Olivia M.Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by

Olivia G

2021-10-06 15:48:40 UTC

I loved your writing piece! I loved how you described why you love field hockey and animals so much. You were very detailed about all of that. The quote really was so inspiring! It was really well chosen. However I think you should’ve elaborated more on why you dont like those specific things. You really just listed them, I felt like there could’ve been more description about it. Overall I really loved your piece! Great job :)

Dorothy<3

28dellison — 2021-10-06 18:29:05 UTC

I really like that you said a monkey was your favorite animal without saying it was your favorite animal. I also like that you put your Love for hockey in there too. For example “A couple of my goals that I plan to achieve in my life are, becoming a better field hockey”. I also really liked you being descriptive of your dislikes. For example “math i could work on a problem for hours and still not get it right.”The last thing I recommend is to put uppercase I in the example I just show you. There is nothing else expect it is perfect. Bye liv<3

Olivia G.

28ogold — 2021-11-30 16:53:50 UTC

A strength in your memoir is inner thoughts. I could really imagine how you’re feeling and all your different emotions going on. Another strength is your description. I could definitely imagine that I was standing right with you..this one sentence really stood out to me which was “a screeching cry sounding like hard rain pounding against the door” I felt like I could just hear it! I wish we saw more in your piece of why you suddenly changed your mind about having a brother, I wish you would’ve explained more of why your worries went away. Overall you did a wonderful job! keep up the amazing work!

Ziema

2021-12-01 15:42:32 UTC

I thought that it was absolutely amazing and deep. I loved how you said that you realized that there will always be doors to open I thought that was very strong. I also thought that it was very descriptive and full of descriptive language. I dont have a wish it was to good.

Olivia G

28ogold — 2022-03-08 16:44:45 UTC

Hi Olivia! A strength in your awesome essay was your conclusion. Everything you said helped me and probably everyone who reads it understand why it's important to keep the arts. It was amazingly written! To add, another strength in your essay was your explanation for your scene in the hook. It really brought and showed what your thoughts had on the topic and was the perfect start! It was outstanding! Although there were some little tiny fixes needed in your essay it was basically perfect! I saw no big improvements you needed in your essay. You did an amazing job! Keep up the great work!

Dorothy-essay

2022-03-08 19:26:09 UTC

Hi, Olivia! A really good thing about the essay was that you really did well explaining your claim. For example “This is very important, because if students don't have a time of the day to refresh and express their feelings then students will most likely always be in a bad mood and not find any passion in their life.” When you state this it telling me that you really understand your topic and this means your showing the reader good reasons why. In addition, I really liked your zigger that you chose. As William Plomer admirably said “Creativity is the power to connect the seemingly unconnected.” I really like this quote and it went really well with your story. However, The short story in your intro paragraph had a slight connection to your topic. You did cratf very well but in my mind it relates to if there should a later start time. But It made a image in my mind.