^{alesha ┊2009 ┊she/her}

^{10.23.25 ┊ pakistani/arab}

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^{Pinterest: alesha2tuff}

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Like yes i know youre the loml yes i know deep down i love you so why am i pushing you away and telling you to give me space, but when you give me space, why do i get upset and emotional and come to the conclusion that you dont want anything to do with me?

I know you like me because i know you so why do i gaslight myself into thinking you dont have feelings for me just so i can start up an argument with you?

Maybe i just want more attention but im getting more than enough why do i need so much from you its not fair to you

I told you that you'd get involved with the wrong people

I told you that you would feel like its worth it in the moment

And even now, i see that you think youve got it all figured out but i know how these people are

But you didnt even consider listening to me because you told me you werent stupid and could see through people, but i didnt think you were stupid

No, i never once thought you were stupid

I just wanted to warn you

Those people are gonna turn their backs on you the second they dont need you

My ex that your dating now? He's cheating on you with youre best friend and another freshman, why are you so blind?

I'd tell you about it but i want you to experience the life you chose

Those girls youre friends with? You're just there to keep their secrets hidden

The moment you get caught will all that illegal shit, they'll back your beef and then when youre not around, they'll send statements in

You'll get worse with drugs, nobodies gonna talk to you or check up on you, your whole lifes gonna fall apart

I've seen this shit and i wanted you to understand so that you dont end up how i did a couple years back

At the end of the day, people over here dont give a shit about anyone but themselves

I miss you but i dont want to be involved with you ever again

Saw a bunch of fresh sh scars on her hands up to her elbows

Made me realize you never truly know how much someone is struggling on the inside even though it may seem that their life is perfect

You dont like drugs

You dont like drawing scars

You hate the smell of weed

You'll hate to know who i am when im not with you then

And i can feel you falling too

Dude he didnt want me to leave he wanted me to stay so bad

I feel so bad for leaving but i couldnt handle being that sick at school

yea imma needa wife you up asap

and you'll probably end up like how the others did

but i cant help the way i feel

but if you like this version of me then ill stay this way

if i crack up will you leave me ?

apparently we both have jealousy issues

dude we only just spoke to each other for the first time 15 days ago

and we're already attached

this is terrible its gonna end up so bad

But would you like me after seeing my scars?

Would you like me after knowing how much i think about committing everyday?

Would you like me after knowing how many times ive overdosed?

Are you gonna put up with me when i break down over the smallest things?

Can you handle my anxiety attacks?

I dont think so

You're living a perfect life with a perfect family, a perfect friend group, perfect grades, perfect health

I can't ruin that for you

I'm sorry

If i endure it until then

ha

ha

ha

This isnt right i can't do this this is really bad i really like amir i need my ex out of here right now no im not dating amir but i dont want to have any side things i cant do this

Like

You'll get all moody and insecure and even if i try to comfort you its whatever like that doesnt meant shit to you and then after a while you spam me talking about some "i miss you im so sorry" and then you start calling me baby and shit expecting me to go back to how i am and i always do because i dont want to fucking lose you and when i explain that shit to you u js tell me im never going to lose you but i know i will youre just lovebombing me and everytime i point it out you act all innocent and use your sweet words to distract me im not stupid i just play along because yeah i do like you

but i didnt

why didnt i

Dude im so attached now

This is bad this is really bad

I didnt want to get attached

He hasnt texted me for 3 days ive known him for years hes not just going to randomly disappear and he was going through a really hard time and talked about it too but he didnt because of me but i was being really dry because of our argument and now hes not talking i cant handle this i am going to relapse

I think

I mean im trying

I want him to know

My stomach hurts

I cant

he's really nice to me

do i deserve this