After creating this to-do list I am now in a much better place regarding the organisation on my tasks and now feel a lot more settled knowing what it is I have to do rather than only focusing on the big picture. Leading on, I was told too partake in more research as this was something I was lacking in. I thought about what would be useful to look into and I decide to research the Mental Health representation in musicals and compare good representation and bad representation, as well as why it is important to have it. I mostly focused on the musical ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ which I found has a mixture of good and bad representation, which was helpful in ensuring that I do not implement any of the factors that made the representation bad. I felt this was an important thing to do for my project as I am focusing hugely on providing good representation and awareness for anxiety and wanted to ensure that I am doing this correctly and in a way that will effectively support and help people.

After conducting further research I realised that this is something I will benefit from a lot more in the time left creating my movie. Although in the beginning I did look into similar projects and conducted research surrounding the promotions as well as where they were released and the success of them. I mostly looked at projects by musical artists however decided that looking into musicals is something beneficial too, as the movie will be resented in a more musical style. Therefore finding out how different musicals about mental health have been presenting the issue has been very useful and has given me a better idea on how I should present mine and what would be helpful for people whilst still keeping a mixture of serious and unserious themes.

So where do I plan to go from here? I believe I have now found what is working well here and what is going to be best to continue doing. The first method being my track-by-track approach, meaning that I will stop looking at the project as a whole and reduce the overwhelming feeling of having so much to do. I in tend to continue partaking in representation research a well ad anything else that I deem necessary. By maintaining a steady balance of work and calm outlook on the project, peer feedback, and now with further knowledge on what should and shouldn’t be included in my movie I believe that my time working from here will run a lot more smoother and stress free, and since reflecting I definitely can say that I feel a lot calmer regarding what is left to come.

The original idea I had and what I would previously do is try and give myself a different task to do each week. However, I often found that this did not work and would leave me more overwhelmed. Instead I decided to plan to complete whatever task it is that I am ready to do. An example of this is if I was trying to write lyrics but hit a writers block and couldn't think of any, instead of trying to force myself to write something, which in the end will not work, I would just move onto a different task that can be done at that time. Such as writing musical parts instead, or deigning the set, I found this to really work for me and definitely noticed a change in my work ethic when using this method.

D G F# G - VERSE/ INTRO

F# C# D#m Bm- VERSE TWO

F# C#- BRIDGE

F# C#- LAST CHORUS

try and tell me that the sabotage of the recent

events inside my head are becoming more indecent

every second  i attempt to relieve

is another second that i force myself to believe

That im changing, every day closer to death

Is another day I’ve gone without losing my breath

Im still breathing, so what’s the matter if I’m misleading

I say that im alive but my body is pleading

and now im left alone

alone inside my home

trying not to show it but my choices have grown

i could leave today, never show my face,

lead a life far away and be led astray

Changing every little piece of me till im locked in

A different reality of existential mourning

The way I use to exist,

Is ever changing, Slowly aging

Faster than I can keep up im chasing

Somethings that long gone

Its never gonna respond

To your screaming please stop believing

CHORUS- A D E

Cause I’m never getting out now,

Im stuck here forever, watching the weather change, every day

Yet im still here, mourning the life I could of lived if only I forgive

The choices I made, the brain I decayed

The faces I made when you told me I’ve changed but was any of it for the better

Or was it just another hole in my sweater

Verse Two- A E

So this is what it is now

Sitting on my floor picking pores trynna kick down the door

But I’ve boarded it up with bricks and flames

Better watch out before you burn your brain

i like throwing obstacles, at me to make me logical

and be prepared for fighting against all that some find comical

if you laugh at me i’ll think theres something in my teeth

not that the joke i made was funny and the others too agree

its just that i now have a brain

that makes me think that im insane

though theres nothing wrong with being insane that just not my aim

i love everyone everyone loves me

everybody thinks that you’re a freak

sorry i got cocky, I should probably brush my teeth

Chorus

Cause I’m never getting out now,

Im stuck here forever, watching the weather change, every day

Yet im still here, mourning the life I could of lived if only I forgive

The choices I made, the brain I decayed

The faces I made when you told me I’ve changed but was any of it for the better

Or was it just another hole in my sweater

Bridge- D E A D

Look, I know, this may seem like a drag

You’re getting bored now, you’re not getting this time back

But you can make it worth while

You could use this time to learn to crack a smile

But Im happy, I have a happy life

Ive got people who love me, im glad to be alive, I swear

But I don’t want to live like this please just spare  me a drink

We can cheers, to the art of thinking

And celebrate what I’ve done

I wouldn’t be here today  if it wasn’t for someone

And that person is me

I’ve kept myself alive through all that’s guaranteed

And now im asking you to listen to my plea

And let me out now and throw away the key

Final Chorus

Cause im never getting out now,

Im stuck here forever, watching the weather change, every day

Yet im still here, mourning the life I could of lived if only I forgive

The choices I made, the brain I decayed

The faces I made when you told me I’ve changed but was any of it for the better

should i start writing my final letter

is it ever really getting better

Or was it just another hole in my sweater

In terms of this song 'Hole in my sweater' is used as a metaphor, in the line 'Was any of this for the better, or was it just another hole in my sweater'. The way that I describe this is a small hole in your sweater (or jumper) is something that you'll notice and it will effect you but you ignore it as it is not seen as too much of a big deal. However, as time goes on and more small holes in your sweater keeps appearing it becomes harder and harder to ignore until it is destroyed to a point that is unable to function anymore and it has to be thrown away. In this context the sweater is referring to me and the holes are all small things that have happened, that end up building up eventually and destroying me.

if they even really happen or they’re just a better felling

a feeling of hope, of what it was meant to be,

if you lived in a world that was free

i once dreamed that i would dance, dance on a stage if i ever had the chance

and everyone would cheer, i never heard of fear

its like anything that happened would just disappear

D E F#m A D E

D E F#m A D E

and i

i never learned

learned the mistake of living on this earth

im gonna wake with fear

nothing will be clear

but i know that im alive and thats good enough from here

D A F#m E

is this how i should speak

if i tell myself it enough will my serotonin peak

can i stop taking that medicine that that makes me feel weak

can i finally become the person i dreamed that i would be

can i dance up on this stage

relive my days

and make my being worthy of everlasting praise

can i take over the conqueror

and throw it in a grave

can i relive my wasted days

A F#m E Bm

can i leave this disregarded

can i take it all back and maybe replant it

can i take the chances

can i cut it all out and re glue the pieces

cause theres a chance that i can get out

i can draw the map and we can reroute

is this the real thing, is it a trial

will i get a chance at revival

breaking down and taking out

all i once knew its over now

the consequences i once knew

are gonna be gone when i renew

and become something i wont lose to

can i go now

is this done now

i did what i could how will this end now

will you miss me

when its just me

and you’re a figment on my bad dreams

G D  G Bm A

of this really matter

(does any of it ever count)

is anyone ever really listening

(im never gonna get caught out)

if i, make a few mistakes,

if i put my foot on the brakes

if take the chances

i’ll  never be disregarded

Bm A G

take my hand and breath

dont let my words be mistaken for a plead

im not telling you you have to

im just saying its the simple remedy

if you want to he free

G D G Bm A

it matters, it counts

i’ll listen to your shouts

and nothings gonna stop you

not matter if you

make a few mistakes

put your was foot on rhe breaks

you can take the chances

you’ll never be disregarded

you’ll be free

you’ll be free

one day

maybe someday

you’ll be free

I figured this out by finding out how much money YouTube pays for streams and then figure out how many streams I would need to earn a certain amount of money

Money From Streams:

• If my project is uploaded onto youtube, on average they pay creators between £2.50 and £4.10

• If I wanted to earn £50 from streams I would have to gain an average of over 15,000 views.

I then found out the costs for printing CD's, I based this on if I was printing them myself. If I ended up having high demand for CD'S I would then have to look into a bigger distributer.

Money from physical copies:

CD Printer- £25

Blank discs and cases- £2o

• If I were to print 10 CD’s it would cost me around 1.35 per CD to make. If sold for £7 each I would earn on average £5.65 per CD. Meaning £56.50 for each 10 physical copies sold.

Wider Carer Goal:

Help and support young people dealing with mental health issues through the form of music/music therapy.

Key financial terms:

Accounting Period- A financial Year

Year-end- the end of a businesses accounting period/ year

Assets- Physical or non-physical item of value

Cash Flow- Relationship between money coming into and exiting a business

Revenue- The total amount of money brought in by a company’s operations, measured over a period of time

Costs- The monetary value that has been spent by a company in order to produce something

Self Assessment- Calculation of one’s own taxable liability 06 April 2024 - 05 April 2025

Costs for creation:

Lighting: £30

Recording equipment (interface, mic, cables etc.) - £100

DVD Printing- £30

Blank discs and cases- £2o

Total: £180

Lyric prints: Roughly £1-£2 per print.

Although I am calculating all my finances, earning money from this project is not my overall goal, as my project is to create awareness and gain experience in the mental health sector, earning back money is just something that I might eventually benefit from and might help me out when extending my project.

Youtube:

• Easy to upload onto

• does not pay well- If my project is uploaded onto youtube, on average they pay creators between £2.50 and £4.10, If I wanted to earn £50 from streams I would have to gain an average of over 15,000 views.

Social media:

• reach new audiences quickly, use things like hashtags

• engage with audience

Vimeo:

• high quality

• good for one time release

• if plan to release more comes with a cost

• have to work a lot harder to reach an audience

https://medium.com/@mguerrini/heres-how-to-distribute-and-actually-monetise-your-short-films-f52b30dd979b#:~:text=people to enjoy.-,.,cut per frequency of time.

Saboteur:

• A person who engages in sabotage

• To deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)

By getting a score of 10 on both hyper-vigilant and avoider it is clear that I spend the majority of my time worrying about things and potential threats, leading me to fix that by just avoiding them all together.

Self Reflection:

1. Develop Self-awareness

   a. Do you refuse to ask for help? Yes. If I am struggling with something I often find myself unable to accept that fact and not asking for support.

   b. Are you goal setting too high or too low? I think too high. As someone working independently I think I throw too many tasks on myself and had given myself un-realistic expectations which later had to be adapted to accommodate my own abilities.

   c. Are you making excuses? Definitely when it cones to getting stuff done. I f theres one small thing that happens that could affect me doing something I will often just put it off altogether.

2. Write a list

   Create a safe space for a list where you can make notes whilst you’re working your day-to-day
   

3. Practice mindfulness

    look after your wellbeing 
   

4. Communicate

   use peers and collaborative projects to ease spread your workload.
   

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Here is a basic sketch for the main part of the set, the back part of the bedroom. this is where I will be during most of the movie, and where all instruments are set up. When trying to find a way to make this room look more like a set and not just a bedroom, though it should be representing being stuck in the room I wanted to add more scenery to it to add more imagery and help set the scene for the emotions going on. After running through different ideas such as lighting set ups. As well as this I wanted to be able to have a way to differentiate between the two characters I will be portraying in certain scenes ( the one that is myself and the other being an me but performing on a stage freely).

I ended up deciding to separate this section of the room by using a black sheet, closing it off to create a small inclosed separate room, this is where you will see me during the film playing the songs. I felt as if this would create a vision of this room being somewhere I escape to, as music is something I can now only perform alone in my room, this room would be the space where I felt safe and separate form the world and anything going on inside my head. This room will be set up as a very dark room only containing myself and the instruments, whilst having a white spotlight on me.

Running through each song one by one, deciding what I wanted to add and testing out different sounds.

• 3 piano tracks

• 2 synth tracks

• Strings

• Bass

• Drums

• Vocals

Once this track was recorded, at the end of the day I mixed the tracks and did any editing necessary, including EQ'ing the vocals and piano and adding reverb and ambience.