Biomimicry Step #3 by https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa en-us 2018-04-04 21:09:48 UTC 2018-04-12 16:11:21 UTC hello@padlet.com What makes great Scientific Writing? vbalfour https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/248684342 2018-04-04 21:13:12 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/248684342 Asa https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220145 One thing I really liked about this design concept overview was how the writers made you really care about the issue at hand. The language they used was really impact, and made me interested in their solution. An example of this kind of writing can be found in the following sentence: "Every year we lower the shores and lakes, taken to hydrate our farms and provide easy access to water anywhere in our buildings."]]> 2018-04-12 15:52:39 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220145 Kaya https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220283 1) They had a few grammatical errors that made their writing hard to understand. 2) For example, they said, "as the soil dries out more quickly during a drought, when seeds are watered they germinated the sprout can die before the plant is watered next." which just isn't comprehensible.]]> 2018-04-12 15:52:54 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220283 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220284 1)]]> 2018-04-12 15:52:54 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220284 Saige(#2) https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220369 The person who wrote this had a good idea and it seemed to be well thought out. The only problem is they didnt give enough information. They should add more because they have a huge topic with a lot of information. They are getting there but need more. "in Australia, where intense heat has now become the states number one natural killer". Yep thats it. ]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:04 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220369 Evan writing 2 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220376 1.) They didn't spell anything wrong, But it was very vague I barely know what it does. So I think that they should have gone more in depth. it was only 107 words long.   
2.) "improves the overall user experience of public transport."

3 it kinda sucks.  

 ]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:04 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220376 Hunter Mckinzie https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220401 I received writing #2. If I could improve the writing I would definitely add more details about why they were inspired by pine cones, the Australian fan pal and the thorny devil lizard. The writers only told us that they were inspired by those things but never gave us a reason why they were inspired.]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:07 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220401 Ben https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220461
With the writing I reviewed (2), I think that the author spent a bit too much time talking about the specifics of the problem. They briefly discussed their solution at the end, but not much. I personally had a hard time understanding the solution they were thinking of. They also had really rough transitions between sentences, such as “[California] will lose 78,800 acres of land to drought. After a seed germinates, it needs a consistent…” Before this sentence, seeds weren’t mentioned once. Suddenly, we’re talking about how them like it was in the last sentence. I feel like if they read it out loud or had someone else read it, it could have been a much better sounding piece.

 
]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:12 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220461 556861 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220467 1) Lily Pollen seed Coats overview talked about what they were going to do in the first sentence which gave the reader a good idea of what they were going to do. 
2) They could have added more evidence and go back through a proof read what they wrote. ]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:12 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220467 Thorne (#2) xtwinchester https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220478 1) The author explains what their innovation does and the what biomimicry was applied to it
2) "The EvapoPalm can be retrofitted on to existing transit stops, and through mechanisms inspired by pinecones, the Australian fan palm, and the thorny devil lizard, cools the surrounding area while also collecting solar energy to be put back into the grid."]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:14 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220478 Lhasa Off (#3) https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220490 Provided relevant statistics to support their argument "nearly one billion gallons of water fall from the sky, uncaptured and unused"  ]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:15 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220490 Jacob 96086 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220495 1) the writer had a good starting sentence.
2) "The EvapoPalm is both a proactive and retroactive solution to the urban heat island effect, plaguing cities across the globe."]]> 2018-04-12 15:53:16 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220495 Donavan Segelhorst (#1) 81740 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220502
  • The author did a good job actually introducing the topic while providing a detail. They did a great job explaining how it would affect the ecosystem and economy. One thing that could have improved on was actually getting to what their solution to the problem would be and going into more detail about their project They seemed to only focus on the problem and not the solution. The beginning of the paragraph seemed to be repetitive also. 
  • "These droughts not only affect crops but livestock as well... This natural occurrence becomes a natural disaster in the agricultural business.
    • ]]>     2018-04-12 15:53:17 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220502     Strengths and Weaknesses of the EvapoPalm 520251 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220654 One strength that I've found is that they at least explained the problem at hand, which was intense heat in urban areas. I feel like that this is important to explain what problem you're having, in the EvapoPalm prompt, however it didn't explain it, which makes a jump and a segue to the weaknesses of the writing.
    One con is that while they told us the many different creatures they used in the construction, they didn't explain what they have to do with it, like 'What does the Thorny Devil Lizard has anything to do with this?' or 'what does a pine cone...' etc., etc. Another con is that the prompt is also less than 100 words, which this prompt that i'm currently writing is more than 100 by now, or maybe even 300. While this is a minor issue, there is a grammar error or two within the writing, and I don't know why it bothers me, but they said that Melbourne is a state somehow? (The actual state that Melbourne is in by the way is Victoria, Australia, not to be confused with Melbourne, FL)]]>     2018-04-12 15:53:35 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220654     Hana (#1) https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220782 Strength: I thought the writers did a good job at addressing the problem and laying out all the materials needed in order to reach their manifested solution.

    Weakness:  I believe that they could have added another solid piece of evidence because they only had 1 instead on 3. 

    Example:  The only solid piece of evidence/ data stated was ".. California alone will lose 78,800 acres of land to drought." 

    Proposed solution: Maybe they could incorporate two more pieces of evidence. Such as the coat on seed nutrients. Or potentially, something more about Lilly pollen grain and how they were going to incorporate it into their project.
    ]]>     2018-04-12 15:53:48 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220782     Geneva 55737 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220849 I think that they should have written in third person, and made sure their sentence structure was cohesive, as well as used scientific Language. Something they did well was their use of a hook, and getting straight to the problem and solution and then provided facts and evidence 

    2) "If we could more efficiently capture that rainwater and mist that floats down from the sky." 

    3)Genevis ]]>     2018-04-12 15:53:54 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220849     Luca Waterhouse https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220972 1) They give a idea on what is happening to someone/something. They also could of given some detail on the rain barrel like dimensions and how it can be used on a larger scale.
    2) "Humanity is running out of water"]]>     2018-04-12 15:54:08 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251220972     Dominic https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221266 1) explain how it is inspired by nature 
    "the prototype that we will be using is inspired by the darkling beetle of the deserts"  
    2) address the problem
    "A lack of water would lead to crops failing,a lack of ice for preservation and problems with the drinkable water supply."]]>     2018-04-12 15:54:35 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221266     Jason 681951 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221574 1)
    one strength was the intro. They started with the issue presented in a way that grabs you and makes you care about it.
    2)
    one weakness was that it felt more like a story than a proposal, they were conveying a narrative over an idea. the solution felt like a side note to the issue.
    ex) "in turn, those would lead to starvation, dehydration, and death." this demonstrates how well they got they issue across but it also demonstrates how much weight they put on the narrative. ]]>     2018-04-12 15:55:03 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221574     Landon https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221584 In the beginning, the writer started with an example, this hooked me into the rest of the article. then they provided evidence with numbers, but only once throughout the paragraph. Moving through the paragraph, then they provided a solution to the problem, but at the end they didn't sum it all up and say how to distribute and put it into the world]]> 2018-04-12 15:55:04 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221584 Olivia https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221696 1. Even with a limit with 300 words, you should be able to put more detail into how the actual devise relates to a pinecone. Just saying "oh cause pinecone" does not mean that your audience will understand anything that is happening. What parts of the pinecones? Why pinecones? many details are missing to a very inportant part of this process.
    2."The EvapoPalm can be retrofitted on to existing transit stops, and through mechanisms inspired by pinecones..."]]>     2018-04-12 15:55:16 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221696     Colin (#3) 72433 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221698 -It has a really good structure/flow which makes it more professional and easier to understand while reading
    -There were a few minor grammar errors that if fixed could improve the credibility of it]]>     2018-04-12 15:55:17 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251221698     Carson https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251222093 #3
    1)They took their time and few errors in grammar. It was easy to understand and told us everything we needed to know.
    2) A good evidence piece is "Every year, nearly 1 billion gallons of water falls from the sky, uncaptured and unused." they then explain about how that it is based off of a desert beetles shell that has grooves in it that hold water and the water runs down to its mouth.]]>     2018-04-12 15:55:57 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251222093     https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223650 2018-04-12 15:58:29 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223650 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223719 2018-04-12 15:58:36 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223719 https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223746 2018-04-12 15:58:39 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251223746 reeeeee https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251224727 2018-04-12 16:00:15 UTC https://padlet.com/vbalfour/wbpvn065hkqa/wish/251224727