1 Why do we need War?

What is the meaning behind it?

2 Male Crimes, Power & Accountibility

3 How to position myself with growing populist and fashism in politics?

4 How to live with happiness and kindness during in this sad world?

5 How to deal with rank and power in family relationship?

6 Money controls People?

7 How to be in polarities and be accountable?

🌞🌊Southeast Asia has the best living habitat for humans to relax with our mountains in the North and sea, beaches in the south. Not many natural disasters, just flooding. I could say we only have to fight the sun that rises at 6AM and goes down at 6PM all year long.

🌳🌲By deepening the role of the ruler of many millions of people within the border country and sometimes our neighboring country goes into war and poverty because of lack of Absolute power, I felt massive confidence, security and strength. Also groundedness and rootness into the position of the game maker+game player who has the most resources due to the belief and history.

❄️🏞️After the group process I feel like a mountain listening to the wild cold wind blowing. Ice only makes a mountain cooler and beautiful with white snow. Like Queen Elsa used to sing

🎶The cold never bothered me anyway🎶

I'm lost like I haven't felt in a long time.

- Ah! Maybe it's interesting that you're lost.

How funny, I say to myself...

How can I learn to live lost?

What does this bring me? Walking, breathing, opening my eyes, looking, trying to identify, smiling... Looking at the rising and setting sun and asking myself: where am I?

As I write this now I wonder (or maybe I feel, because a little calm has settled in my heart) if this is the way of living that will bring me something...

Living in the midst of loss. The pain of people turning their heads the other way, of not wanting to look at my loss, makes me feel even more lost.

Staying “lost” and being able to see what this other way of living is.

A slight relief at seeing it recognized, that it is normal to “be lost” in the midst of this chaos.

The harshness of the warlords, a strong energy that impacts me. And while someone says they can't breathe.

The whole group process has a huge impact. How to inhabit this world?

And I can't find an answer, that's why I'm lost.

Back in 1998 when the world was fear of Y2K, I was 2 years old living in the US. That time many animated stories like The Lion King was released.

After this Group Process I ponder the question and got some intrusive thoughts about the 'Prince of Egypt' cartoon with stunning songs that played throughout my childhood.

Countries with money and resources will continue to control the narrative through emotional sympathy.

I am born in Thailand but the Prince of Egypt character name is 'Ramses'. The name 'Ram' in Thai language context also refers to the King Avatar from God-Protector-Victor Form.

As a toddler-child I was amazed how people in US-Biggest continent country diversity can create a Cartoon for Children about other 2 continents Africa and Asia(Middle East) History? Religious Text?

One way or another is this story related to the 3 main war areas going on right now? Ukraine, Palestine, Myanmar?

I still can’t bear that the ones who take power, money, sex, wars… say they are doing it to look after everyone. As a white woman I have tucked myself in the wings of that power and it's bad for me!! In the group process a couple of people felt shifts where they felt more ease and clarity and power in being firm about who they are and what’s important to them. I couldn’t follow, in my body, when they said they wanted to learn from each other. I don’t want to learn from the hard, cold, ruthless ones. 

I heard the exact words of my ex husband several times. 

My deep question was .. how can I be in these extreme polarities and take action. What I got from the GP is to be firm in my position, in my yes, and my no. Listening, watching others and being firm.

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“Come gather 'round people,Wherever you roam

And admit that the waters Around you have grown

And accept it that soon. You'll be drenched to the bone

If your time to you is worth savin'.

And you better start swimmin', Or you'll sink like a stone

For the times they are a-changin'”

- Bob Dylan

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I believe this process started yesterday, while I was watching “Silo” a science fiction series, with lots of power struggles and dystopian consequences to what I believe is our world today. It made me reflect on how as a person, I never saw the world from the point of view of the governor, (spoiler alert) the season 2 ended with a sneak peak on the “evil” governor world and how he felt utter despair when the rebels took over, and all the chaos that came with that, it was for me a shock to see how rebellion brings another form of genocidal evil. 

I will use the term genocide alot in this reflection and maybe annihilation because this is the reality I am somewhat in contact with what is happening to palestinians from the comfort of my home in Egypt with all the privileges that come with that. 

What stood out to me today, was the experience playing the role of a warlord masquerading as a ruler. In that role i can feel the strength, backbone, no disturbing emotions, it felt good to have no disturbing emotions and feel CERTAIN. It was like being drenched in some kind of peacefulness, that is rooted in traditions or whatever words rulers use now. The ruler in me uses the word, efficiency and limited resources.

I was surprised with the oppressed saying I feel there is a secret and the warlord saying it’s about calculations and strategy. 

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“Come senators, congressmen, Please heed the call

Don't stand in the doorway, Don't block up the hall

For he that gets hurt. Will be he who has stalled

The battle outside ragin'

Will soon shake your windows. And rattle your walls

For the times they are a-changin'” -

Bob Dylan

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In the end the role that shocked me as a warlord role, was my friends, saying they are lost, they don’t believe in us anymore. This is something to explore further.
Another moment that stood out to me was when the role of freedom fighters and the oppressed were saying “Now I see truly that you don’t see me and now I can be firm” that felt like dignity to me and having back agency. The rebel in me that needed energy, was exhausted of all the injustices and was energized when I could see the warlord and distinguish him from his allies, this looked manageable and not as overwhelming.

That we as human beings, with values, feelings and causes need to cultivate love, and how those intermediaries that understand us and are look-alikes of warlords can really make a difference, they are just lost, this is an opportunity. 

The ghost roles for me were the Loving Advocate or what I called the Allies/Friends and the Prisoner or the victim, the person who is suffering and can’t be in the conversation. 

In the oppressed I can see the rebel in me and could feel in touch with the victim, the voiceless, the body based role. The victim in me is sad, weak and in need of direct help, not “Bullshit” words of validation. As a victim I needed direct help from safe people. 

The question I have with me now is: “Does Satan have feelings?” I mean the whole warlord role felt like it’s an annihilation of the heart by the mind. It felt like a genocide happened in me, and now all that is there is logic and calculation. I didn't feel manipulative or evil, I just sensed a peace and certitude that filled me, yet emptiness was there.

In a sense, the wars are a manifestation of this fight between pure logical calculations and the heart, a mind that wants to annihilate the heart and keep it out coz its not enough to carry on with life duties is the simplest form of genocide that we experience on a daily basis. I remember how my engineering corporate work was all about calculations and how it felt violent to me, I wasn’t sure at the time I was being authentic or delusional when I had these thoughts, but life is showing me one situation at a time, how this was a true feeling. 

Maybe what will save our souls is integration. 

I started the conversation with a heavy heart and many questions about “Silo” and ended with a feeling of togetherness and healing energy that I carry. The vulnerability of the group and the rank sensitivity was the safe space I needed to be in touch with the many roles in me. The singular is many roles and safety got us experiencing deep togetherness. 

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“Here I am waiting for a better day

A second chance, A little luck to come my way

A hope to dream a hope that I can sleep again

And wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands

'Cause all that you have is your soul, All that you have Is your soul”

- Tracy Chapman

In today's group process we looked at both sides. It helped me to reveal the vulnerability of the aggressor. That role brings destruction and injustice as it comes from I know better, I am better, I am talking from the position of power that has to be protected. I am looking down at you, a naive being, not treating you as an adult.

It causes numbness in my body and leaves me frozen, empty and hopeless. I feel lost.

What is there: exploring more ways to learning from each other

“distrust, growing apart , i would rather die than admit than i can learn from you

I don't care”

Vulnerability to emotions, being open, admitting the role that you got caught is the key.

I am very thankful for the facilitators` work, creating a safe space to share and grow, to learn from each other, to appreciate and enjoy every moment in my life…

All the beautiful smiles in the group from beautiful people around the globe made me realise how happiness and joy are now inaccessible in Ukraine. When thinking of the topic for today’s sorting, my colleagues and countrymen in Ukraine and abroad who work with the Ukrainians came to my mind. Their common answer recently was the level of exhaustion. Many of them feel drained and are fed up fighting the war and dealing with many losses.

I was thinking that war became so present in everyone’s life, just being in the background and getting into our facial expressions, under our skin, into our bones, and there is so much grief and losses everywhere, every day. It seems like a competition where the measuring occurs with the losses of: dear ones, friends, body parts, homes, identities, languages and so on. According to the process work theory developed by Arny Mindell we are stuck in a second phase. Hence, we cannot face and see what is the message of this war for us.

What is the meaning of the war? What should I learn from it that I constantly fight to see and to acknowledge? Today’s process started with a shivering cold in the air. It was freezing cold in my room, not only my feet but also fingers were cold, I stopped breathing and felt Nothing, I literally was numb. This numbness felt like encapsulation. The voice of the white male military supremacy at power started first and it was telling us all how important his role is for the world order and that we had to obey. 

When the imperialistic voice started stating what - according to him - is best for me, I felt so much rage within myself. I was angry about implied hidden signals of those in power. I had nothing else to lose, I had encountered death so many times, I wasn't afraid anymore, I was not yielding to their threats.

You don’t care how many children die… how many have already been buried.

The only way to free myself is to face you!

A terrorist inside myself shouted: That’s bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! I did not mean to cause any harm, simply I needed to get the anger out of my throat and break the status quo.  We had big lessons from the past, the totalitarianism of the 20th century, we saw democracies annihilated in populism yielding to fascism, nazism and communism. All that power, all that confidence. Little do you know, first they are burning books, after they are burning people.

There are so many ghosts still present in democratic countries. I felt myself lost, dreamt up, caught in the role, becoming an abuser myself. Every time I used to tell my teenage daughter what to do, what to wear, what is best for her, not even listening to her argumentations, a tyrant was awakened and present inside myself. I was touched. A sudden sadness overcame me by realising things I do that hurt others. 

New truth, new life, huh? Feeling into my daughter’s experiences, embracing her views, practising role switching, I could imagine what it must be like for her. This perspective helped me become aware of power that I may not be able to use consciously. By recognising an oppressor in me I started to feel again. It made me feel free and move with more fluidity between two polarities, actually between two different parts more open-heartedly.

In the end it was very  touching to see that what touched me was meaningful for others as well. I feel enriched and I am so grateful to everyone for their beautiful diversity, fortitude, courage, vulnerability and deep work. 

What I understood is the importance to meet him at eye-level … no shying back. I can feel that I have the strength to meet him.

I am not afraid of you anymore, I lost so much, I died so many deaths… I can meet you with my power … and you know what ? your power needs an update … it is not about being only strong any more, it is about being strong and being vulnerable, about being able to move between the two …

yes, I learned from you, fighting you made me strong, now it is time for you to learn … to open your heart … it is scary … I know … but it is the only way to win 

Yes yes I got it - to be your teacher, I need to connect to my strength, I need to meet you in your and with my power. Thank you for this deep understanding