https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz All the ups and downs, through hardship and happiness, I write as notes to myself and others who read my story.. en-us 2019-01-18 04:51:32 UTC 2019-04-05 11:33:03 UTC hello@padlet.com izziazirazfar https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/321997943 Since yesterday (or even few days ago), all over my social media full with my friends make the #10YearsChallenge. Obviously, this hashtag was for fun, and to see what have been changed after 10 years. What can I say, every single picture that have been posted really showed that they've changed, I mean, their appearance (and some changed with their attitudes). Some from country bumpkin to a handsome and nice body guy, some from an oily-faced girl to a beautiful maiden. Good for them, they make a better life!

As for me, 10 years ago was struggling year for me. I'm happy as I finished my junior high but throughout the first year entering senior high, I just hope that everything will be done soon. To be honest, I've sat in the same class with my long last crush ever since the first day I've step in the high school. 3 years during junior high, I just saw him. Everybody in the school knew that I like him. I will do anything just to make him realized that I was there. Maybe because of that (as I too brave to told him that we should met and I told him that I like him), he never looked at me back. Never means never!

So, when we sat in the same class and our name in namelist always make us to be in one group. I don't know what he was thinking about. But me, everyday after came home, I cried alone. I'm totally rejected. That's when I hope that year (2009) end up soon and I make myself tried hard to out from his sight (not in the same class with him, again!).

Despite every hardship I've gone through, actually I think it is good for me. First, I really struggled with my study. To make me out from his sight, I have to be better! I need to study! Until I get nosebleed, I won't care. I will never ever ever again be in the same place with him (or even breath the same air with him)! Second, he really really really good in English! For me to compete with him, I have to be better in English. I have to make a good impression to my English teacher, so that he notice that I'm better than my crush, but of course not because he learned English way long before me! But who cares?! At least, things like this encouraged me to study by heart! And wanna know my result? Of course I made it! My second year of senior high was a blast (even I still have a big fat crush on him)! I've graduated my high school with a good result and never meet him after that.

So, that's all for my first story.

Wait..

What?!

Wanna see my picture from last 10 years?

You can all see in my Instagram.
Till then.

Love,
Izzi Aziera]]> 2019-01-18 04:54:54 UTC https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/321997943 izziazirazfar https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/332139681 I just got home. It's just...empty.. Nobody was waiting for me in living room (while TV was on). That's just normal for me. But tonight, something feels weird.. I just went straight to my room, get changed before I went back to living room as I want to folded my clothes.. Unfortunately, I saw my mom. She looked sad. I asked my brother, but he said he will told me later. As I sat at living room, my dad approached me. He told me everything. What was happened when I was at work.

He told that my mom and my sister had a big argument. That's the reason why she looked sad. My dad told everything. The most hurt one when she said that she don't want to see our face again. For what reason? Because for her, we're not a good children. I'm the eldest. That's why it hurts me even I don't heard it by myself.

She said that we're lazy! We don't do any of the house chores. Everything was put on her shoulder. Yes, I admitted that most of the time, I was too lazy to clean up my bedroom. But, it's my bedroom. I don't do any house chores? What should I said? I cooked for lunch today! Yesterday also I cooked by myself and clean everything in the kitchen. Just because I don't dry the laundry? Most of the time, I do the laundry compared to my sister. I woke up late? I have my own reason. I stayed up late at night. If she want to say I'm lazy, go ahead. I admitted it!

Apart from that, she called us stupid! Fool! That's hurt me. I know, I'm not so brilliant. Continued my study at the age of 25. Too late compared to my friends. Don't she know the reason I further my study? It was for her! Redemption for her! I did that for her! If she really hate what I did for her, I rather stop now! I'm too tired when she don't understand what am I doing.

To be honest, I'm holding the biggest secret of her. I know, if I told my dad, everything will be scattered in pieces.

If she really mean what she said, I just want to tell her, keep on praying so that we all disappear when she wake up in the morning. Then only she'll satisfied. But, never pray hoping that we will come back. We never look back and turn around like you want. We're not your puppets.

It's just, I want to ask her.
Who am I to her?
An enemy?
A friend?
A slave?
Not even a daughter?

#Note : A hurt night with tears flows down my cheek, a lonely heart hoping that there is someone who pat my shoulder while hugging me saying that, "you've done a good job, everything will be alright, everything will be fine, I'm here for you."

Monday, 18 February 2019
02:28 am

]]> 2019-02-17 17:50:42 UTC https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/332139681 izziazirazfar https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/346546374 Well, it's been a while since last time I wrote here. It's just because I'm too busy with my study. Urgghh.., this second year really makes me nuts!

It's just two months away from final exams. I don't know how should I feel. But this year really tough for me. 6 major subjects to think with few subjects that my lecturer used to scared me and my friends. They said that, this and that subjects have so many repeaters. I don't want to repeat anything. Too scared of it (and hate that too). I want to have a smooth path to get my degree.

Hope everything went well.

Love,
Izzi Aziera]]> 2019-03-29 13:39:47 UTC https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/346546374 izziazirazfar https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/348796249 I don't know how should I start this. But since the past few weeks, mum keep on asking me.

Izzi, do you have a boyfriend? If you got one, then introduce him to us.

I was like, who the hell want to like me or even love me when I'm not even a pretty girl plus fat girl. Nobody! To be honest, I just hate this kind of freakin' question. Maybe they worried about me. While for me, what to worry?! I'm a big girl. I have a work and still study. Or maybe, my lil sister want to get married but she can't as she don't want to marry before me while for me, if you have enough money already, ready to carry all the responsibilities as a wife, and of course she had a boyfriend way longer than me, then just carry on. What's the matter?

Sometimes, they asked me.

Are you not interested in marriage?

It's not like that. There are most of the time, I want somebody who pampered me, touch my head and say, 'you did well, honey', swipe my tears when I cry, always by my side when I'm on the tough way. But who are willing to be with someone which are not pretty and fat? If there's anyone, I think he will be one in a million and I'm glad to be with him.

For now, just let me take all my Korean actors and idols as my boyfriend. I've got pretty much oppa there. Starting from the Super Junior oppa until recently I like Cha Eun Woo even he's younger than me. 😋😋😋

Anyway, I keep on praying that one day, there's one guy who really touch my heart and love me sincerely. May that guy come soon. Maybe looks like one of my Korean oppa.

Till then, bye..

Love, 
Izzi Aziera. ]]> 2019-04-05 04:19:17 UTC https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/348796249 izziazirazfar https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/348874422 To be honest, I had my own collection of my crush. From junior high until now, I had my crush on this and that guy.

Starting from junior high, I had big fat crush on this one guy. His name, I rather keep it secret and let me called him A. I've told about A in the first post. Why I had a big crush on him you may ask. I don't know. It's just, I like him. The feelings came unexpectedly. How can I run from it? 5 years in high school, I can't get rid of him. Even he's not saying a single word towards me, I still like him. I still love him. Until I graduated my high school, I still dreamt about him.

When I further my first diploma in Melbourne, that's the moment when slowly, bit by bit I started to forget about him. But unfortunately, one day, I watched Thai film with my best friend who know about my big crush on A. The main actor was Mario Maurer. She suddenly said,

"Izzi, Mario Maurer does look like your A."

I was like😱. Seriously, Sher? 
Then I realized, I can't move on from him. I still like him. A was everything. 

]]> 2019-04-05 11:18:34 UTC https://padlet.com/izziazirazfar/suutnlmwwwwz/wish/348874422