of religion. You work on it together, and it splits. So two new believes are born but they are not developed yet. So you are in the wild, and there is no church. You have to build one yourself.

Life is a scripture, but without encryption you can't enter.

it's all done to safe yourself

I once made a wall here, to communicate with friends.

However they never looked at it anyway. Now 2 years later my life went on.

In those two years I met a perfect girl. For the sake of the story she is called Katy. With Katy i had a wonderful time. Were together since 24-06-14. She was younger but he I couldn't care less. 4.5 years was in between. only after a year and 3 months things went south.

All of a sudden Katy said "i love you, but i don't see us anymore" ... And on my mind was the question, what did I do but give love to you!? However it was just her mind which was to crowded and couldn't give me the love I deserved.

While i was giving 100% to Katy she only gave me like 30%.

She meant the world to me, and was the energy for me to go on with my life. But love ran out I guess.

The solid ground underneath my feet just disappeared but we didn't end it right there and then.. Which might have been better. The days after I fell deeper and deeper in thoughts, However i still needed to work and perform. As you can guess that didn't work well.

A couple days later we had a chat, and it was a nice talk. However it ended with a burnout. Both sitting like, f*ck we loose it all. And what is "all" ?

---

The secure environment you have created, the memories and laughs. All gone to waste. I was burned and hurt before but this is surreal.. A stupid occurrence...

And this occurrence is a broken heart. But a heart can't really be broken.

Lucky enough for me I got my bike to ride out. And give me some distraction. ..

I Need to find my own life again.

Then a conversation came to mind.. I was told "This isn't working anymore",

And also I could see that it wasn't . In a haze, I heard you say " You want to take everything away." Everything that is worth in my life....

However when talking suddenly you mentioned you started to love me less and less.

That's completely different. 

Now you talk to me in a way you don't know me anymore. As if your memories disappeared and all our time was nothing.

What seemed so safe all the time, was a big lie, like a house made out of cards.

Like someone else took over you mind to erase our love.

Can't just somebody tell me, that it was all a bad dream?

We are back to where we started, as strangers.

And maybe that's the thing I hate the most.. The way she acts towards me. Like I didn't do a god damn thing right.

---

She sits down at the table where you once sat,
Brushes her teeth with your brush.
I try to laugh with her, but she is not nice enough...
And I really listened to her, but can not remember what she asked.
No, I do not remember what she asked ... Sorry, but what did you say?? A fresh wind is blowing through my life, All the days are mine!

Time and time again I heard you say, I'll promise to the end.

Here we are, we can't even speak one f*cking word.

You've thrown away everything that was us. The love turned to hate even though you told me I was your world.

It's not you that angers me so, It's what you do that angers me. The way you act like I am trash. But I love to take all our pictures, including the ones at your place. And burn em all. BURN all our memories.

If I could I would blow a bullet through my brain to delete every little thing of us.

My world is on fire, my mind is racing.

However, I do still care and feel love for her.

And then, the most stupid thing you ask "How are you doing?" Well what the .. do you think?

That I forgot such a time just like you did. No, I really did care about us. I really did.

A new period, a new start.

Thank god I got my job, keeps my mind from driving crazy. I will let it all come to me. And hope my sky doesn't come crashing in from Insanity.

Wrong side of heaven.

Change came around the corner. 

What is wrong and what is right?

The problem is, I Remember EVERYTHING! 

She is amazing!