A brief History of the United States of America

Now, it's time for a brief History of the United States of America... Hi, boys and girls! Ready to get started? 

Once upon a time, there were these people in Europe called 'pilgrims' and they were ……….of being persecuted. So they all got in a boat and sailed to the New World where they wouldn't have to be scared ever again. (Oh, I'm so relaxed. I feel so much safer.) 

But as soon as they arrived, they were greeted by ……... and they got scared all over again. (Injuns!) So they……...them all. Now, you'd think wiping out a race of people would calm them down, but no. Instead, they started getting……….of each other. 

(Witch!) So they burned…………. In 1775 they started killing the British, so they could be free. And it worked. 

But they still didn't feel safe. So they passed a second ……….. which said every white man could keep his ……...(I loves my gun, loves my gun. ) which brings us to the genius idea of ……….. 

You see, boys and girls, the white people back then were also afraid of doing any work. So they went to ……..., kidnapped thousands of ……..., brought them back to America, and forced them to work very hard for no ………. And I don't mean 'no money' like: (I work at Wal Mart and make no money.) I mean zero dollars. Nothing, nada, zip. Doing it that way made the USA the richest country in the world.

So did having all that money and free help calm the white people down? No way. They got even more………... That's because after two hundred years of slavery, the black people now outnumbered the white people in many parts of the South. Well, you can pretty much guess what came next: the slaves started……….. There were uprisings and the old masters' heads got chopped off and when white people heard of this, they were freaking out and going (I want to live! Don't …………..me, big black man. )

Well, just in the nick of time came Samuel ………….., who, in 1836 invented the first weapon ever that could be fired over and over without having to reload. And all the settlers were like: Yee hah! But it was too late. The North soon won the ………………. and the slaves were ………….. Yup, they were free now to go chop all the old masters' heads off. And everybody was like: (Oh, no, we're gonna die.) But the freed slaves took no revenge. They just wanted to live in peace. 

But you couldn't convince the white people of this. So they formed the ……………..and, in 1871 the same year the Klan became an illegal……………………... organization another group was founded: the National Rifle …………….... 

Soon, politicians passed one of the first gun laws, making it illegal for any black person to own one. It was a great year for America, the KKK and the NRA. Of course, they had nothing to do with each other and this was just a coincidence. One group legally promoted responsible gun ……………..and the other group shot and ……………. black people. 

And that's the way it was all the way till 1955 when a black …………….broke the law by ………………………... to move to the back of the bus. White people just couldn't believe it. (Huh? Why won't she move? What's going on?) Man, all Hell broke loose. Black people everywhere started demanding their …………….... White people had a major, freaky feel meltdown and they were all like: (Run away! Run away!) And they did. They all ran fleeing to the ……………….., where it was all white and safe and clean. And they went out and bought a quarter of a billion guns. And pu………………..on their doors, alarms in their houses, and gates around the neighborhoods. And finally, they were all ……………….and secure and snug as a bug. 

And everyone  lived happily ever after