https://padlet.com/24gramanan/vyah37q5il14 Comment nice! It is fine the be funny en-us 2018-12-05 17:13:17 UTC 2025-10-03 19:11:56 UTC hello@padlet.com 24gramos https://padlet.com/24gramanan/vyah37q5il14/wish/312319991 Gonzalo

I like how you incorporated that Scar got his scar on his eye from Mufasa in a fight to become king, but your story could use a lot of improvement in some areas.
1) You should remember that the characters are lions, so they wouldn't be able to punch or have hands.
2) The way Mufasa talks throughout the scene feels very off character, as he seems more noble and humble. Same thing goes for Scar, as his character feels so different to how he is in the movie, so remember to think about the voice a character has.
3) I don't agree with the way the screenplay ended, as Mufasa would only become ruler when Ahadi dies. Also I think you put prince instead of king as a mistake every now and then during the end of the screenplay, so don't forget to pay attention to detail in writing.
4) You should consider how the characters speak, for example they wouldn't use more modern words like "dude" or "dad," but instead more formal words, like "father" considering they are royalty.
It was a very good story, but again, don't forget the key parts to making it better! ]]> 2018-12-07 17:06:48 UTC https://padlet.com/24gramanan/vyah37q5il14/wish/312319991 24gramos https://padlet.com/24gramanan/vyah37q5il14/wish/312327468 Gonzalo

I enjoyed this writing piece, mostly because of the plot twist that happened during the beginning, but I think that the ending could use more improvement. I feels like the problem was resolved too quickly and the story ended so suddenly and everything rushed at me in the end. I think slowing down the moments a little bit could help a lot. I think you should continue adding nice twists and suspenseful parts, because I wanted to keep reading when they realized that it was a trap, and after Boi confronted Rahul]]> 2018-12-07 17:23:00 UTC https://padlet.com/24gramanan/vyah37q5il14/wish/312327468