Do Hard Things Reflections by Julia K Vickers

Chapter 1 - Song that encapsulates learned ideas about toughness

vickersj2 — 2025-01-28 20:45:58 UTC

“Surface Pressure” from the Encanto soundtrack reminds me about learned ideas of toughness because the girl singing feels like she is represented as tough because she is strong but she also feels overwhelmed. Everyone puts pressure on her and she feels like she is going to crack. I think this is how the book describes toughness because people put too much pressure on themselves and then they can’t achieve all they are capable of.

Chapter 1, Self-talk Habit

vickersj2 — 2025-01-28 20:46:46 UTC

A self-talk habit I have been using in life and dance lately is, “nothing changes, if nothing changes.” I have found this to be incredibly helpful because it reminds me that you have to put in work or take action when things get hard. It reminds me to not be controlled by stress and anxiety and to change things that aren’t working for me. I think it relates to the book because it also reminds you of the environment you are in, you can’t learn or work effectively in certain environments so if you don’t take action to change that, it won’t change. Don’t let yourself get stuck.

This self-talk is definitely working for me because it’s encouraging me to make changes in my life that benefit me and to also push myself to try new things so I can find out what makes me happy. I made the background green because it represents growth and change.

Chapter 1, Book Takeaway

vickersj2 — 2025-01-28 20:47:34 UTC

On page 7, Magness pointed out that “The “just right’ Goldilocks fit occurs when expectations are high, but so is support” I think this stuck out to me so much because I love to meet high expectations and I even set them for myself, but I know that I can’t get to them alone. I need support when I’m working on something hard, and I think sometimes I feel guilty about that. However, this book is sending out the message that needing support is actually necessary. So I want to remember this so I don’t let myself get discouraged when asking for help/support.

Chapter 1, Song that encapsulates the idea of toughness proposed by Magness

vickersj2 — 2025-01-28 20:50:31 UTC

The song Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys makes me think of the new ideas of toughness. The song makes you feel empowered and supported, but also proves that you are capable of more than you think. This connects to Magness’ ideas that expectations and support are high and that allows people to work their hardest.

Chapter 2, Skill

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:01 UTC

The skill I am focusing on in contemporary is my endurance. The running and constant/fast-moving pace in contemporary is allowing me to learn about my mental toughness and do something hard. There is also endurance needed when you are constantly engaging muscles, not just continuously moving. The class is filled with encouragement from our two teachers and also from each other. While the class can be tiring being encouraged to keep going and celebrating what we do in class, I have been able to get through class even when I’m tired.

Chapter 2, Teach

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:05 UTC

The skill of endurance and being able to keep moving, which is the skill I am focusing on in contemporary, could be taught to friends by running together. This is not a dance-specific skill so I feel like it can be more easily understood by non-dancers. In last Friday's class, we were talking about how running with others can be effective and encouraging to keep you going. If we held each other accountable and offered positive encouragement while running together we could work through hard mental challenges and building endurance.

Chapter 2, Find or Create

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:11 UTC

Feel ⇨ Inner Debate ⇨ Urge ⇨ Decision (freak out or find your way through)

My mom is a certified life coach and has offered a lot of feedback about making difficult decisions or working through hard times. Typically, I on the “decision” step I choose the option of freaking out, however, my mom is very good at slowing down and choosing the find your way through option. I think the most effective way she makes decisions is through journaling and allowing herself to have time with her own thoughts.

Chapter 2, Book takeaway

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:18 UTC

One thing I really want to remember from this chapter is, you can’t expect your mind and body to know everything without learning. There are some natural instincts that you just know, but most of the time habits are learned. I expect myself to be able to calm down and not freak out, or I get upset when I’m feeling stressed or sad. The book highlights the idea this may not always be the case. “Telling people to relax doesn’t work unless you’ve taught people how to actually relax.” This line from the book makes me feel comforted because it reminds me not to beat myself up for getting stressed, and reminds me it’s okay to feel your feelings. There is a way to handle emotions but you can’t ignore them. One thought from this chapter that I think would benefit everyone in our society to hear is, “Negative thoughts of quitting are normal. They don’t mean you are weak. They represent your mind trying to protect you.” I think people feel they will be judged or seen as weak when they are tired. Getting tired and being done is normal. We are all human. The book explains there are times where you can push through those thoughts, but it also is your body's way of being smart and protecting you. I think people in our society are always trying to prove themselves, and this is not an effective way of dealing with toughness.

Feel: Find a color that encapsulates the feeling you have when you see the world/a situation as a manageable challenge.

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:40 UTC

When something is manageable I feel like the color pink, but ultimately everything will be alright and I can trust myself to get something done. This song is a hype song. I think the girl power of this song is encouraging and the encouragement energy also makes stuff easier to get done. Even if something is manageable you have to be able to hype yourself up.

Feel: Find a color that encapsulates the feeling you have when you see the world/a situation as a threat. C3

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:45 UTC

Freaking Out by ARIZONA

This song evokes feelings of stress and anxiety when you can’t handle something or feel threatened. The build-up to a fast tempo can be representative of how emotions can build up. The color blue can sometimes represent anxiety for me and as the shade gets darker the emotions get more intense.

Envision/Reflect: In the final section of the chapter titled, Setting Your Mind on Reality, Magness takes us through the steps to manage a productive stress response to a situation. C3

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:49 UTC

My goal is to handle my stress before a performance effectively. I know I can’t get rid of stress completely before going on a stage but I think there is a way I can better handle it. I have always gotten stressed before performances, especially at competitions in the past.
Before a performance I seek perfection in my movements. Now I would rather feel content with my movement than perfection. I want to feel happy about the work I put in and how I use my muscles effectively during performances.
Typically I get shaky and lose balance while getting ready for a performance. I think one way for me to handle these feelings of stress is to do deep breathing. I would also maybe lay on the floor in a comfortable position and calm my nervous system. Journaling the night before a performance could help me.
Magness addresses how you can prime with positive experiences. Finding a warm-up that makes me feel comfortable and balanced would be a way I could create a positive routine for myself. I would like to start with breathing and then lead to something that creates balance. I think I could definitely incorporate the movement that we have learned in class.

Book Takeaway C3

vickersj2 — 2025-02-13 15:58:53 UTC

The main takeaway I had from this chapter was actually the title of the chapter. “Accept What You Are Capable Of”. I am a perfectionist so when it comes to setting goals or expectations of myself they are typically higher than realistic and often lead to disappointment in myself. This is something I have been working on for years and will continue to work on. Magness writess, “Here’s what I'm capable of. Here's what the race demands. I'm going to execute based on those two things.” I found this to be really insightful. I think figuring out what you know you are capable of, without selling yourself short, is the most effective way to get something done. I really want to incorporate more of this effective thinking into my life. This form of thinking can be used not only when facing physical challenges such as running but even emotional ones. I believe this thinking can help me remind myself that I’m capable of more than I give myself credit for and also nobody is perfect because we are all human.

Personal inventory, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 01:46:21 UTC

Lower the bar:

Having a bad turn day
Fear of messing up/perfectionism, not getting the combo or movement perfect
Working through being tired

Raise the floor:

Having a bad turn day allows me to work on changing my mindset. Instead of getting upset with myself, I can work on addressing the problem and learning from my mistakes.
Fear of failure allows me to stay encouraged and always give my best effort.
Working through being tired allows me to find my limitations and get stronger over time

I made the background color yellow, because confidence creates an inner glow.

My Takeaway, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 01:47:15 UTC

My takeaway from this chapter is that being a perfectionist can actually damage your confidence. I am definitely a perfectionist and I always set my expectations for myself really high. My mom has always told me I need to stop doing this and that it is only hurting me. After reading this chapter and honestly all the chapters we’ve read I am learning to accept my humanness and realize I can’t be perfect. “... high performers suffer lapses in confidence but that infiltrates and affects their thinking, feeling, and actions.” -Magness

Real Confidence Role Model, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 01:48:02 UTC

I always talk about my mom in my book reflections, however, she is just such a good example of all these wonderful traits. She has definitely taught us to believe in ourselves, but not “to set the bar too high.” She has confidence and she is capable of so much but she is also real. She tells us when she’s struggling or when she needs help. She is able to admit when she is not perfect. I think this is a wonderful trait and lines up with what Magness is saying. I don’t think she always had this trait, and she’ll be the first to tell you, so also being able to see this trait can be learned gives me hope that I will be able to adapt to this practice.

Shed Perfection, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 02:02:00 UTC

Not my strong suit:

Lack of confidence
Lack of creativity in dance at times
Impatience with myself

Accept and/or accommodate:

If I am not feeling confident, I try to learn the material more or practice more so I can get more comfortable with what I have to perform or how I can be present in class.
Sometimes I feel like I start to repeat movement and have a creative block in my dancing. Continuing to work on improving, creating movement with others, and watching others helps to spark my creativity.
I get impatient with myself when I can’t pick up movement. I work on this by continuing to move through combos and ask for help when I need it.

True Confidence Song, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 02:06:00 UTC

Try by Colbie Caillat reminds me of true confidence because it speaks about finding a true sense of self and making sure that you are confident in yourself.

Trust Yourself, C4

vickersj2 — 2025-02-20 02:17:25 UTC

I think I have grown a lot in my breathing. I’ve worked on it in this class to help with my movement, but also before this class because breathing calms me down. I have been breathing more through my movements and while we have been running in class which is helping me stay active longer. I know when I’m freaking out or working hard, I can center myself and calm my nervous system with my breathing.

Behavior, C5

vickersj2 — 2025-02-26 22:28:48 UTC

An unproductive behavior I notice in myself is getting stressed over normal situations. In the book, Magness talks about how anxiety can sometimes prevent people from getting something done. Sometimes I think a task is too hard and I get so anxious I convince myself to procrastinate and then when I actually do it I realize it’s not that hard. I guess I don’t “flex my hopeful muscles” enough sometimes.

Leading Yourself, C5

vickersj2 — 2025-02-26 22:29:44 UTC

I think I have used the “from small to large” exercise. I don’t think I use this frequently because sometimes I get stressed and should be using this but it is not always easy. Recently I’ve used this at school. I get stressed about doing my government work or studying for a test. So I start by watching a video and taking notes or studying one chapter at a time. I also use this method during a test by taking it one question at a time.

Leading Others, C5

vickersj2 — 2025-02-26 22:30:01 UTC

I think all three of y’all “set the constraints and let them go.” For instance you and Bayleigh give us exploration time. We receive a prompt and then we have time to explore and figure out what works for us. You know that not everyone will be the same. We get to choose our pace and how we explore within the limits of these exercises. This also happens in our journaling, we have a prompt and a time, but how we use that is ultimately up to us. Rachel allows us to do this with pliés. I think in all of these instances we have guidance but we are allowed to

Difference between naming an emotion and physical responses

vickersj2 — 2025-03-07 00:43:10 UTC

I think the difference is that some emotions have similar physical responses but are completely different emotions. If you aren’t aware of the situation around if might be hard to connect the physical response. Sometimes anxiety can get confused with other emotions or responses. I think it’s important to stop and assess what emotion you are experiencing so you can figure out what emotions you are experiencing. I would use the Developing Nuance Exercises.

What is your take away from this chapter?

vickersj2 — 2025-03-07 00:43:42 UTC

My take away from this chapter is to use emotions, messengers and information to let you know how you are feeling. This is important because you don’t want to let emotions control you and dictate your decisions. You are in control of your brain and emotions. Make sure you can name your emotions so you can analyze your next steps.

Upload a meme that encapsulates the feelings of trying to distinguish different emotions?

vickersj2 — 2025-03-07 00:44:40 UTC

Me trying to decide how I’m feeling for the day.

Helping our Helpless Child, C7

vickersj2 — 2025-03-11 02:39:48 UTC

Helpless Child

My helpless child appears when I start to mess up or am having a “bad day” in class. Maybe my balance isn’t great that day or I can’t remember the combo. The helpless child in me can start to freak out and have a lack of control over my emotions. This causes me to mess up even more, my anxiety gets amplified, and I even get upset at myself. The negative emotions from my helpless child say things like you aren’t enough, or you can’t come back from this.

TWO other selves

The calm optimist self would offer deep breaths and a relaxing voice. It would guide me to calm down and focus on what’s going well. This voice would reteach and remind me of lessons taught by my mom. This voice would try to calm my nervous system. The proud rival self would remind me of my past successes and competition. This side would challenge me to be my best self but it would be in a respectful manner. It wouldn’t shut me down but it would encourage me.

Switching self talk from me to he/she/they, C7

vickersj2 — 2025-03-11 02:40:08 UTC

I found that while doing activities and switching my self-talk perspective using first person is the most personal. The use of I makes it easier to judge yourself. When you switch you she or even Julia it separates you from the emotions a little more. It lets me offer more compassion to myself. Almost like encouraging a friend, which tends to be much easier than encouraging yourself. I think if I am having a hard time with my self talk this might be a useful tool to try again.

Positive/Negative, C7

vickersj2 — 2025-03-11 02:40:24 UTC

I think self talk can be effective. I think when I’m using self talk to encourage myself or continue physical activity the self talk tends to be a little more hard core. When I’m using self talk to regulate my emotions it’s more of a calming self talk. I think sometimes my self talk or mind rambling tends to get too negative. So I have to work on changing my mind set and figuring out what type of self talk will be the most effective.

Takeaway, C8

vickersj2 — 2025-03-27 20:48:22 UTC

My main takeaway from this chapter was to create a sustainable self. This chapter is all about creating steadiness to be able to talk yourself through difficult times. This calm and sustainable self will allow you to grow to your highest potential. The connection I can make to the beginning of the chapter is that my mom has always encouraged meditation and being able to sit with yourself. I practice this in yoga. I think being aware of your emotions and being able to be with yourself is important to create a steady mind.

Exercises: Mistake Watching, C8

vickersj2 — 2025-03-27 20:48:53 UTC

For my exercise I chose Mistake Watching. I picked this one because I am a perfectionist, and I thought I could learn the most from this activity. I watched a few old solo videos. While watching these videos I felt uncomfortable, embarrassed, and disappointed. I was faced with discomfort and embarrassment when I wobbled on my turns, or was a count late for a move I know I practiced for so long. I really had to be aware of how this was making me feel. My body was getting tense and I could feel stress and anxious tendencies creeping into my mannerisms. I really focused on my breathing to try to shift my thoughts. I tried to use concepts from chapter 4 such as lower the bar and raise the floor to remind myself of the things I did accomplish with this solo and how much I grew over the year. I also just let myself sit in the discomfort and try to work my way through it.

Exercises, C9

vickersj2 — 2025-03-31 23:18:41 UTC

I used exercise 4, Temporal Zooming: Imagine the Future. Right now I am going through a difficult time with some family things. When reading this chapter, after I read this exercise I stopped to reflect on my life right now. The exercise says to think about how you might feel in the future about the current situation. I think this really helped me and reminded me that problems are temporary and nothing is forever. I have definitely used this exercise before but I really needed it today.

Takeaway, C9

vickersj2 — 2025-03-31 23:18:58 UTC

One takeaway from this chapter is to utilize both strategies, on zooming in and zooming out. The chapter indicates that you can change the strategy so you can avoid a “crash out.” I think I tend to focus on one thing and never really zoom out. Maybe zooming out would prevent me from having stressful freak outs. The chapter talks about being flexible and adaptive. The people who can do this tend to be the best performers. I tend to freak out when it comes to performance and I am not flexible enough. So this chapter has a lot of goals that I would like to hold myself accountable for.

Outside Conversation, C10

vickersj2 — 2025-04-14 22:14:59 UTC

This might be my longest padlet answer ever. I was home this weekend so on the car ride back to school with my mom today I asked her these questions. Her answers really allowed me to deepen my understanding of the chapter, and now she even wants to read this book! I know you might be tired of hearing about my mom in every padlet I write, but she has honestly done so much work and taught me so much about dealing with emotions, so I thought she was perfect for this!

When I asked her, What is the importance of getting what you need?

She said you need to get clear on what your own authentic needs are. We chase what society has told us that we need and then we search for that even when it’s not authentic to what we actually need. She said it doesn’t really help to chase those needs so she thinks clarifying needs matters the most as the first step.

Then I asked her how she keeps making progress?

She thinks you keep making progress by having accountability and compassion with yourself. She said being honest about the way that you’re feeling and before you fly off the handle about something that you check in with yourself, or when you do fly off the handle you have retrospection. This will allow you to figure out what part of you was acting the way that it was, and what that part needs and to make progress to have compassion and accountability for yourself. I then asked her if she thinks growth is a choice. She believes growth is a choice. It’s a much easier “existence” to not grow and stay in a familiar stuck place because we like familiarity even if it’s not safe or good for us. Which led her into the next question.

What is the importance of belonging as key to long-term success?

This question was the one that she really wanted to answer. She thinks that success depends on how you define it, but for her it’s growth, resilience, contribution, and showing up as a person you want to be. One of the most important things about that is feeling safe. This is because of how humans are wired, we have to feel like we belong in order to feel safe. We can’t exist as a solo unit in this world. It’s just not the way our species has evolved so belonging makes you feel safe and feeling safe is the only place where you can actually show up as your highest self. To her, your highest self allows you to be creative, to be a good problem solver, to be compassionate to other people, and to get out of your own way enough to see something bigger than you. If you don’t feel safe, you just can’t do anything but worry about how you are gonna survive, so if we don’t belong somewhere or we feel like we don’t belong somewhere then we don’t feel safe. She said “Overall feeling safe with people who see you, accept you, trust you, support you, and also hold you accountable for shitty behavior and shitty actions and allow for reflection and growth, and that is how you have long-term success.”

The last question allowed me to make connections to the chapter because Magness talks about how the “in between” and not mandatory events are what help bring teams closer together. I think this relates to my mom’s beliefs about feeling safe. My biggest takeaway from the chapter is to just keep growing, and choosing to grow.

Takeaway, C11

vickersj2 — 2025-04-22 03:14:19 UTC

LAST CHAPTER!!

“Purpose is the fuel that allows you to be tough.” This chapter talks about how you have to want growth and purpose to push yourself to do hard things. I think finding what works for you to inspire growth in your life is something that I always want to continue to strive for. I think this is important to me because I want to continue to remind myself that I can be tough. I think you also have to find your own motivations and that is going to be different for everyone.

Big Picture, C11

vickersj2 — 2025-04-22 03:14:34 UTC

This semester I have worked on shedding perfection. I have really tried to remind myself that I can not be perfect. Practice makes progress, not perfection. I have had to use breathing to focus on things that I can control and can grow in. Rather than zooming in on things that I can’t change. I have tried to switch my perspectives. I think my breathing and steady mind that I have worked on because of the reading can also be tied to class because I feel like we talk so much about our nervous system and being steady or sustained. I have worked on this inside and outside of class.

Long View, C11

vickersj2 — 2025-04-22 03:14:46 UTC

I will continue to use a lot from this book. Distinguishing emotions and reactions, zooming in and zooming out, and definitely my self-talk. Sometimes these things can seem silly or leave me thinking, “is this really going to help me?” And I think when I get feeling that way is when I need to use these tools the most. I love how the author included real-life experiences in every chapter to really show how the tools work and can come into play. I thought this book was so incredible, and is a tool I can go back and use in the future.