[랜선 여행] 체험한 일을 떠올리며 감상이 드러나는 글 쓰기 by seojin jeon

[랜선 여행] 체험한 일을 떠올리며 감상이 드러나는 글 쓰기 by seojin jeon https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu 랜선 여행을 떠올리며 내 감상과 지식을 담은 글을 써 봅시다. en-us 2021-10-01 04:16:00 UTC 2025-10-22 17:01:19 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f3f0.png 예시글 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783288330 나는 오늘 우리 반 친구들과 함께 에버랜드로 랜선여행을 떠났다. 에버랜드는 우리나라에서 가장 큰 놀이공원으로 롯데월드보다 3배나 더 큰 면적을 자랑한다. 입장객 수도 매년 600만명이 넘을 정도로 전국민의 사랑을 받는 테마파크이기도 하다.

이렇게 조사한 내용을 자연스럽게 집어 넣습니다. 너무 많은 내용을 집어 넣기보다는 핵심만 간단히 소개하는 것이 좋습니다.

처음 에버랜드로 랜선 여행을 떠날 때, 에버랜드의 오프닝송을 들었다. 에버랜드가 가면 흔히 들을 수 있는 오프닝 송이었는데 그 노래를 듣자마자 마치 내가 정말 에버랜드로 들어가는 것 같은 착각이 들었다. 어떤 일이 벌어질까 기대도 됐고, 한편으로는 코로나 19가 어서 빨리 끝나고 친구들과 실제로 가면 얼마나 좋을까 하는 아쉬움도 들었다.

일기 쓰듯이 편안한 마음으로 쓰세요. 자기 감정을 풍부하게 잘 나타낼 수 있도록 쓰는 것이 좋습니다. 너무 단순하게 적지 말고, 풍성한 글이 될 수 있도록 노력하세요.

]]> 2021-10-01 04:16:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783288330 안내사항 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783288334

자기 번호 밑에 랜선 여행을 추억하는 글을 써요.

계획한 것을 바탕으로 감상과 조사한 내용이 모두 들어가도록 정성껏 써요.

친구들의 글을 읽고 '좋아요'도 눌러주세요.

]]> 2021-10-01 04:16:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783288334 환상의 나라로 오세요~♡ https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783292451 2021-10-01 04:18:46 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783292451 T익스프레스 처음 타보다 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783292850 여재연]]> 2021-10-01 04:19:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783292850 김찬희 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783293841 2021-10-01 04:19:40 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783293841 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783296173 2021-10-01 04:21:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783296173 T익스프레스와 아마존 익스프레스 탄날 (+에버랜드 소개) https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783298379 2021-10-01 04:22:46 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783298379 에버랜드 에 있는 T익스프레스탔다 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783299420 2021-10-01 04:23:30 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783299420 기쁜 날 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783300861 소윤
하트는 필수]]> 2021-10-01 04:24:28 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783300861 환상의 나라로~ https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783301120 2021-10-01 04:24:38 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783301120 환상의 나라 ~~ https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783306067 2021-10-01 04:28:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783306067 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783311499

]]> 2021-10-01 04:31:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783311499 T익스프레스 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312512 에버랜드

경기 용인시 처인구 포곡읍 에버랜드로 199

http://naver.me/GuNwMzda

]]> 2021-10-01 04:32:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312512 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312624 2021-10-01 04:32:04 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312624 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312788 2021-10-01 04:32:12 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783312788 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783314503 2021-10-01 04:33:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783314503 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783315660 2021-10-01 04:34:12 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783315660 T 익스프레스 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783316477 2021-10-01 04:34:47 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783316477 배서우 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783317317 2021-10-01 04:35:23 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783317317 T익스프레스 환상에나라로오세요 저승으로갑니다 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783319432 2021-10-01 04:36:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783319432 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783320979 2021-10-01 04:38:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783320979 환장의 나라 에버랜드 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783322092 2021-10-01 04:38:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783322092 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783335145 2021-10-01 04:48:15 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1783335145 아마존 익스프레스 소개 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1788207692 2021-10-04 01:00:45 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1788207692 김현담 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1792721590 2021-10-05 12:05:46 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1792721590 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798241693 소개를 자연스럽게 글 안에 넣으면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:22:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798241693 에버랜드 재밌었던 내용+놀이기구 종류 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798242045 https://ever.fla.kr/
에버랜드에서 먹을 것도있었고 놀이기구 도많았었다 그리고 t익슾프레스에서 재미있었고 신났다 그리고 아마존에서 동물들은 코끼리 뱀 사자 호랑이등에 동물들이 있었다]]> 2021-10-07 01:22:44 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798242045 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798245481 5번째 줄, 그래서 탔는데의 그래서를 빼면 더 자연스러울 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:24:09 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798245481 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798248576 개장 일이아니라 개장날짜가 맞는표현 인거같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:25:24 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798248576 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798250524 “처음 오는 것처럼 맘껏 신났다”가 아니라 그냥 신났다라고 하는 게 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:26:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798250524 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251145 마지막 줄에 또 꼭 올것이다 에서 꼭을 빼면 자연스러워서 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:26:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251145 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251598 차를 타고 같다 X
차를 타고 갔다 O

조금 스릴있어서 조았다 X
조금 스릴있어서 좋았다 O

]]> 2021-10-07 01:26:32 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251598 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251931 자이로 드롭뒤에 , 이걸 붙이면 자연스러울것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:26:40 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798251931 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798252489 어떤 놀이기구일지 신기했다보단, 궁금했다가 더 잘 어울릴 것 같네]]> 2021-10-07 01:26:54 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798252489 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798252901 에버렌드가 아니라 에버랜드]]> 2021-10-07 01:27:04 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798252901 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798254210 탑승인원은 36명이탈수있다는 설명이적]]> 2021-10-07 01:27:36 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798254210 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798254530 많다 보다는 많았다가 더 편할것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:27:43 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798254530 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798255818 기냥:그냥]]> 2021-10-07 01:28:15 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798255818 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798255936 물을 막고도 불구하고는 조금 안 맞아. “물을 막았지만”이 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:28:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798255936 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798257179 하지만 근데줄이 길어서에서 근데를 빼는게 좋을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:28:48 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798257179 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258093 막고도 불구하고는 말이 살짝 어색해 그래서 막았음에도 불구하고 가 더 자연스러울 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:29:10 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258093 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258411 떯어질때 를 떨어질때로 바꾸면 좋겠어(맞춤법이 틀림)]]> 2021-10-07 01:29:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258411 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258532 않되가지구가 아니라 안돼가지고이지 않을까?]]> 2021-10-07 01:29:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258532 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258956 비룡열차의 11~19의 뜻이 뭔지 써주면 좋을 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:29:32 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798258956 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798260492 고민이 들었다보다 고민이 됐다가 더 잘 어울리는 것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:30:11 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798260492 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798260943 까운이 아니라 가운이야]]> 2021-10-07 01:30:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798260943 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798263163 제미어다가 아니라 재밌었다고하는게 맞는 표현인것 같아!

]]> 2021-10-07 01:31:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798263163 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798266291 탑승인원은 36명이탈수있다고 설명이 적어있었다 라고써도 괜찮을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:32:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798266291 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798267181 그런데 내눈에의 내눈에를 빼면 좋겠는데?]]> 2021-10-07 01:32:54 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798267181 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798268174 않되가주고 대신 안돼가지고 가 맞는 단어같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:33:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798268174 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798268329 20째줄 한바퀴 돌고 머리가 띵했다고 하는거 보다 세상이 돌았다 도 괜찮은 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:33:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798268329 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798270414 갔다 보다 갔어가더 자연스러운거같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:34:10 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798270414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798272348 9번째줄에 기냥->그냥]]> 2021-10-07 01:34:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798272348 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798275035 다른 애들이 이미 말해줬듯이 기냥이 아니라 그냥이야]]> 2021-10-07 01:35:50 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798275035 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798276814 띄어쓰기가 잘못 된것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:36:32 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798276814 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798280552 글씨 하나하나에 띄어쓰기를 하는 걸 다시 바꿨으면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:38:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798280552 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798281257 2번째 줄에 처음오것 처럼 신났다 보다는 간단하게 신나다가 자연 스럽게 글이 완성 됄거같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:38:16 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798281257 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798284616 내눈게를 빼봐 그럼 자연스럽울수도있어]]> 2021-10-07 01:39:34 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798284616 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798285711 이번 여름은 무척 더웠다 하지만 등등 그거 보단 이번 여름은 무척 더웠지만 뭐뭐를 타서 좋았다라고 하면 좋을거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:40:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798285711 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798289770 좀 띄어쓰기가 많이 안되 있는거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:41:33 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798289770 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798290692 지우개로 잘 안 지워서 글씨가 겹쳐 보여 제대로 잘 지우고 썼으면 더 이해가 잘 될것같아

]]> 2021-10-07 01:41:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798290692 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798291742 2번째줄에 많다보다는 많았다가 자연스럽울것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:42:19 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798291742 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798292020 마지막줄에그늘은참좋았다.의뜻은무엇인지써줘]]> 2021-10-07 01:42:26 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798292020 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798293778 재밌어다 아니라 재밌었다가맞는표현같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:09 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798293778 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294025 들의면서 X
들으면서 O

]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:15 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294025 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294194 비룡열차의 11~19의 뜻을 정확히 써주면 좋을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294194 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294447 조금구체적의로 설명해줄수있니??????]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:27 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798294447 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295295 ~를 하러(타러)같다가 아니라 갔다로 고쳐야 해
또 그레서가 아니라 그래서야]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:45 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295295 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295851 않돼가주구 보다는 안돼서가 더 알아보기 쉬운것 같아!]]> 2021-10-07 01:43:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295851 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295991 T익스프레소로 보입니다]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798295991 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296057 줄슨 사람 보단 줄 선 사람이라고 하는건 어떨까? ]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:02 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296057 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296423 글자를 잘쓰면 좋겠어 왜냐면 읽기가 불편해 그리고 띄어쓰기도. 바르게
고쳐줘]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:12 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296423 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296467 동물들이있었는데가 더 나을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:13 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296467 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296612 먼저발이움직었어의뜻이뭐야]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:16 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296612 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296737 3번째 줄에 근데 줄이 길었다 보다는 줄이 길어 오래 기다렸다고 괜찮고
근대를 빼도돼]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:19 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296737 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296817 글씨를 지우개로 안지워서 잘 못알아 보겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296817 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296994 조금 더 화면을 잘 찍어주면 좋을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:26 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798296994 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297344 마지막 그늘은참좋았다가 무슨뜻인지 알려줘]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297344 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297864 반겨줫다 X
반겨줬다 O]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:48 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297864 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297993 앞부분에서 띄어쓰기를 좀하면 좋을거같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:44:51 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798297993 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798298424 1시간이 걸렸다고 했는데 갑자기 기분이 좋아다기 보다는

1시간을 기달리는 동안 기분이 뭐등등 이라고 하면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:45:03 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798298424 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798300843 개장일보다는 개장하는 날짜를 알려줬으면 자연 스럽울것같고
제미어다->재미있다]]> 2021-10-07 01:45:59 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798300843 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798301919 T익스프레스 에서 어떤 점이 재미있었고 느낀점을 자세히 쓰면 좋을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:46:24 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798301919 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798302273 오개 된다면 에서 오개 할때 오게 된다면 이라고 하면 좋을 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:46:33 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798302273 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798303252 않되가주구 X
안돼가지고 O]]> 2021-10-07 01:46:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798303252 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798304383 그래서는 하지않는게 더 좋을거같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:47:24 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798304383 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798305754 재목 옆에 있는 1번째 글을 줄 바꿔 쓰기를하면 좋을 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:47:55 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798305754 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798305836 않아돼아지고 보다는 안돼야지고가 괜찮을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:47:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798305836 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306149 줄 슨 사람 X
줄을 선 사람 O]]> 2021-10-07 01:48:03 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306149 탈볼만했다 보다타고싶다가좋읅것같음 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306891 2021-10-07 01:48:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306891 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306986 내 생각으로는
3줄에 입장 했어보다는 입장했다가더 나은거 갔아]]> 2021-10-07 01:48:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798306986 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798307530 아마존 그거 할때 갑자기 자리를 잘못 정해서 물이 다 튀었다고 했는데
갑자기 애버랜드는 줄이 긴거 같다 보단 다른 표현이 좋을거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:48:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798307530 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798308033 “~이다”를 쓰다가 “~에요”로 표현을 바꾸면 안돼
글을 쓸 때 한가지로 통일하면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:48:46 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798308033 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798308393 퇴장한다라는 표현보다 나간다 라는 표현으로했으면 알아보기 쉬울것 같아!]]> 2021-10-07 01:48:54 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798308393 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309004 같다:갔다]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:08 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309004 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309077 T익스프레스 최고 속도는 140km가 아니라104km야]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:10 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309077 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309098 까운말고 가운이 맞는단어야]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:11 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309098 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309736 오개 된다면 X
오게 된다면 O]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:25 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798309736 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798310189 먼저 발이 움직였어야]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798310189 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798310713 3번째줄에 입장 했다보다 입장 했었다 보다 입징을했다가 좋은 표현인것같아 내 생각일 뿐이야]]> 2021-10-07 01:49:45 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798310713 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798311579 글이 좀 자연 스럽게 연결 되면 이 글은 더 좋을거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:04 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798311579 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798311832 이건 설명하는 게아니라 그냥 일기 형태로 쓰는 거야
알고 타야 겠죠 같은 건 빼고 소개를 자연스럽게 넣어주면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:10 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798311832 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798312390 가끔씩 글씨를 못알아 보는 글씨가 있는데 그것만 고치면 완벽할것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:23 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798312390 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313144 스릴감 보다 기대감이 놓을것 같아!!]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:39 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313144 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313840 어떤 놀이기구일지 신기했다보다는 궁금했다고 더 안 어색하고 맞는 표현일것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313840 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313878 물튀겼다.보다물이튀겼다가더 자연스러울거야]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313878 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313889 조금더 구체적으로 T엑스 프레스를더 설명해줄수있니?..]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:54 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313889 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313976 경기도에 가서 에버랜드에 갔다로 고쳐야 할것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:50:56 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798313976 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798314937 않탄다고가 아니라 안탄다고가 맞는표현같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:51:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798314937 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798315304 모든사람들이 반겨줄수가없을것같은데?]]> 2021-10-07 01:51:26 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798315304 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798316050 오른쪽 밑에 빛이 비춰서 글씨가 잘 안 보이네 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:51:44 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798316050 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317012 내 차려가 되어 -> 내 차례가 되어
않되가주고 -> 안되서 아쉬웠다. (가주고~는 구어체입니다)
막상 이렸게 가려니 -> 막상 이렇게 가려니]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:06 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317012 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317033 않되가지고가아니고안돼가지고야]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317033 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317176 ~이다 형태로 쓰다가 이야기 하는 것처럼 반말을 쓰면 안될 것 같아
한가지로 통일하면 좋을 듯 해]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:11 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317176 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317536 조금 구체적으로 쓰면 좋을것갔아.]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317536 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317608 긴장 됐다 근데 탔다가 이상 한고 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317608 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317697 퇴장한다보다 나갔다가 더 어울리는 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317697 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317740 그리고를 더 자세히 잘써주면 좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:23 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798317740 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319010 글씨를 더 또박또박 쓰면 완벽할것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:52 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319010 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319188 마지막 놀거다 대신 놀 것 이다 가 좋을 것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:56 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319188 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319197 겁나는 빼는게 좋을거같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:52:56 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319197 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319329 마지막에 다음에 다시 꼭 “ 이라고 쓰면 더 자연스러 울것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:53:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798319329 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798320114 7번째줄에 들의면서x
들으면서o]]> 2021-10-07 01:53:19 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798320114 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798320911 모든사람이 반겨줬다고 느끼면 그렇게 쓸수있어]]> 2021-10-07 01:53:39 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798320911 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798321750 출발을하니에서 을이 블같아보여서 글씨를 잘써주면좋겠어]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798321750 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798321956 줄을 기다리는 동안 긴장됐는데 갑자기 탔다는 게 좀 말이 안되네]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:06 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798321956 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322353 무례가 아니라 무려 인격 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322353 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322398 실감나고 생생하게 잘 쓴 것 같습니다. ^^ 맞춤법은 친구들이 잘 적어주었네요!

]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322398 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322838 재미어다가 아니라 재밌었다,재미있었다 라고 말하는게 좋을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:29 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322838 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322865 한번씩 글이 연결 되어 있지 않은거 같아 좀더 글은 연결을 시키면 아주 좋을거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:30 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322865 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322871 환영 해줘서 라고하는게더 나아.]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:30 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798322871 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323199 오르락 내리락 보다는 올라갔다 내려갔다가 더 좋은것 같아!]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:37 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323199 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323245 위치는 똑같고 지금도 그곳에 있으니까 “위치는 용인군 포곡면이다”라고
쓰는게 자연스러워]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:38 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323245 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323334 경기도에 가서 애번랜드로 갔다는 경기도 어느 도시 인지 모르니깐 경기도 용인시에 있는 에버랜드로 갔다가 더 좋을것 같아!]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:40 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323334 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323704 또 타고싶은이아니라 타고싶은이 맞을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:54:48 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798323704 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324173 내 차레 되어->내 차례가 되어
않되어야지도->안되야지고

]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:00 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324173 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324481 같다가 아니라 갔다가 맞아]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324481 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324526 T엑스 프레스가 아니고 T익스 프레스로 고쳐야해]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:08 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324526 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324867 이해가 잘 되고, 에버랜드의 역사에 대해 자세히 써서 새로운 내용을 알게 되어 좋았습니다^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324867 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324969 3줄에 입장 했어보다는 입장했어요 좋은거 같아^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:19 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798324969 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325681 하지만 나와 민지라고 할때 하지만을 빼면 어떨까?]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:36 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325681 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325910 맞춤법이 한번씩 틀리는거 같아 가운을 까운아라고]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:42 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325910 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325996 링크를 하나만 달아줄수 있을까?]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:43 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798325996 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326167 비닐 갇은 이 아닌 비닐 같은 이 맞는 표현같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:48 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326167 나하트좀 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326499 동물내용을좀구체적으로써줘

]]> 2021-10-07 01:55:56 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326499 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326799 국네최초의우든롤러코스는무슨말이야]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:03 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326799 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326845 들의면서가 아니라 들으면서야^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:04 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798326845 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327253 눈에 들어왔다 보다는 눈에보였다가 맞는 표현인것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:15 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327253 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327547 어떤 놀이기구 일지 신기했다 보다는 궁금했다가 더 어울리는 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327547 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327926 재밌었다 말고 재미있었다라고써도 좋을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:31 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798327926 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798328574 놀이 기구를 타러 지도를 올라 갔다는 말이 너무 안되는거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:56:47 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798328574 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798329146 기행문의 여정에 따라 자세히 잘 적어주어서 머릿속으로 상상이 잘 되었어요! 다른 친구들 댓글도 참고해주세요!^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:01 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798329146 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798329870 ~에요를 계속 쓰다가 ~이다를 쓰니까 부자연스러운거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:19 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798329870 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330140 까운 X
가운 O]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:26 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330140 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330220 1분22분이 거이5분이더라고가 이상한겄같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:28 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330220 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330307 띄어쓰기가 잘 안돼있는것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:29 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330307 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330322 제목에서 아마존익스프레스에 프가 잘안보여]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:29 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330322 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330487 처음이란 끝에만 일기같이 쓴다 같은데 나눠서 다르게 쓰면 자연스럽지 않을것 같아 처음부터 일기같이 느낌으로 글을 쓰면 놓을것이다 같아! 우리는 에버랜드에 갔다온후에 이 글을 쓰는거니깐 ^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:33 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798330487 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798331047 내눈에 를 빼면 자연스럽고 좋을 것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:45 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798331047 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798331061 이거는 랜선여행을 갔다가 온수기 때문에 T익스프레스를 타러 간다 보다는
타러갔다가 더 맞는 표현일것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:57:46 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798331061 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798332335 친구들 말처럼 내용을 조금 더 자세히 적어주었으면 좋을 것 같아요. t익스프레스에서 재밌었고 신났다. -> 어떤 점이 재밌고 신났는지 자세히 적어주면 문장이 2,3개가 더 늘어나겟죠?^^]]> 2021-10-07 01:58:13 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798332335 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798332387 너무 글이 길어져도 안 좋은 것 같아. 자세하긴 하지만 지루해지거든.
그리고 그 일만 써야될 것 같아. 집으로 돌아와서의 일까지 쓸 필요는 없다는 거지]]> 2021-10-07 01:58:14 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798332387 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798333333 내눈게을 빼면 더 괜찮을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:58:37 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798333333 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334388 타러 간다 보다는 타러 갔다가 더 자연스러운가 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:03 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334388 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334889 띄어쓰기가 좀 안 된것같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:16 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334889 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334929 반겨줫다가 아니라 반겨줬다야]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334929 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334945 내차려가 되어 =내차례가 되어]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798334945 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798335734 다른 친구들이 말해줘듯이 기냥아니고 그냥 않탕다고 아니고 안탄다고 140Km아니고104Km야]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:35 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798335734 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798335744 일단 우리는~~가위바위보를 하여 누가 앞에 타는지 정하기로 했다. 하지만 나와 민지랑 같이~~
여기서 하지만이라는 접속사가 조금 어색해요! 조금 더 자연스러운 걸로 바꿔보세요!]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:36 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798335744 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336096 기냥 - 그냥]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:44 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336096 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336678 넘치고가 자세히 보지 않으면 넘숴고로 보여]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:57 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336678 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336760 다음에 또 꼭 올것이다 보다 다음에 또 올것이다가 좋을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 01:59:59 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798336760 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337149 띄어쓰기를 좀 더 해주면 좋을 것 같아.]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:08 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337149 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337521 기냥 X
그냥 O]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:14 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337521 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337563 오늘은 이라고하는게나은거갔아]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:15 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798337563 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798338558 입장을 했어 보다는 해서가 더 자연스러운가 같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:41 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798338558 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798338661 같다 X
갔다 O]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:43 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798338661 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798339286 눈에를 빼면좋을거갔아]]> 2021-10-07 02:00:59 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798339286 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798339561 오늘은 을 다들 그늘은 으로 보이는것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:05 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798339561 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340047 좀 구체적으로 해줘]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:16 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340047 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340049 회전목마, 아마존익스프레스 등 여정에 따라 간단히 적었네요~ 조금만 더 생생한 표현으로 자세히 썼으면 좋았을 거 같아요^^ 기행문의 여정, 감상이 드러나게 잘 적었습니다~! ]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:17 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340049 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340180 타러간다보다는 타러갔다가 좋을거 같아.]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340180 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340205 “다음에 꼭 올것이다” 보다는 “다음에 또 와야 되겠다”가 맞는가 같아!]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340205 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340301 마지막 꼭 을 빼면 좋을 것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:23 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340301 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340963 사진을 돌려주면 좋을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:40 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798340963 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798341444 에버렌드가 아니라 에버랜드야]]> 2021-10-07 02:01:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798341444 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798341845 다음에 꼭 올것이다에서 다음에 또 올수있음 와야지는 어때?]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:02 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798341845 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798342582 이제 입장을 했다는 빼고 그대로 쪽 이어가고 괜찮을것 같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:21 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798342582 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798342627 에버랜드에 간다 다음 뜬금없이 도착 한게 어색한 문장 인것 같아서 고쳐줘야 겠어]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:22 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798342627 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343063 타러 같다 대신 타러 갔다로 고치면 좋을 것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:33 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343063 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343089 소개를 자연스럽게하면 좋을겄같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:34 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343089 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343462 같다아니고 갔다]]> 2021-10-07 02:02:43 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798343462 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798344504 존댓말을 쓰다가 반말을 쓰다가 좀 부담스러운것같아 반말을 쓸거면 반말로 쓰고 존댓말로 쓸거면 존댓말로 써줘]]> 2021-10-07 02:03:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798344504 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798344886 띄어쓰기가잘안된거같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:03:14 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798344886 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798346287 들의면서 말고 들으면서가 맞는거 같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:03:49 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798346287 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798346461 맨위에 소개❌ 제목]]> 2021-10-07 02:03:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798346461 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798348967 소개하는 글을 마지막에 자연스럽게 해도 될 것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 02:04:58 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798348967 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349179 타러간다 보다는 타러갔다는 어떨까?]]> 2021-10-07 02:05:03 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349179 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349479 “가족 친구” 사이에 ,이걸 넣어주는 좋을것 같아 ]]> 2021-10-07 02:05:11 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349479 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349583 글씨가잘 안보여]]> 2021-10-07 02:05:14 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798349583 잘안보이면 이링크에 드러가세요 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798350286 https://padlet-uploads.storage.googleapis.com/1114545020/ff3f53971ec97cddb9b50626a16c1f26/16330629583778416745415546021209.jpg]]> 2021-10-07 02:05:32 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798350286 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798351740 자세해서 좋지만 너무 글이 긴것같아!
조금 요약해서 쓰면 길이가 줄어들거야]]> 2021-10-07 02:06:07 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798351740 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798352172 놀이기구를 타려고 보는데 에서 어떤것을 보는지 놀이기구를 보는지 구체적 으로 써야 좋을것 갔다]]> 2021-10-07 02:06:18 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798352172 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798352462 애버랜드에간순간보다 애버랜드안에 드려갔는데 라는표현을써도좋을것같아]]> 2021-10-07 02:06:25 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798352462 red414red414 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798355219 반말을 썼다가, ~였습니다. 라는 말투가 계속 바껴서 혼란스러워요. 다른 사람이 읽는 글인만큼 ~~이다로 말투를 통일해주세요^^
기분이 좋았서 -> 기분이 좋았어 입니다. 전체적으로 다 바꿔야할것같아요~]]> 2021-10-07 02:07:34 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798355219 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798361753 까운이 아니라 가운 이야]]> 2021-10-07 02:10:20 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798361753 https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798365246 내가 고치기전에 사진을 올렸나봐 책에는 고쳐져 있네]]> 2021-10-07 02:11:53 UTC https://padlet.com/red414red414/smqtnyw1jroaaceu/wish/1798365246