the greatest is to be a mother."

- Lin Yutang

 When asked to write a reflection on mothers and motherhood my first question to myself was “where do I start?” I think it’ll be easier if I start with my superwoman mom. Until this very day I have no idea how she managed to take care of 6 kids by herself and let’s be honest I’ll probably never know. Of course, I could ask her but I’m sure she’d just brush it off with the reply “I made sacrifices.” Which I know she did, but details are crucial to me, and that, she may not give, which I think I know why but that conversation is for another day. I don’t remember much from my child hood, so I don’t believe I have the information to really talk about my mom as a mother during my toddler, and early adolescent years. I know she was fly though, based on pictures. She was slim, with a short haircut, and a fresh face. She always dressed me and my sister alike…no we weren’t twins, I’m assuming our closeness in age played a major role in our daily outfits. I spent most of my toddler years in South Carolina, where my mom was born and raised. I was born in the peach state. My mom and her first 3 kids, me, my older sister and younger brother, stayed in small town called Allendale, inside of a green, one level home. She loved that little house, it was perfect for us. I remember some moments in that house. I remember the time I called 911 just for the hell of it… the good ole days, and I remember eating pork n beans and rice.(My mom knew It was me who called 911). Eventually we’d all move to Baltimore and I would begin to remember things more vividly and pay close attention to my mom. I witnessed her go through more turmoil than I wanted to witness. She was resilient, even during times she didn’t realize her power. I know the drastic ordeals she faced changed her, for a moment it wasn’t for the better but with time she’d soon turn that pain and suffering into a brand that would help so many women, she’d go on to write a book, and accept a humanitarian award. She redefined motherhood, or what some may define as “motherhood”. She didn’t have a prewritten manual, what mother does, and you could tell. She often just wanted things to be alright for us. She handled every day, moment, hour, minute and second step by step. She stood her ground through it all. You know, I didn’t think much about motherhood growing up, I know most girls do, especially as they become older. But for me, it wasn’t til recently I started thinking about motherhood, for me. I thought about how being a mother would change my life, I thought about how scary it would be, I thought about how I am nowhere near ready to be a mother, and I also thought about the joys of motherhood. As you can see my thoughts were scattered… still are scattered actually. Motherhood, being a mother is phenomenal, hell being a woman is phenomenal. I know for sure I want to parent differently. Not to say my mom didn’t do a remarkable job raising her kids… and still raising for the younger 3, but I know things will be different for me. 

Mothers are the one who effortlessly accept their children when the world doesn’t. They stay up endless nights to finish the last stitch in a dance recital costume, they’re the ones on the sideline cheering in 45-degree weather, they make ends meet. Mothers somehow believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves, they see potential that we don’t see and foster it. They nag about messy rooms, boys that come and go, grades, saving, our future… and you know what happens to us, we turn out stellar…. That nagging creates mindful individuals, one of kind artists, mountain movers, presidents (shout out to Obama’s mom for waking him early to teach him before going to school). Now that I think about it, I had many moms, of course not biologically lol, but moms along the way, to help my mom help me. Grandmothers, friends of mom, mother figures to my mom, all helped me… they cared about my well being because of my mom, they provided support, hot grits (shout out to the sweetest nana, my nana) homes, hair styles, dorm items, the list goes on. Moms find strength within other moms, they come together for not only their kids but for other kids… I look at moms as mothers of the world… they support their boyfriends/fiancés/husbands… I mean take Michelle Obama for example.. that woman…we’re just going to leave that there. They find hope in the darkest hours. Mothers make the world go around. 

    I decided to take the quiz for “Love Orientation”, “Cisgender Privilege”, and “30 Light Skin Privileges”. Firstly, the “30 Light skin Privileges” was pretty stereotypical, not to say that some women of color don’t agree with the privileges listed, let’s just say I don’t. While reading the list I realized that yes, I do understand why and how this list may appear accurate.. and I guess in some instances it is.. but once again, that’s not the case for this one. I also realized that some have a preconceived perception about women who are light skinned.. which led me think that they may not feel the necessity to even socialize, empower, or uplift women who are light skinned.. which in turn creates hatred (maybe not this extreme but just follow me here) amongst the black community, which we don’t need. One of the points said (don’t quote me) “neutral about racial issues” NEUTRAL!? HOW!? So you’re telling me that I, Amani Medlock, is neutral about racial issues!? No Bueno! I am black, it doesn’t matter whether I am light or dark, I am black and I appreciate my race and will defend my race. The article made it seem as if these apparent ‘privileges” that we have is out of this world and on another level. Someone once said to me “you probably never experience racial issues because your complexion.” Let that simmer. To be fair, I’ll never know if I haven’t experienced racial slurs because of my complexion, no one will ever know. Imagine a white person walking up to me saying “I was about to tell you to go back to Africa but then I saw you were light skinned.” I don’t feel like I have to work less or be ignorant to the MANY ongoing issues surrounding my black race because my skin complexion. The list had another point that got me boiling: “ People automatically assuming you are mixed and it is seen as a positive attribute.” One, it is not a compliment when someone asks if I’m mixed, it insinuates that I’m too beautiful to be black, let me tell you something honey Black is Beau-ti-ful, we come in many shades and shapes and we’re proud of it. On paper, it would appear that I’m dominant across all of the quizzes I took, butttt I beg to differ ( 30 light skin privileges) I believe I’m dominant across love orientation and cisgender identity lines because people aren’t accepting. They don’t understand that everyone won’t be what the consider “average”. People today, I believe, are so afraid of change, so afraid of people that don’t look like them running companies, sitting in key positions, and teaching their children that they just think everyone else ( who isn’t “normal” or “average”) should be isolated and forgotten about. I don’t I believe I’m not dominant because of my complexion. I don’t use my complexion to make things easier for me, or to place myself about other women or men because of my skin. I’m not sure how my skin complexion encourages people to act towards, or talk to me. I’ve had many tell me that they thought I was mean before getting to know me, and I’ve had people tell me that I appeared nice and approachable before getting to know me. It is sad to think that things so simple like using public restrooms, being in a relationship, expressing your sexual orientation can be so difficult for ones who may identify as something other than “straight”.  

You are strong, stronger than you know and I love that. Although you may throw yourself a pity party and sulk when you’re down you’re still thinking of ways to be better and go harder. Your drive at this moment in your life is insane and I believe it’ll always be that way because you’re always going after something. Your ability to sit alone, with yourself is amazing.. Although I think you’re starting to become a little stingy with your space lol. I love your smile and your spirit. It impacts so many and lights up others world, you’re a really soft person, and I don’t think a lot of people know that, maybe you should reveal that more. You love being around family and making everyone laugh ( a hidden talent of yours) . I could could go on about you, but this is suppose to be a short love letter. I love that you’re beautiful, inside and out. Your body is wonderful, the shape of it and you sometimes don’t even see it smh.. I love your desire to want to help others, your desire to want to learn all you can and can all you learn. This letter actually made me feel better, now i’ll sit and try not to cry..as I’m SUPER emotional.