You who beats the sun with comparison to your smile.

You who with every word weaves a line,

You who takes your hand in mine,

And says it will all be just fine.

As long as our fates are intertwined.

For in a world where life seems bleak and fading.

It is for you that makes life worth living.

When I looked over at you, it's as if the sun kissed you good morning. If you asked me if I was staring, I'd just say I was looking at the view outside. But really, what's a better view than you? Your hair is always so neat, it fits you so well. I just wish I could have been the one to braid your hair every single day.
But that will never be me.

Today is Valentine's Day, a day for love. I would say it's a beautiful day, but it's not. That boy gave you those flowers and chocolates today, and it only made my effort to give you cookies look dull in comparison. Oh, well. I guess my friends can have those cookies.

On Valentine's Day, it rained. There's no other perfect time for rain other than now. Right after I reminded myself that I never had a chance to begin with. Whether you like him or not, I will still remain as a girl who chases after another girl, knowing you only like boys.

At times, I can't help but rethink it all. You no longer care for me as you used to. What happened to your words that were sweeter than honey, your promises that were engraved on stone, and your love's warmth that could withstand a blizzard? I do not blame you for drifting away, for I wasn't always easy to love. I had only wished you didn't awaken my love in the first place, only for you to leave the moment I decided I didn't want to lose you, the moment I decided I wanted to love you.

In the end, I knew you were going to leave me, but that didn't stop me for hoping I was wrong.

A fleeting light meant to go dark,

A fire that burns within the heart,

To disappear like none from the start

Found flutter frees a gasp

Heart stuck in a squeezing grasp,

As rose heat rushes to the face,

Upon seeing their gentle grace.

Oh, what I shall give to feel that flush,

Emotions I will never know, never touch

How is it for someone not like me,

To bask in that romantic fantasy?

A fantasy, a dream,

Not to be remembered or to be seen,

Yet I still want for that, truthfully,

The reverie of my reality.

Many bridges built and burned,

But somehow I never learn

How is it so, to feel gaiety,

Not drowning in self-made despondency?

A solitude so unstable

Which light will never cradle

While regrets pile up in an endless cycle

Irrelevant, yet oh so fatal

A hesitant sound on New Year's Day,

A resolve so weak, it fades away.

All left is an empty heart,

One whole, but feels apart.

To share this burden, is not my intent,

I solely wish to express my lament,

An obituary for my past self,

Who only wanted what they hadn't felt.

I've realized, accepted and now know,

This was my nature, how it was always meant to go.

Penned by the one who feels none (in romance)

Emptiness, darkness. That was my life as I knew it; one of void. With so many things that happened in my life, you would think that some sort of ----- would be seen, especially how I was a child. Yet like my dark eyes, my life was also dark. Nothing was there, nothing was here. Black was what my world was to me.

Joy, happiness, and excitement. When I met you for the first time, these were the things I felt. Anticipation reaching heights I never felt before when I sleep, hoping I would be able to meet you the following day. Yellow. This is the best word to describe the new ----- that filled my new life.

Spring, the season where not only flowers bloom, but emotions too. The more I talked with you, the more I realized that the feelings I felt were no longer simple joy and content, but something more. It was interesting... yet terrifying almost. Pink. That is what I thought of the feeling.

Fear, the unsettling feeling it brings and the shivers it brought to my spine scared me. What were we really? In word, we were friends, but in feelings we were most certainly something else. The possibly horrid response I would recieve if I were to ask you about it, that terrified me. Grey. That was the best word to describe the horrifying feeling.

Love, the joy it brings to know that you are loved by the one you love creates a gratifying feeling to a person, and that is what I felt when I was with you. Upon properly settling my emotions, I realized it was truly more than friendship and was romantic love that I felt for you. The ecstatic and heavenly feeling when you reciprocated my feelings were unimaginably joyous, almost nothing can compare to that moment. "Red means love" is what those moments taught me.

Yet Red also means blood-shed and carnage, anger and rage. Those were emotions I also felt when I was with you. Overwhelming jealousy filled my clouded eyes when I see you with other women, at some point men too. Soon I thought, was this really love or was this starting to grow to become an unhealthy obsession? Until now, I can never truly answer that question.

Sadness; grief and loss overcame me when who I thought and knew to be the love of my life left. That moment I realized that what I felt was love, but what he felt was infatuation. We did not have the same love for each other, yet I was so blinded by the joy and feeling of it that I did not realize that those were simply fleeting moments that would soon leave my tired and rotten fingertips. Blue. That day I learned what blue truly meant.

Darkness. Darkness was what filled my world again when my light left and I was abandoned into an empty, desolate world without -----. How was I supposed to move on? I felt like I was simply prey to a predator that saw better meat, a toy to a boy that grew up, a room that meant nothing without the light. You were my first, and you said I would be your last, yet where did those words go? To the void. Black. My world was once again monotonously black.

Black is the absence of all -----, yet soon I grew to learn that it also had an opposite, as all things do. All ----- stem from a singular one, just like the people we see as our "loved ones". They all are our loved ones in our lives, yet in someone else's, they might not be. People see the world in different ways and they bring those points of view to you which builds and creates your world as you know it. And if you were to mix all of it, it would create white. White is every single ----- at once. Once I moved on, I allowed my world to be this collection of ----- he introduced to me for me to accept the world as it is. Over time, I learned that my world was no longer monotonous, but filled with color.

Oh, that was the word for it.

Color.

-----------------------------

Hiii, thank you for reading until the end !!

I wrote this a decent while ago and I just fixed a few parts of it to make sure it made more sense for others to read too without needing explicit context. This means a lot to me so again, I would like to thank you for reading!

And for my sweet angel, I hope that you still remember my wish for you to fly high and continue to do your best in everything and be able to find someone who can love you more than I ever did, and for that someone to do the things I was never able to do for you.

Happy Valentines Day! <3

There's this person I've been admiring for a while now. Though, I may not know a lot about their character, I admire them more than my mind knows. Through the short messages they'd rarely send to group chats, the times I ever got to cross their path, the silent, swift glances we'd exchange, any form of their presence felt like a warm breeze that contained peace no one can ever achieve.

Yes, it's clear they have no interest in me, they show it. Yes, it may be the limerence talking, I feel it. But I truly want to be close to them-- may it be only as a friend, as hoping for my feelings to be reciprocated would be too much to hope for, and my heart can not possibly handle that much joy. No matter what the future holds, I'll wish here in silence that it would include them.

I value the joy they unknowingly give me, and their actions that calm my deluded thoughts, so I'll continue to grow and write my thoughts, hoping someday they'll be in one of these pages not as someone I admire, but someone I'm allowed to keep close.

It's hard to find the right words—what to say to you and what not to. I can no longer remember. I cannot remember you.

I do not remember your face. I can feel the fragments of your porcelain skin shatter and plummet to the abyss that chasms in my mind.

I do not remember your voice, for I never was graced by you to hear it. All I've ever heard from you were sweet melodies of deceptions, like the humming of a flute along with an orchestra of birds that sit by the branches of trees who also speak in lullabies.

I do not remember the feelings I harbored whenever you were in my presence. Now, it feels like a void that eats at my soul, dirty and hungry parasites that consume me whole. Every time that they dare arise, it feels like there is a staggering dagger that is ready to pierce through the vessel that is my heart.

I no longer remember you.

I do not remember your favorite color, your favorite flower—not even your favorite song. All I know now is how you loved to sing. There is no trace of you for me to remember. The only reason that proves to me that you ever existed is this heart you left to long.

There is this constant feeling that my heart is caged; love never existed to free. No, love was never in your vocabulary. Should there be one reason it ever did, it would be to cage me—to chain me in this everlasting sorrow of forgetting.

( Happy Valentine's Day ! <3 )

So, my dear, know this: you will always have a place in my soul. No matter the distance between us.

With all my heart,

Turon

It comes naturally to you, to me. To show these physical affections. You're my friend, I'm yours. Yet with the way you smile, I find myself wanting to see it more. You sit beside me in school, and that's one of the best things this hellhole had brought me. Another best thing is putting me in the same section as you, enabling me to meet you.

You lean your head on my shoulder like it's nothing, you grab my hand like it's breathing, you say 'I love you' since I'm your friend.

Sometimes I hope, it's more than that.

Though I think I just crave this.

Whatever this is.

I can't even tell if I do like you more than a friend.

Maybe you're just such a good friend?

I can't really tell if I do like you, maybe because it's my first time having the thoughts of wanting to kiss a girl.

As I am a girl myself.

We would joke around and call ourselves dating. Everyone knows it's just a fun joke. Though how long would this last for?

Me being a girl, and you being as well is not really my problem.

My problem is not knowing if what I'm feeling is romantic or platonic. Not knowing if you feel the same. That you're leaving this school next year.

I would miss your head on my shoulder.

Next year, I will be losing my world.

Would you even notice how I yearned for you?

Yearned, not yearn.

Because after all this time, I've finally let go.

And yes, I do admit that my mind is still plagued by thoughts of you from time to time,

At least now, I'm able to ward them off,

I wasn't as strong back then, unable to rid myself of thoughts of you.

Thought that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Thought that somehow, you two would drift apart and that I would be the one you hold onto;

The one you finally chose.

Yet here I am, looking at the remnants of my "love".

Like lumber that has gone out, covered with sand,

never fully extinguishing the flame, but covering it nonetheless.

'Till every now and then, sparks appear.

Small, fleeting, insignificant.

I have to remind myself that you don't deserve me.

That I shouldn't settle for less.

But truth be told, I would rather have some of you than none at all.

So here I am, constantly reminding myself that it isn't worth it.

That the pain isn't worth the miniscule amounts of bliss whenever I'm with you.

That I should be content with what we have.

With our friendship.

Because at least through it, I have a semblance of importance in your life.

Somehow, I'm a person of value to you.

Someone you cherish, but would never choose.

Because at the end of the day, it was just another daydream.

A mere amalgamation of what ifs and could have beens, but will never be.

A fleeting moment, in times of weakness.

Would you even notice how I yearned for you?

Yearned, not yearn.

Because after all this time, I've finally let go.

And yes, I do admit that my mind is still plagued by thoughts of you from time to time,

At least now, I'm able to ward them off,

I wasn't as strong back then, unable to rid myself of thoughts of you.

Thought that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Thought that somehow, you two would drift apart and that I would be the one you hold onto;

The one you finally chose.

Yet here I am, looking at the remnants of my "love".

Like lumber that has gone out, covered with sand,

never fully extinguishing the flame, but covering it nonetheless.

'Till every now and then, sparks appear.

Small, fleeting, insignificant.

I have to remind myself that you don't deserve me.

That I shouldn't settle for less.

But truth be told, I would rather have some of you than none at all.

So here I am, constantly reminding myself that it isn't worth it.

That the pain isn't worth the miniscule amounts of bliss whenever I'm with you.

That I should be content with what we have.

With our friendship.

Because at least through it, I have a semblance of importance in your life.

Somehow, I'm a person of value to you.

Someone you cherish, but would never choose.

Because at the end of the day, it was just another daydream.

A mere amalgamation of what ifs and could have beens, but will never be.

A fleeting moment, in times of weakness.

Would you even notice how I yearned for you?

Yearned, not yearn.

Because after all this time, I've finally let go.

And yes, I do admit that my mind is still plagued by thoughts of you from time to time,

At least now, I'm able to ward them off,

I wasn't as strong back then, unable to rid myself of thoughts of you.

Thought that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Thought that somehow, you two would drift apart and that I would be the one you hold onto;

The one you finally chose.

Yet here I am, looking at the remnants of my "love".

Like lumber that has gone out, covered with sand, 

never fully extinguishing the flame, but covering it nonetheless.

'Till every now and then, sparks appear.

Small, fleeting, insignificant.

I have to remind myself that you don't deserve me.

That I shouldn't settle for less.

But truth be told, I would rather have some of you than none at all.

So here I am, constantly reminding myself that it isn't worth it.

That the pain isn't worth the miniscule amounts of bliss whenever I'm with you.

That I should be content with what we have.

With our friendship.

Because at least through it, I have a semblance of importance in your life.

Somehow, I'm a person of value to you.

Someone you cherish, but would never choose.

Because at the end of the day, it was just another daydream.

A mere amalgamation of what ifs and could have beens, but will never be.

A fleeting moment, in times of weakness.

were you chosen, or a resort?