Connected to the seminar 'Dare to meet' that took place the days before, we chose as a faclitator team the topic Parallel worlds. Thank you Gabryscia, Benjamin, Philipa, Mildred and Marina for preparing and co-facilitating together in parallel worlds.

The following questions are meant to inspire your writing, maybe one, two or all do, maybe you have a different flow. Please feel free to follow and to share what comes up connected to our shared experience or ongoing conversation.

• How do you feel after the Open Forum ?

• Parallel Worlds - In which one do you live? 

• Is there a moment / voice / role that you’d like to describe more and deepen?

• How does it connect to earlier experiences / moments in your life?

• Has anything shifted for you?

Trying… I told you about my parallel worlds living in Denmark, being German, being here enjoying what is different and - without bad intent - getting pulled back into my “german-ness” as that attracts (some) Danes, especially in the space of work, where they praise my structure, my planning, my reliability. Which is good… and limiting. Limiting me to not express the multitude of things and qualities and dreams I am beyond this.

What I also keep as a strong impression is how much privilege it is being able to choose where to live without boundaries and not being forced by external influences to leave my country. The “being a refugee” situation and feeling alien even in your home country has come across so clearly from Chrstioph and Julia there. I could feel them and I could also feel the voice of the young lady and I admire her courage and clarity describing the mess, this generation is dealing with. 

Deep stories create deep memories and leave me slightly transformed - I am very grateful for the experience und curious for what it leads to!

Ariane - German in Denmark

Philipa

Parallel worlds: the world of those arriving in a territory and the world of those who inhabited it a little while before, the spaces of white people versus black people, young versus old...

The pain of war, the pain of not finding a place, of not belonging, the pain of inhabiting an inhospitable and rigid world. And, somehow, the walls remain before me, seemingly growing, expanding. I contemplate this image of the world as I listen to our voices, and an immense sadness settles in my heart.

Suddenly, we hear a voice speaking of an experience that breaks down walls, a voice explaining to us something, at once small and enormous; telling us how her daughter sometimes invites her into her world, and then, intimacy emerges.

It is the creation of bridges between parallel worlds. The rigid image begins to shift, and the high walls change, relax, and begin to move from one place to another. That movement brings me relief. The world ceases to be so harsh, so rigid. Cracks appear in the walls, and they are places where the sadness can escape. It allows the rigidity of the world to flow.

The universe of parallel worlds shifts; intimacy opens the door to hope.

Pepa (from Altea. Spain)

This is my personal experience: I am a person whose natural state is to be in the dreaming level. Yet the country I live in requires us to be in consensus reality, asks us to be productive, efficient and results-driven. If I want to be with others, I have to be in the consensus reality. But that means I lose myself. If I want to talk about my dreaming, others look at me like I’m an alien and cannot understand me. I still do not know how to be in CR while not losing the part that is most precious to me, my dreaming. There are days that I get incredibly angry at being a minority and feeling forced to speak in a language that is foreign to me, when others do not bother speaking in my language or coming over to my side. I don’t have a solution to this challenge; it’s beyond me. But here it is, my personal experience.

Violet, from Singapore

At the same time, I noticed the paradox: a space speaking about Black community, yet I did not see a Black person seated among the group of white people. That moment carried an edge for me.

From my side, a strong inner voice wanted to shout:

I want to integrate. I want more of my people and your people to mingle—to understand one another beyond race, to see how we live, to learn each other’s cultures.

Let me in.

And alongside that longing, I also came to understand that sometimes there truly is no space because of immigration realities, limited resources, and structural constraints, and it’s okay in my heart to understand and respect this reality, and sometimes it hurts. Even so, the effort still matters. That’s how I start, we start, and they start.

Thank you for trying.

Daisy Nduku- Nairobi, Kenya

Wanja from Kenya

Lithuanian woman in Israel

I bring the menu.
–5 points.
Waitress.

Sorry, I don’t speak Hebrew.
Mmm.
–5 points.

Where are you from?
Lithuania.
Ukraine?
–5 points.

No. Lithuania. Lita.
Pause.
+1 point.

EU?
Yes.
Ok!
+5 points.

What are you doing here? Working?
–1 point.

Visiting.
Relatives?
+5 points.

No. The owner of this restaurant is my boyfriend.
Oh!
+10 points.

Context established. Positive. Now time to order. 

********

I bring the menu.
His eyes start to sparkle. I am pretty.
+20 points.

Sorry, I don’t speak Hebrew.

No worries.
+10 points.

Where are you from?
Lithuania.
Ukraine?
+5 points.

No. Lithuania. Lita.
Lita?!
Pause.
–20 points.

Jewish?
No.
Pause.
–50 points.

Christian?
Yes.

Game over. Thunder strikes. Appetite lost.

*****

Whether you are black or foreigner, childless or mother of four, a wife or somebody’s mistress, single or in a relationship, young or old - it seems we all experience what it’s like to live in a parallel world, to be labeled, stigmatised and belittled. At the same time, we are the ones who label, stigmatize or even belittle (mostly without awareness) those we don’t know about. It feels very human. Maybe instead of fighting the "injustice", it’s better to focus on which fights are actually important for me, and leave the rest to figure by themselves....     

I Feel so motivated and encouraged to be part of a community even if we're several miles apart. It's more of a safe space and a family. I always looking forward to each and every session. 

• Parallel Worlds - In which one do you live? 

The middle aged woman who doesn't know exactly what to do with so much happening in her body, environment,  society and spiritually. Kind of I'm scared of what the world expects from me because I fear failing in any aspect of life.  Middle life crisis is real.

• Is there a moment / voice / role that you’d like to describe more and deepen?

Fear- The society expects me to be a good example to the younger women coming up right behind me yet it failed to give me a good example to emulate. I'm like a blind woman struggling to find my path in the dark yet there are more blind young ladies right behind me. It is so scary because most of the time I have to fake it to look “good example.”

• How does it connect to earlier experiences / moments in your life?

As young girl growing up, i loved seeing middle aged women as more successful and those that have accomplished a lot in life. I worked hard in school thinking that i would have my life all set by the time i get to middle age. Now, i see my friends, colleagues,  family members at this age really juggling with life and they have to put up a successful face and image outside there.

• Has anything shifted for you?

Definitely! I am going to be me. I'm going to mentor young girls by telling them the truth. They need to commit suicide because they felt they're doing badly in life. They should develop any disease because they feel they're alone. They're actually many

But heavier, because speaking about invisible worlds doesn’t make them clearly visible for millions overnight. Visibility doesn’t automatically change the system. And that understanding is heavy. Because it’s a responsibility. Once something becomes real, you can’t pretend it doesn’t exist anymore.
It becomes a problem that needs to be solved somehow.
Together?

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My name is Julia. I'm a marketing person and copywriter with more than 20 years of experience in communications and advertising.

Almost 4 years ago, I moved to Germany with my family because of the war. I'm deeply grateful for the safety I found here, for the support, for my daughter's future.

Also there's another reality I need to talk about. I don't just live next to a parallel world. I live in several worlds simultaneously. I believe many people in this room carry more than one world inside them too. I want to share what that looks like.

My parallel worlds where I live every single day.
Not metaphorically. Every day I move between them.

War in Ukraine - Peaceful Germany
There (Ukraine): missiles, cold, blackouts
Here: safety for my family

I’m valued - I’m measured by formal markers
There: I’m valued for my professionalism and ideas; I have a name and a reputation.
Here: I’m assessed by my age, accent, and documents; I’m a CV without a local diploma and with insufficient language skills. True, from my point of view and the people who help me, my CV is excellent, but not from the point of view ofHR ATS systems, whatever it means, and the market.

My experience is an asset - My experience is “not needed”
There: my experience has weight
Here: my experience is often expected to be left at the door

Online world - Offline world
There: everything is familiar and clear
Here: as soon as I go offline - every day is a puzzle

So here's what it looks like
I’m Visible – I’m Invisible

And what I’m hoping for is not a special treatment, but to be seen in this second world without having to erase the first one. Because my experience from the first world can be a resource here, with which we can build something good.