"She can't do that, it's not for girls!"

"Wow, she is so quiet and well-behaved."

"She can't wear that, she's a girl" and the list goes on.

7 year old me was both amused and a bit perplexed by the fact that "being a girl" was restricting me from doing or saying things that the boys could do. Expectantly, when I was younger, I didn't question these social norms. I was complacent to these ideologies. I just thought that these norms were just how my life was supposed to be. The older I got the more I started to realize and feel the weight of "but she's a girl". This statement of "-but, she's a girl" soon became an unspoken sentiment like gravity weighing down on our shoulders. I've become so accustomed to the many prenotions that were placed onto me for simply "being a girl" that it became so engraved into my identity. Now, at the age of 20 years, I work actively and consciously, to relearn years of harmful or misleading beliefs revolving around what it means to be a woman.

I wish I could say that my insecurities only diminished after this year but only increased as I got older. Blessing or curse, maybe both, I didn't have a phone until 9th grade of high school which is pretty later on from when kids usually get their first phone. One of the first apps that I downloaded was Instagram. Arguably, one of the worst choices I made in my life. I was bombarded with a feed of many beautiful women (more people that I felt inclined to compare myself to). The women who were highly praised through their comments and a hefty amount of likes were the women who fit the beauty standard. There are two types of beauty standards, referring to Western culture.

(1) The timeless beauty standards such as body shapes that are slim or fit.

(2) The current beauty standards such as microtrends like having short hair, dyed hair, specific makeup styles or particular clothing styles.

Feeling beautiful always felt unattainable as the beauty standards have increasingly become more unrealistic. Especially now with the rise of social media influencers, advertising their luxurious lifes in which they indulge in beauty treatments and routines that aren't affordable for your average women.

Currently, as 19 years old I actively work on having self-love for myself. I've done my best to become in tune with my needs and to embrace every aspect of my autonomy of being a women not just the parts that are romanticized.

Hispanic households, some but not all of them, still hold very "machista" ideologies such as women needing to cater to men and that men are superior to women thus automatically earning respect.

Above all the struggles of being the elder daughter was the bittersweet complicated relationship between mother and daughter. Speaking from my own experience, I felt like my relationship with my mother was bittersweet. My mother was the most selfless individual I've ever known. My mom has always put others first and herself last. She has been the most forgiving person towards my father. Ever since my older brother was born and myself after, she has devoted her life to caring for us. As I reached adolescence, I was then handed over part of the responsibility of caring for the younger ones.

(Reference to Class Materials)

In Bryon's Hurt article, "Feminist Men", the author narrated his childhood experience and what led him to become a feminist himself. Hurt states the following about what he learned about his family dynamic,

(1) "I learned early that he had an unfair advantage because of his gender. His size, strength, and power intimidated my mother."

(2) "As he aged he mellowed, stopped being so argumentative and verbally abusive"

Just like Hurt's mom, my mother also led a life in which she was submissive to my father. Many times she was belittled and not respected. My father wasn't abusive but he also disregarded the needs of my mom and displayed a lot of misogynistic ideas. He definitely had an unfair advantage in comparison to my mom.

My mom never explicitly said periods were something to be embarrassed about. Although, I noticed how the words "period" and "pads" were never mentioned in front of of my dad or siblings. Whenever, we had to discuss something that we needed we said it quietly like a secret that only we knew about.

(Class Material) In the reading, "Guadalupe, the Sex Goddess" by Sandra Cisneros, the author opens up about her experience with sex, birth control and embracing every part of her body.

(1) "You could always tell us latinas. We hide when we undressed, modestly facing a wall, or, in my case, dressing in a bathroom stall"

With periods came las platicas ("the talk"). My mom felt that it was time for me to have more mature conversations now that I got my period. Las platicas always felt uncomfortable and like if I was getting in trouble for something I wasn't even doing. I knew my mom was trying to advise me and guide me. Nevertheless, the conversations felt like being a women was a burden or an embarrassment.

The older I was, the more I started to notice that women were carrying the shortcomings of the men. Having womanly features such as breasts, thighs, and any sort of curves were shameful even tho these aspects of our body was simply part of the women anatomy. It was our job to "not tempt the men".

I identify with Cisneros statement (2) "How could I acknowledge my sexuality, let alone enjoy sex, with so much guilt? In the guise of modesty my culture locked me in a double chastity belt of ignorance and verguenza, shame". My mom talked about how getting pregnant too soon was wrong and shameful but never mentioned how to not get pregnant. Most definitely, she never mentioned that sex or mastrubation was healthy or that as women we were permitted to be enjoy these parts of womanhood. Like Cisneros said: "Religion and our culture, our culture and religion, helped to create a blur, a vagueness about what went on 'down there". As much as I loved many aspects of my culture, the sexist ideologies that were still be encouraged within my community felt damaging.

As a college student who pursuing a higher education, it's in my best interest to be educated on matters like women right's. In the article, "Five Ways to win an argument about the Gender Wage Gap" Gender Wage Gap from the Institute for Women's Policy Research they mentioned three notable facts:

(1) "In addition, women of all racial / ethnic groups earn less than men in that same racial / ethnic group."

(2) "There is considerable evidence of barriers to free choice of occupations, ranging from lack of unbiased
information about job prospects to actual harassment and discrimination in male-dominated."
jobs"

(3) "This intersectional analysis of third world women's oppression at the time was called "triple oppression". Women of color suffer from patriarchy, racism or imperialism and capitalism".

Many of the women that surrounded my life have always been conflicted about what they should prioritize or how to manage childcare and sustaining a career. For instance, my parents decided that it was best that my mom should be a stay home as they saw it as a major priority for my mom to take care of the kids. In other family dynamics, this might not be the case due to financial concerns.