The conversations continued, nothing too serious, but there were the occasional, “Everything’s too much,” or, “I hurt everyone around me.”

And every time, I listened, and I tried to help, but it was hard. I could never find the right words to say, and whatever I said, she always seemed to deflect it. It took an emotional toll on me, too. I felt guilty. I felt like I couldn’t help her to the best of my ability. And I worried.

He may still love you. He probably does. My thoughts said. But, that isn’t what matters is it? Even if he does think that, he won’t and doesn’t make an effort to see me or talk to me. It’s not worth it to spend my time waiting for him when he’s never gonna come back.

On Monday, I had walked into my favorite class, cheery and happy, having transformed Andrei’s words as positive feedback to improve. Four minutes later, his jaw dropped at my portrait of Laneya Grace, looking as silly as a clown who had just tripped over his own shoes, swimming in expired milk.