I didn't try to prevent myself.

I wanted to fall head first.

I had never been wanted to be more fucked. /sfw for once.

In every conversation.

God, aren't I fucking greedy? How do you put up with this shit.

I don't know how but you have, for a whole year. And I can't be more grateful because you made me realize things can get better. Yeah, things in our lives got worse but you just constantly were the best thing happening to me every day. The reason I know I will push on. Cause you know what? I wanna see how gray your hair gets. I wanna see the wrinkles and I refuse to let no one else take your hand.

I want to be the one that appreciates you in every single second.

I want to selfishly hoard you. You. Your words. Your brain. Your hands. Your existence.

I am selfish in a way I guess. Is that my toxic trait? I'm not sure. I never knew what's the right way or wrong way of loving, but all I know is that I love you.

And I wanna be there to make you happy over and over again, one year at a time.

I want to be there when things get boring, when we have nothing to do. Whether we have words or when we run out of them.

You? you keep cutting from your own patiency to make sure everyone's alright. You always take care of others to the point that you forget yourself, and you? you are so endlessly forgiving.

I know you prefer I'd say get a grip bitch, you got it, it be like that. And I try to. But god, do I want to constantly remind you.

Whether you believe me or not, is on you, but it won't change how much I respect you.

Maybe silly of me but you have this way of things...like in every language you speak lays an endless love I want to adore. It's not about keeping you locked up or anything, its the way that your words taste like heaven, its the way your gaze holds gentle affection and god, do I adore you for it.

I don't think I'd ever stop admiring you.

I don't even want to.

The way I said I love you over phone while you were doing your skin routine. I loved you for that. That was probably the most cutest shit happening to me. I was so fucking nervous Eli, you have no idea. My heart was literally beating out of my chest, and I was so nervous not out of fear because...there was so much of it and I was scared of overwhelming you. But I could not...just NOT say it. You? yeah. You.

I was not gonna miss out on the one person whom I knew was gonna become the most important star in my life.

That was a moment I don't think I'd ever forget. I feel the trust you put in me shifted that day and it was...very precious to me.

It's hard to word what I felt but that call was...a treasure.

How we totally, absolutely, could not hold back from all the horny bottled up.

The first time I saw you I was sincerely so...what's the word. Man, is this cheesy? I was so elated.

Your personality, your face, your everything match into this lovely bundle I want to hold on my grip. I wanna hold you and love you and just. God. It wasn't hard at all falling for you all over again.

I think I have told you a million times that that picture you sent me with snacks next to you remains my absolute favorite.

I added this because I want this padlet to be every precious memory you gave me. Which honestly is a lot. I feel like I need to make it shorter but god...I need you to know.