Silence.

For a moment, he barely could hear anything except the echo of his own thoughts, screaming in his head. It was the same dream over and over: her texting him, saying 'Hi, I miss you,' and him waking up to check his phone first, only to find that her name no longer appeared on his notifications. It had been almost two months.

"I miss you," the only words that could form from his mouth to break the silence in his room. He knew exactly who he was saying those frequent I-miss-you(s) these couple of weeks without even mentioning the name. In the moments like this, Minji had always been the one to calm him down, to chase away the dark thoughts crowding his mind. But now that Minji was no longer there to hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay, he felt utterly lost.

There was a part of Sunghoon that was so desperate to know if his absence had done any damages to Minji. That, there was a possibility that Minji too, experienced long restless nights due to the thought of Sunghoon. That Minji's heart was broken in the same places as his. Sunghoon wanted to know that he wasn't the only one who was hurting from this. He wanted to know that he actually meant something to Minji. He wanted to know it... so badly.

Sunghoon had always been an overthinker. No matter how busy or distracted he kept himself, the thoughts in his head were relentless. But after meeting Minji (again, that was because they lost contact for awhile) last year in summer, and after they got closer, for once… the noise in his head quieted. The world seemed to hush when he was with her. It felt like the world had finally been snoozing off when Minji was around. Minji effortlessly made Sunghoon feel safe and secure in a way no one else had.

But now, without her, he was adrift. He did not even know how describe it but sometimes it felt like being stuck in the middle of a busy road, surrounded by blaring horns and rushing vehicles. The world was loud again, and he was terrified of facing it alone.

"Sometimes, you can't handle everything on your own. That's why God lets us meet certain people, and I think that's beautiful. I'm grateful that you were there for me when my thoughts were a mess."

9:00 PM.

At this usual hour, one could only find Sunghoon sitting at his computer desk; eyes fixed intently on the screen, his fingers were quick to dance over W-A-S-D keys of his keyboard while his other hand was busy clicking the mouse.

It was Genshin time!

That's what Sunghoon would usually call it. But these days, he struggled to stay online and play for more than 15 minutes. He would rush finishing his 'resins' along with the game's daily quests before calling it a day. It didn't help when his daily commissions were set in Sumeru — it was Minji's favourite region in the game. He recalled when Minji was complaining and getting boiled up when she missed that one event held in Sumeru, among The Akademiya students.

"I was! On! Game! Hiatus! At that time! Ugh!" Minji would exclaim it; there was a red blush appearing on Minji's cheeks as she gritted her teeth, fist was clutching so tight to express her frustration.

Sunghoon would give her a soft smile, a gentle one indeed as his gaze was locked onto his girlfriend's facial expression. He swore he could melt straight away if he was not that stubborn to keep his cool in front of Minji upon seeing her cute tantrums over a video game.

Sometimes, as the sun set in the game, Sunghoon would bring his favourite character, Kaedehara Kazuha, to sit on a wooden bench in Sumeru Forest. It was that exact same place where he and Minji had watched the fireworks together, except this time... it was just Sunghoon there, with his RPG character, sitting alone on the bench.

Summer 2023.

He remembered it very clearly, as if it were yesterday. That summer, Sunghoon spent countless hours playing with Minji. She would often play a character with a big hat guy named Wanderer and Sunghoon would run around with his silver-haired guy character named Kaedehara Kazuha. (Sometimes they would switch their characters too because apparently, Minji had a better build for her Kaedehara Kazuha. She would be the knight in shining armor to save Sunghoon in the game.)

"I ship them! My KazuScara!!" that was what Minji would keep telling him every time they got on the game. She would giggle every time their characters posed for photos and would blush shyly afterward.

"Gay," Minji scoffed in a playful manner.

"Do it again. Make them kiss!" she offered a follow-up demand while adjusting her camera settings in the game, causing Sunghoon to move his game character one step closer to Minji's character.

"Silly," he would think of that. Minji was so silly. Her silliness only made him fall for her more.

There was also a time when Minji suddenly lit up the game with her heart-shaped fireworks, surprising Sunghoon, especially since they weren't together yet. If he recalled, they weren't even officially in talking phase yet (but Sunghoon was slowly, quietly started craving for Minji's attention already at that time). He hadn't realised it either that Minji had started crushing on him.

Sure, he did find Minji cute. She was really cute especially when she got all talkative talking about her interests. Sunghoon also would find Minji so adorable when she got all shy if Sunghoon played along with her flirting tactics. Though he was hesitant at first, Minji's confession gave him the confidence he needed.

And there was also a time, they would spend the whole night at the weekend to play together. Sometimes, their friend named Jungwon would occasionally get himself online. Sunghoon and Minji, being nosy as they were; would always bother Jungwon when they saw him online on Genshin and wouldn't stop bothering him, while Jungwon was trying to explore his world.

There was also another time when Minji playfully forced Sunghoon to host a wedding on Genshin. He brought them to this beautiful place in the temporary map in-game and started being silly there by having their own delusional wedding.

"I'm now your spouse! YOU MAY KISS THE GROOM!" Minji seemed a little happier to say that, causing Sunghoon to blurt out a few chuckles before bringing his game character to lean closer to Minji's Wanderer character. They took lots of photos together too when they were exploring the temporary map last year.

"Your Wanderer doesn't look at happy," Sunghoon told Minji as he went through all the photos they took.

"Yeah that's because no one was at our wedding! Your fault grrr!"

This year's summer event. Summer 2024.

It felt different and empty to Sunghoon. The memories of him spending lots of time with Minji in the game last year kept haunting him. It did not help when the in-game event included lots of red and blue pairs of lego game characters, reminding Sunghoon of Minji's favourite 2d ship: Kaedehara Kazuha and Wanderer.

Sunghoon would sometimes take a look at his Genshin's in-game map before logging out; looking at all the pins he marked on his map with a little note saying "bring Minji here". The pins were scattered across almost every region. How disappointing it was for him to not be able to bring Minji to some places he marked on his map. He wanted to show some sceneries that he knew Minji would love seeing them. He really wanted to.

He missed her. He always missed Minji.

Well, Sunghoon did.

Almost every time he logged off from work or picked up his phone or laptop, he felt that similar pull. Perhaps, he only wanted to know how Minji was doing or maybe... just maybe, even just to catch up on the small details of her daily life again.

He missed her coming to him, telling him how tiring her night shift was, or perhaps when she was scared being alone at home, she would come to text him immediately, or when Minji's favourite idols updated on social media and she would come to scream about their photos to Sunghoon, or... perhaps he just missed being the person Minji would come to first whenever she was feeling happy, sad, or anything in between. He missed it when Minji gave him a special treatment and accessed to her life.

Once again, Sunghoon found himself re-reading his past conversations with Minji and then it occurred to him, how he was so happy in those moments with Minji. He was indeed the happiest. Even though, there were times he barely showed much of his emotions to Minji but every single second spent with Minji, it felt magical and a smile had never slipped away from his face.

But now, he was crying... because he was yearning for her presence that screamed peace and home. At first, he thought he would be able to handle it better, but the heartbreak and pain he was hiding to himself proved him wrong. Minji had been his comfort, his safe place all this time, and losing her left him feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Minji was indeed his comfort home, the safest home in a form of person he had never been and felt. How ironic was that, right? Because up till now, Sunghoon’s hand was still trying to reach out; trying to find Minji’s hand once again even though he was aware Minji had left. He needed to come back to his home again. He longed for the warmth and security he once felt.

But for the most of it all, he wanted to let Minji know everything that happened during their time apart.

How are you? I hope the world has been kinder to you lately. I hope you have been taking care of yourself very well and excelling in your studies. I hope you have been resting a lot too now, that your exams are over. And I hope, as you mentioned before to me; I hope you had been reconnecting with your friends and people around you again, knowing that I wasn't in your way to spend time with them anymore. I'm really sorry if I took too much of your time before, pulling you away from them. I should have been more mindful of my place in your life.

Lately, I'm trying to be better. I really am trying. But all I know is, I want you to feel better the most between the two of us. You have been so hard on yourself. So please, be kind to yourself for once. Please keep smiling and laughing. I will always be wishing there won't be dull days in your life anymore after this and that, you could enjoy every little thing that will happen in your daily routine. Please know that, every day I would keep wishing and praying for your happiness in my prayers. You deserved to be happy, more than I do.

These days, I find myself missing you a little bit extra. It still hurts, not just because we're apart, but because we both don't know what is happening to each other's life anymore. That uncertainty is what pains me the most. I miss my former friend. I miss you as a friend, just as much as I miss you as a former lover. It's hard to accept how someone who once made me so happy can now feel so distant. I'm not used to your absence... so, I feel so lost, to the point where everything seems gray.

Losing you when I loved you the most was the hardest thing I've ever faced. It was so hard for me to understand and accept the feeling of being lost. I met you when we weren’t looking for each other, when we weren’t expecting us to be something, and I lost you when I loved you the most. So now, I don't even know what to do with the feelings I still have for you... Should I continue grieving over it, or put on a brave face and pretend everything is okay when it's not?

At times, I find myself asking the same question over and over again: Was I really a burden to you when we were together? Did I take up so much of your time that it affected your work, studies and our relationship? Did you finally get tired of me already after seeing all my flaws? I asked myself these a lot but I know, we, humans have got their limits but I can't stop... but wondering all these.

Sometimes... I really wanted to ask you... How have you been coping since we separated? When you miss me (if you do), what do you do? Have you ever had the urge to drop a message to me too when you saw me online? Have you ever revisited our old silly conversations in dms and server too? Have I ever crossed your mind in the middle of the day when you were busy?

Those were some unsent letters he wrote for Minji from time to time... and they kept piling up instead in his drawers up till now, waiting for the right moment to be shared.

“Sometimes, I found myself whispering your name out of blue. And that's when I know, that you never once left my mind and I have always been missing you.”

22nd July, 2023.

It started off by them chatting that morning and suddenly now, both of them were outside after agreeing to meet up. Not like Sunghoon would complain anyway; instead he got a little bit too excited to meet up with Minji on the first day of the weekends.

"What's your outfit theme colour later?" Minji asked him through the text on Discord.

"Uh... green, I guess?" he replied with a voice message, to which Minji responded with a simple "Ok, see you <3."

Sunghoon arrived early at the park they agreed upon — perhaps a bit too early... If Dispatch reporters had been there, they'd have capture photos of Sunghoon right now, instantly caught him smiling widely on the bench he was sitting on with his knees bouncing up and down nervously. Might as well make it to the New Year’s Dating Scandal news.

The park was quiet except for the distant stream and the rustling of unseen wings. There was a slight chill in the air, and the park wasn't as crowded as Sunghoon had anticipated.

This peace soon got interrupted by a playful tap on his shoulder. Sunghoon turned around just to see Minji standing right in front of him. His eyes widened as they landed on Minji's appearance, his bottom followed the gesture by pushing his upper body up to stand up instead.

"What on earth are you wearing?!" Sunghoon exclaimed in confusion, his gaze fixed on Minji's outfit.

Unbelievable indeed. Minji was in a frog costume, complete with a frog's face hanging above her head as a hoodie. Sunghoon was so sure Minji was wearing something else inside that hideous creature mascot but he couldn't help, but burst into laughter at the sight.

"Is this why you asked me about my outfit colour?" Silly, Minji was being silly again.

"Hehe! Don't you like it? I got it on sale! But first..." Minji gave Sunghoon a teasing smile as she tip-toed closer to where Sunghoon was standing.

"What now?"

"Give me a kiss first if you don't want me walking around in this frog suit in public with you," her smile got wider, teeth could be seen flashing on her face now. Sunghoon felt his face flush red. It suddenly felt so warm but the ego in him was telling him to keep it cool. Of course he needed to keep himself together! They weren't even together yet at that time! Don't cross the line, Park Sunghoon.

"Alright, hold on," Sunghoon took out his phone from his pocket, fingers were fast enough to dance on his phone's screen, pressing onto the keyboard to type the word 'kiss' before flashing it off to Minji's face. "There you go. Your kiss!"

"You, fool! Come on now. A proper kiss. Here!" Minji scoffed. Her eyes only took a few seconds glance on Sunghoon's phone screen before pointing her index finger on her cheeks. Her smile this time was stretched from ear to ear, bright and easy, and the image reminding Sunghoon of a cheeky bear, despite of her wearing that frog costume now.

Sunghoon wanted this to end quickly because he could sense people who were walking past by them, were giggling while looking at him and Minji. Not that he cared anyway but Minji was being silly! Is it the right call for him to call the doctor now for Minji? Too late, perhaps.

A loud sigh escaped from Sunghoon's mouth as he took a deep breath. He brought his hand closer to his mouth, letting his lips to give his two fingers a peck. He moved his hand away from his mouth to let his fingers to touch Minji's plump and soft lips instead afterwards - indirectly giving her a kiss. Sunghoon's mind actually went blank when Minji first mentioned about wanting a kiss. Only God knew how nervous Sunghoon was at that time because that was like the very first time Minji asked for a kiss.

Minji seemed to be pretty taken back at first when she first received the kiss she wanted, unexpected one indeed. Sunghoon felt sorry it was not the type of kiss Minji asked for at first. Perhaps, when he had enough courage to give her a proper kiss on Minji's lips, he would. But later, she bounced off her feet excitedly, her hands were clapping to celebrate her victory as well before the next disaster came - she took off her frog outfit in public just like that. "TADAH!"

"DUDE? AT LEAST GIVE ME A WARNING! FUCK I THOUGHT YOU'RE GONNA GO NAKED IN PUBLIC!"

Minji smiled widely. It grew wider till a fit of laughter escaped from her mouth. The corners of her eyes lit up, forming some blurred lines around them. Her laughter filled Sunghoon's ears, and he couldn't help but smile at her silliness.

"Do you like my tricks?" Sunghoon could hear giggles in between Minji's words. He tried to keep his cool again in this situation but the blush on his face was undeniable. Minji would surely tease him later for that.

"At least we are matching now. GoGreen?" Sunghoon grabbed Minji's frog costume from her hands and folded it gently while trying to fit it in Minji's fluffy tote bag. Minji's eyes wandered to scan Sunghoon's outfit before taking a quick look on hers too, nodding in agreement.

It wasn't their first time wearing a matching outfit colour, but Sunghoon still would somehow get all red and start to feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He loved it when Minji sometimes intentionally matched something with him - be it whether the colour of their outfits, their matching profile picture on social networking sites or even when Minji asked him what he ate on that day so she could order the same meal too. Sunghoon loved that. He liked Minji, obviously.

Again, silly Minji had always been so silly. The not-so-date hadn't even started and yet Sunghoon's heart had been pumping non-stop at such abnormal amount - blamed it on Minji for being too cute. Sunghoon took a hold of Minji's tote bag, indirectly offered to hold it for her instead as he did not wish to let Minji's shoulder to deal with the weight of her bag later; especially when her heavy frog costume was being shoved inside as well.

And the day went on, the not-so-date went on very well. Sunghoon had so much fun spending his evening with Minji. It had been awhile since he last went out with someone that made him feel full and content inside. Minji, she was the first after awhile. Minji, who always acted so silly and playful around him - she was the first to switch off the thoughts in Sunghoon's mind after awhile.

"I missed you being silly with me."

Sayang (n.) - a petname stands for darling, honey, baby, my love.

Sayang (v.) - love, an act of loving someone or something.

Sunghoon first learnt this Malaysian word "sayang" from a TV programme he watched as a kid. Although he couldn't understand the dub version because it was fully in Malaysian language but the subtitles helped him to follow the plot. Despite not comprehending the language, one word — sayang; managed to catch his attention that made him remember it till now. Sunghoon thought the word 'sayang' sounded so endearing and pleasant to the ear. He looked up for the meaning after awhile and had been yearning to call someone 'sayang' or even being called as one.

Then Minji came to his life.

Minji told Sunghoon that 'sayang' has another meaning in Filipino. "Sayang means 'a waste' there, you know?" she shared, adding a new fact to Sunghoon's understanding.

“So, if I call you ‘sayang’ after this, you have to guess whether I’m calling you my love or a waste,” Minji continued, her tone turning into a teasing one, followed by a light laugh emitting from her voice. Despite the word has different meanings in two languages, that didn't stop Minji and Sunghoon from calling each other 'sayang'. Sometimes, Minji would purposely make the word sounded even cuter than it was.

"Sayang! Nanight, my yayang!" Minji would always say these in a cute manner. Minji, she was the cutest. To Sunghoon, everything that Minji did and said would always sound and look cute in his eyes. Oh, to be head over heels over someone that badly. Sunghoon could relate to that on so many levels.

But now that they weren't together anymore. Minji only called Sunghoon by his name. The last time Minji called him 'sayang' was a day before she asked for a break up. Not really a day... it was exactly 14 hours before they got separated.

And that, that one last pet name, that very last 'sayang' coming from Minji — Sunghoon would remember and treasure it for a very long time because he knew he wouldn't hear her calling him that again.

"I will always miss you, my sayang."

31st July, 2023.

It was Monday.

Sunghoon would usually finish his part-time job around 2pm, while Minji usually wouldn't have to work on Mondays. Sunghoon would often feel a twinge of jealousy with the fact that Minji had three off days. He would gladly swap schedules with her to spare her the exhaustion of working from Tuesday to Friday. (Sunghoon learnt that Minji's new supervisor was pretty much an asshole, overworking people under him so much and Sunghoon was so ready to throw fist at her supervisor.)

By the time he got home, he immediately checked his Discord; eager to open Minji's direct message to him before any other notifications flooded. He already found himself smiling just by seeing Minji's name on the chat list. Giddy. The giddy feeling had conquered himself as he saw his favourite person's name, and it had always been a highlight of his day.

Minji told him that her albums had arrived on that day and she wanted to show him all the photocards she had pulled. She sent a photo of the neatly arranged photocards spread out on her fluffy beige carpet to Sunghoon. Sunghoon recognised the idols immediately as being from a group called NewJeans. Minji talked a lot about them and Sunghoon loved hearing every single compliment Minji threw at them from her mouth.

"Can I circle and claim some photocards from your pulls?" Sunghoon asked Minji through the text. He wanted to tease her at first, well... indirectly wanted to rob and steal Minji's photocards. Who knows they would be useful and bring profit to the table if Sunghoon became a reseller, right?

"Go on!"

And with that, Sunghoon started using his doodling pencil to circle this specific idol's photocards from Minji's pulls. He specifically chose the photocards of an idol named Minji, just like his favourite person here, his Minji.

"There you go," Sunghoon replied to Minji once he had done editing Minji's photo and forwarded back Minji's photocard photo.

"I'm claiming your bias's photocard, Minji because she shares the same name as you, and both of you remind me of bears. My bear-by!" Sunghoon added another line of reply, trying to be playful. He could tell Minji's face was turning as red as tomato behind the screen because for a moment, Minji didn't reply anything in proper other than her favourite SpongeBob's screaming character emoji.

Usually it would be Minji who would play tricks and flirt with Sunghoon but once in awhile, Sunghoon had the urge to tease Minji back just to see her reactions. Minji always got adorably shy and speechless when she tasted her own flirting medicine and when the roles were reversed. He found her reactions endearing and precious.

Just how the idol Minji's animal representative is a bear; Sunghoon also would associate his Minji with a bear too. Minji, was indeed a walking bear who Sunghoon wouldn't hesitate to hug whenever he needed one. A soft and warm person in general.

“Your warmth had always kept me going. When my body was too numb to move, or on the days I hated myself the most, you were there to remind me to get up and do something about it. Your words were always warm, too. I'm itching to feel the warmth from you again.”

19th September, 2023.

It was Sunghoon's birthday.

Frankly speaking, Sunghoon had never been that excited nor looked forward to his birthday. To him, birthdays were just like any other day, except you would get to buy a whole pretty cake instead of a slice. If you were lucky, you might share those slices with people close to you.

As Sunghoon grew older, he also learnt that some people tend to forget birthdays, and that is okay too. Adults carry so many responsibilities and remembering a small detail about someone they do not talk to much everyday, would only take a lot of effort.

He received a few birthday wishes through text messages from his family members and friends by the time the clock struck 00:00 at midnight. He was thankful enough that, out there, there were people who still remembered his existence.

Sunghoon would be lying if he said he wasn't waiting for Minji to wish him a happy birthday that night. He waited for a few minutes and just as he was about to head to bed, his phone pinged with multiple notifications. Excited yet also feeling nervous about it, Sunghoon quickly grabbed his phone next to his pillow to check the sender's name.

It was from Minji.

A well-decorated yet so beautifully made virtual card was sent to Sunghoon by Minji from a link in one of her text messages. "Happy birthday, baby!" Minji greeted him but Sunghoon did not reply immediately. He took his time to go through the virtual card that Minji prepared first.

It was a compilation of birthday messages and wishes from some of Sunghoon's close friends, edited beautifully by Minji. No words or emotions could describe how happy Sunghoon was at that time. Guess people were right: fewer expectations lead to bigger surprises.

After reading all the birthday letters written by his friends that Minji made them to the card, Sunghoon finally had the courage to open and read Minji's letter to him. The very first letter Minji ever had written to him, of course he would feel nervous about it. That's like, receiving the first love letter from your own crush in high school.

I think this might be the first time I'll ever say this, but I love you, and hope you're enjoying your day! Hope you enjoy your birthday, dearest monkey!

She said it... for the first time. The first 'I love you' after months of them seeing each other. The first proper 'I love you' from Minji.

At those words, Sunghoon couldn't stop the tears that welled up in the corner of his eyes. He had to put his phone aside and let those tears fall. For the first time in a long time, he let himself cry after hearing someone tell him that they love him.

Sunghoon wasn't the type to easily blurt out an 'I love you' to people around him until he was very sure the other person felt the same way he did too — be it whether they were his friends, family members or even his former lovers in past relationships. Sunghoon wouldn't say it first. It had always been 'I like you'.

But with Minji, he had been yearning to say those three words to her. He realised, the urge got too strong in mid of August, after a whole month of playing hide-and-seek and flirting with Minji in July.

Yet, being Sunghoon as usual, he kept overthinking about it all this time. Like; What if Minji only had a crush on him but didn't see him as a potential partner? What if Sunghoon wasn't ready to say "I love you" because he couldn't prove he could love her fully and make her feel safe? What if he failed to provide a genuine love Minji was seeking in her partner? Sunghoon was scared and often insecure.

Hearing Minji saying those three words to him first... meant everything to him. Minji loved him, and that's what mattered now. And for the first time as well on that day, on Sunghoon's birthday, he took out all his courage to say his first 'I love you' to Minji. He loved her, deeply more than he could imagine.

"I loved you dearly and I still love you till now, very dearly and deeply inside even if we aren't together anymore... I hope you will remember my love for you for a very long time even if I'm not there to show it."

4th October, 2023.

Sunghoon was sick. Physically sick. His fever had been tormenting him for almost two days, forcing him to skip his part-time job. The constant coughing and shivering left him exhausted, but... it was actually a blessing in disguise. Now, he had more time to prepare for what he hoped would be a special moment today: confessing his feelings and asking Minji out officially.

It was Wednesday, and Sunghoon knew it so well that Minji always had her busiest day at work midweek. After meticulously rechecking his confession letter — only God knew how many times he had done this to avoid making a fool of himself. He attempted taking a short nap, but the nerves and excitement kept him awake. He waited eagerly for Minji to come home, but by almost 10pm, she still hadn't come online. His plan was to confess at 10:04pm, but with Minji's delay, he had to improvise.

Before the clock almost hit midnight, pretty sure it was around 11:11pm or something — Minji finally sent a 'hello' in their Discord chat. Sunghoon smiled, as usual, as her name lit up his notifications. He always did.

He patiently waited for Minji to settle in after her long tiring day. Once he thought she was ready, he sent her a link to a virtual room he had created just for her. In it, he even included a huge ass photo of Minji's current favourite boy idol at that time: Wonbin from Riize. It looked funny at first but Sunghoon couldn't help, he chuckled at the thought of Minji's reaction to seeing Wonbin's mirror selfie showing off his biceps later when she entered the room.

"WHAT ROOM IS THAT? WHY IS IT ASKING ME TO OPEN MY VIDEO AND MIC? IS THIS A STRIP SHOW?!" Minji exclaimed, as usual taking things out of context and turning everything into a joke — a trait of her that made Sunghoon fall for her deeper.

"GROSS! If I wanted to watch a strip show from you, I could have just asked politely! Now, come online!"

It took Minji some time to create her account and set up her profile before entering the room. She was so confused how to navigate the platform at first but Sunghoon guided her one by one patiently. Finally, he mustered the courage to send her the link to his confession letter.

Nervous.

Nervousness gripped him as Minji went silenced for what felt like an eternity. He worried she had left him alone in the room, but then she started spamming the chat with keyboard smashes, her reactions as adorable as ever. Sunghoon couldn't help but giggle behind his screen, even though she hadn't given him an answer yet.

"Okey dokey, I'll be yours starting today. Always have been by the way! I don't know how make this more romantic because I'm embarrassed," took Minji awhile to give a proper response in the chat. If there had been a camera in Sunghoon's room, it would have captured him punching the air and rolling on the bed like a child with excitement. She said yes!

Their conversation continued with playful banters and jokes. They even had fun doodling on the screen together to ease the initial shyness in the room. Minji even told Sunghoon jokingly, that he ruined her plans to ask him out first on that night and purposely turned it into a competition.

Before logging off to continue chatting by text, Minji send a message: "Hi boyfriend! The feels aaaa!" She got really shy yet still had the balls to call Sunghoon that. Sunghoon's heart soared at the words. The transition from friends to lovers felt natural, and he couldn't stop smiling in the dim light of his room alone that night. If he wasn't such a scaredy-cat about driving at night, he would have rushed to Minji's house immediately just to kiss and hug her.

"Thank you for today," Minji wrote, "I really appreciate it. Thank you for loving me too, despite my imperfections. I love you so much. Thanks for bringing comfort into my life. I love you, my angel. My constant happiness. The one I adore the most." Sunghoon received another reply from Minji. He did not know how to react at all but all he knew, her words brought tears to Sunghoon's eyes. He thanked her briefly in his next reply and assured her of his love in return.

"And you should learn how to love yourself more because people like you for who you are. You should see how they see you! And how I see you! Maybe you can also learn from there. Slowly, but surely. Give love to yourself just how much love you give to others, because you deserve the love from yourself the most. Yeah? yeah." Minji's last voice message that night was a reminder Sunghoon needed to hear.

In that moment, Sunghoon knew that he wanted to keep Minji in his life for a very long time. For once, he finally understood that love could really be found when you're with the right people. Those who are meant for you won't exhaust or deplete you; they won't make you feel unlovable. With Minji, everything seemed achievable. She helped him grow in many ways she wasn't aware of. She supported him on days when he felt like giving up and constantly kept showering him with love, even when he didn't ask for it.

And to think that Sunghoon's favorite number had always been 1004, a number he once used as his old Discord and Hyperbeam tag. Now, to associate that number and date with Minji felt surreal. He couldn’t quite describe the feeling, but he had no regrets. To him, Minji was, and always would be, his 1004. He missed his angel so much.

"Nobody knows how we go. When we’re alone, it’s like we’re home…"

14th October, 2023.

Minji was drunk as hell — like, really drunk.

Sunghoon had gone to bed early, but not without sending Minji a goodnight message first. It was around 5am when his phone started buzzing with notifications. He tried to open his eyes to check his phone, but sleep pulled him back in.

By the time he woke up around 9am, he was surprised to see over 20 messages from Minji flooding his screen. Panic set in for a moment as he worried something might have happened to her and worse, he wasn't able to be there for her last night. He quickly opened their chat on Discord.

It turned out to be Minji drunk-texting him at dawn.

As he scrolled through her messages, he couldn't help but smile and chuckle at her chained-text messages. "Cute," he whispered to himself, imagining Minji with her cheeks and ears flushed red while typing all these.

Although her texts were riddled with typos — she couldn't even spell "you" correctly — Sunghoon endeavored to decode them one by one.

hiiiiii. i [can’t decode the second message]. ): i love you bff. sleepy. goodnight [can’t decode aabbjn] i love you. i love you. i love you [can’t decode aaas is it ass?!]. i can’t type. i love you. i love you!!!! [inserts 2 spongebobscreams emojis.]. i love sunghoon so much. kiss when you wake up. plz. please. i’m in love with you. kiss plz. [can’t decode kmmf]. i’ll gotta go type properly. i’ll do it? [can’t decode idflfndfkdjfo]. i can’t [can’t decode ffbjnk] i’ll get sober/over shying? that i love you (the sentence doesn’t make sense help me baby). [inserts saddepressed emoji]. so sappy/sleepy. i love you.

i love it when you’re annoying or [can’t decode shdsieibdbd] when you’re cute or when you kiss me or when you say you love me. i love you in every moment, sunghoon. whenever you’re here or not, i’ll always love you. [can’t decode shkkakld keyboard smashing?] so tired [can’t decode uhhjjkka another keyboard smashing?]. [can’t decode assaaaaaasssaaaaaaaa were you screaming? help]. good night omfg. talk to you tomorrow. i love you so much. please don’t get sick of me. i love you. baaaaaiiiii. byeeeee. bye.

ahhhh cannot sleep. love you. aaaaaa.

Sunghoon knew he’d have to wait for Minji to wake up, she probably went to bed around 6am and that was really late. He was eager to see her reaction once she backread their conversation. In the meantime, he decided to spend his lazy Saturday morning watching anime in the living room.

12:03 PM

The sleeping-drunk beauty finally awoke, and the first notification Sunghoon received was a "good morning" from Minji, accompanied by her all-time favourite SpongeBob screaming emoji. One could easily guess she was probably punching the air in embarrassment right now in her room.

Minji was mortified, but that didn’t stop Sunghoon from teasing her about being sappy the night before. She also complained about having a new avatar decoration frame on her Discord profile, likely purchased during her drunken escapade. Adding more reasons for Sunghoon to tease her.

After a few exchange banters and teases between them and once Minji calmed down, Sunghoon told her he had plans to see a new horror film with his friends later at the cinema. He apologised for not being able to spend the day with her, but Minji, ever understanding and considerate, reassured him it was okay. They could hang out later that night when he got home. She even mentioned wanting to nap all day so they could stay up late together.

Minji always made Sunghoon feel special, aligning her schedule with his and making him feel loved in a way no one else could.

Before heading to the mall to meet his friends, Sunghoon decided to stop by Minji’s house. Pretty nervous to be honest, as he’d never properly met her family before. While Minji’s twin sister knew about their relationship, he hadn’t had a chance to say 'hello' to her verbally yet up till now.

He waited outside the gate, ensuring Minji’s parents wouldn’t see him and risk making her uncomfortable. Minji emerged moments later from the entrance door after receiving Sunghoon's text, letting her know that he'd arrived. She was wearing cute blue pajamas and house slippers that squeaked as she walked to where Sunghoon was standing.

"You're gonna make fun of me again!" Minji feigned a glare at him as her two fingers were pointing directly to Sunghoon's stomach, playfully poking him there.

Sunghoon didn't manage to dodge the poke. He rubbed the spot she poked, grinning cheekily before immediately cupping Minji's face in his hands. The urge to kiss her right there was strong, and he did not care anymore if Minji's parents or siblings would see them smooching in front of the gate.

Minji’s arms reached for his neck, pulling him closer. Sunghoon took his time to leave a soft kiss on Minji's plump lips with his head tilting a bit, careful to not let the tip of nose bumping too much on Minji's before breaking the kiss.

“I love you so much, and no words can express how much I’m in love with you. I’m glad I found you in this life, and I hope my future self, my variant, my other self in every universe, keeps finding you,” he whispered in a low voice but loud enough for Minji to catch his words and pulled her into a hug.

Minji giggled, ready to tease him for being sappy. “Awwww, his turn to be sappy now?”

“Don’t ruin the moment!”

"I love you too and I'm glad I met you in this lifetime, my love," Minji added, but this time she was sounding more serious than she was. She gave him one last hug before pushing him away in a playful manner. "Ok move! My family is gonna think we're making out in front of my house later!!"

"Wow, what a good girlfriend you are! Ok then, bye-bye! Have a date with me tonight!" with the same energy Minji gave to him, he replied back in half-yelling playful voice to match with Minji's idiocy. He bid her a goodbye and watched her go back inside before leaving Minji's property.

Even though it was a short visit, Sunghoon realised seeing Minji, talking to Minji, being with Minji even for just a few minutes, was enough to keep him smiling all day.

"You, who always soften all my corners and turn them into love; always making sure I'm being seen."

If Sunghoon recalled it correctly, he and Minji spent that entire month binge-watching or patiently waiting for new episodes of the drama called 'Twinkling Watermelon' to be released each week. Minji would sometimes come over for a sleepover at Sunghoon's house, especially since he was often home alone. (Thank you, Sunghoon's dad, for always being out of town for work, and thank you, Sunghoon's sister, for moving out to the capital city for your studies.)

Sunghoon on the other hand, would always made sure the bedsheets were clean and the fluffiest pillows were ready for Minji, even though she usually ended up sleeping on his arm while they were cuddling in sleep. He also would make sure to stock up on all of Minji’s favorite snacks, filling the cupboards and fridge.

Minji loved petting and playing with Sunghoon’s cats during her visits or sleepovers. She would run around the house to chase them playfully. Sunghoon loved watching how fond his cats were of Minji’s presence. Minji loved Sunghoon’s cats, and Sunghoon loved Minji for her ability to give love to everyone and everything she encountered. He loved her, so much.

Sometimes, they would order Indian food for dinner while watching the drama. "Should we... get cheese naan and tandoori chicken again?! Please, please!" Sunghoon would ask, tugging on Minji's shirtsleeve while pointing at the menu on her phone. Yes, when they were alone together - it was always Sunghoon who became clingy with Minji, always.

"Twinkling! Twinkling! Twinkling!" that was what they both always did before started watching the drama — chanting over the same word over and over again like excited kids about to get ice cream at the park. The drama plot was such a rollercoaster. During emotional or sad scenes, Sunghoon would immediately find himself to hold Minji’s hand without any hesitation.

Physical touch wasn’t typically Sunghoon’s love language. Throughout his dating experiences, he’d only managed brief hugs or a peck — nothing more. He didn't even dare or care to give his friends or family members a hug, except on some exceptional occasions when they asked for one because they needed a comfort. But with Minji, he found himself craving for her touch. A part of him always wanted to cling to her, to keep her close.

He liked to think how it was so beautiful that human bodies had so many empty spaces, perfectly designed for another person to fill. Like how his fingers had gaps just right for Minji’s fingers to intertwine with his, or how the crook of her neck was the perfect place for him to bury his face whenever he hugged her and needed to hide his face for her to pet his head.

He couldn’t recall the last time he felt warmth from just holding someone’s hand — perhaps when he was a child and his mum held his hand to cross the road? Or when his childhood friend held his hand because he had a stage fright before his talent show performance?

But now, as he looked at Minji sitting next to him, eyes focused on the TV, he realised this was a warmth and emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was the sensation of cherishing the small, precious, and exclusive things that made a person good, traveling from the soles of his feet to the tips of his fingers, to the pit of his stomach, and finally lifting the corners of his mouth into a smile.

There was something so inherently earnest about Minji. Sunghoon would think it was one of the most endearing traits about her. He took her hand, gently holding onto her small hand and continued watching the drama, no gaps between them on the couch.

"I wish we could still hold onto each other's hand now and I will make sure to not let it go anymore."

3rd December, 2023.

It was Sunghoon's favourite person's birthday — Minji's day!

Just like on 4th October, the day Sunghoon asked Minji out, something similar thing happened that night. Minji passed out an hour or so after she got home from work around 5pm. Not that Sunghoon would complain — he really wanted Minji to nap and get some much-needed rest after her long day at work. He wouldn't even dare to disturb her power nap time, never!

While waiting for the clock to strike midnight, or at least for Minji to wake up from her nap, Sunghoon meticulously reviewed the virtual card and birthday board filled with messages from Minji's friends (plus his own birthday message, of course). He had chosen a Genshin Impact theme for the card, assigning each of Minji's friends a character based on their preferences. He knew how much of a nerd Minji was for her favorite video game.

Around 11:50pm, Minji suddenly wished him a good morning through text in full capslock. Sunghoon could tell she was still half-asleep from the countless typos she made and the way she sounded was so out of it — very cute. He gave her a few moments to wake up fully, or at least halfway, as they exchanged banter and jokes before asking her to get on his laptop.

“You have one minute to open it before I change the link,” Sunghoon joked, threatening to alter the link to Minji's virtual birthday card. He even started counting, “1, 2, 3,” causing Minji to spam the chat with keyboard smashes in panic, asking him to give her a moment followed by her usual 'fuck you' in a joking way. Sunghoon laughed at her silliness.

Minji scanned all the names on the page and mentioned a few friends she recognised. It was actually a joy for Sunghoon to reach out to Minji's friends one by one (Minji had so many friends... Like, honestly... all of them could fill a ballroom if you invited them all for a party. That’s how approachable and friendly she was! Compared to Sunghoon... who was quite timid in making friends, ha ha!). As she went through the page, one name caught her attention, her full attention — Sung Hanbin. “Why is Hanbin here too? Help!! I’m not even his friend. He’s your friend!”

“Yeah! Damn, he’s so annoying. He was like, ‘Hey, Sunghoon bro, let me wish Minji a happy birthday too! Let me draw something for her as a gift!!’ so I had to give in,” Sunghoon replied, feigning annoyance with a light chuckle followed after. Hanbin was indeed one of Sunghoon’s closest friends and always teased him for being a simp for Minji whenever they hung out.

But Hanbin wasn’t wrong. If anyone dared to ask Sunghoon about Minji, they would have to endure hearing endless compliments coming from him. Never once did Sunghoon say anything unpleasant about Minji. She was his pride, his happiness and his sunshine.

“How’s your relationship with Minji?” If a friend asked, they would see Sunghoon smiling from ear to ear, his mouth would be repeating the words ‘cute’ and ‘missing her’ for at least 15 minutes. Sunghoon loved letting his friends know how much he was in love with Minji and how happy she made him. He would shower her with lots of compliments, and if possible, he’d want the whole world to know that Minji was the sweetest and greatest thing that ever happened to him. He loved her with all his heart.

“He’s so cute! I wanna be his friend too!” Minji laughed as she opened Hanbin’s drawing for her. It was a drawing of Minji and Hanbin posing for a camera, with a chibi Sunghoon crying on top of the canva. Chat, is Sunghoon allowed to get jealous now? Chat, does Sunghoon have a new rival? Chat? Chat?!! (Nah, Sunghoon wasn’t jealous. Jealous noises! Kidding.) “Is he single? I have some single friends,” Minji added jokingly.

“Stop trying to sell my friend to your friends! He’s taken! I thought you’d retired as a matchmaker, hey!” Sunghoon started panicking, even though he knew Minji was joking and being so unserious about it. They both burst into laughter, reminding Sunghoon of when they got in contact again after losing touch for a month or so.

He lost count of how many times Minji tried to set him up with her single friends. He remembered a girl named Chaewon was the first friend of Minji that she wanted to introduce him to, but Sunghoon immediately declined. He was too happy talking to Minji at the time and wasn’t looking for a company (or maybe, he already felt comfortable enough with Minji’s company, that he found himself craving for her attention only).

The next one was Minji’s younger friend, Haewon. Sunghoon befriended her but only treated her like a little sister — nothing more than that. Minji even offered to introduce him to her blind date named Sunoo, out of the blue because she couldn’t click with him and tried to pass Sunoo to Sunghoon. Again, Sunghoon said no. Now, when he looked back on those matchmaking attempts, he laughed. Minji was such a fool for trying to introduce others to him when she knew how they were already started playfully flirting with each other at that time.

Minji continued reading her friends’ birthday messages before clicking on Sunghoon’s — she said that she saved his for last. Sunghoon was sure Minji was reading his birthday letter because she suddenly disappeared for almost 15 minutes, without replying.

And Sunghoon was right.

She came back with her usual SpongeBob screaming emoji as a first reply before started typing to send Sunghoon a paragraph in their chat. "WAIT IM TEARING UPPPPPPPPPPPP.......... SAYANG, THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT. Thank you for always being here for me and I'm sorry too for being too hard to deal with sometimes but aaaaa. What else to say, you say it's not much but I really appreciate it, you are everything to me. You and your silly antics, and everything that you give or say to me, I know it's all from your heart so I really appreciate it, I love you so much. I will try my best to give back the love you give me and wah, sorry for being sappy, I just love you so much. Thank you for everything and this little gift, happy advanced monthsary to us too."

That made Sunghoon speechless as well. To him, he was so sure Minji had received better gifts from her family and friends; compared to what he prepared, his present seemed small. But Minji, who always showered compliments on every little thing Sunghoon did for her, never failed to make him feel appreciated. He wondered if Minji was a reincarnation of an angel or fairy in a past life.

Sunghoon even told Minji to come online in one of the cardbots they played on Discord so he could give her a special print virtual card — #143 Wonbin — as another birthday gift to her. It was the same dude whose picture was proudly displayed in Sunghoon’s confession room and letter to Minji, the one flexing his biceps in a mirror selfie. Once again, Minji started screaming like any other fangirl who meets their ‘oppa’ on the street. Her reactions were so adorable and cute, causing Sunghoon to mock and make fun of her afterward (She’s very adorable!).

Their conversation continued for almost two hours — it was just them exchanging and whispering ‘I love you’ to each other, neither feeling tired of saying or hearing those three words. The love Sunghoon felt that night, every night, and every day with Minji was so pure and genuine.

If possible, he would want to live in those moments for a very very very long time with Minji.

4th December, 2023.

The next day was their second monthsary. Two days straight celebrating important events for both of them.

It was around late evening when they both started to stop being lazy around. Sunghoon saw this as an opportunity and immediately took his chance to ask Minji to get on Genshin Impact game to play with him. He told Minji to claim her monthsary gift through the game instead.

He could tell Minji probably thought Sunghoon wanted to gift her some in-game rewards, which of course he didn’t. Sunghoon knew so well that Minji wouldn’t want to accept any gifts that involved real money (though he still managed to get her to accept his gift on Discord — a matching monster avatar decoration. A win for Sunghoon!).

Once he caught Minji online in the game, Sunghoon invited her to his world and led her to his ‘teapot’ realm — a place where players can build anything; be it whether a house, a building, a beach or anything you would want to — just like in The Sims game. Without wasting time, Sunghoon took Minji’s character to a big garden with a pool, surrounded by flowers and trees, that he had built for her. The garden and pool were located in the mid-sky, and Minji’s character kept falling while gliding there, causing Sunghoon to laugh behind his screen. Silly Minji was being silly again!

It wouldn’t be Minji if she didn’t get sappy and start crying when Sunghoon gave her a gift. Last night, it was the virtual birthday card that Sunghoon prepared for her that made her cry; today, it was the virtual buildings.

Sunghoon remembered how he panicked to collect materials and coins to build the garden for Minji as a monthsary gift. He farmed materials everywhere, even joining his friends’ or random players’ worlds to steal their ‘white stone’ for the buildings. It took him around a week or so to collect enough materials.

It wasn’t a last-minute gift, but Sunghoon was just broke in terms of ‘moras’ (in-game currency) and materials. Blame it on Sunghoon for being lazy to farm when he was online, doing nothing but fighting random ugly monsters or bothering Minji in her world by jumping around like a monkey while her character was half-dead fighting some monsters or doing her quests.

Minji started screaming and spamming the in-game chat with her usual keyboard smashes again. It had become her habit to smash her keyboard when she was at a loss for words, and Sunghoon always found it cute. "Thank you so much for building this for me... It was so pretty. You always know how to make me cry!" Minji exclaimed in the chat. Being a menace he was, Sunghoon kept replying and spamming back with Wanderer's playful sticker as a response to annoy Minji.

Minji let her character, Wanderer, stroll around the garden in a meantime. She even forced Sunghoon’s character, Kaedehara Kazuha, to dive into the pool with her big hat guy character. Their usual activity continued, taking lots of photos in the game and spending hours playing together.

Now, Sunghoon could only smile and stare at the buildings and places he made for Minji in the game.

No more Minji visiting his teapot realm to pester him for photos with his RPG characters. No more Minji spamming the game chat with her keyboard smashes. No more Minji to drop a 'Hello' and 'I love you' in the chat. No more Minji to yell at him when Sunghoon purposedly refused to heal Minji's characters when they were fighting monsters. No more Minji for Sunghoon to play with.

He missed her... he missed her so much as a friend, as his game buddy, as much as he missed her as a former lover. Dear god, he wanted his friend back... please.

"I think about you often, and missing you is a big part of that. Sometimes, I wonder if it starts with missing you and then I start thinking about you, or if thinking about you makes me miss you even more."

i actually... wrote sunjeongz (sungchan x wonbin) as the pairing at first but i figured out, i shouldn't be ruining your current fave ship, right? so i changed to a het pairing instead (ugh hets!) so yeah.

and i actually wrote this in june if i have to be honest… i wanted to give it to you as our monthsary gift in july but we didn’t get to celebrate our 9th monthsary, haha. it’s ok. so, i tweaked and rewrote a bit some parts to fit it as a farewell gift.

14th February 2023.

It was Valentine's day.