https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2022-10-21 15:31:11 UTC 2023-05-02 13:09:47 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f337.png 29pwoodfin https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2353776731 I love how you added scenes from the show stranger things into your memoir and connected it with your race. It made me happy to see how much of a stranger things fan you are! I also like your similes and metaphors like when you said blood crashing over you like waves of the ocean. One thing you can work on is describing what some  of the girls looked like, like their hair color or what they were wearing. Besides that I loved it!

]]> 2022-10-24 14:59:16 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2353776731 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2355597087 One strength I saw in your memoir was describing how you felt when you didn’t hear your parents cheering for you. I liked it because it shows the emotion and the confusion of why they weren’t cheering. I also liked how you added the line from Stranger Things because a lot of people will understand it.A suggestion I have for you is maybe to add more figurative language in the middle of your memoir. Other than that, you did a really good job.]]> 2022-10-25 14:50:36 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2355597087 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2355877342 my favorite line/phrase from your piece is “i was a shivering penguin in Antarctica” because it describes how nervous you were and it's very thoughtful, I definitely wouldn’t have thought of that!  I think it also shows how much thought you put into your memoir, and I also love the way you said “think of it like your Max and your running away from Vecna.  It added a pop into your memoir and I thought it was creative to add a detail from a tv show you enjoy.  I think thats very important for the reader to get a grasp on what you like and that you add in details about yourself so the reader can relate, or feel you better.  A suggestion is to maybe write down or think of more figurative language.  I love your figurative language but I feel you might be able to add some more in the middle, if you want! 

]]> 2022-10-25 17:26:21 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2355877342 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2403786743 I love your strong hook at the beginning of the story. You made the storm connect with NASA which I thought was really cool. It made me picture what the hurricane looked like and what it sounded like. My second star is how you are so creative with your similes and metaphors like when you said “Her body felt like she was turning into hulk.” And “Megs heart felt like it was panicking as well.” A wish that I have is if you un-highlited, un-underlined, and un-bolded your work. Other than that it is a great peice!]]> 2022-11-30 15:57:44 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2403786743 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2404044185 Hello Harper :)! One strength you had in your memoir was how unexpected and different word choice was, it made your story really interesting!  Another star I thought you did good on was how emotional you made it.  When the parents got home and Meg thought she was in so much trouble, just to have everybody break down into tears was really unexpected.  I didn’t expect the story to end that way!  One wish I have for your story to work on is to elaborate more. I felt you rushed scenes and needed to slow down a bit. I also feel you could’ve stretched out your “Explode The Moment” moments.  Otherwise I really enjoyed reading your Narrative!  Good job Harper!!! :D ;D]]> 2022-11-30 18:41:57 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2404044185 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2435015526 Hi Harper! I loved your persuasive paragraph so much because you made your claim a long scentence and it had a lot of thought into it. Another thing i like is how you did a transition word after some other words. One thing i think you could work on is expanding your story in your explaination because i didn’t really know what was happening and you didn’t mention a person and it was too quick. I also think you could improve your figurative language a little bit. I didn’t see a lot in your paragraph.]]> 2023-01-05 18:52:51 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2435015526 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2490171035 I loved what you wrote! It was beautifully written and I can tell you spent a lot of time. One thing I really loved was that you implied a fairy godmother coming and making their wish come true and letting them wear their personal choice in clothing, I think using the fairy was very creative and unique. Another thing I loved was how you said as one of the questions “How come we can’t show our real selves?” This made me really question why the schools don’t want you to express and figure out how you are as a person and not what someone else wants you to be. One thing I did notice was that you had indented every section in the paragraph like the evidence was a different paragraph so next time you should make the claim, evidence, explanation and conclusion all in one Cees paragraph.

]]> 2023-02-21 19:13:58 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2490171035 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2490343809 Great essay Harper! I really loved how you used so much figurative language in your anecdotes! It made the essay really pop. Another reason I enjoyed reading your essay was because you came up with good ways to say your claim in a different way for your “sum up.” One thing I can suggest to you is to stretch out your anecdotes a little more and to make them have more detail and explain to the reader what the character is doing better.

]]> 2023-02-21 22:32:35 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2490343809 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2525535620 Hi harps! I thought your essay was great and that your word choice was very unique and specific. For example, when you said “Essentially, what the evidence is saying at this point in the Pixar Short…” I would have never thought to use that word! In addition, I also love the way you make sentences come to life like when you said, “The boy’s emotions are exceedingly heartbreaking by his reaction from the present, making him overwrought with hate towards the three-legged dog.” It made me feel sad and it is very good to make the reader imagine that moment. Although, there is one wish I have for your paragraph. Maybe next time write more then just one C.E.E.S. Paragraph. Instead, Make sure it is a C.E.E.E.S Paragraph. Besides that, I thought it was well done!]]> 2023-03-21 14:51:04 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2525535620 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2525660110 hi Harper, i like how you said “truly,the Pixar short the present transfers an appealing and compelling theme about how important it is to accept love and consider other people that aren’t perfect”this is a great part for the reader and for mr to read. Secondly i like your sum up and how it said over all the affection theme that concludes the present is that this imperative to obtain,devot and acknowledge others even if they are not excellent” this is another great part in your paragraph. I wish that you made it a little longer when it came to your explanation but overall it was great.

]]> 2023-03-21 15:59:20 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2525660110 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526205786 2023-03-21 23:50:08 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526205786 29dsmeltzer https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526213536 As soon as I started reading this, I could tell this is a good one. Already, the word choice is impeccable! Instead of gives or shows, you put transfers! That alone is a nice word choice, and all the other words! Already this piece is a masterpiece, when all I’ve read is claim sentence! To go further, another good thing about this is the explanation, which I ADORE! It’s nice, yet sad since it explains exactly what your looking for! But, there is a bad thing about this. Such as the un-used assets of 1.5 spacing, and size 12 font, the regular requirements. But I will admit, it took me about 10 minutes to think of a down side to your piece. The only bad thing about it was the lack of size 12 font and 1.5 spacing. Nice job!]]> 2023-03-21 23:59:18 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526213536 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526270193 Hi Harper! A strength in your theme analysis “The Present of a Three-Legged Puppy” was the word choices! I loved all of the strong and big words you used to describe everything and it made it sound really good. It also made everything sound so mature! Another strength in your theme analysis was the transition words; it really tied everything together! It also made it sound really mature because of all the great transition words you added. I specifically liked the transition word “specifically” and “essentially.” I liked those because those were really great transition words and they sounded really good with it all! I also really liked how you used different words because I could barely find any words that were the same. I liked that every time  I  read there was a new strong word. Overall I couldn’t find any wishes and I thought that it was great!]]> 2023-03-22 00:45:08 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2526270193 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2533065843 hi Harper , i really how you worded your explanation and how it says  “ basically, the evidence is that all the other birds attitude to the other bird is ignorant . Creating more funny business, the birds whispered to each other and acted like the big bird.secondly i like how your claim sentence says “truly, the Pixar short for the birds contains a major theme when a person makes fun of someone else that they can always put themselves into their shoes” this was really good but in all i wish that you put more detail and langhth to your explanation.]]> 2023-03-27 13:06:19 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2533065843 https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2533521838
Hola Harper!!  One thing I love that you did is you said “the big bird started cackling at him like an evil witch.” This is such a good way to describe somebody laughing at another! I can totally picture this scene in my head! Another star I have for you is your word choice. I love how you used the words “ignorant” and “hatement” and “outreaching.”One wish I have for you is that you were a bit more careful  and made sure not to create another paragraph in the middle of your paragraph, but that you also wrote in present tense. I noticed that you wrote “creating more funny business, the birds whispered to each other…” you could’ve put “whispered” in the present tense to “whisper” instead. Otherwise, your paragraph was truly amazing!! Great job!]]> 2023-03-27 17:53:21 UTC https://padlet.com/29htelesca/sn3dtjy371qmx9gj/wish/2533521838