Writing Techniques Critique (Block 2) by Bridget Norman https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2 Follow the directions on the board. Link to the myths: goo.gl/Eqzmzd. en-us 2017-11-03 20:11:12 UTC 2017-11-09 19:34:39 UTC hello@padlet.com Victoria Kubacki, JoLi Fry, Alisha Anderson https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397088 Pygmalion: pg. 149: "He kissed her lips, a long lingering kiss, and felt them grow soft beneath his. He touched her arms, her shoulders; their hardness vanished. It was like watching wax soften in the sun. He clasped her wrist; blood was pulsing there. Venus, he thought. This is the goddess's doing."
This is really separated, and if we put it together, it would mean more, and have a better affect if we used Polysyndeton and dashes as a periodic sentence maybe.
Fixed Version: He kissed her lips-a long lingering kiss- and felt them grow soft beneath his, and he touched her arms and her shoulders-their hardness vanished-  and it was like watching wax soften in the sun and when he clasped her wrist, blood was pulsing there, Venus, he thought- this is the goddess's  doing.]]> 2017-11-09 17:29:15 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397088 Ellie Tam, Betsy Little, Tyra Smith https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397346 "When nothing could be added to its perfections, a strange fate had befallen its creator: he had fallen in love, deeply, passionately in love, with the thing he had made," (Hamilton 146).Parallel structure and Asyndeton are used, but repetition has the biggest effect. The repetition of the word "love" , as well as the repetition of the "he" convey our theme very well by emphasizing how obsessed and enchanted he is with his creation. The parallel structure and asyndeton measures this level of intensity of love. ]]> 2017-11-09 17:29:41 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397346 Caitlin Webb, Logan Ache, Rachel Montoya https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397389 Sophisticated: From her, the first woman, comes the race of women, who are an evil to men, with a nature to do evil. Repetition, and a little of chiasmus, which helps the sentence flow in a unique way. The repetition of the word evil emphasizes the authors opinion on woman.
evil nature and woman. The negative connotation in evil effects how we view woman in the story.

Bad sentence: Another story about Pandora is that the source of all misfortune was not her wicked nature, but only her curiosity. 

The flow of the sentence could be fixed by using different words and structure. 

rewritten: Pandora's misfortune wasn't caused by her wicked nature, but rather her curiosity.]]> 2017-11-09 17:29:47 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397389 Ellie Musson and Lauren Schuster https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397625 Pandora pg. 88 "He made a great evil for men, a sweet and lovely thing to look upon, in the likeness of a shy maiden, and all the gods gave her gifts, silvery raiment and a broidered veil, a wonder to behold, and bright garlands of blooming flowers and a crown of gold—great beauty shone out from it."   
Hamilton uses polysyndeton to express the beauty of the evil that the gods created to punish men.  Hamilton also uses a dash to emphasize the traits that their creation of evil possessed.  The author also uses diction to convey words such as beauty into traits that are blooming flowers and a crown of gold.
Pandora pg. 87, "Zeus created these later, in his anger at Prometheus for caring so much for men."
In this sentence, Hamilton could have used repetition to emphasize Zeus' anger or made it a simple sentence to show the strength of his anger.
Rewritten sentence- In Zeus' anger, he created an unknown evil. ]]> 2017-11-09 17:30:13 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397625 Kayly Sefcik, Kayla Adler, Nataliegh Malcolm https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397709 "In this account of the creation the gods seamed bent on experimenting with the various metals, and oddly enough, proceeding downward from the excellent to the good to the worst and so on."
This sentence is a great sentence and example of using Asyndeton and Polyptoton. They show asyndeton through the lack of conjunctions at the very end of the sentence and this adds a lingering tone. The words excellent, good, and worst exemplify things going downhill. This sentence also shows polyptoton though it's words coming from the word good and change meaning slightly.
"She had to know what was is the box." This was our bad sentence. I think there just needs to be more description about who really she it and how she is feeling. If more description was added it would add more feeling and tone could be established.
Pandora the curiously endangered, was destined to discover what was held within the mysterious, menacing, malice box.]]> 2017-11-09 17:30:23 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205397709 Charlie Tingle Trey Kirschner Ethan Grolnic Chase Lampe https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205398065  Sophisticated: "Snow-white heifers whose horns had been gilded were offered in numbers to her; the heavenly odor of incense was spread through the island from her many altars; crowds thronged her temples; not an unhappy lover but was there with his gift, praying that his love might turn kind." (Hamilton, 147) She used Loose Sentence, Chiasmus, Assonance
Improvement: 
 He loved a lifeless thing and he was utterly and hopelessly wretched.
I feel she has a semi complete thought put out. They say he was wretched and then move on impermeability
]]> 2017-11-09 17:31:03 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205398065 Zack Prokopyschyn James Drye https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205398737 Pg 87: "These two stories of creation,-the story of the five ages, and the story of Prometheus and Epimethius,-different as they are, agree on one point."
-Dashes: The dashes create pauses which dramatize what could be a very simple sentence
-repetition of the word story gives good flow and emphasizes the ideas.
-ages: a long period of time and not how old something is


Pg 87 "Men kept the good meet for themselves."
-instead of this being its own sentence, it could have been made better by instead having a transition word after the previous sentence and combining the two.]]> 2017-11-09 17:32:16 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205398737 Saint Barbosa and Ur mum https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205399569 Prometheus p.85"It was time for men to be created."
This is a simple sentence an Edith Hamilton uses one here to convey the fact that what needed to happen, had to happen. It is straight to the point and very clear, and she establishes the tone as serious. 

]]> 2017-11-09 17:33:46 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205399569 Ruby, Mia, Syd, and Benji https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205400023 Sophisticated "A gifted young sculptor of Cyprus, named Pygmalion, was a woman-hater. Detesting the faults beyond measure which nature has given to women, he resolved never to marry. His art, he told himself, was enough for him. Nevertheless, the statue he made and devoted all his genius to was that of a woman. Either he could not dismiss what he so disapproved of from his mind as easily as from his life, or else he was bent on forming a perfect woman and showing men the deficiencies of the kind they had to put up with." This is sophisticated because it helps set up the theme of the myth. The author used

]]> 2017-11-09 17:34:35 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205400023 Kirin K https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205400770 "He kissed those enticing lips—they could not kiss him back; he caressed her hands, her face—they were unresponsive; he took her in his arms—she remained a cold and passive form." (Hamilton 146). 

The techniques that he used in the sentence are Anaphora and Parallel-Structure. 
The Anaphora helped emphasize how much Pygmalion loved his statue.
Parallel Structure also helped emphasize how much he loved his statue and how she didn't give affection back.]]> 2017-11-09 17:36:03 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205400770 Ellie Tam, Betsy Little, and Tyra Smith https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205401232 "Then they sent her to Epimethius, who took her gladly although Prometheus had warned him never to accept anything from Zeus. " Stating something that's not very entertaining. Could be so much better by using writing techniques that emphasize the importance of this event. 
"She was told not to accept anything from Zeus when she was sent to Epimethius by Prometheus yet, she did despite the warning."   
*Periodic Sentence
* Chiasmus ]]> 2017-11-09 17:36:55 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205401232 Faith Kimball, Brooke Ripke, and Bella Verrone https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205401360 Bad- "This is the goddess's doing." 
Rewritten- "At long last, after what felt like years and years and years, Venus had taken pity on him and granted him his wish." 

Good- He ]]> 2017-11-09 17:37:10 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205401360 Alisha Anderson, JoLi Fry, Victoria Kubacki https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205402629 A good sentence that conveys tone and meaning would be on page 88. "One good thing, however, was there-Hope." This is a short periodic sentence with a dash. This amplifies the message and meaning that hope was important for the survival of everyone, and how important it was to have hope in their world. Also, the short sentence makes it so that you look at it like it is something of importance (such as hope in this case). The periodic sentence contributes to this because it gives suspension and it gives a bigger importance of hope. The tone that these writing techniques help demonstrate is that of hope, because there is something left in the world that we need to defeat the evil.]]> 2017-11-09 17:39:10 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205402629 Alex Baxter https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205404558 Sophisticated: Prometheus, whose name means forethought, was very wise, wiser even than the gods, but Epimetheus, which means afterthought, was a scatterbrained person who invariably followed his first impulse and then changed his mind.


Weak:  Too late, as always, he was sorry and asked his brother’s help. ]]> 2017-11-09 17:42:18 UTC https://padlet.com/bnorman1990/WTC2/wish/205404558