Prelims Example A by https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz en-us 2021-02-25 13:43:58 UTC 2022-06-03 10:13:30 UTC hello@padlet.com The thesis seems to come later into the essay rather than in the initial introduction/first para making it hard to tell where the essay is going https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210013856 2022-06-03 09:30:39 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210013856 No direct link to the question - context without content/focus https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210014450 2022-06-03 09:31:35 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210014450 Know some context/history is a loose reference to style - some argument does emerge in last para https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210015554 2022-06-03 09:33:21 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210015554 confused which part of section engaging with & stop/start structure https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210016211 2022-06-03 09:34:31 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210016211 no signposting of what texts they're going to talk about https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210016637 2022-06-03 09:35:02 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210016637 thesis statement or what its interpreted as (so first sentence) seems unrelated to the rest of the essay https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017123 2022-06-03 09:35:50 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017123 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017538 addresses which part of question it is answering (c) but doesn't engage with any terms of the quote at all]]> 2022-06-03 09:36:30 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017538 direct challenge to question needed and further use of unpicking quote, maybe definitions etc. https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017893 2022-06-03 09:37:06 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017893 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017942 the intro also didn't reference the question or 'moral profit' specifically]]> 2022-06-03 09:37:10 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210017942 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018186 Does not address the question which asks about 'moral profit'.]]> 2022-06-03 09:37:37 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018186 The specific references to chartism etc feels like a good connection to precise history https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018232 2022-06-03 09:37:42 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018232 reference to chartism was impressive showed good understanding of context https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018631 2022-06-03 09:38:18 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018631 Not very clear on any sense of definitions (of 'style', 'prose' etc?) https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018653 2022-06-03 09:38:20 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018653 not very clear https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018741 2022-06-03 09:38:28 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018741 gaskell comes a bit randomly which links to a need to have it in the introduction https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018985 2022-06-03 09:38:51 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210018985 Historical context in terms of chosen texts is relatively strong https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019168 2022-06-03 09:39:06 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019168 no links between paragraphs connecting ideas and the argument wasn't outlined https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019249 2022-06-03 09:39:13 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019249 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019356 needs to unpack terms of the question ]]> 2022-06-03 09:39:22 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019356 leaps into focused arguing without making clear an overarching thesis https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019634 2022-06-03 09:39:46 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019634 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019959 takes too long for main point to be put across in the essay]]> 2022-06-03 09:40:11 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210019959 there was a thesis statement but it didn't make sense https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020486 2022-06-03 09:40:57 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020486 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020546 'moral profit' is not defined or explored enough (and then not explored in relation to the other terms of the prompt Q)]]> 2022-06-03 09:41:03 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020546 the context didn't advance the argument and there seemed to be no argument https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020932 2022-06-03 09:41:39 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210020932 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210021075 introduction is not clear and does not show what is going to actually be argued in the essay]]> 2022-06-03 09:41:50 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210021075 clear reference to question - and specific focus allows for indepth analysis https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210036979 2022-06-03 10:06:29 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210036979 immediately signpost what texts they are going to use to focalise their argument https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210037683 2022-06-03 10:07:26 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210037683 direction that is given in introduction is sustained throughout the body of the essay https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210038163 2022-06-03 10:08:17 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210038163 Maybe a explicit link to urban life in the last sentence rather than the discussion of analysis - or just to supplement in - just to really tie to quote (for confusing box!) https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210040141 2022-06-03 10:11:23 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210040141 Maybe a broadening beyond dubliners - show awareness of joyce's other works/ broader Irish literature https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210040574 2022-06-03 10:12:06 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210040574 https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210041544 Most of the introduction is relevant to the question and talks about the city, but the thesis statement at the end does not clearly relate to the topic]]> 2022-06-03 10:13:30 UTC https://padlet.com/michaelmayo3/v8ok034onq0dhbbz/wish/2210041544