Courage is resistance to fear, master fear, not absence of fear. I learnt to conquer my fear when I most needed courage. My brother was dying and I was the only who could save him.

My name is Ryan and my beloved younger brother, Brent, was dying. His kidney was failing for some reason I could not understand. I was too young to understand, Mum explained. My brother has been hospitalised for a while now. Weeks, no, months. I have not seen him for quite some time and every time I visited him at KK Hospital, he barely had enough energy to speak to me. Mum has been crying and Dad has been working late nights to make ends meet. Apparently, the medical fees cost a bomb and it was not easy having a sole-breadwinner at home. I was at a loss. I was terrified of losing my brother and my heart ached for my parents.

One night, we visited my brother at the hospital. I made a visit to the loo but on the way back to my brother's ward, I overheard my parents speaking to his doctor in another room.

"Ryan might be Brent's only chance."

"No! Ryan would go through so much pain himself! What if lose both boys?"

"Ryan has a high chance of being a kidney donor to Brent. Both of you are not compatible donors, Ryan is Brent's quickest way to getting a donor unless you have another relative that..."

"No... Ryan is the only one with the same blood type as Brent... Doctor, will there be risks to Ryan?"

"Yes, definitely, I can't guarantee that Ryan..."

My head started spinning. Sweat dripped down the sides of my cheeks. I could save my brother by donating my kidney? However, I heard that I would be in pain. Would something happen to me if I donated my kidney? Would I die too? Terror gripped me with a vice grip. Would my parents force me to donate my kidney? What were the risks of donating? My mouth turned dry from fear. My skin turned ashen-white. My hands could not stop trembling and I started having a migraine.

I stop eavesdropping and headed back to my brother's ward. There, I saw my brother's lifeless body lying motionlessly on his bed. My skin might have turned pale but it was not as ghastly as my brother's. The sickly sight of my brother broke my heart and caused teardrops to fall uncontrollably from my eyes like rivulets. As my hand reached out to him, his hand grabbed mine with a gentle squeeze. 

 

Suddenly, I was filled a sudden surge of courage. I was determined to save my brother, no matter the cost. If I had to donate my kidney to save him, I would. How could I not attempt to save my brother when I had the chance to save him? How could I let my fear hold me back? How could I be afraid of the pain and risks? Brent was my brother and I had to save him!

I plucked up my courage and dashed to the room where my parents were still in deep conversation with Brent's doctor.

"Mum! I want to donate my kidney to Brent! I want to save him!" I yelled uncontrollably.

My parents and Brent's doctor stared at me in shock. The world turned silent. I finally broke the silence by screaming again,"I want to save Brent! Let me donate my kidney to him!"

The adults stood rooted to the ground, still rocked in disbelief.

"Ryan... do you know what you are saying? Ryan... do you know how much pain..." Mum sobbed and stammered as she slowly knelt on the ground and buried her face in her hands. Dad silently covered Mum in a warm embrace and both my parents did not seem to want to attend to me. Brent's doctor was still staring at me and amazingly, he started tearing too.

 

"Ryan... you are one brave boy..." the doctor uttered under his breath before he crouched forward to embrace me in a tight hug.

My parents slowly recovered from their crying and finally looked up at me. My eyes were determined and unwavering. They knew I was serious. I was not joking. Courage does not mean not being afraid, courage means you do not let fear stop you. I was glad I managed to be courageous that day and help my parents make an easier decision. Will my kidney save my brother or not, I was not sure. I would find out over the next few weeks but I was sure of one thing, I was not going to let my fear stop me.