When you tell people you have depressive tendencies, everyone is telling us what a supposedly normal person should be like, how to act and think, they rarely think about why you're depressed, and I didn't used to be able to understand depression, I used to think that it was just a very hypocritical and vague definition of it, and it wasn't until I became like this myself that I realized that it's very hard to define in any number of words.

I think people also need to be cared for, watched, & observed.

Mental internal depletion, also called psychological internal depletion, it refers to the need to consume psychological resources in self-control, when the resources are insufficient, the person is in a state of so-called internal depletion, and the prolonged existence of internal depletion will make the person feel exhausted. This kind of exhaustion is not caused by physical exertion, but is a psychological subjective feeling, which is a state caused by the individual's depletion in the psychological aspect.

I say:

Forever thinking too much, surrounded by sadness every moment, even if materialistic desires are satisfied it only improves the mood for a short time. Music, books, art, films, and other information that help me on a spiritual level give me a brief moment of inner peace when I am exposed to it. Once it stops, it's the bad memories and infinite anxiety about the future that make it difficult for me to sleep.

People don't change in an instant either, just like plants, only time will give you the answer. I reversed the colors of the photos of these plants, using vibrant contrasting colors and arrangements, along with poems I wrote, to create a zine about my coexistence with the feeling of inner depression.

Each of the following sheets has a sentence I wrote to indicate a step-by-step feeling.

There are many of her poems in the station hall, and the poems and lines from "Grapefruit" are also on display. The vocabulary is simple, but at the same time fantastical, powerful, and shocking.

Confined, restrained, closed in

Trying to find a way out, but no matter what, it doesn't change

A closed space.

A thought of leaving

A mind

An exit that doesn't exist.

A world that remains the same.

The walls make breathing extremely difficult, and the soul leaves our body to seek refuge in that which does not exist.

The "壁" and "obstacle" on the cover are meant to express that Polaroid frames are like an obstacle to the creation of photography, an invisible wall restricting the frames, but this is also the charm of Polaroid. We are also like that, we may be changing constantly, just like the shape of the photos in this zine, but the "wall of our heart" is the same as the frame, no matter from the inside or outside, we can't get rid of it.

But they are in colour. If the black and white Polaroid film used to photograph animals and plants was to express my inner darkness and sadness, the colour Polaroid film used to photograph myself was like me being observed by others.

Not my shadow

Surround Me

Sometimes Be observed

Sometimes Be imitated

We forced to connect together

The coexistence relationship

Cannot Be broken