A: I think that the way you are living your life is destructive and unhealthy, especially if you continue like this. Mostly, I think that you should plan all of your events out in a way that leaves you with a couple breaks so that you can live out the “solitude” aspect of your life. This will give you time alone so that you can sort things through without the added stress of people talking at you and reminding you about other things that will not be important until later. Like I said in an interview that I had recently, “a life without a lonely place, that is, without a quiet center, becomes destructive.
Q: My friend recently got expelled from school for being gay. We go to a Catholic school so some people understand why he would get expelled, but shouldn’t they accept gay people as part of their community too? How can I help him?

A: I think many people would agree with you, but the Catholic church has been excluding gay people often because literally, gay marriage and things like that are not in the bible. People who go off the book may be very strict about who they let into their lives, but school’s should definitely be more accepting. It is just difficult to steer a bit away from the bible for some people. You should try to get a group of people together and talk to the heads of the school about community and the value of inclusion.
Q: I got accepted into my dream college, but only for second semester. I have never wanted to go to any other school more, but I would hate waiting for something for that long, especially since I want to finish school as early as possible, and now I’ll have to take another semester in my fifth year. What should I do?

A: Doing an extra semester after everyone else graduates will definitely be worth the wait. Waiting is a period of learning. You can explore and travel to places that your classmates may never get a chance to visit. Or, you can stay at home and take some online classes, or just spend time with family. Think of it as a resting period, or a growing period. It can be a time for you to stop and learn more about yourself and the things around you.

A: Daybreak Community is an organization that helps people become their own person without feeling marginalized by society. I was a pastor at Daybreak for 8 years, and I could not have been more inspired by the energy and love that was spread throughout the whole community.
Q: How can you live off of the principles of community and solitude at the same time?

A: Your community should be a place where the people come together in order to help a certain cause, or a place that organizes things like volunteer work or events at the church. They don’t even need to involve religion, actually. It’s a place that can encourage you to get involved. The principle of solitude, however, is the very place from which community grows.  
Q: How do you define friendship?

A: I think a true friend is one who can be silent with us in times of despair and confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief, who can tolerate not knowing, not healing, and not curing. Just being there. I think that is the definition of friendship.

There are some people that have not been accounted for in our society for a long time and are still struggling to become relevant today. The controversy over gay rights is a topic that many people try not to talk about at this point, and some of us would like to engage others in the conversation. Although we may not be a part of their community, they still need help raising awareness of the fact that your sexual orientation may determine which rights you can have. A big fight was one with the right to marry someone of the opposite sex, there are other fights to be won, like the one over bathroom laws, which is a controversy on who is allowed to enter what bathroom based on what you identify as. What would Henri Nouwen want us to do? How would he use his emphasis on community to help this group of marginalized people?