What was your experience with a school counselor? (English) #KisahKaunseling CONTENT WARNING by KauOKTak

1997

hamids_academia — 2021-04-26 05:50:36 UTC

Unfortunately I had to witness this; Sekolah Menengah Sultan Ismail, Kota Bharu Kelantan had a weird way of punishing their male students (an all boys school then) - they will force strip your shirt off so people would know that you are trouble on the way to

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2013-2014

2021-04-26 06:43:14 UTC

I was one of the Peers in my high school, admittedly among the higher rank, but looking back, I never really know what my real task is. I was never coached to deal with students' plight nor was I taught how to handle peers' emotions intensively. A lot of times were spent in the counselling room, hanging out with friends and listening to the counsellors' chatters (or gossips, the bottom line is, they didn't keep it private and confidential) of the latest students who came for a session. Unconsciously, I had made the decision that none of school counsellors can be trusted due to what I've witnessed.

2015-2018

2021-04-26 06:55:22 UTC

What I expected from a counselor: To be there to listen to the students' concerns and provide support in a gentle manner as students are going through a rough patch in their life

What I witnessed/experienced: Counselor preferred to play "reverse psychology" where if somebody is seeking for comfort, the counselor will instead "mildly threaten/shock" the student, making it as if it's the student's fault and having them change from that. Often times, students have been mocked indirectly by the counselor when expressing their sensitivity. I have even experienced it firsthand as the counselor would belittle my worth at my vulnerable state of emotions.

1998-2000

2021-04-26 07:08:27 UTC

Weird counselor in school. Was probably also the discipline teacher. Had many different canes for many different categories of punishment. He was a sadist from what I remember and there were many stories of students having to do sexual favors for him too though I do not know whether they were true

Mr. Y

2021-04-26 07:17:59 UTC

Our school counselor gave the whole form 4 a mental health evaluation test where you ranked how much you related to a problem on a scale of 1-5 or something. Typical stuff. At the bottom you'd tally up your scores and they'd be how much you'd score for anxiety, stress, and depression.
I was unfortunately a very fragile teen back then and I ended up getting a full 21/21 for depression and stress while getting a 16/21 score for anxiety. You'd think that after receiving these results the counselor would gather up the high risk students to help or do SOMETHING to aid in their mental wellbeing but Naaahhhh
This dude. Useless ass counselor who lives in his little fantasy land, instead calls in my best friend and another guy who got low numbers for stress (I'm talking a score of maybe 1-3) and told them in private that they aren't stressing out enough and worried about their upcoming spm (which is total bullshit because not only were they in the first class, but the top in our class).
The garbage counselor thought that they had no sense of urgency and my best friend was so mad she left the room in tears. Not to mentiob when the class asked "what about those suffering from high anxiety and depression? Are you gonna bring us in for a discussion too?" he showed little interest. My schoolmates and I have no respect for him

Mr.Y part 2

2021-04-26 07:36:51 UTC

This counselor wanted the committee to sing a song for orientation to welcome the students and to "raise mental health awareness" using the song 'The Doctor Said'. This decision in itself isn't too bad
But this guy knew I had depression and that I tried to commit sewer-slide a few times before this and had the gall to go "oh I think you'll really relate to this song :)" he then proceeds to play a song that cannot be further from my situation. Every committee member objected to having this song be the welcoming song for kids because, let's be real, it's fucked up.
We had no say in it tho so the day of orientation rolled around and tadaa, several hundred little 12-13 year olds were crying. Some had never even been exposed to these kinds of emotions were basically forced to experience sadness for what? This childish man's ego. Hate this guy.
I'm planning to study to be a counselor in the upcoming years due to me being inspired by my wonderful sunway counselor who helped me through my college life (an actually good counselor). I'm also going to be a good counselor so I can kick Mr.Y's ass
(´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

2008

2021-04-26 07:52:22 UTC

A disabled classmate was descending into depression to the point of having suicidal ideations because of her abusive father. A few other friends & I persuaded her to see the counselling teacher because back then, it was the only way we knew to help. It took us over a week of persuasion before she agreed. Within a week after her appointment, her personal & family issues spread across the school. She never recovered since then. She told us the counselling teacher kept telling her to respect her father since he's still her father. I knew she only pretended to be ok.

The following year, I moved to another school. An Islamic school. The counselling teacher was extremely demeaning. Insulting students & calling us stupid was normal. When I entered form 4, I wanted to join science stream although my math was weak, I was willing to work for it & already planned to go for tuitions. The principal & academic coordinator both allowed me to at least try for science stream for a month. Counselling teacher called me to the counselling room, asked me in a very condescending/sarcastic tone "awak boleh ke carry science stream?". I ignored her & went to science classes as normal, but one day I was heading towards my chemistry class, she dragged me to her accounting class & forced me to learn accounting.

2015

2021-04-26 09:27:20 UTC

My school counsellor was a very kind lady who sadly passed away in 2019. She was gentle, encouraging, and supportive in her way, always having space and room for me in her counsellor's room. I have incredible fond memories of her.

That said, I do sometimes find myself wishing that she had been more proactively able to address some of the students & my more serious mental health issues.

2014

2021-04-26 10:29:08 UTC

Wasn’t harassed or anything but went to my counsellor to talk about my abusive dad. He gave me a basic exercise where I have to “imagine the good times instead”. During that super unhelpful session, he even had a whole conversation with another teacher in front of me, completely disregarding that it was a private session.

2021-04-26 10:52:18 UTC

Didn't happen to me but to my high school senior. She had been sexually harassed by a male student. The male student had grabbed her chest when she was at the school. The senior went to the counselor, asking for help and told her to kept it a secret. Two days later, the whole school knew because the counselor had gossiped about it in the teachers' office.

2016-2017

2021-04-26 10:55:53 UTC

My school counselor was approachable at first. She was always first to respond and to help us students. However, over time, she began to forget about her previous students and focus on the new ones. This happened to even students with really big issues that may have been life threatening. There were multiple times that I was being threatened and manipulated, and I told her on the phone and she just said “I’ll talk to you in school tomorrow.” She never came to me for the next 6 months. I grew tired of her and soon started to ask my other friends about her.

I was told that she was sharing all of our personal information with other teachers and it caused them to loose trust in her. Soon after, it happened to me. I didn’t want the world to know about my issues, but it seemed like the whole teachers’ office knew. That’s when I stopped receiving counseling from her. It was pointless. I received more help from my vice principal and English teacher than I did with my counselor.

I spoke to my aunt who is a therapist herself about this. She immediately told me that this is a violation of privacy and shouldn’t be done. This is why I reach out to counselors that aren’t in my school, even now, since I’m in college, my lecturers and counselor don’t know one another, which makes me feel safer.

Untrustworthy

2021-04-26 11:07:46 UTC

As a student of psychology, I was always thought about confidentiality between a therapist and a client. But my experience of high school counsellors did not reflect that. Although I didn't personally experience anything, it was just a known fact that to share your problems with the counsellor means that she basically going to gossip behind our backs to her colleagues. Even after entering my degree, time and time again I come across friends who need help and when I suggest reaching out to counsellors, they always expressed their inability to trust counsellors. I realised it comes from the high school experience with untrustworthy counsellors.

2017-18

2021-04-26 11:17:21 UTC

My counselor was actually great at first. I mean she was nice to me. But with other people, she was so mean. I rarely approach her because I didn't want to involve in any sketchy scheme of her. But i was mad for what she did with my friends. She loves to make fun of people's insecurity. She always said something worst about the students she didn't like and pointed out their flaws. It was so unneccesary to do that. She loves doing that. It was incredibly stupid.

Mr.Y part3

2021-04-26 12:20:46 UTC

There was a murder in my town where a father killed his teenage stepdaughter. This was unsettling because it's a small town and murders aren't really a thing here
And this counselor just knocks on the door to my bio class and just asks with a smile on his face "hi anyone here with dead or divorced parents? :)"
I don't need to tell you how messed up that is

Puan Z

2021-04-26 12:32:42 UTC

She's kind, Loving and Very Inspiring lady, She's always ask Us About Our problem, ask us about our Family, about our learnings in school ect, she's like that Typically Happy-go-lucky Counselor, But not that kind of Toxic Positivity.

She's also Doesn't like To embarrassing the Students that have a low-selfesteem, So she's will not ask them Infront of the other students or Teachers
She's one of the role model that I look up to..

Female Counselling Teacher - Kuantan

2021-04-26 13:01:23 UTC

Back when i was in primary school. Im not sure which year but i think its around 2009 or 2010, when i was in standard 4 or 5, i really couldn't recall what year it was. As we all know, kids in primary school loves to argue over silly little things, just normal primary school students stuff. One day, we (the girls) were having a bit issue with the boys, like i said just now, it is a normal thing/kids stuff. But what I can't forgot till this day is, when the female counselling teacher told the boys to call us 'teh boh'; which literally means bohsia. I knew the boys met with the teacher earlier, and i was shocked as f*** as soon as the boys started to mention about 'teh boh'. I'm not sure how and who asked the boys, but they said the female counselling teacher told them (the boys) to call us 'teh boh' as the short form for 'bohsia'. Was it even necessary to teach kids stuff like that? Was it really necessary to tell the boys to call us something like that? I was between 10 or 11 years old at that time, now I am 22. But I swear i still can't forgot this situation & i feel upset. Whoever read this; trust me, you'll probably know how it feels like if this things happen to you/your family/people around you. Wallahualam

2021-04-26 13:45:56 UTC

So this happened to me when i was in form 3 back in High school. During the time, we had a classmate that was often absent, although i didn't think much about it. It was near our PT3 exam, when one of the counsellors came to my class and said to the entire class, that a certain student from our class was pregnant and she recently gave birth. Our counsellor didn't specifically tell which one of our classmates was the person she was referring to as around the time we had few students who were always absent, although the class figured out who it was. Our counselor told us to keep this a secret from others thus we never even actually told people outside from our class and kept it to ourselves. We only talked among each other out of concern for our classmate.

Few days later, people were buzzing to our class, they were saying " oh we heard that this person got pregnant" but the students didn't specifically know who it was and didn't also know which class the person was from. When I found out that news was entirely known through out my school, i wasn't surprised to be honest and was angry and disappointed. How could a school counselor, one where students are entrusted to share their problems with be spreading this to others? Aren't you suppose to uphold integrity? It must have been the counselor who told. Not so sure but i speculate it.

You, as a counselor, are supposed to keep these kind of stuff confidential yet you still gossip about other students lives. Some teachers in my school like to gossip about other students. This just sickens me. To make things worse, my school was just some Malay dominated school. So you'd know that the culture of "gossip" is common.

Miss Z

2021-04-26 13:56:18 UTC

I was 14 when it happened. I was scared and afraid to seek for help nor share my story with adult as I grew up with mindset “adults always do the right thing for you”. A friend advised and encouraged me seek help from the school counsellor. I decide to give it a shot trusting on her gentle and kind manner. I was a 14 year old with mature body which is uncommon among my peers. Studying in a religious school, the baju kurung and tudung labuh do cover enough but my curve is pretty obvious compare to others. I was touched by my classmates (which at the time I only thought as uncomfortable not knowing it was a sexual harassment) and the target of a male teacher mature “joke” (my classmates brush it off as a joke when I told them I feel uncomfortable, poor little me didnt even know I was verbally harassed). I shared everything with the counselor after she promised that she will help me while keeping my identity a secret. The very next day I found out that my story have been shared to every teacher in the school. I ended up getting side eyes and cynical words and was even blamed for having mature body that invites all the attention :) Thanks to her and the male teacher I swear to myself to never trust any teacher especially those with counsellor title to a point I start hating them.

Sumpah tk ok

2021-04-26 14:05:40 UTC

My mom was picking me out for wisdom tooth appointment. While waiting for my mom, I was chilling in the pejabat am (Our school doesn't have bilik sakit so we wait there if we need to go home before pdp ends). Our school counsellor come in. She basically gaslighting me things like my parents didn't love me because she pick up at noon instead of morning. She must be very busy and neglected oh you poor child. She knew how my parents recently divorced and my mom had to take care of us by herself. (The news was well known to the people in town)She tried her best to take care of her work and us (cause if my mom tk kerja kita nk mkn ape je kan ). She was going on and on about it until my mom came and she finally shut up. I bursted up crying in the car. I don't know how a teacher that is so evilly manipulative can be a counsellor. She also likes to spread gossip about students.

Besides I also want to call out how kounsellor in school were taught the A /B type of student category. The category is very generalizing when we know human psychology doesn't work tht way. (eg. A type very active, B type very passive)

I love them but they lied

2021-04-26 16:22:04 UTC

I was 16 at the time, thinking I had matured but I was actually a very naive girl. I got involved with another girl, I would say it was somewhat me discovering my sexuality I guess. I know I was in the wrong because I'm muslim and I'm not supposed to have these feelings but bloody hell no one was there to help guide me. All they ever did was judge and discriminate me through the whole process. Nobody was there to say 'Its okay to make mistakes, it's okay not to be in control of everything'. The relationship I had became center of attention in school and as you can expect, people were infuriated and I guess, coming from an all girls school, the mental attacks were well vicious but not surprising. My greatest
' compliment' came from my headmistress, who addressed me and those alikes as ' bala' and she surely did believe that we are the downfall of our prestigious institution. One of my school councillor went through my personal device without my consent, to look for' evidence' of me and her and quite funny summary, the only thing she questioned me for is my support towards the LGBTQ+ community as she noticed I had a playlist with a gay singer's song in it. I had 3 school councillor, I don't know which one did this but someone spread a photo of another's students neck with hickeys on it and claimed it was me. You had no idea how frightened and traumatized I was to be repeatedly question if I have any idea what a lovebite is and how did it get on my 'neck' as shown in the picture. Imagine the horror when my mom was called to school and she saw the photos. The alleged photos of me. I was so grateful that my mom knew that it couldn't be her daughter and she stand by my side until the so - called evidence was actually revoked as it turns out to be a case of misidentification. How silly. As silly as that may sound, that silly thing did actually made me consider taking my own life. I attended a lot of counseling sessions where I was informed that it's all going to be P&C but I guess that wasn't true because my mom knew almost everything I entrusted them with and my teachers, well most of them mock me for my words spoken when my vulnerable side is showing. I wouldn't say that I'd go through it again but I am damn well proud for the person I've become and I'm never letting anyone exploit me like that, ever again. Between forgiving and forgetting, forgiving is definitely the easier part. Sending love and light to those who needs it the most, know that you're never alone <3333

Science teacher

2021-04-26 20:02:41 UTC

Idk if i should write this down or not... Back in my primary school days there is that one male science teacher who always talked about sex. I was 12 at that time, i find it uncomfortable that an adult male kept talking about how a female should look like and how love is supposed to be, eventhough i have zero knowledge about sex education. I remembered i asked my friends whether if they're okay with these kind of jokes and topics and they simply brushed it off. So do i. I didn't realize that wasn't supposed to happen. I don't like him, yet my mom (who is a teacher at the same school) send me to his house for tuition. I never told my mom about this since i thought 'it's normal to have these kind of conversations with kids'. He's one of the most successful science teacher out there, he claimed that he had published a few textbooks. One time he asked my classmates who already went to puberty to stand in front of the class (8-9 girls? And one male) and talk about their body. He questioned the girls about their boobs, hormones, and the boy's private part. I don't remember specifically what he asked to those girls since it was back in 2014. I also remembered one time he show how french kissing works by drawing the mouth and the tounge on the blackboard. He showed the gestures using his hand and saying it is seronok. Yeah somehow that incident still exist at the back of my brain. I'm 19 years old now, i still questions myself should share this or not. I don't know if this should be considered a normal or not. I never told anyone about this, since he's my mom's friend. I don't know if i should just unclench this shit and touch some grass or something since that incident was 8 years ago and by now, I'm preparing myself for a degree. Or is it just me being overreacting? Ah entahla aku penat.

Edit: my dumb ass didnt read the editor's notes stating this should be about counselors, not teachers. Anyways i won't be deleting this since i already wrote so much. I'm sorry for not reading the notes earlier. If you want to delete this story it's okay. It's my fault too.

Teachers at my school.

2021-04-26 22:59:49 UTC

My counsellor are not a counsellor. theyre just a people who wants to hear our problems and tell everyone or the other teachers about it so that they can gossip about it. My discipline teacher is a pervert. he would look at my legs whenever im wearing my pj uniform. he would look at my breast when im talking to him. i wasn't exactly a bright student in form 4 and form 5. i used to be a bright student but i became depressed and fucked up. i would never come to school and stay at home. i became the talk for the teachers. they would give my eyes whenever i come to school. OHHH AND MY PRINCIPAL. i really hate her. i dont hate people but i really hate her. she abuse me mentally. her words stuck inside my brain until now. she said "family kamu kaya tapi kamu tu. kalau mak bapak kamu dah mati miskin jugak nanti. kerja je lah dekat tealive ke mamak ke mana mana. nak drop kerja khusus spm kan? tak payah datang ambik spm" she said that. she said more but i chose to keep it to myself. if only i could tell her and correct her right there it wouldve been better now.

SMK SECTION 9 SHAH ALAM

2021-04-26 23:01:28 UTC

they would check our pads when we're on our period if we dont pray. this is during our form 1 and form 2 year bcs sekolah petang kan.

Fucked up

2021-04-26 23:03:27 UTC

i would talk to my counsellor about my depression and schizophrenia but she would say "syaitan dalam badan" "solat baca doa nanti hilang setan tu" "takyah layan benda benda tu" "belajar je" and how tf am i supposed to focus if im fucked up in the head?

Fucked up

2021-04-27 04:03:56 UTC

I was a guy who always hangs around the counselling centreand a lot of teachers knew me and knew that i always hang around the counselling centre . So a teacher took advantage of that an brought me into a quiet and empty room in the counselling centre. She then proceed to grope me and i didn't know what to do. So i proceeded to get away from her. I was 15 at the time. I never told anyone about it because i know no one will believe it.

Gossip (among the teachers)

2021-04-27 09:30:43 UTC

This is not about my experience of meeting a counsellor in school but this is about my experience of hearing and seeing teachers talking to each other about other students issues or problems.

It is sad to even think about it. Imagine, a student, who has been sexual harassed by other student, then doesn't have any friend to tell, plus, his/her family institution was broken. Nobody to share stories with, to seek for guidance. So school counsellor is the only way to help this student.

But then, this student was mentally bullied by other teacher who will talk sarcasm-ly with him/her regarding the issue he/she told the counselor. Its clear that the counselor gossips about that student's issue during free time.

School counsellors must have counselling cert!
Everyone must know the meaning of CONFIDENTIALITY

Please, make school a better place 😢

Gossip

2021-04-27 22:17:35 UTC

I was a sickly child, so I was often sent to the sick room. It was next to the counselor's office with just some divider to divide the place. I always have my eyes closed because I was trying to control the pain hoping I'd sleep it off but I couldn't and find myself counstantly awake. Sometimes, rarely, students would come and take to the counselor about their problem. I admit guilty to listening in as well, but my counselor would later tell the teachers who stopped by about what the students have confided in. And then the teacher would confide in her own personal trouble at home, and the counselor would spread this to other teachers.
That's why no matter how many times the counselor asked me or any other teacher, to consult them for any troubles especially personal ones, I never will tell. I just shrugged their "sincerity" off.

A suicidal friend

2021-04-30 04:41:20 UTC

I had this one friend. I have a feeling he's considered suicidal. Anyways, he told me he cut himself and worries me. The next day, I was called upon to the councelor for other stuff actually but I asked him on how to comfort him etc.. He literally said my friend was most definitely faking it and I looked stunned. I was so angry but didn't express it. Then, I said I was worried he might kill himself but then he said "So what if he kills himself?". I looked at him in disbelief. And then he had the audacity to ask "Do you like him or something?". First of all, this isn't about liking or anything. I am LEGIT concern for this friend of mine. I was so pissed that I texted him that I don't wanna see him again. I don't know if he seen it though.