Before I had my first child, I understood a little of how time consuming it is to become a mother, but I truly did not grasp that concept until after my kids was born. I had no time for myself, even going to the bathroom by myself was a challenge. I had all these conflicting emotions that ranged from fierce love and protectiveness over my kids to resentment and anger. I felt that there was something wrong me; I was a mother with beautiful, healthy kids, how could I be angry and resentful? Did I have the right to be these things? What would the neighbors think? I thought this anger and resentment was something to be ashamed of, and I was not doing my job as a mother correctly. Society and cultural constructions teaches women and mothers that it is not okay to feel anger, to experience feelings of rage and resentment because this seems to go against the very foundation and image of what motherhood embodies. Yet, aren’t experiencing these types of emotions part of what makes us human? 

Adrienne Rich, author of Of Woman Born, wrote about her experiences as a mother, and one of the things I appreciated most about her writing was the candor she expressed about her emotions towards her children. There is a wonderful moment when Rich claims, “I was haunted

by the stereotype of the mother whose love is "unconditional"; and by the visual and literary images of motherhood as a single-minded identity. If I knew parts of myself existed that would never cohere to those images, weren't those parts then abnormal, monstrous?” (Rich, 23). Oh, how I love relating to another mother in that we share the fear that we might have “abnormal, monstrous “parts to us as we fight to overcome a “single-minded identity.” 

In class, we discussed, “How do you think female anger is perceived today? Why is female anger so taboo?” I would like to address these questions again as I think they bear significance in the subject of motherhood. Motherhood is a job that has some big requirements but offers little in the way of prior training. New mothers often find themselves in situations where they struggle with meeting their needs, meeting their child’ needs, and separating their identity from their children. Something I learned as a mother was that there needed to be a balance between my needs and my children’s needs, but my conditioning to fit into the unconditional loving mother role prevented the balance. I put aside all my needs because I thought it best for the emotional and spiritual development of my children. As Rich so aptly puts, “there is no human relationship where you love the other person at every moment."(23), and like Rich, I felt that this is the standard set for mothers, this is how what we are supposed to be. 

Anger and motherhood do not seem likely companions, and society certainly does not condone that type of behaviors from mothers. Indeed, it seems that there are many types of women; artists, businesswomen, teachers, scientists, etc., but when a woman becomes a mother, the term motherhood is what defines them. I found the perfect example of this in this piece written by Amy Reiter. https://www.thedailybeast.com/dont-call-me-a-mom-why-its-time-for-women-to-drop-that-identity I nearly cried for this woman as a hairdresser sees her with kids, and labels her a mom, despite her many other accomplishments. Maybe I am overthinking this, but why is it a woman with children automatically defined as a mother? Is it just easier to label people with whatever catches our eye first? Is the role of a mother so enormous that nothing else is as important? There is an aspect of this that seems incredibly unfair. As Reiter points out, “I might be more inclined to accept this image if it weren’t for the double standard. Men have long been allowed to wear their “dad” label much more loosely than women are expected to wear their “mom” tag.” There is no doubt that motherhood is a transformation, a remarkable one even, but if that is what defines us as women, then no wonder there are some angry mothers out there! 

            Having a closer look at the system, it is clear there is a serious flaw in the way unpaid workers and caregivers are viewed. In The Price of Motherhood, Ann Crittenden acknowledges, “Thus the great part of women's work does not figure. Nothing counts unless it is bought and sold.” (Crittenden, 66). So, stay at home mothers and caregivers are essentially have no value because there is no “monetary transaction” occurring. Something even more disheartening in Crittenden’s book was the GDP’s description of a stay at mom. “As an example, they mention ''do-it-yourself" work done at home, such as "cooking meals, growing tomatoes, or educating the children." These "do-it-yourself" activities are listed under a heading of "Leisure Time.” (77) All this because there is no monetary transactions! By the way, I feel a sense of hypocrisy as these are most likely the same people that are concerned that children are the future, and their contribution will have a direct effect upon the economy. 

The whole idea of unpaid workers and undervalued moms is a little frustrating to say the least. I know that the concept of maternity/paternity leave has sparked debates as there are some that think we are doing too little, while others think it is not fair. In my estimation, being a parent equates to punishment, and even though a lot of people talk about inequality and unfairness about the situation, very little action is being done to correct it. The United States is one of the most powerful countries in the world, but when it comes to economically valuing mothers, I am wondering why it is we seem so backwards. Is this truly because men in power have no respect or understanding of motherhood? Perhaps if we follow some of the example countries such as Sweden and Canada have set, then maybe we can make some progress here.

Taking care of children and having the title of stay at home mom is not in any way glamourous, and it is certainly not looked at as some honorable profession. One of my least favorite things to do was to meet someone new and tell them about myself. The dreaded question of what I do for a living was always somewhat of an embarrassment and awkward to answer. Most of the time, I would sugar coat my answer by saying I was going to school (which always worked as a buffer) or reply how I was looking to reenter the workforce in some prestigious job (which I knew was a lie because I could barely get hired on at the gas station). Those times when I did answer honestly, I am a stay at home mother, I found out how quickly a conversation can die out. This is not to judge someone else, I mean really, not a lot of people want to hear about someone else’s kids, or a stay at home mom’s daily routine, but could there also be something else there? Could it be that society has conditioned us look at unpaid labor and caregiver as easy, or even lazy, professions. Seeing that people that have wage paying jobs are deemed society’s most important members, I am going to say that stay at home moms are not likely to get the interest or respect that they deserve. This attitude is what needs to change so that society values and protects its mothers and caregivers, after all, they are raising the next generation.